9781631055577NiKohsChosenMichaelsNC (6 page)

“Ambition
is only good if you attain your goals in an honorable fashion.” RaKel patted
the
pannei.
“Come on XaDie, let us get you fixed up.”

“Is
that his name, XaDie?”

RaKel
shrugged. “It is what I will call him. Look, I think he likes it.” XaDie nuzzle
d her neck. “We will have you feeling better in no time.”

Chapter Two

NiKoh! Come quickly!

AnKie’s
anguished cry woke NiKoh from a sound sleep. The cold fear that had continued
to plague him every night for the past two weeks crept up his spine with
icy tentacles. Tamping it down, his military training took
over as he threw on his black robe and rushed to his mate’s bedchamber. He
found AnKie in the washroom, sobbing by the bathtub and holding the limp hand
of BeSai. NiKoh noted the pale and peaceful
features
of his mate, instead of the usual anxious torment of unseen demons.

“Why—how?”
He halted inside the door. “Is she unconscious? We must call the doctor.”

“NiKoh.”
AnKie raised her head, tears streaking her silver face. “It is my fault. I did
not he
ar her get out of bed. We were so busy
yesterday and I must have slept deeper than normal. How did I not sense her
moving around?”

“I
do not understand.” NiKoh sank to his knees beside the tub and smoothed the wet
pink hair from BeSai’s face. Tears burned
the back of
his eyes. “She was doing so well last week, even working in the Conservatory a
few hours a day. How did this happen?”

“I
do not know why I was not more alert last night. I always sense when she is
moving around, and I should have sensed her de
ception.
Oh, NiKoh, can you ever forgive me?” AnKie buried her face in her hands.

NiKoh
reached for BeSai’s lifeless hand. “You were doing so much better, BeSai. Why
would you do this? I love you, OkVei loves you—oh, AnKie, how are we going to
tell OkVei?”
The reality of his mate’s action shocked
him into anger. “How can I tell my son his mother no longer lives? Did you not
think of that?” He stood and thrust BeSai’s hand from him. It landed in the
water with a splash. AnKie gasped and he sank back down in
a flood of tears. “Oh my love, I hoped you would get
better. I am so sorry I yelled at you.” He reached for her hand again and
cradled it, kissing the cold wet palm. “Why? Why, AnKie? Why did she do this? I
had such hopes for her, for us.” Grief consumed h
im.

He
felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and turned his head to acknowledge it.

“We
need to alert the doctor and make arrangements. Plus, alert all family
members.”

“My
mother would have the best advice on that.” With one lingering kiss to his
mate’s
hand, NiKoh stood and dried his eyes. “I will
contact her and OkVei. And, AnKie, it was not your fault. She has been
despondent for several seasons now, and we may never know what drove her to do
this.” His voice broke and he looked back at the supine for
m of BeSai.

“I
know, but I still feel responsible. Should we drain the water or wait for the
authorities?” NiKoh looked at AnKie, who bowed her head as she preceded him
from the room.

More
tears dripped from his eyes. “As much as I’d like to move her, I think we
should leave her like this until the authorities are called. I am just as
guilty for insisting on more children, AnKie. It took so long for her to
conceive, then the
two
miscarr
iage
s
.
And I—” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I was not here for her. I let you
handle everything so I could return to work. Maybe I pushed her too fast the
past few days, to accompany me to events.”

“NiKoh,
do not blame yourself.” AnKie’s soft voic
e rose
sharply. “We must focus on what needs to be done and comfort OkVei. This is not
the time to wallow in grief.”

“You
are right.” NiKoh pinched the bridge of his nose and wiped the tears from his
cheeks. “If you will inform the medical doctor, I will c
ontact my mother and son. We will take it from there.” He strode
downstairs to his office.

An
hour later, the entire family had convened in his living area, except for his
sister-in-law TriSha, who was unable to leave Earth until later. ReNei had
taken cha
rge and informed the staff, made
arrangements for food, helped her son fill out paperwork, and consoled her
grandson, who had teleported home as soon as he had heard the news.

The
next few days passed in a numb whirlwind of condolences, tears, memories, a
nd food. Sheer determination not to fall apart got NiKoh
through the funeral procession and as he watched his mate’s coffin lowered into
the ground. He gripped his
son’s
arm as they teleported back to his home, and at h
is mother’s
urging, ascended the stai
rs to lie down. NiKoh avoided the master chamber and
instead went to the one he had occupied for nearly a year, collapsed on the
bed, and let the exhaustion overtake him.

Memories
mixed with dreams assaulted him. BeSai as she was the first year of their bo
nding; BeSai’s radiant face as she cradled OkVei after his
birth; the joy NiKoh felt when he caressed her belly at the first sign of
each
new pregnancy; the sorrow he’d felt
when he held her hand while she wept after
the
miscarriage
s
.
He dreamed BeSai came
to him, dressed in her once
favorite blue nightgown. She took his hands and led them to her soft, supple
breasts, inviting him to love her again. NiKoh reached for her, his lips sought
her nipple, only to encounter the taste of cotton. He opened his eyes
and flung the pillow to the floor, and wept.

NiKoh? RiKar is here. Would you like to
come down or have him return some other time?
ReNei’s calm voice entered his brain as
his sobs subsided.

He
dried his eyes on his other pillow.
I will be right down.
NiKo
h sat up
and straightened his rumpled tunic. RiKar was the family’s closest Elder, and
since the death of NiKoh’s father, had been there in times of crisis. This
time, however, RiKar had been called away on other Council matters.

NiKoh
found his friend sea
ted in the living area with his
mother, his sister KiRah, and brother BaRok, along with a handful of other
friends. RiKar stood and extended his arm. “Greetings on this sorrowful day.”

NiKoh
clasped his hand and swallowed the lump in his throat. “Thank you
, RiKar.” He heard his voice break, then felt himself being
pulled into a comforting hug.
Damn it, will I ever
stop crying?

“It
is okay to grieve.” RiKar murmured in his ear. “It took me several months
before I could say my TiMar’s name again.”

“I
had forg
otten your mate succumbed to illness. Forgive
me.” NiKoh pulled away.

“There
is nothing to forgive. Come with me.” RiKar took his arm and the two men walked
out into the late-day sunshine.

“The
weather does not even have the sense to be rainy.” NiKoh scowl
ed at the twin suns in the sky. “BeSai, who spent so much
of her time in the gardens, deserves to have rain on her favorite flowers, not
this hot sun.”

“Maybe
the sun shines because she is no longer in pain.” RiKar paused beside the
garden path around the
dwelling. “You do not have to
hold in your grief, my friend.”

“So
everyone keeps telling me.” NiKoh scrubbed his face. “Did you know she was
becoming more and more receptive to me? She even returned to work for a few
hours a day. This is just senseless. Yo
u do know she
took her own life.” He kicked a pile of pebbles and watched them scatter. “I
yelled at her, RiKar. She lay there cold and peaceful, and all I could do was
yell at her for leaving us.”

“That
is a normal reaction.” RiKar sat down on a stone ben
ch
overlooking a sea of yellow and purple flowers. “Everyone experiences anger at
first.”

NiKoh
clenched his fists. “Sometimes I want to break something, or dig her up and
strike her. And other times, I want to hold her in my arms just one more time.
Just
one more time.” He sank to his knees. “I wanted
to make love to her one more time. Was that too much to ask of a mate? Just one
more time.” Tears coursed down his cheeks.

He
felt RiKar beside him as he sobbed. RiKar patted his back and passed him a
clean c
loth. NiKoh wiped his face and blew his nose,
then pocketed the cloth. “Thank you. I will have it cleaned before I return it
to you.” He struggled to his feet. “This is going to sound selfish, but what is
the acceptable amount of time before I can seek com
panionship?”

RiKar
laughed. “There is no set amount. You and BeSai lived separate lives for so
long and who cares what others think anyway? It is your life, not theirs.”

NiKoh
nodded and took a deep breath. “It will be a while. I need to go back to work
an
d make sure OkVei is all right. I never sought
relief with any other females while BeSai was confined, and I certainly do not
wish to sully her memory right away. How long did it take you?”

RiKar
paused and stroked his indigo blue beard. “It is different
for everyone, NiKoh. Two nights after the funeral, female
companionship was offered and in my grief, I did not turn it down. But the next
morning, it was clear it had been a mistake. I did not seek companionship again
until nearly six seasons had passed.”
He walked
ahead, then turned. “I have heard of some men taking bond-mates within weeks,
but again, it is not the same for everyone. You will know when it is time.
Come, let us return.” RiKar headed back to the front of the house.

NiKoh
followed, grateful f
or the counsel.

*
* * *

Weeks
passed. NiKoh immersed himself at Security Headquarters and mediating
interplanetary disputes. He kept in touch with OkVei, making sure his son was
keeping up with his studies and adjusting well. AnKie had returned to her po
st at the hospital, so NiKoh found himself dreading the
return to his empty household. ViShe chastised him for not eating and
threatened to recall AnKie if he lost any more weight.

“I’m
tired of my lonely table, ViShe. Will you and your daughter join me?”
His head hurt and his eyes burned from staring at the
computer monitor all afternoon. The last thing he wanted to do was sit at his
empty table and eat food he wouldn’t even taste. Since BeSai’s death, he had
lost enjoyment of many things.

“Tis
not proper,
” ViShe exclaimed. “Domestics should never
occupy the same table as the master of the house.”

NiKoh
scowled and shoved his plate away. “Since when do I observe division of labor?
There are many who think nothing of keeping their Domestic staff awake until
the wee hours, only to insist they be awake at dawn. I only
insist on large breakfasts when I have company and most mornings I am capable
of getting my own coffee and nourishment. All I want is some conversation and
focus my attention on someone else for a
change. Is
that so bad?”

ViShe
set down the empty platter she held. “NiKoh, I know I overstep my bounds many
times during our interactions, and yes, you have always been a courteous head
of household. But if GiNae observes a blurring of the lines, so to s
peak, she will continue to push the rules of society.”

“For
God’s sake, ViShe!” NiKoh pounded the table. “I do not think society will fall
if you and GiNae share a meal with me. How about leaving the kitchen door open?
I will move to the other end and we c
an converse
through the door. Will that satisfy your need for decorum?” He glared at his
Domestic, who looked flustered and twisted the hem of her apron.

ViShe
picked up the platter and moved toward the door. “It is time for GiNae to
return from the clinic
. I know she will be hungry and
I made her favorite
appertites
for dessert.” She propped open the door
and vanished from NiKoh’s view.

Chuckling
to himself, NiKoh gathered his place setting and moved to the other end of the
table. He saw ViShe set two stea
ming plates on the
little table she kept near the stove and positioned a stool at each place.
GiNae’s voice reached his ears and he activated his senses to hear better.