Yuletide Cowboy (15 page)

“Are you going to the ball tomorrow night?” Lacy asked, lifting the baby carrier.

“Yes, Chance is taking me.”

“You go, girl. Go have a good time and stop worrying. God's got this!”

 

Lynn herded the boys into the car after Lacy left the church and they headed toward the shelter. She'd prom
ised Sandra she'd come by this afternoon. Despite their conversations about what Sandra had done right, she wasn't doing well. Guilt was eating at her. The therapist was working with her, too, but Dottie said she'd withdrawn even more over the last day.

Dear Lord,
Lynn prayed as she drove,
give me the words that will help ease Sandra's pain. That will help her understand that she's done the right thing in getting out of the dangerous, abusive situation she was in…for her sake and her child's sake.

She ended with a prayer for God's will and thought about His place in her own life. Was she allowing God to have His will? Loving and trusting were intertwined in marriage. In her mind there was no way to have one without the other. Only her problem wasn't trusting Chance—how could she not? She didn't trust herself.

When she arrived at the shelter she knew immediately that something wasn't right. Brady's patrol vehicle was parked in front along with Deputy Zane Cantrell's. Dottie was in the yard talking to them.

“Hey, Mr. Brady, hey, Mr. Zane!” the boys called as they raced over and got big hugs from both men. Lynn's heart swelled at the sight.

“What's going on?” she asked as soon as the boys went to play on the swings.

Dottie was pale. “Sandra's gone. She called her husband and told him where she was. He showed up and she and Margaret left with him.”

“No,” Lynn gasped, looking at Brady and Zane as if believing they would tell her that Dottie was wrong.

“But you should have stopped her.”

Brady's serious gaze was steady. “She never filed
charges and she left of her own free will. You know our hands are tied.”

It was true, but Lynn wanted with all her heart to go after Sandra. To beg her to listen. To beg her to accept that the situation she was in wasn't going to get any better.

But it was too late.

Too late.

“A
nd may I say you are looking particularly lovely tonight.” Chance was on top of the world. He'd spent most of his week working around Lynn's house. He'd arrived early, before she left for the candy store, so the boys were able to sleep in and not be hauled out of bed and carried to the shelter for the day. He'd enjoyed them tagging along with him when they woke. They were fascinated with tools, hammers especially, and the front porch was better for it. They'd helped him replace the wood and were now eyeing the old barn with great interest. He'd also taken them riding at the ranch a couple of times and they'd been thrilled.

To give Lynn some space, he'd worked cattle two days on the ranch but had felt bad that he hadn't been there for the boys.

Lynn had told him over and over again not to feel bad about not being there because she understood he had his own business to take care of. He'd chalked that and a few other things up to her not wanting to impose on him. He considered his time with her and the boys as time well spent. Time well enjoyed. Time to cherish.

He hoped she felt the same. Especially after Sandra had left the shelter. The poor woman's decision to go back with her husband had devastated Lynn and she'd been thinking about it a lot. He had tried to talk to her about it—even explained that Lynn couldn't make Sandra's choices for her…no matter how much she wanted to.

He had niggling worries that Sandra's leaving was affecting Lynn on a deeper level than he could reach.

He hoped to help his case tonight and was glad that the weather was cooperating. The stars were like diamonds sparkling in the huge, dark sky as he'd walked to her door and knocked.

Looking at her, his heart lunged into his throat and shut off his air supply. It was a wonder he was able to tease her with his greeting.

She was smiling at him but in her eyes he saw the same tension that had concerned him all week. Even before Sandra had left, that edge in Lynn's eyes had him worrying that she was putting up a brave front before she broke and ran. It had him on his knees every night asking God to let her trust him.

“Hey, don't look at me like that,” he said, determined to keep his voice light. “You do look lovely tonight.”

She looked down at the jeans, boots and red sweater she wore. “I'll take your word for it then.”

He leaned against the door frame and punched his hat off his forehead then gave her his best Turner smile. “Believe me, my word is good,” he drawled nice and slow, even though he wanted to growl in frustration. No matter how good the week had been, her trust issues were hanging in the balance—in that look in the edge
of her eyes. Frustrated by his lack of patience he gave up the nonchalant pose and straightened. His nerves were humming tonight. “Where are the boys?”

“Dottie picked them up on her way back from town.”

He was disappointed. “We could have taken them.”

“It's all right. Dottie didn't mind.”

“It wouldn't have been a bother.” Nothing about her or her boys was a bother to him. “I enjoy seeing them.”

She nodded but instead of saying anything she picked up her purse from the hall table and pulled the door shut. “I guess we better go.”

He nodded though the way she'd said the words settled in his gut like lead. Something wasn't right.

 

The community center was packed by the time they arrived. Lynn had been feeling downhearted all afternoon and felt guilty that she'd basically shot down Chance's good mood. It was mean and selfish and yet she'd done it anyway. She knew it was because of the pressure from the week. She was worried for Sandra and Margaret and heartbroken that Sandra had chosen to go back to her husband. But she above everyone else understood how mixed up Sandra's mind and heart were at the moment. Lynn had thanked God several times since yesterday that He had given her the strength to break free of Drew.

But with every second Chance spent with her boys the pressure built. Could she go back into a relationship again? Could she be totally free from the scars left from her marriage? She had to make a decision and she had to make it now. The potential for her boys' hearts getting broken was escalating and, no matter what Lacy
or anyone else said, sitting back and just letting God handle it was not working for her.

She'd done that before—true, the situation had been different. Drew had been violent and manipulative while Chance was wonderful and loving. But if she couldn't give her heart over to trusting and fully loving Chance, she was going to have to pull away before everyone got hurt. With Drew she was the one who had finally made the break. Not God. And this relationship with Chance was on her shoulders, too.

Music was playing in the background. Mule Hollow's cowboys had talent. There were several who could sing like Nashville gold, and as Lynn and Chance entered the building Bob Jacobs was singing a Tim McGraw love song. Love songs…she was in trouble.

The room was decorated with Christmas lights strung about the ceiling. Garlands of colorful lights hung around the doorways. On the small stage they'd set a metal horse trough and filled it with Christmas presents. Beside the trough was a brightly decorated Christmas tree.

“This looks great,” Chance said as they entered.

“It does,” Lynn murmured, very aware of his hand resting between her shoulder blades. She fought to appear collected.

“Y'all came!” Esther Mae exclaimed from a table near the door. “Come over here and sign your names. We want a record of all who attended. That way next year we can look back and see how many of the couples who came tonight ended up getting married.”

She smiled and looked from Chance to Lynn.

Lynn's stomach hurt. Chance gave her a humorous wink that Esther Mae was thrilled to see.

“Y'all make the cutest couple. Babies would be so sweet.”

“Hang on, Esther Mae,” Chance said, coming to the rescue. “Don't get too far ahead of the plan. I'm just thankful tonight that Lynn came with me at all.”

Lynn smiled and touched his arm. “I've got two already,” she said to anyone listening. She felt defensive.

“And they're two good ones to have,” Chance said, giving her a look that said he understood. “It's good to see you, Esther Mae. We'll get out of your way so the next ones can sign up.”

The bouncy redhead waved them off. “Chance, you be sure and dance with Lynn,” she called as they were mixing into the crowd.

“I'm planning on doing just that,” he said in Lynn's ear as he leaned in and spoke only to her. “You doing okay? You look upset.”

The man was too perceptive. “I'm fine, just feeling stressed.”

He draped his arm across her shoulders and gently pulled her into the crook of his side. She had the urge to rest her head against his shoulder but she didn't.

“Don't stress, Lynn. Just relax and enjoy the time here with our friends. Don't let Esther Mae upset you. She didn't mean to put too much pressure on you.”

That made her laugh. He did, too.

“Okay, so I take that back. She meant it but she didn't mean it to make you feel bad. She meant it out of love and concern for you, and for me, for that matter.”

Lynn took a deep breath and momentarily enjoyed being so close to him. There had been times during the week that he'd kissed her when the boys weren't around. And he'd kissed her before he'd left each night. And each time she'd felt like she could kiss him for the rest of her life. She'd felt a longing for more, for the loving relationship, physically and emotionally, that God meant for a married husband and wife to have. She'd missed out on the true relationship that God had intended a marriage to be…. She wanted it.

But there was the risk involved. The heartache. The disillusionment. Depressed, she tried to force the thoughts from her mind.

“Come on, what you need is a little two-step.” Chance grinned and swept her out onto the dance floor.

“You know, my grandmother called this exercise, not dancing.”

Lynn would have laughed but she was trying to concentrate on getting the steps right. She hadn't danced in years. Not since she was in high school. Chance was careful to keep a respectable distance between them as he held her hand in his and kept his arm draped across her shoulders. Cole and Susan danced past them, enjoying the song and time together. Stacy was on the dance floor with Emmett, having returned from their honeymoon at the beginning of the week.

Lynn should have relaxed. She told herself to breathe deep and relax. To enjoy the moment and the prospect of the future she and Chance could have…but Drew's face and all the manipulation that he'd put her though slammed into her with such force that she couldn't even hear the music any longer. Her past was the past, but it
clung to her like dirt. She'd hoped loving Chance would wipe it away but it was still there. Thoughts of all she'd been through with Drew sucked the enjoyment out of moments like this.

“Lynn, you're crying,” Chance said, looking closely at her. His eyes were so concerned.

“No,” she said, but knew it wasn't true as she blinked hard and fought off tears welling in her eyes. She had never been so thankful for low lighting in all her life.

“I'm sorry, Chance.”

He dipped his head as he slowed their two-step and met her gaze. “Don't be sorry, but I think maybe we need to go outside and talk about this.”

She nodded, afraid to speak. Afraid of crying and just as afraid of what she knew she was going to say.

 

Chance had a bad feeling.

As soon as they'd gone outside Lynn had told him she wanted to go home. He'd said sure, asked if she felt bad, and she'd said she just needed to go home. She'd refused to say anything the entire six miles from town. His heart felt heavy for her. She was fighting demons from her past, he was certain.
Dear Lord,
he prayed,
give me the words to help free her from the wrong that has been done to her.

The Christmas lights were on, cheerily welcoming them to her home. He half expected the boys to run out of the house and throw themselves at his legs like they loved to do, but they weren't home. He'd started to go get them but she'd said no. She'd simply wanted to go home and after that she'd been silent.

His heart was aching and fear gripped him as he
parked. He started to get out but she placed her hand on his arm and stopped him.

“Chance. Wait. I'm so sorry, but this isn't going to work.”

“Lynn. Give it time. I love you and I believe—no, I
know
you love me. I want to marry you and have a future with you. It can be wonderful—”

“It's not that simple, Chance.”

She'd been on the verge of tears at the ball but now she was calm. Her voice was steady and her beautiful midnight eyes as clear and bright as a night sky lit by a full moon. It was that calmness that scared him the most.

“I can't, Chance. I just can't do this. You have a life, too, and it's out there on the rodeo circuit. Not here tied down.” She opened her door.

“Lynn, don't do this. I'm not going to get out now, because I know you need time to think. But pray about it—”

She nodded and as she closed the door he saw a tear run down her cheek. He couldn't take it. He pushed open the door and was storming around the truck in seconds. He'd let Randy go the wrong direction because he hadn't taken action. He would not do that with Lynn.

She was standing in the headlight beam wiping tears from her eyes when he reached her. He took her by the arms. “I can't force you to do something you don't want to do. Or that you can't do. I can't force you to trust me. I can't take your past away. Or get rid of your emotional or physical scars. I couldn't make Randy's choice for him. You couldn't make Sandra's choice for her. There are some things we are not in control of, but
this I know…I can love you. I can and will protect you, from here on out.” He pulled her into his embrace but she pulled away.

“I don't want a man to have to protect me. I'm going to protect myself.”

“So that's what this is. You are protecting yourself. From me?”

“From anyone.”

“From me.” He clarified. It was obvious what she meant. “I would never hurt you.”

“I know,” she said.

“Then what is this?”

She took a deep breath. “This is me protecting my self.”

Chance took a step back. “No. This is you taking the easy way out. God never promised we wouldn't have trouble. As a matter of fact, in His word He says, ‘In this life you will have trouble.' You are trying too hard to stay safe. You have to trust God at some point.” Chance spun and stalked to his truck. She had to come to him of her own choice. He'd just told her she needed to trust the Lord, and he needed to do the same thing.

But as he got into his truck, it took every ounce of his willpower to hold himself back.

As he drove away he knew she was wrong—his life wasn't on the rodeo circuit. It was here with her and her boys and somehow, some way, he was going to prove it to her.