150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (12 page)

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Script Award goes to …
Stephen Sinclair, Frances Walsh, and Peter Jackson for not knowing when enough is enough.
And the Worst Use of Gardening Tools Award goes to …
Peter Jackson for showing that a lawn mower can be used as an offensive weapon.

They Really Said It!

Father McGruder
: I kick arse for the Lord!

Betcha Didn't Know

This film is considered to be the bloodiest movie made (in terms of the number of gallons of stage blood used during filming).

Peter Jackson returned to horror films (sort of) with
The Lovely Bones
in 2010.

Trivia Quiz

The rat monkeys to blame for the zombie plague in
Dead Alive
were illegally imported from Skull Island. Who is the most famous expatriate from that faraway place?

A: Godzilla

B: Dr. Moreau

C: King Kong

D: The Phantom

Answer: C. King Kong. Jackson, a long-time fan of the original 1933 film, revisted Skull Island in 2005 when he directed a remake.

PRODUCERS
Claudio Argento (executive producer) and Salvatore Argento (producer)

WRITERS
Bernadino Zapponi (script), Dario Argento (story)

DIRECTOR
Dario Argento

STARS
David Hemmings (
Marcus Daly
), Daria Nicolodi (
Gianna Brezzi
), and Gabriele Lavia (
Carlo
)

Pianist Marcus Daly (Hemmings) witnesses the brutal murder of a famous psychic, and then teams up with Gianna Brezzi, a feisty woman reporter (Nicolodi) to find the killer. Soon, they find themselves stalked by the deadly, seemingly omniscient murderer who is willing to end numerous lives to protect his or her dark secrets.

Why It Sucks

Deep Red
is part slasher flick and part murder mystery, but it is so sloppily written that even if your standards are low you'll want to throw something at the screen. The characters are afflicted with unbelievable stupidity. What's more, the writer/director seems to think the viewers are equally low-browed. Argento worked on the principle that if if he threw enough violence and gore onto the screen, no one would notice the lazy writing.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Writing Award goes to …
Dario Argento for inane dialogue and worse plotting. Sometimes gore just isn't enough.
And the Worst Actor Award goes to …
David Hemmings for sleep-walking through most of the picture. Of course, he might have been trying to convey the fact that on more than one occasion his character acts like he was dropped on his head as a baby.

They Really Said It!

Marcus
: Gianna, there's someone in the house absolutely trying to kill me! Betcha Didn't Know

The R-rated version widely released in the United States is 98 minutes long, while the full version is unrated with a run time of 128 minutes. The version titled
The Hatchet Murders
is the shorter, rated version.

Despite an additional thirty minutes of screen time, the unrated version does nothing to fix the plot lapse mentioned above, not to mention the several other blunders the film contains.

Trivia Quiz

Which of the following actresses received her first major screen role in a Dario Argento film?

A: Jennifer Connelley

B: Uma Thurman

C: Milla Jovovich

D: Diane Lane

Answer: A. Jennifer Connelley, who starred in the 1985 Argento-written/directed supernatural
thrilled Phenomena.
She portrays a girl who can psychically communicate with insects.

PRODUCER
Dario Argento

WRITERS
Dardano Saccheti (story), Dario Argento, Lamberto Bava, and Franco Ferrini (script)

DIRECTOR
Lamberto Bava

STARS
Urbano Barberini (
George
), Bobby Rhodes (
Tony
), Natasha Hovey (
Cheryl
), Fiore Argento (
Hannah
), Karl Zinni (
Ken
), Genretta Giancarlo (
Rosemary
), Nicoletta Elmi (
Ingrid
), and Paola Cozzo (
Kathy
)

The audience at a screening of a horror movie is sealed in the theater and one by one transformed into the hideous creatures featured in the film.

Why It Sucks

Evidently the director of this occasionally scary movie decided that story was an optional extra and what the audience needed was a string of transformations and violent murders to be satisfied. The focus is on gore effects, and the ending doesn't fit with anything that happens earlier in the film, compounding the feeling of blood-drenched chaos. Any viewer watching for more than gore will quickly feel his patience running thin.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Special Recognition for Most Nonsensical Apocalypse Award
goes to …
Somehow, by the end of the movie, the world is overrun with demons. So why was it necessary to trap the characters in the theater?