21 Marine Salute: 21 Always a Marine Tales (97 page)

She sighed a long breath of air. “Yeah, but I was embracing my walk of shame and well…I had this feeling if I woke you up, I wouldn’t have been walking anywhere.”

Desire fisted in his gut. “I would have done the right thing—kept you in bed until at least noon.”

“Somehow, I believe you.” Despite the flirt in her voice, there was a subtext he couldn’t quite decipher.

“Lily, what’s wrong?”

Silence.

He listened intently, trying to catch even a shift in her breathing. So many nuances in a conversation were conveyed through body language. The phone disguised those cues, but not her discomfort. She sounded awkward, almost embarrassed.

“Why do you think something’s wrong?” The hesitation before the question told him he was on the right track.

“You sound like something’s wrong. You’re not upset about having sex with me, are you?” He held his breath, hoping for no hesitation in her response.

“No.” The immediacy of the rejection gratified him. “I mean—no, I was embarrassed that morning. More than a little. I’m not the kind of girl who sleeps around.”

“Good to know.” Meant he didn’t have to chase anyone else off. Wishing, not for the first time she sat right in front of him and that they’d had this conversation the next morning, he said, “And another reason you should have woken me up. You’re beautiful, and you were beautiful that night.”

“Tone down the lothario voice; it’s hard enough to have this conversation without you giving me the shivers.” Her voice quivered despite the stern note and Paul grinned.

“Lothario? Am I seducing you now?”

“You could seduce a rock.” But laughter drifted through the words, turning them into a compliment. “And you know it. No one is as charming as you are without having some awareness of it.”

He conceded the point. “I have some time off coming and I planned to see my parents, but if I juggle the schedule, what do you think of me coming to Texas for a couple of days?”

“Here?” Her voice squeaked and unease coiled up his spine.

“Is that a problem?” He focused on listening.

“I—when?” Okay, not the warmest of welcomings, but better than a not-a-chance-in-hell response.

“Closer to the holidays. Lily. Tell me what’s wrong.” Maybe he was tired and reading the situation wrong, but he didn’t think so.

“By holidays, you mean Thanksgiving or Christmas?”

Does it matter?
“I meant one or the other, yes, I’m waiting for my leave request to be approved. I asked for ten days. But I may get more, I may get less. It depends on my CO’s mood. Do you have a preference?”

“Paul….”

Here it comes. The rejection
. He half-expected it, but he braced for it nonetheless. One night did not a relationship make, even if he wanted to drown in the sweet scent of her skin or longed to hear the soft sound of her cries again. And a rejection by phone was easier in some ways—it gave him a place to start when he went back for her.

The thought coalesced fully formed. He wanted to pursue a relationship with her.
Hell
…. “Look, Lily—it’s just a visit. A chance to spend some time together, I want to see you again.” More silence and Paul pulled the phone away to make sure it still showed they were connected. “Lily? Still there?”

The pause dragged out and took his patience along with it. “I’m here,” she said, finally. “And I’m pregnant.”

September bled into October and blurred together. He spoke to Lily twice since she’d dropped the bombshell on him. He couldn’t quite wrap his mind around the idea of her pregnancy. He used a condom, he always did. The idea she made it up plagued him for all of two minutes, but he dismissed it. He didn’t imagine the unease in her voice or the cold start it gave him when she admitted the pregnancy.

Five months and counting—and if that didn’t make it real, the picture from the sonogram did. They hadn’t been able to see girl or boy parts, the baby didn’t seem to be cooperating in that department. He’d avoided telling his parents so far. They would be thrilled at the news of their first grandchild—less thrilled that he hadn’t already offered to marry the mother-to-be.

I did. First words out of my mouth and she shut me down so hard, I could feel the slap of that rejection as if she’d slammed the door in my face
. Not that her rebuff diminished his resolve. His baby, his responsibility.

But it wasn’t obligation that drove him.

It was desire.

For the first time in over a decade, he wished like hell he possessed a job that would allow him to drop everything and go home. He needed to see her. More than that, she needed to see him. But the instructional term didn’t wrap until the first of December. The earliest he’d get leave was the second week of December and his CO hadn’t confirmed the orders yet.

Two months seemed like an eternity, particularly when Lily worked long hours at the hospital. With sleep at a premium and factoring in the time difference, their conversations were limited to days she had off. He stared at the numbers on his laptop, and sighed. If he juggled the finances, he could arrange a portion of his paycheck to go to her. He reported the pregnancy to his CO, who gave him congratulations and apologies—his current task rated critical. The Marines he trained needed the intel for the jobs they would be doing and he was the best man to teach it.

Poor comfort in his current circumstance. He canted his head back and stared at the clock. She had a Saturday shift, and it would be after four Central time before she got home. It was nearly eleven in the evening in Germany. If her shift went as planned, she would be leaving the hospital and driving home. By his calculations, she had an eighteen-minute drive.

So at least another thirty minutes before he could call. Shoving up from the sofa, he paced across the room. His commanding officer understood why he put in the request, he just couldn’t grant it. But three awkward conversations punctuated by stilted facts and no real answers were enough to make him crazy.

Marrying her was the right thing to do. Every fiber in his being demanded he find a way to make it happen. But was it right because it was the right thing to do, or right because that’s what his parents did? Or right because he really wanted to marry her?

His phone rang and he grabbed it, scowling at the number on the screen. It wasn’t Lily.

“Captain.” He said in lieu of hello.

“Hey, how you doing?”

“Going a little stir-crazy.” Which put it mildly. Luke knew about the pregnancy. If Paul were a betting man, he’d say Luke knew before he had. But Paul wouldn’t give him a hard time about it. Loyalty to his wife had to come first.

“I can imagine. Look—I saw Lily last night with Becca. I wanted you to know she looks healthy, happy, and huge.”

Relief flowed through him, easing a fist of tension wrapped around his guts. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. According to what she told Becca, she’s carrying all in the front. I have no idea what that actually means outside it looks like someone shoved a basketball up there.” His wry tone provided a hint of humor. “But she looks okay. I think she was pretty tired. She had a long shift. Her boss is supposed to be giving her easier hours off her feet, but the shifts are still long and she wears out easier.”

“She can quit. I could send her money.” He wanted to send her money. Had tried to send her money. So far she hadn’t cashed a single one of his checks.

“Yeah, I think you and I both know that’s not going to happen and I don’t know her very well. But she and Becca have been friends for years. Becca said she wouldn’t quit her job, she worked too hard to become a nurse and she loves what she does.” A hint of reprimand colored the words.

“Be easier if I knew her better, sir.” A lot of things would be.

“I imagine. When do you get leave?”

“Not until the term is up here. Second week of December. My CO said he would try to find a replacement for me in January, but if he can’t….” Well, if not, then Paul would be back in Germany when his child was born. Two weeks didn’t give him near enough time to settle matters with Lillianna.

“You want me to make some calls?”

“No, sir. I’ll cope. I appreciate the offer. Just…keep looking after her? I don’t know what she needs, but if she needs anything….”

“Hey, buck up, Marine. We got this. Becca will tell me when she needs anything, and we’ll get on it. She’s independent and feisty, and still doesn’t like me much.” The fact seemed to amuse Luke. “But we got this until you can get here.”

“Thank you. Seriously. This was not how I planned to do this.”

“Yeah, well, we deal with facts and the situation in front of us. This is the situation. This is what we deal with.” Practical to the bone, it wasn’t that Luke didn’t understand—it was that they couldn’t change the situation from what existed. No matter how much Paul wished otherwise.

His phone buzzed and Lily’s name appeared on call-waiting. “I have to go, Captain. Lily’s on the other line.” He didn’t wait for the acknowledgement and swapped the call over. “Hey, you home?”

“Yeah.” Fatigue clung to the solitary word. “Walked in the door five minutes ago, but I think I fell asleep when I sat down.”

“Feet hurt?” He guessed.

“Yeah. I’m supposed to see the OB on Monday. Thankfully, I have tomorrow off.” A sigh drifted on the words.

“Any way they can scale your schedule back anymore?” He hated how tired she sounded. Considering she had just been coming off a three-day-straight schedule when he met her and she’d been run down then, he imagined the pregnancy made it worse.

“Not going to ask Jodi to do that. She’s already jumping through hoops for me now. I’m a trauma nurse, but at the moment I’m a glorified paper pusher. The more of those tasks I take on, the less gets done.” Irritation cropped up and he wasn’t sure who it was aimed at.

“On your side, remember?” Reminding her every chance he got, he wanted her to believe it.

“Sorry, I get cranky when I’m tired, and I’m hungry, and I always seem to be tired and hungry. I’ll be as big as a barn at the rate this baby demands food.” Her laugh made him feel better. “You know, they used to joke that when you’re pregnant you are eating for two, and that if you’re pregnant with a boy, you need to eat for three because of the calories burned. What do you think it means that I feel like I’m eating for a family of four?”

“That you’re carrying a Marine?” He grinned. “We know how to eat.”

Her soft chuckle brought another smile to his face. “That’s not improbable. My understanding is that Army brats eat a lot, too.”

“No, definitely Marine.” A surprising sensation flipped his stomach. Had his father felt this way about him? Paul hadn’t even seen Lillianna since their one night together and he’d never felt his baby’s kick and had no idea if it was even a boy or a girl yet—neither of them knew—but he was attached.

Seriously freaking attached.

“Does he kick yet?”

“She does, here and there.”

They did that, flip-flopping the gender. “What does it feel like?”

“Flutters? It’s hard to describe. Have you ever had butterflies in your stomach?”

“That’s a little to girly for me to admit to.” He didn’t try to keep the grin off his face, though. He could almost see her roll her eyes.

“But you know what I mean?”

“Yeah. I do. Like a rhythmic jittery sensation, one you can’t quite pinpoint.”

“Exactly. He does that. Usually when I’m trying to sleep. If I lay quietly, I imagine she’s trying to get my attention—you know making sure I’m still there.”

Paul considered that. “Not when you’re working?”

“No. Well, not a lot when I’m working. But I talk a lot on the job, so maybe he or she hears me then and doesn’t need to figure that out.” It sounded perfectly plausible to him.

“Is it keeping you awake?” She worked her ass off, she needed to be able to rest.

“Sometimes, but you know my mom says that’s how moms learn to be up with the baby when they get here. Pregnancy trains you to get by on less sleep, physically stresses you out, and makes everything more difficult.”

“So, you told your parents.” The last time he’d talked to her a week before, she hadn’t yet confessed it to them. She’d offered up any number of excuses, but he understood it. Same reason he hadn’t told his. Hard to live down parental disappointment.

“Yeah, they came to see me for a surprise visit.”

His gut clenched for her. “Oh. Hell.”

“Yeah, so I was like—surprise.” Beneath the thin veil of cheer, sadness crept through.

“How did they take it, Lily?” He should have been there for that. She shouldn’t have had to tell her parents alone. Another strike against him.

“Shocked. I know she tried to cover it, but Mom was really shocked. And I think she was more disappointed that I didn’t tell her when I found out, than she was that I am—you know—pregnant and unmarried. Dad on the other hand….” Silence crackled on the line. “Dad’s harder to read. He wasn’t happy.”

Anger tightened his muscles. “He didn’t say that, did he?”

“No, but you know when you’ve screwed up and your parents don’t have to tell you. You can feel it. He hasn’t been that quiet about something I did since I hot-wired that jeep and stole it from the motor pool. I remember his face when the MPs delivered me home and he had to report to his CO. This was a lot like that.” She sighed again. “But don’t worry, I didn’t tell him your name. I don’t want him to make trouble for you.”

“You go right ahead and give him my name. Hell, you give him my number. I’d love to talk to him.”
And give him a piece of my mind. He did not need to make Lily feel bad
. They didn’t do a damn thing wrong, and she carried so much of this burden on her own because Paul wasn’t there.

“Hey.” Her voice softened. “I’m okay. You don’t have to defend me. It’s okay. Dad’s old-fashioned. It doesn’t matter that I’m thirty and perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Women with a baby should also have a husband.”

“You can have a husband,” he promised.

“We’ve talked about this before….”

“I know you said no, but that offer is still there. I’m not taking it off the table.”

“You’re in Germany. I’m in Dallas.”