31 Days of Winter (14 page)

‘I thought you didn’t want to talk?’

‘You’re right, I really don’t,’ I muttered.

‘Maybe we
should
remain silent for the rest
of the journey then,’ he suggested.

‘Maybe we should,’ I sighed as I looked back out
of my window.

We’d been driving for about ten minutes when he
slowed down and went over a cattle grid, and suddenly the tree line stopped and
we drove through a large village which bordered the top of the loch. It was
full of crofters cottages and longhouses and I spotted a pub called “The Stag.”
There was a combined post office and shop, and a bakery and butchers and a
signpost to a five star hotel. I wondered if the village was in walking
distance, it would be nice to get out and have a night in the pub and meet some
of the locals. As we left the village behind us we were surrounded by bare
rolling fields and I gasped as he went over the brow of what looked like a
small hill. In reality we were actually on top of a massive mountain about to
descend to the plains below. I could see the narrow road zigzagging all the way
down to the bottom, one slip of his foot on the pedal and we’d be in serious
trouble. I wouldn’t have been happy doing this with clear skies, let alone when
it was snowing this much.

‘Are you scared?’

‘No,’ I lied, as I reached down and grabbed the
edge of the seat and anchored my feet to the floor. I think I’d have preferred
the bouncing track to this.

‘I do this journey every day, I know the road like
the back of my hand. You’re perfectly safe with me.’

‘Why do you do this journey every day?’ I asked as
I kept my eyes firmly glued to the road in front of us.

‘Do you trust me?’

‘That’s not an answer.’

‘Do. You. Trust. Me?’ he repeated, and I looked
around at him as he quickly glanced over at me.

‘Yes,’ I nodded, because for some reason, even
though I knew so little about him, I did.

‘Then close your eyes and tell me all about your
time at University, you won’t see where you’re going and it will take your mind
off it. Ok?’ He looked back over at me and I nodded and he returned his eyes to
the road. ‘Good, close your eyes and tell me where you went?’

‘King’s College in London.’

‘What did you study?’

‘English Language with a few extra modules to help
me get into the publishing industry.’

‘Why there?’

‘It was in central London and I didn’t want to be
too far from home.’

‘Were you in halls of residence?’

‘Yes, for the first year, then a few of us in my
group got together and did a house share.’

‘All girls?’

‘Yes, are we nearly there yet?’

‘No,’ I heard him laugh. ‘Not by a long way. Are
you still in touch with them?’

‘No, they were into going out and getting hammered
and bringing different guys back every night.’

‘You weren’t?’

‘Hell no. My parents got themselves into masses of
debt to pay for my tuition fees, flunking out wasn’t an option. When I wasn’t
in lectures I was studying, or working.’

‘Where did you work?’

‘You’ll judge me.’

‘I won’t.’

‘You say that now.’ I gripped the seat tighter as
I felt us doing a really sharp U bend.

‘I promise not to judge.’

‘I worked in a casino looking after the VIP’s, and
it was my job to dress in a sexy outfit and encourage them to spend their money
and keep coming back.’

‘I can see how you’d be good at that.’

‘Judging.’

‘No, stating a fact. You’re attractive and sexy
even with no makeup and an oversized man’s jacket. Dressed up and in heels I
can see how men wouldn’t be able to resist your charms.’

‘I didn’t do any more than my job,’ I replied,
wondering what he was thinking.

‘I didn’t imply that you did. Did that happen
there though?’

‘Yes, a lot of the girls made loads of money
offering other services and I did have some pressure put on me to do it, but I
did well enough with tips. I learned to flirt well enough to earn extra without
giving them the impression that I was going home with them.’

‘Is that how you met him?’

‘Zac?’

‘Yes.’

‘No, I was seeing Matt back then, one of the bar
tenders.’

‘Were you with him long?’

‘Two years.’ I screamed and opened my eyes as I
felt the Land Rover sliding to the side and quickly looked at Dan for
reassurance.

‘Close your eyes, we’re fine, I can handle her,’
he said confidently, his face set in a determined line as he seemingly expertly
grappled with the wheel and got us back on track. ‘Close your eyes Ellie, and
tell me about Matt,’ he coaxed in a reassuring manner. I did as I was told.

‘I was nineteen and he was twenty-five. He stepped
in and helped me out when a client was getting a bit too friendly with me. He
made it his job to watch over me and we became friends. Then things just
happened between us one night and we went from there.’

‘Things happened?’

‘Don’t make me spell it out, I was drunk, he was drunk
and we ended up having sex.’

‘Good sex?’

‘I thought so, but I was a virgin so I had nothing
to compare it to.’

‘But you do now.’

‘Yes, Zac was better.’

‘Amazing?’

‘Frequent, to start with anyway, but I’ve had
better experiences with my vibrator. I think we need to get off the topic of
sex.’ All I could think about was having sex with Dan and I had a feeling that
he’d just blow my expectations as well as my mind.

‘Why did it end with Matt?’

‘We were too good of friends. We never argued over
anything, got on really well, and much as I cared for him, there was just no
passion on my side for him.’

‘You ended it?’

‘I wouldn’t have, whilst it was lacking in passion
I felt so secure, until I found out …’ I cut myself off, feeling embarrassed.

‘Found out what?’

‘I wanted more and he couldn’t give it,’ I
replied, holding back from revealing how ashamed I’d been to finally find out
that for two years I’d been seeing and sleeping with a married man.

‘So how did you meet Zac?’

‘I was out with my best friend Brooke in a
cocktail bar in the financial district. It turns out it was a favourite place
for the stockbrokers to hang out after work on a Friday night, of course Brooke
knew that and didn’t tell me. She was trying to fix me up with someone wealthy,
she wanted me to be spoilt and treated nicely, and Zac came over to chat me up.
He was attractive with a nice smile and dressed in a gorgeous three piece suit
which made him look really confident, which I like in a man. He made me laugh
so much that I agreed to go on a date with him.’

‘You like men in suits?’

‘I do,’ I sighed. ‘Not that rough and ready doesn’t
do it for me, too,’ I added quickly, remembering how good Dan had looked in his
jeans and t-shirt with that axe in his hand. ‘It’s more about the confidence.
Anyway, after eight months of regular dating he flew us to Rome for a city
break, proposed in front of the Trevi Fountain and I moved into his Bachelor
pad in Canary Wharf.’

‘Did you really love him?’ Dan asked, and I could
hear in his voice he was unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

‘I thought I did, but looking back now I think it
was because it was easy with him too. We had fun, we had a lot of sex in the beginning,
but I don’t think we ever really craved each other.’

‘You don’t like easy?’

‘I don’t think it’s realistic for a couple to
never argue, if you’re passionate about your beliefs you’re bound to have
differing opinions. I think he agreed to whatever I wanted because he didn’t
want to rock the boat.’

‘What did you want?’

‘I wanted us to be happy like my mum and dad were,
even with no money and regular blow outs when they didn’t agree on something,
they were crazy about each other. I wanted kids, I wanted us to leave the city
and have a little cottage and loads of grounds for our children to play in, for
us to have family time. But the longer we were together, the more I started to
realise it didn’t seem to be what he wanted. He loved his playboy lifestyle,
his sports car, flashing his cash and taking me to company dinners and having
me be admired, it made him feel good about himself.’

‘You still want that life?’

‘Which one?’

‘The playboy lifestyle.’

‘No, I feel like I’ve done that. I’m going to look
for a small apartment, somewhere like Notting Hill where there’s cafés and
restaurants and a cosy pub.’

‘You see yourself settling down again?’

‘I’d like to, I like the feeling of security that
a relationship gives me, I also love taking care of people and I want to have
children before I’m too old.’

‘You have a few years ahead of you now, don’t
you?’

‘I guess,’ I shrugged. He continued to question
me, asking all about my childhood and parents, even though he didn’t say much
his tone was so relaxing.

‘You can open your eyes.’

‘You’re not messing with me?’

‘No. We’ve reached the bottom, I promise.’ I
opened one eye to look and saw he wasn’t lying. We were on a major road and the
snow was much lighter down here. ‘Feeling better?’

‘Yes thank you, but now you have pretty much my
whole life story and I’m still completely in the dark about you.’

‘I told you I’m not much of a talker.’

‘You’re a good listener.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. You also have a way of asking questions that
makes me see how things really are.’

‘I also seem to make you angry sometimes,’ he
observed with a quick smile over at me. ‘We’ll be there soon, I’ll take your
mobile number so that I can let you know when I’m ready to pick you up.’

‘What time do you think that will be?’

‘Four o’clock.’

‘Are you going to come over for dinner tonight?’ I
looked over at him and he looked at me surprised.

‘You still want me to?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.’

‘Was my cooking that bad?’

‘No,’ he laughed. ‘It was amazing, it’s the best
meal I’ve had all year. You know why it’s not a good idea.’

‘So you stay your side of the island, I’ll stay on
mine, kitchen island that is, not the actual island. If you really won’t come
I’ll plate you something up and you can collect it.’

‘Ellie, I …’ he sighed and rubbed his mouth.

‘We’re two adults Dan, not teenagers with raging
hormones. Surely we can show some self-restraint?’ I asked, knowing that was
the most ridiculous statement I’d ever made in my life, or possibly in the
history of the world. I may as well be a teenage boy for the lack of control
over hormones and my desire to have him in my bed, it didn’t even have to be a
bed, I’d be happy to have him anywhere. In fact, I’d happily go at it in this
damn metal death trap.

‘I’ll think about it.’

‘What about Christmas Day?’ I asked as I noticed
we were driving into the centre of a town.

‘What about it?’

‘Where do you keep your Christmas decorations? Do
you have some for the house and the boathouse? And where do you get the trees?’

‘O, right. I don’t have any.’

‘Don’t tell me, you don’t do Christmas?’ I asked,
aghast.

‘It’s for families.’

‘So what? You were planning on spending it alone?’

‘I usually do yes, it’s just another day to me. I
take it from the look of horror on your face that you’re not impressed.’

‘I
love
Christmas.’

‘Yet you came up here to spend it alone yourself,’
he shrewdly observed.

‘Well I wasn’t really thinking clearly when I
booked this trip, it all sounded wonderfully romantic in my head.’

‘You’re a romance girl?’

‘What girl isn’t? Please don’t make me spend it
alone with no decorations or a tree as well.’

‘If you want to decorate the house I’ll cover the
cost, I guess future tenants will want to celebrate too, so I can keep them in storage.’

‘What about your place?’

‘I don’t need any decorations up.’

‘Would you let me do it for you? I can’t bear the
thought of you not having any.’

‘I don’t think being in there with you in such
close proximity’s a good idea.’

‘Then if I promise not to snoop would you let me
do it when you’re out in the afternoon? I’d do it tastefully, you won’t come
back to find it like a grotto inside.’

‘Why is this so important to you?’ he sighed.

‘It’s a time for celebration and happy memories.
Say I can do it?’

‘Are you always this persistent?’

‘Sometimes, yes.’

‘Fine, but minimal please.’ He laughed as I
clapped my hands. ‘Don’t worry about a tree for the house, we’re surrounded by
them, I’ll get one with roots so it can be planted back after.’

‘What budget do I have?’ I asked.

‘Whatever you think’s required to make the house
look good.’

‘It won’t be cheap, not starting from scratch, but
once you have them all they will last for years. Will he mind?’

‘He can afford it.’

‘He’s really wealthy, huh?’ I prodded.

‘Yes.’

‘What does he do?’

‘That’s not something I want to discuss, Ellie. He
likes his anonymity.’

‘You can’t even tell me his name, so every time I
refer to him I don’t have to call him,
him?
’

‘No, because once you know his name, you’ll
probably know exactly who he is.’

‘God, is it Bill Gates or Richard Branson?’ I
exclaimed and Dan laughed.

‘Not quite, but he’s an entrepreneur and wealthy
businessman. Can we end the questions now, please?’

‘Fine,’ I sighed, totally intrigued. ‘We’ll need
to get some frozen food today just in case we can’t get out. There’s no way I’m
not having roast turkey and the trimmings.’ I saw him shake his head, but a
small smile played across his face as he glanced up into his rear view mirror,
indicated and pulled into an open air car park and stopped with the engine
running. ‘The clinics across the road,’ he pointed. I looked around to see the
modern building that looked like a big doctor’s surgery and felt my stomach
sink again. He’d done a great job of distracting me all the way here.