04 - Shock and Awesome (23 page)

 
   
"On your first drink," Lily agreed. I loved my negotiating skills. They really were top class. "So, what happens now? You date
Hottie
and Lord
Hottie
while Detective
Hottie
and Boss
Hottie
watch. You could totally write a novel about that. It'd be really dirty. You could call it The Four
Hotties
. Make it really dirty,
Lexi
. Porno dirty."

 
   
"I'll make a note of it for my future career file if snooping doesn't work out."

 
   
"What else is on the list?"

 
   
"Supermodel, fashion designer, actress, foot model."

 
   
"All achievable," agreed Lily.

 
   
"Especially the last one. I have great feet."

 
   
"You could sell photos of them. Some creep would buy them."

 
   
"That's pretty much the job description of a foot model. Do you like my shoes?" I waggled my sky blue pumps at her.

 
   
"Covet. You're very pastel today. I'm in shades of dust."

 
   
"You're totally working it though. Why couldn't we do this at home?" I asked as a workman walked past, carrying something that looked like a collection of two-by-fours and a very large hammer. I wondered if he needed any of them, or just wanted to look down Lily's top again.

 
   
"I need to
feel
the place. I need to get the vibe," Lily told me.

 
   
"There's no vibe. There's nothing here."

 
   
"In my head, it looks awesome."

 
   
"How soon will what's in your head transfer to things other people can see?"

 
   
"Very soon. We open in a month. Can you bring some of your new hot, rich friends?"

 
   
"I'll try," I promised. "So long as none of them are in jail."

 
   
Lily looked up and grinned. That was usually a bad sign. "If you can arrest them at the opening party, the bar will get more publicity."

 
   
"I think Solomon and the client want this wrapped up faster than a month."

 
   
"So what's the plan, Batman?"

 
   
"Keep on dating the last two suspects until one of them confesses, or I catch them in the act; then see if Serena will let me keep any of her clothes; then go on vacation. First, though, I need to pay a visit to my bungalow. I want to take some measurements and make the purchase official. How do I buy a house anyway?"

 
   
Lily shrugged. "I don't know."

 
   
"You're buying one! And you bought this place!"

 
   
"I guess 'I don't know' was a lie then. I'll email you my lawyer's details. She's
co-ordinating
everything. Also, did you go to the bank?"

 
   
"I did and they like me. Thanks in advance for the lawyer." I stood and brushed dust from my jeans, watching another workman carry some more stuff across the room. There were some head scratching and “
umming
” and “
ahhing
” noises as they clearly debated something. Probably lunch.

 
   
"Not so fast, missy. I'm coming too. I want to see the ranch."

 
   
"Bungalow!"

 
   
"Whatever. You're driving."

 
   
"Don't you want to get a bit more vibe?"

 
   
"Nope. I'm done
vibing
. I want to see your new place. Can we childproof it?"

 
   
I frowned. "I don't have kids."

 
   
"You might one day. Do you think you'll have Solomon's babies or Maddox's?"

 
   
My breath caught in my throat and I'm sure I heard the sound of my left ovary twang. I tried to say something, but it came out as “
Begerbegerbe
-
grrrr
.” Funnily enough, that was the same sound in my brain.

 
   
Lily giggled and tucked her arm through mine, pointing at her belly. "For this baby. We will be visiting all the time. You don't have to have a baby with Solomon or Maddox; you can share this one. Do I get my own key?"

 
   
"Sure. I'll be here having free drinks anyway."

 
   
"Match made in heaven. Let's go!"

 
   
~

 
   
The sound emanating from the
Schuberts
’ neighbor was horrendous. Machinery emitted a long, loud whine, occasionally punctuated by the sound of a dog joining in. It was already in progress for some time before we arrived, judging by the tired look on Mrs. Schubert's face.

 
   
"Does that happen often?" I yelled.

 
   
Mrs. Schubert and Mr. Schubert, a little older, taller, and thicker around the waist than his wife, exchanged glances. Both turned to me at the same time and said “Yes.”

 
   
"Well..." started Mrs. Schubert, her voice rising so we could hear her.

 
   
"Yes, yes we hear it a lot," said Mr. Schubert with a sigh. "Sometimes it doesn't happen for days, then it starts all over again."

 
   
"What's happening over there? Are the neighbors renovating?" I stood on tiptoes to try and see from the porch into the rear yard, but I observed no evidence of any kind of work activity. No wood or bricks or tools lying around. The house looked neatly kept, the garden plain, but
well manicured
. The house's windows were shielded with blinds so I couldn't get a look inside. The noise told us that someone was working hard at something in there.

 
   
"No," said Mr. Schubert. "We don't know what he's doing." Another look was exchanged.

 
   
"He?" asked Lily, nudging me. What was with her? I hoped she wasn't even thinking of perhaps fixing me up with someone she hadn't even seen, and a loud someone at that. I ignored her.

 
   
"So far as we know," agreed Mr. Schubert, like he wasn't all that sure. He continued, "Keeps to himself. Single, I think. We used to say hello and wave, but he just ignored us."

 
   
"Not so friendly," agreed Mrs. Schubert. "Everyone here is so nice. Except him. Maybe he's from a city where they don't speak to anyone."

 
   
"Maybe," I agreed. "He has a dog?"

 
   
"A big one, kind of yellow-colored. A Labrador, I think."

 
   
"A very loud Labrador. We knocked on the door a while, when he first moved here, to ask him to keep the dog a little quieter, but he just ignored us. We're not mean, you know, we don't mind hearing noise, but not constantly. Not like this," Mr. Schubert explained, finishing just as the dog started barking again. Simultaneously, we glanced over in time to see a delivery guy knocking at the door, a parcel in hand. The door must have opened because the parcel was handed over, while an electronic signing machine was held forwards. I saw a white hand return it, but the occupant was concealed from our view. The deliveryman returned to his truck and shot off, leaving us in silence at last. When nothing else sounded, Mr. Schubert mentioned something about reading his paper before ambling away.

 
   
The quiet seemed to cheer his wife up as she invited us inside. Just as the door shut, the machinery whined again, and even with the door tightly shut, it didn't stop the pervasive noise from vibrating through our bones. Mrs. Schubert's shoulders slumped.

 
   
"I have to be honest with you," Mrs. Schubert started, hesitantly looking at her husband who made himself comfortable on the couch. He gave her a half-hearted shrug. "This noise happens a lot. It's not why we're moving though, it really isn't. But I don't want to be the kind of person who dupes a person into buying a house they can't live in because of... well," she pointed next door, "that. We understand if you don't want to buy the place. We don't want to put you in any..." Another look was exchanged between the pair, and it didn't take a genius to work out they were worried about something besides the noise.

 
   
"What is it?" I prompted.

 
   
"We don't want to put you in any danger," said Mr. Schubert. He took off his glasses, folding them atop his newspaper.

 
   
Lily gasped and her eyes widened. "
Lexi
loves danger. This place is perfect! It's cute, it doesn't need renovating, it's a nice neighborhood and it's exciting."

 
   
"Hold on," I told her, giving her a little poke in the ribs before turning to the
Schuberts
. "What do you mean... danger? What's going on next door?"

 
   
"Well... we think our neighbor might be killing people. Maybe eating them."

 
   
Funnily enough, that didn't put me off as much as it should. I
really
liked the bungalow. Now I was also curious about what was going on next door. Noise I couldn't deal with; danger, on the other hand... "Are you sure?" I asked. "Killing people? What makes you think that?"

 
   
"Strange noises, loud music and the dog always yap, yap, yapping. The young man keeps such odd hours, always staying to himself. We never see anyone there, but sometimes we hear shouting. He leaves in the evening sometimes with huge boxes in his truck. We think that's how he disposes of them."

 
   
"Have you told the police?"

 
   
"Oh no! We don't have any evidence. We've been watching, but he's very careful and we don't want to get too close in case..."

 
   
"He kills you?" I asked.

 
   
"And eats you," Lily added helpfully.

 
   
The
Schuberts
both nodded with equally depressed expressions on their faces. I didn't notice until then how tired they both looked. They must have had some sleepless nights just worrying.

 
   
"Why do you think he eats them?" I asked because I couldn't help it.

 
   
"Isn't that what serial killers do?" asked Mrs. Schubert.