97 Ways to Train a Dragon (8 page)

Dream:
Piles and piles of dragon gold

Reality:
Yet to see a single gold coin

Best-Kept Secret:
Mud wrestled under the name Macho-Man Mordie

Plans for the Future:
Will retire to the Bahamas ... as soon as he gets his hands on a hoard

Sir Mort is our well-loved professor of Dragon Slaying. In his youth, he was known as the Scourge of Dragons. Sir Mort's last encounter was with the most dangerous dragon of them all: Knight-shredder. Early in the battle, Sir Mort took a nasty blow to his helmet and has never been the same since.

Coach Plungett spent many years questing in the Dark Forest before joining the Athletic Department. When he left his dragon-slaying days behind him, Coach Plungett was the manliest man to be found anywhere north of Nowhere Swamp. “I am what you call a hunk,” the coach admits.

Brother Dave is the DSA librarian. He belongs to the Little Brothers of the Peanut Brittle, an order known for doing impossibly good deeds and cooking up endless batches of peanut candy. After a batch of his extra-crunchy peanut brittle left three children toothless, Brother Dave vowed to do a truly impossible good deed. Thus did he offer to be librarian at a school world-famous for considering reading and writing a complete and utter waste of time.

Professor Pluck graduated from Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers Prep, and went on to become a professor of science at Dragon Slayers' Academy. Boys who take Dragon Science, Professor Pluck's popular class, are amazed at the great quantities of saliva Professor P. can project and try never to sit in the front row.

How Frypot came to be the cook at DSA is something of a mystery. Rumors abound. Some say that when Mordred bought the broken-down castle for his school, Frypot was already in the kitchen. Others say Frypot knows many a dark secret that keeps him from losing his job. But no one ever, ever says that Frypot was hired because he can cook.

Yorick is Chief Scout at DSA and a master of disguise. His knack for masquerading as almost anything comes from his years with the Merry Minstrels and Dancing Damsels Players, where he won an award for his role as the Glass Slipper in “Cinderella”.

Wiglaf, our newest lad, hails from a hovel outside the village of Pinwick, which makes Toenail look like a thriving metropolis. Being one of thirteen children, Wiglaf had a taste of dorm life before coming to DSA and he fit right in. He started the year off with a bang when he took a stab at Coach Plungett's brown pageboy wig. Way to go, Wiggie! We hope to see more of this lad's wacky humor in the years
to come.

Dream:
Bold Dragon-Slaying Hero

Reality:
Still hangs on to a “security” rag

Extracurricular Activities:
Animal-Lovers Club, President; No More Eel for Lunch Club, President; Frypot's Scrub Team, Brush Wielder; Pig Appreciation Club, Founder

Favorite Subject:
Library

Plans for the Future:
To go for the gold!

Eric hails from Someplace Far Away (at least that's what he wrote on his Application Form). There's an air of mystery about this Class I lad, who says he is “totally typical and absolutely average.” If that is so, how did he come to own the rich tapestry that hangs over his cot? And are his parents really close personal friends of Sir Lancelot? Did Frypot the cook bribe him to start the Clean Plate Club? And doesn't Eric's arm ever get tired from raising his hand in class so often?

Dream:
Valiant Dragon Slayer