Yours for Christmas (Fool's Gold series) (11 page)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

B
AILEY
, T
ARYN
AND
the Sprouts stood on the sidewalk by the shelter in Sacramento. All eight girls were solemn as the director thanked them for their help.

“So many of the families we work with don’t have enough money to buy Christmas presents,” she was saying. “They’re struggling to keep food on the tables and lights on in the house. This Christmas, when you are with your families and opening your presents, I hope you’ll stop to think about what a good thing you’ve done. Thank you, girls.”

Chloe reached for Bailey’s hand. Several of the girls were wiping away tears.

Behind them, volunteers unloaded the toys that had been collected. Taryn sniffed.

“All this emotion,” she grumbled. “It’s just so...” She looked at her Sprouts and smiled. “I’m proud of all of you. You didn’t let one person ruin something special.”

Allison sighed. “It’s like a Christmas miracle. We delivered toys to needy children. My mom wants us to have this for our project next year.”

“We’ll talk it with the Grove council,” Taryn promised. “Okay, let’s head back to Fool’s Gold. Rumor has it, there’s going to be a celebration at Brew-haha.”

Several of the girls cheered. Chloe released Bailey’s hand and walked with her friends. Taryn fell into step with Bailey as they walked toward their cars.

“I hate all this stupid happiness,” Taryn muttered.

Bailey grinned. “You need to get over that. Happiness is part of the tradition. It’s good for you.”

“No, it’s not. Worse, I’m fighting hormones. I cried over a commercial last night. It was horrifying.”

“There’s so much more to come.”

Bailey knew that Taryn was holding off on telling people about her pregnancy and couldn’t wait for the news to come out.

“The toy thing was good,” Taryn admitted. “Needy kids and all that.” She paused. “You want to talk about it?”

There was no need to ask what the “it” was. Or who.

“There’s not much to say,” Bailey told her.

“Are you okay?”

“No. But I’m faking it as best I can.” She lowered her voice. “I miss him.”

“He misses you. It’s just...he has some baggage.”

“I know about Natalie. He told me. So in my head, I understand why he’s cautious. But it still hurts to have him gone.”

Taryn got to her car and unlocked it. Bailey did the same. The girls climbed in and began fastening their seat belts. When all the doors were closed, Taryn looked at her.

“Have you told him how you feel? I can’t promise it will make a difference, but it might.” She shrugged. “I’m assuming you’re serious about him. If all you want is something short-term and hot, then tell him that, too. I’m sure he would be interested. Kenny’s a good guy. We all want him to be happy. It would be great if he could be happy with you.”

Bailey nodded and got in her car. On the drive back to Fool’s Gold, she thought about what Taryn had suggested. While Bailey knew that Kenny was afraid of getting involved with her, she’d never considered that he might not know how she felt. She’d never hinted that her liking had turned into something else.

Would that change things? Would he be willing to take a chance if he knew she loved him? There was only one way to find out. Unfortunately it meant laying her heart on the line.

For the next hour Bailey tried to figure out what to do. In between Christmas carols sung loudly with the Sprouts, she considered her options.

When they reached Brew-haha, several of the parents were waiting. The girls ran inside and shared what had happened at the shelter. Patience, the owner, had hot chocolate and cookies waiting for them. Bailey took Taryn aside.

“I want to go talk to Kenny,” she whispered. “This is going to go on for at least an hour. Do you mind if I duck out for a bit?”

“Go,” Taryn urged her. “I’ll stay with Chloe. If you’re not back by the time this wraps up, I’ll take her to Noelle’s store. It’s always fun to watch the shoppers the Saturday before Christmas.”

Bailey hugged her friend. “You’re the best.”

“I know. It’s a burden, but one I’ve learned to live with.” Taryn gave her a little push. “Go!”

Bailey did as instructed. She told Chloe she was going to run an errand, then ducked out of the store and hurried toward Kenny’s house. It had snowed a couple of days ago, then warmed up enough for the streets and sidewalks to clear. The few snowmen in the yards were melting. But the weather was supposed to cool down again at the beginning of the week and it looked like they might have a white Christmas after all.

Bailey still wasn’t sure exactly what she was going to say when she got to Kenny’s place, but she rang the bell anyway. She tried not to be intimidated by the large house.

It took him nearly a minute to answer. When he did, she saw the shadows under his eyes.

He didn’t speak and neither did she. She took in the old L.A. Stallions sweatshirt and worn jeans. He looked like he hadn’t shaved or slept, for that matter. Was it possible he was missing her as much as she was missing him?

“I need to speak to you,” she said at last.

He stepped aside to let her in.

She walked into the foyer of the big, two-story house. She could see a living room and part of a dining room, but that was all. Not that the house mattered. It was just that now she was here, she was nervous. And scared. But she was also determined.

He shoved his hands into his front pockets and waited.

She’d been hoping for a little encouragement, but apparently that wasn’t happening. He still hadn’t spoken. Was he too polite to simply tell her to get out?

She drew in a breath. “I want to say something. It may not make a difference, but maybe it will. When I’m done, I’m going to leave. I don’t want you to say anything. That should be easy, seeing as you’re not talking now.”

She paused to see if that comment would spur him to action. It did not.

“Okay, then,” she murmured. “Here goes. Like I said, I don’t want you to respond. I would ask that you think about what I am about to say. I want you to consider it and live with it and then come to a conclusion.”

She suddenly realized she hadn’t thought this through at all. How was he supposed to tell her no, in a way that wouldn’t crush her soul? Or be heard in front of the whole town or something?

“If I don’t hear back from you by, um, New Year’s, I’ll know that you’re not interested. Or that you don’t agree. Or whatever.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The words, quietly spoken, caused the nerves in her stomach to start doing laps.

“I know. I’m getting to that. You need to not talk again, okay?”

He nodded.

She laced her fingers together and twisted them around. Was she a fool for thinking he could care about her? Were they too different? Was he too much the athletic superstar? She was just a single mom with a kid. And there was the weight thing. Did he think she was fat?

She told herself to get out of her head and into the moment. She loved this man. If she wanted to have a chance with him, she had to tell him that.

“I don’t know exactly what happened,” she began. “Why you disappeared. I know it has something to do with Chloe and me. Maybe you’re thinking you’ve gotten too close. That if you care, you could be hurt. If you do care, then that’s true. But it’s also true that you could hurt us, too.”

She paused to gather her thoughts. She wasn’t sure how to convince him, but not trying was no longer an option.

“I want to say that I loved Will desperately until he died, but that’s not true. We were drifting apart when he was killed. I don’t know if it was because he was gone so much or if we simply grew up and apart. But whatever my feelings, Will was a good man and I want his daughter to know that about him.”

She found herself staring at the center of Kenny’s chest and forced her chin up until she was looking into his eyes. She couldn’t read anything there, but that was okay. She was going to get through this.

“You’re right—I am a package deal. You’ll never be Chloe’s biological father and the possibility exists that if something happened between you and I, then you would be at risk of losing another child you’d come to care about. I know that has to be really scary. I want to tell you I know how you feel, but we both know I don’t. I can’t. But here’s what I do know. I know that you’re a wonderful person. You’re caring and gentle and funny and kind. You are the kind of person others admire. You make my heart beat faster whenever you’re around and you make me feel safe.”

Heat burned on her cheeks, but she kept talking anyway. So what if she was embarrassed? She had to tell him the truth—they both deserved that.

“I’m not like the models and actresses you’ve dated. I get that. I’m just a regular kind of person who lives in a small town. Nothing flashy. Nothing special. But I know what it’s like to be alone and I know what it’s like to want to belong.”

Now for the hard part, she thought, wishing she was just a little more confident in his response.

“Kenny, I’ve fallen in love with you. I’m pretty sure Chloe has as well. I want us to be together. I want to be the love of your life. I want...” She shrugged. “I want a lot of things. More kids. A dog. But mostly I want you. And I’m hoping you want me back.”

She reached out to touch him, then dropped her hand to her side. The man hadn’t said a word. Sure, she’d told him not to, but did he have to pick this moment to listen? She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but worried it couldn’t possibly be good.

“That was all I had to say,” she whispered, returning her gaze to the center of his chest. “Please think about it. If you’re not interested, then you don’t have to do anything. If I don’t hear from you by New Year’s, I’ll get the message.”

She looked into his blue eyes again. “I hope whatever happens, we can stay friends. And if it’s not me, then I really hope you find someone you can give your heart to. I want you to be happy, no matter what.”

She turned to the door, then spun back. “Merry Christmas,” she said, and then she left.

* * *

K
ENNY
SAT
ALONE
in the dark. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. For everyone in town it was a magical time. The presents were bought, the dinners planned, and there was the promise of snow tomorrow night. What could be better?

He hadn’t been out of his house in days, hadn’t seen anyone. The weekend had made that easy and the Score offices were closed today through Christmas. It gave him time. The question was, what was he going to do with it?

Bailey had laid it all on the line when she’d come over on Saturday. She’d bared herself, heart and soul. All she’d asked was that he think about what she said. And he had. Endlessly.

She said she loved him. Those words—how he wanted them to be true. He wanted all she had to offer. Her and Chloe and more babies and a dog. Yeah, it was a perfect picture. But was it real?

Could he trust her? That was what it came down to. Was he willing to try again, to love, knowing he could lose it all? Chloe would never be his. If the worst happened, he would lose her, too.

But the alternative was not to have her at all. It was to not try. To give up before he’d begun and that wasn’t who he had ever been.

What was safe battled with what he needed as much as he needed air. The pain of not having wrestled with the potential of losing. The hours passed from night to dawn and he was no closer to an answer. But maybe that was because he’d always known how this was going to end.

* * *

“T
HAT
WAS
THE BEST
!” Chloe crowed as they walked home, hand-in-hand, in the lightly falling snow. “The show and the day.”

“I agree. It was magical.”

Bailey walked next to her daughter as they made their way home from the annual performance of the Dance of the Winter King, followed by evening services at church. It was snowing, but not too cold. Or maybe they were warmed by the season itself.

Her daughter smiled up at her. “This was the greatest Christmas Eve ever!”

“Wow. Thank you. What was your favorite part?”

“I don’t know. All of it. I loved the live nativity.”

“Me, too.”

Bailey smiled as she remembered the eccentric animals filling the manger next to the Baby Jesus. There had been goats, an elephant, a pony and a camel, all compliments of the Castle Ranch. This year there had also been the unusual addition of a small service dog, Cece. Her holiday sweater had kept her poodle-self warm, and she’d been up for snuggles and kisses. The rest of the manger animals had preferred to simply have their pictures taken.

Afterward, she and Chloe had wandered through downtown, taking in all the decorations. Carolers had gone from store to store. Most of the businesses had stayed open to offer cookies and hot chocolate to singers and residents alike.

After dinner, Bailey and Chloe had gone to see the Dance of the Winter King, a seasonal production with great music and dancing. Chloe had loved it all. Bailey had enjoyed it, too, but she’d also been aware that Kenny wasn’t with them.

She hadn’t heard from him since she’d announced she was in love with him, and then had left his house. While she’d known that she might not get him to change his mind, she’d been hopeful. Okay, more than hopeful, she thought wistfully. She’d imagined him striding into her office at city hall and sweeping her into his arms, à la that old movie
An Officer and a Gentleman
. Or simply walking up to her somewhere in town and saying that while he couldn’t love her today, he thought he might be able to eventually.

In her more sensible moments, she reminded herself that the obvious answer was he wasn’t interested. She imagined a politely worded note of “thanks, but no thanks.” Despite the fact that she’d said he didn’t have to respond, she’d never seriously considered there would be nothing.

She reminded herself there was still a week to go. A week in which she could dream and hope. But come January first, she was going to go on those two diets she’d promised herself. One for the extra weight and the other for Kenny. She would figure out how to deal with both. And she was determined to be successful.