150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (13 page)

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Lamberto Bava for carrying on his father's tradition of making films that feature some great visual set pieces but that have halfbaked, awful scripts.

They Really Said It!

Tony
: We got to stop it I tell you, we got to stop the damn movie!

Betcha Didn't Know

Lamberto Bava cites this as his favorite out of the thirty-four films he has directed.

Lamberto Bava is a third-generation Italian filmmaker. His grandfather, Eugenio Bava, was a cameraman and trailblazing effects artist during the early days of cinema, and his father, Mario Bava, was a prolific cinematographer, director, specialeffects artist, and writer.

Trivia Quiz

How did Lamberto Bava gain his first directorial experience?

A: He took over as director on
A Shot in the Dark
after Blake Edwards quit the film

B: His father, director Mario Bava, pretended to be ill during the filming of
Shock
so Lamberto had the opportunity to direct a few scenes.

C: He bet Dario Argento that he could script the gore scenes for
Demons
in less than a week. He won the bet and got to direct the film.

D: His father, Mario Bava, was a good friend of Dario Argento and asked Argento to give Lamberto a chance to direct
Inferno
.

Answer: B. His father pretended to be ill, so his son could direct some scenes.

PRODUCERS
John Sirabella (executive producer), Yoshinori Chiba, Yoko Hayama, and Satoshi Nakamura (producers)

WRITER
Noboru Iguchi

DIRECTOR
Noboru Iguchi

STARS
Minase Yashiro (
Ami Hyuga
), Asami (
Miki
), Honoka (
Violet
Kimura
), Kentarô Shimazu (
Ryûji Kimura
), and Nobuhiro Nishihara (
Sho Kimura
)

When her brother and his best friend are murdered by the spoiled sons of corrupt cops and the local ninja and yakuza clans, a high-school girl (Yashiro) goes on a gory, revenge-driven murder-spree. After the yakuza hacks off her left arm, a creative mechanic/gunsmith replaces it with a custom-made machine gun.

Why It Sucks

The Machine Girl
crams all the elements of Japanese action films and cartoons into it: cute high-school girls kicking butt in their school uniform, yakuza, ninja, a quest for righteous revenge.

Then it adds moral bankruptcy, depravity, dismemberment, murder, and geysers of blood. It will gross you out if you're well-adjusted but will amuse if you're deeply twisted.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Acting Award goes to …
Asami for her one-note performance as a vengeance hungry mother. Like most other one-named performers, she can't act worth a damn.

And the Worst Auteur Award goes to …
Noboru Iguchi for depressing nihilism. The main character's machine gun arm shoots enough rounds in a second to cause a human body to evaporate into a fine red mist. And if that doesn't do it for you, a knife is thrust through the top of a character's head and another is killed when nails are pounded into his face.

They Really Said It!

Ami
: Violence doesn't solve anything.

Betcha Didn't Know

Asami began her career in porn films, but she has graduated to horror and gory action films.

Ami isn't the first movie character to replace a severed limb with a firearm; Ash of Sam Raimi's
Evil Dead
movies did it first.

Trivia Quiz

The patron god of the ninja/yakuza family in the film is Hattori Hanzo. Who was Hattori Hanzo?

A: The general in charge of Japan's occupational forces in China during the 1930s

B: The creator of the martial arts technique favored by real-world ninjas

C: A Samurai of the sixteenth century who was nicknamed Devil Hanzo

D: Director of the first Japanese silent movie in 1909

Answer: C. A sixteenth-century Samurai. He was renowned for his fearlessness in battle and innovative tactics. A gateway of the Imperial Palace and a subway line in Tokyo bear his name.

PRODUCERS
Michael Avery and Bruce William Curtis (executive producers), Brian Yunza (producer)

WRITERS
Dennis Paoli, William Norris, and Stuart Gordon (script), H. P. Lovecraft (original short stories)

DIRECTOR
Stuart Gordon

STARS
Jeffrey Combs (
Herbert West
), Bruce Abbott (
Dan Cain
), Barbara Crampton (
Megan Halsey
), David Gale (
Dr. Carl Hill
), and Robert Sampson (
Dean Alan Halsey
)

Dan's new roommate and fellow third-year med student, Herbert West (Combs) draws him into his bizarre (and kinda-sorta successful) experiments in reanimating dead bodies. Many Very Bad Things result.

Why It Sucks

It's got a character named Herbert West who has invented a formula that reanimates the dead. And it takes place in a town called Arkham. Beyond that, the movie ignores the great H. P. Lovecraft story with the same title. There is, however, much insane pointless violence and sick sexual references.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Auteur Award goes to …
Director/co-scripter Stuart Gordon for making a movie that is wildly inconsistent in tone, swinging from deadly serious to over-the-top comedic.

And the Special Award for Worst Visual Pun Ever …
Director/coscripter Stuart Gordon for combining the naked Barbara Crampton and a severed reanimated head in a single scene, taking the phrase “give head” to unnerving extremes.

They Really Said It!

Dan Cain
: He's dead?

Herbert West
: Not anymore.

Betcha Didn't Know

Herbert West was a minor character in the script and all through production. It wasn't until editing that the film took a different shape and he became the central figure.