1 The Bitches of Everafter (12 page)

21

The Better to Ax You With

Judge Redhood had just settled down to watch her favorite picture show,
The Wolf That Stole Her Heart
, when she heard tires screeching outside. Fang lifted his head and growled. “Go back to sleep, Fang. I’m sure it’s nothing to be alarmed about. Probably just Tink reporting in for work.” Her assistant didn’t always come home on her evenings off and the judge never asked where she had been. She assumed the girl enjoyed camping.

Fang grumbled, then rolled onto his back and closed his eyes.

The judge heard the door bang open with a clatter. She got off the couch reluctantly to scold her assistant and to ask her to make a bowl of ice cream.

When she arrived at the door, the judge saw Tink and Robin Hood standing in her foyer, each of them looking like something the wolf had dragged in.

“What in the world? Tink, what happened to you? Your —” She almost said her glitter was gone, but she stopped herself in time. “I mean, you look upset.”

The fairy’s shadow was detached too. It slumped to the side as if it had a broken...something.

“I am upset. I was having a lovely dinner at the café last night, but that stupid Aura ruined it.”

The judge brightened at this. “She did?”

Robin Hood eyed the judge suspiciously, so she set her face to a frown.

Tink said, “She came in to speak with Doc Bean and she ruined his dinner and my time with him.”

Judge Redhood crossed her arms. “Is that so?” She looked at Robin.

“Nothing illegal. And she was where she was supposed to be delivering a meal after that,” Robin said.

Tink glared at Robin. “Nothing illegal? Well, then it should be a crime to curse and raise your voice to a pillar of the community.” She tapped her tiny foot and cast her gaze on the judge. “And she poured beer on his perfectly good turkey.”

Robin said, “Again, not a crime.”

The judge paced. Perhaps instilling the laws of this land rather than creating her own had been a mistake. It had seemed the best option should a native somehow crash through the barrier. There was no magic here, they made sure of that. Except for the minimal amount she brought with her and that was closely guarded. It was why they chose this land to banish the princesses in the first place. If there was magic, then the spell that had been cast from her own realm could be broken from within. And magic in the hands of the princesses would be disastrous, even deadly, for all of them.

“Judge, did you hear me?” Tink asked.

“What?” Redhood said.

“I said I followed Aura. I think she was up to something.” Tink’s eyes grew even bigger. “Something sneaky.”

Robin stepped forward. “Yeah, about that.”

There was a mustard stain on his shirt and his hat was crooked. He was heavier than when the judge had been married to him, and he looked unhappy. Perhaps Marion wasn’t the perfect woman after all. Served him right. How dare he leave her! Everything she’d done, she’d done for their marriage. And he walked away just because of a few disagreements? All couples fight, for Pete’s sake. Perhaps not all wives shoot their husbands with a crossbow, but still. She wondered if he still had the scar. He didn’t limp here like he did back home.

“I have a real problem with your assistant interfering with my job,” Robin said.

The judge lifted her brow at Tink.

Tink made a pouty face and crossed her arms. “Well
he
doesn’t seem to be too interested. He never finds them at fault for anything.”

Robin shot a glare at Tink. “That’s because technically, they haven’t broken any laws. And frankly, young lady, you damn near did by interfering with my investigation.”

Tink’s face grew so red, the judge thought smoke might blow out her ears at any moment. “Why, that is cockadoodle lie!”

Robin rolled his eyes and said, “Judge, would you please have a word with her and make this stop? I gotta get home to the wife.”

Something dark shifted inside the judge at the sound of Robin calling another woman his wife. She watched as the man who didn’t remember sharing a bed with her once upon a time turned to walk out of her house.

She looked at Tink, full of fire and vinegar and gung-ho to find even the tiniest infraction that would send one of the princesses back to jail. And she made a decision.

Robin was too soft. Too fair. Always trying to do the right thing no matter who it hurt. She hated that. “Mr. Hood,” she said as he was about to leave.

Robin turned. “Yeah.”

“You’re fired.”

A look of shock swept over Tink’s pixie face. She made a mewing sound.

“Come again?” Robin said.

“Your services are no longer required,” said the judge.

“Now wait just a damned minute.” Robin’s jaw hardened, his eyes blazed. “You can’t fire me.”

Damn, but he was still sexy when he was angry.

The judge cocked her head. “As an officer of the court, and the mayor of Everafter, I most certainly can.”

Boy, was she glad she’d had the sense to implement her own hierarchy.

Robin looked at Tink. Tink shuffled her feet on the tile as if she wished it would open up and swallow her.

Robin slowly walked up to the judge and stood inches from her face. She could feel the heat of him. His anger leapt off his chest and penetrated her heart. It excited her in places where she hadn’t felt anything in a long time.

In a low voice that made her insides squishy and her knees rattle, he said, “You know, I get the feeling this is personal for you. Why is that?”

She didn’t respond. Didn’t even blink. She couldn’t. He had that kind of power over her when he was in this state of mind.

Robin smiled ruefully and lifted his hat. “Well then, I guess I’ll never know.”

It didn’t sound like a retreat. It sounded like a threat.

Robin turned and tipped his hat to Tink. “Good luck, young lady. You’re gonna need it.”

The cowboy walked out of the house and into the afternoon light. A wind gushed through the entryway and circled around both Tink and the judge. The door slammed shut, sending a shiver through Judge Redhood’s core.

She stood there wondering if she’d just made a huge mistake.

Tink said, “Do you want to hear my report?”

22

Welcome To Far, Far Away

Snow watched as Aura slowly turned around. She studied her face, looking for some recognition.
Come on, Aura. I know you’re in there.

Neither of them spoke for several moments. Finally, Aura said, “What the hell happened, Snow? How did we get here?”

Snow beamed, relieved to have someone who was sharing this experience with her. They had never been friends
per se
, but after the wars they had come together, all five of them, seeking to end the fighting, the pillaging, the loss of their people. The treaty they had signed in their own blood was mutually agreed upon and beneficial to all the lands. Snow knew in her heart of hearts that her fellow royal sisters couldn’t be behind this. The United Kingdoms of Enchantment meant everything to them. They had achieved what none of the royal families that came before them could. Peace.

“I don’t know, but we need to figure it out and fast. We have to get back home,” Snow said.

What damage had been done in their absence? And who would want to destroy what they had worked so hard to build?

Aura nodded. “Agreed.” She looked out the window, her brow furrowed in concentration. “So what do we do in the meantime?”

“I suggest we act as if everything is normal. I don’t know if the others know who they are yet. Best to wait and see. Then we can work on a plan.”

Aura brushed her hair back. “So now what?”

Snow looked at her. “I guess now we cook dinner.”

“We?”

Snow narrowed her eyes. “Yes. Do you take issue with that?”

“I thought you said ‘act normal’. I never cooked back home, why should I start now?”

“Aura,” Snow grumbled.

Aura raised her hands in defeat. “Fine. But I don’t do desserts.”

Snow said, “Yes, well neither do I tonight.”

The former princesses of the United Kingdoms of Enchantment compared notes for a little while before heading to the kitchen to cook dinner. They discussed who in the town they recognized from Enchantment. There was Robin Hood, of course—longtime defender of citizen’s rights. Red Riding Hood, who somehow ended up a judge in this land, which, given her history, baffled Snow. Hansel, who had been betrothed to Cindy before her stepmother traded her hand in marriage. She wanted a place in high society and, unfortunately for Cindy, chose a Prince who turned out to favor men over women. Gretel, Hansel’s sister, whom the princesses had appointed to lead the royal army after she caught and captured three wicked witches and uncovered a plot to kill Snow White.

Snow said, “Do you know who Granny is? I don’t recognize her.”

Aura shook her head. “I don’t, but I tell you, something feels familiar about her.”

Snow didn’t share that vibration. “You’ll need to work on discovering her identity then.”

Aura nodded.

It was getting late, so they decided to get started on dinner. The most important dinner of their lives.

As they walked towards the door and Aura removed the chair lodged beneath the doorknob, she said, “Snow. Do you think it’s possible...I mean...” Aura’s eyes clouded. She whispered. “Do you think it’s one of them behind this?”

She didn’t have to ask
who.
She knew exactly who Aura meant. The thought drifted there in her mind, Aura’s words floating freely. Snow White didn’t even want to entertain the possibility that one of her blood sisters would betray her like this. And for what? To leave her kingdom, her home, her people for this drab world? For a life behind bars. A life where she answered to a higher court.

She didn’t want to think that it could be true. But she also decided that it would be foolish to completely rule it out. She answered Aura honestly. “I don’t know.”

They cooked in silence, keeping an eye on the clock and watching the door for their housemates and Granny. The mood in the house had darkened. The air felt heavier to Snow as she bustled about the stove, adding vegetables to the pot, slicing butter for the bread, making iced tea.

The sun had melted beyond the horizon and she turned on a light switch. The florescent bulb reminded Snow of the timepiece closet. What did it mean, all those clocks and watches and numbers? And what of the mysterious ballroom that had drawn her to it? She recognized the mirror now, of course. The mirror that had appeared as if from thin air that showed her who she once was, for it belonged to her now. It hung in her palace back in Enchantment as a stark reminder that evil walked among them. That no matter who she
thought
she could trust, a princess was never safe. Especially one who held power.

Which meant, none of them were safe. Not even here at Granny’s house.

So
who
was Granny? What did she have to do with any of this? And what was she hiding behind the locked door for which there was no key to open?

Snow glanced over at Aura. She was setting the table, placing the napkins and cutlery, glassware and dinner plates in front of each chair. If Aura had felt a spark of familiarity with Granny, then the old woman had to be someone from the sleeping princess’s past. She wanted to ask, but she didn’t dare for fear that someone would walk in unexpectedly.

As she fried the garlic and onion, Snow spotted Cotton dash by, a piece of cheese in his mouth, off to have a feast of his own. He ran down the hallway that led to the first forbidden room Bella had pulled Snow into to talk.

Bella. What did she know? Had she felt something in the ballroom? Or had that been Snow’s imagination? She was comforted to see there was at least some form of Beast here. Even if the dog wasn’t really Bella’s “Beast”. He had always protected Bella in their land. And he always would. Loyal to the end—that was Beast.

But what exactly did the bookish princess mean by that “partners in crime” crack?

Snow blew out a sigh and Aura glanced at her, flashing a shaky smile. Snow supposed she trusted her, for now at least, but what if it wasn’t a coincidence that Aura regained her memory around the time Snow had? What if that was the plan?

What if there was no one
she could trust?

Cindy seemed to have a true disdain for Snow, although Hansel assured her that it was the divorce that had changed the slippered princess. Snow found that amusing. Cindy had been forbidden to divorce Prince Trevor back home when his father, the king, was still alive. It wasn’t until years after she came into power, after the treaty was signed, that the laws were changed. In fact, she had been about to file the paperwork to be rid of her prince forever before…

Before what? What brought them to this?

She thought back to the scene the mirror had shown her of the soldiers dragging her away. Did she recognize them? Were they soldiers of Enchantment? Her personal men? Members of Gretel’s army? She couldn’t place their faces or their uniforms, but perhaps her memory was fuzzy from whatever had transpired to bring her here. She certainly didn’t recall ever being dragged off in shackles.

Or was that a vision of a future event? The kitchen was getting hotter the longer she cooked, so Snow walked over to the back door to let some air flow through the room. She could see the pond from where she stood and she thought of Punzie and Bob the frog. Strange how the frog would follow her around. Punzie’s plague was the tower, her strength her hair. There was no frog in her story. So why would a frog follow her in this land?

Snow was arranging the bread in a basket as she thought about what would happen in group therapy tomorrow. She would have to reveal her crimes and they theirs, so did that mean things would change when they returned home?

If
they returned home.

The thought of sitting in a circle and revealing to her fellow stateswomen her crimes and—

Snow dropped the basket. “Oh my God.”

Aura looked up. “What?”

She looked at Aura. “Jack.”

The meaning of that one name slapped them both in the face.