365 Days (16 page)

I never thought dating could be so bloody complicated!

Saturday 28 July

Going to Han’s now. Am hiding you away, dear diary, in case you get found. Will tell all tomorrow! Am crapping myself!

Sunday 29 July

What a weekend! Was so nervous, but really no need ’cos everything was sweet and lovely and Han is just the best person in the whole world and I’m soooooooo in love with her!

Her parents had already left when I got there. Dan had gone off to some festival for the weekend already, and Joe was still there but he was soon picked up by his friend’s mum, so me and Han had the place to ourselves. She seemed as nervous as me, ’cos we both had the same thoughts in our head. Anyway, we sat on the sofa and watched TV for a bit, kinda snuggled up to each other, she was stroking my hair and I was trying not to nod off on the sofa. Then we had this, like, mega kissing session and I felt dead horny and wished we could go upstairs but felt nervous at the thought of going upstairs. She broke away and looked long and hard at me and said, ‘Shall we go to my room? Do you want to?’ and I just nodded.

So we went upstairs and lay down on her bed and kissed a bit more. I tried to lean over the bed and look under it for anything dodgy but she kept pulling me back and then she started tugging at my T-shirt! She said, ‘Take it off,’ in a way that made me go all silly inside, so I took it off, but the static made my hair go fuzzy and stick up so I was trying desperately to flatten it down with one hand, while trying to kiss Han.

We were just getting to the nitty gritty when I realised my bladder was full to bursting (the nerves) and I needed to have a wee!!! I said to Han, ‘I’m really sorry about this but I need to go pee,’ and she laughed and said, ‘Really??’ which made me keep apologising so she laughed again and said, ‘Don’t be sorry, you silly sausage! I think it’s cute,’ which flummoxed me a bit.

I tell you, it’s never like that on the TV!

Anyway, it was great (the sex, not my wee). Han was as nervous as me, I think, but it was all so natural and wonderful that I wondered why I’d been worrying myself silly about how to do it and whether I’d make a tit of myself!

We lay there afterwards in each other’s arms and I honestly thought I’d never felt so happy in all my life. We realised we were really hungry, so Han ordered us takeaway pizza which we ate in bed and I felt really grown-up for the first time in my life.

We kinda did it (sex, not eat pizza) like, another five times after that until I was so tired I couldn’t muster up any more energy so we slept through till about eleven today (Sunday) when we realised we hadn’t actually been out of Han’s bedroom since about one o’clock the previous day, apart from to pee and collect pizzas at the door.

What a weekend! Am back home now but can’t take the smile off my face!

Monday 30 July

Met up with the gang in town this morning. Felt like everyone knew what me and Han had been up to at the weekend and found I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. It was like me and Han had this secret knowledge between us and we kept looking at each other and getting the giggles. Ems said at one point, ‘You two look thick as thieves—what you been up to?’ and Han made a very good job of brushing the question off. She’d be great as a politician!

Tuesday 31 July

Han’s still trying to get her hair into dreadlocks so she hasn’t washed it for three weeks now. It looks dead greasy and it’s driving her nuts, but she said she read somewhere that hair only stays greasy for so long, then the hair’s natural oils make it all sleek again. She asked me if it looked awful so I just told her not to go swimming in the sea ’cos she’d kill all the sea birds with her own personal oil slick, which I don’t think amused her much!

Wednesday 1 August

HRBH told me she’s taken up Buddhism. I’d laugh my socks off at this if it weren’t for the fact she’s still raw over all the business with Ade. Apparently she’s still feeling anger towards him and it’s messing with her mojo, so she needs something to channel her anger through and thinks Buddhism is the answer. I thought mojos were sweets, but I don’t think they can be, ’cos I don’t see how anger could affect sweets, unless of course her anger makes her clench her fists and she squashes them.

Instead I told her I thought Buddhism was a great idea, especially considering the fact she already has a belly like Buddha, but she didn’t find that in the least bit funny. She told me that she meditates every day and it’s helping her to rid herself of pent-up anger and negative thoughts against ‘that snivelling little fuckwit who ran off with the fat tart from the cheese counter’. I noticed how screwed up and red her face was when she was saying this, and wondered if maybe she needed to concentrate on that meditation just a bit more.

Thursday 2 August

Went over to Han’s this afternoon. Her dad had taken Joe to football, then her mum said she was going to the garden centre and invited us along. We declined, and managed to have a quick fumble in Han’s room while she was out. Felt guilty about being so naughty.

Friday 3 August

It was Chairman Meow’s birthday so Mum gave him a tin of tuna as a treat. We also sang Happy Birthday to him but he just gave us that withering look that cats have and stalked out of the room with his tail up like a lightning conductor. I also saw him sicking up his tuna in Dad’s dahlias this afternoon. Decided not to tell Dad about it. I figure he’ll find it soon enough next time he’s weeding out there!

Saturday 4 August

Han’s mum is working tonight so she was there all day, hence, no shagging. Instead, we sat up in Han’s room and re-did my tattoo design. I decided against the hands clasped round the burning cross, bearing in mind Han’s jibes about it, and I’ve plumped for my initials, CMA, in Chinese letters. I figured it would be less hassle than the burning cross, and not so much inking either! I made absolutely sure that what I’d copied from the Internet were actually my initials, and not some code for takeaway crispy noodles and wonton soup. We’re going to go later this week and get it done.

Sunday 5 August

Han’s mum and dad at work so went round for the day. Han was babysitting Joe so we couldn’t be naughty. We were both wracked with horns so took Joe to the park to take our minds off it. Was still horny when I got there, but the sight of all the sunburnt, dowdy mothers trying to squeeze their fat arses into the kiddies’ swings soon put paid to that.

Monday 6 August

Oh God, I’m turning into a sex maniac! It’s, like, ALL I think about! I think about when I can do it, how I can do it, why I
should
do it!! I’m sure there are some pills I could take.

Tuesday 7 August

Looked up ‘sex maniac’ on Google but it directed me to a load of dodgy porn sites with offers of all manner of unsuitable things from characters with names such as Busty Brenda and Lusty Lucy.

I remembered something we’d done in History about how during the war (first or second, I can’t remember) they used to put something called Bromide in the tea of soldiers who were horny. Went down to the health food shop in town
and asked the spotty youth (you’d think she’d have marvellous skin working in a health store) behind the counter if they sold it. She looked perplexed and asked me what Bromide was for. I leant closer and said, ‘Erm, for brewer’s droop,’ and nodded knowingly at her. She smiled and pointed to the yeast in aisle two.

I give up! Maybe I can buy some in France? They’re weird like that over there.

Wednesday 8 August

Han’s hair is driving her potty! I have to say, I wonder if it’s worth it, but she insists it’ll look great when it’s all knotted and matted! She wears it all up a lot so doesn’t look
too
bad, but when it’s down it looks awful. I daren’t say anything to her, though, ’cos she’s already gone and bought some beads and leather strips to thread through the dreadlocks…

Thursday 9 August

Han’s mum and dad took Joe into town to buy him some new trainers or something, so Han and me made the most of it and went up to her room. Felt guilty as hell for
doing it
while her parents were out in town doing good, normal things like buying trainers.

Han’s mum rang her on her mobile to tell her they were having lunch in town so wouldn’t be back till around two p.m. Managed to
do it
two more times before they got back—result!

Friday 10 August

Han and I went into town today to get my tattoo done. We found this place just off the High Street called ‘Holey Smoke’ which did tattoos and body piercings and stuff like that. I had my design with me and was feeling pretty confident until I clocked one look at the girl at the counter inside who was built like a brick shithouse and didn’t look like she had a qualification in Metal Welding, let alone whatever it is they need in Body Art. I hissed to Han, ‘I’m not going in THERE—have you seen the size of her? I’ll look like a pin cushion by the time she’s done with me.’ Han looked suitably worried but said, ‘She’ll be the assistant, thassall. The person who’ll do you’ll be out the back probably.’ I noticed a distinct wobble in her voice when she said it, though…

I thought about this for a while but then decided that she looked like she’d be more at home on the meat counter down the market and told Han I’d changed my mind. Han said I might as well have it done considering we were here anyway, and if I gritted my teeth I’d be okay, so I said to her, ‘Why don’t you get one done as well, then?’ which made her visibly pale. I said, ‘You’re an EMO! You’re supposed to enjoy pain. In fact, you’re supposed to positively
encourage
anything that causes you pain and torture,’ to which she replied ‘So I’m an EMO! That DOESN’T mean I like pain and torture. It’s not written in the rules, y’know.’

She got one of her looks on her face then, so I thought it best not to bother replying to that. Instead I decided there and then that I didn’t want the girl in the tattoo shop anywhere near my fresh, young, unblemished teenage skin after all. Maybe when I’m older, say 21, I can get some tattoos done then? It won’t matter ’cos I’ll have loads of wrinkles by then anyway.

Saturday 11 August

Went into town to buy my euros for France today. I’m still really pissed off that our holidays don’t coincide, but Han keeps telling me that we’ll only be apart for a few weeks and we’ll still have some time left at the end of the summer holidays together.

Sunday 12 August

Got a text from Han this morning saying she was going to wash her hair ’cos it was driving her potty. Rang her later and she told me it took her and her mum over an hour to wash it and disentangle it. She said it took a further 20 minutes to fish all the hairs out of the sink afterwards! Poor Han!

I can’t say I’m sorry, though. It
was
getting a bit smelly, and her constantly scratching her head was beginning to make me itch too!

Monday 13 August

Going to France tomorrow! We’re catching the early ferry across and have to leave at some ridiculous time in the morning, so Alice came and stayed the night. I managed to get over to Han’s this afternoon for about an hour so I could say good-bye to her. She started crying! You have no idea how strange it is to see a Goth (EMO) cry; her eyeliner ran down her cheeks and made her look like Alice Cooper.

I said, ‘You’re a Goth—you’re supposed to be black to the core!’ and she said, ‘Shut your face,’ (which was charming) and then ‘I’m an EMO as well, you know! We’re emotional. We’re allowed to blub, especially when we’re not going to see our girlfriends for sodding ages,’ and forced a half-smile. I was touched.

We exchanged rings so we can have something to remind ourselves of each other, so I have her well funky skull ring, while she’s got my Bali ring that she gave me for my birthday. I promised her I’d look at the skull every night and think of her.

It’s now 10 p.m. (I’m writing this up while Alice cleans her teeth) and I miss her dreadfully already (Han, not Alice). How on earth am I going to manage for the next few weeks?

Was a bit disappointed we didn’t manage to
do it
, but perhaps it’s for the best, bearing in mind I’ll be going without it for bloody ages anyway!

Tuesday 14 August

In France.

Didn’t get off to sleep till gone 1 a.m., ’cos Alice was chattering away half the flipping night. You’d have thought she would have taken the hint when I stopped replying to her but noooooo! She blabbed on and on about nothing in particular until her words got few and far between and I figured she’d dropped off at long bloody last.