1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You: The Ultimate Bathroom Reader (92 page)

“Cesarean Fact Sheet,” Childbirth.org,
www.childbirth.org
.

Robin Elise Weiss, “Cesarean Section Photos: Step-by-Step,”
About.com
,
www.pregnancy.about.com
.

Gerard M. DiLeo, “Your C-Section: A Step-by-Step Guide,”
Babyzone.com
,
www.babyzone.com
.

691

FACT :
In 1990, a sixty-three-year old Tennessee woman went in for exploratory surgery on what doctors thought was a tumor on her buttock. They were wrong:
the “tumor” was a four-inch pork chop bone
, which doctors estimated had been in place for five to ten years, but had not caused the woman any pain due to her obesity.
I like pork chops, too, but not enough to eat the bone.

Worlds Most Incredible Stories (Barnes & Noble Publishing).

692

FACT :
American women undergo
twice as many hysterectomies
as British women, and four times as many as Swedish women. By some estimates, 76–85 percent of these procedures are unnecessary, studies saying that removing the ovaries will raise, not lower, her health risks unless a woman is highly at risk for ovarian cancer.
In most cases a woman is willing to take that chance if it means not having any more goddamn kids.

Curt Pesmen, “Five Surgeries to Avoid,” Health, July 2007, updated September 18, 2008,
www.living.health.com
.

693

FACT :
Decompressive cranioplasty is an emergency surgery in which
part of the cranium or skull is removed
to reduce swelling of the brain. In some cases the removed bone fragment is stored in tissue of the abdominal wall and then reinserted into the skull several months later.
That bone fragment must be hell to swallow.

T. Flannery and R. S. McConnell, “Cranioplasty: Why Throw the Bone Flap Out?” British Journal of Neurosurgery, December 2001, 518–520,
www.informaworld.com
.

694

FACT :
Blepharoplasty, or eye lift, is a surgical procedure that removes excess tissue to reshape the upper or lower eyelid. Risks of the surgery include asymmetry, cyst formation, and
an inability to close the eye(s)
due to excess skin removal.
Um, yeah, not being able to close your eyes? That’s a problem.

Neil Sadick and others, Concise Manual of Cosmetic Dermatologic Surgery (McGraw Hill Professional, 2007.

John L. Wobig and Roger A. Dailey, Oculofacial Plastic Surgery: Face, Lacrimal System, and Orbit (Thieme, 2004).

695

FACT :
A bezoar is
a ball of swallowed fiber or hair that gathers in the stomach
and gets stuck in the intestines. Chewing on hair, fuzzy things, or indigestible items like plastic bags, can lead to bezoars, which, if large enough, require surgery for removal.
You say bezoar. I say hairball. And if you like to eat fuzz and plastic bags, you’ve got bigger problems than hairballs.

For starters, you might be part goat.

Daniel Rauch, “Bezoar,” Medline Plus, U.S. National Library of Medicine, July 26, 2007,
www.nlm.nih.gov
.

696

FACT :
Gastric bypass surgery is a popular but risky procedure. Studies have shown that the health risks that make morbidly obese patients eligible for the procedure in the first place can also lead
to complications during and after the surgery
, such as pulmonary embolism, suture tears and leaks, pneumonia, and infection. An estimated 1,000 Americans died in 2006 from complications related to gastric bypass surgery.

If I’m “morbidly obese,” death is a risk I’m willing to take. But can I finish this pork roast first?

Eileen Korey, “Gastric Bypass Surgery Riskiest for Those Who Need It Most,” news release, Medical News Today, December 2, 2003,
www.medicalnewstoday.com
.