You're the One I Want (16 page)

I remember he was blind in his left eye. The eyeball was white and nasty. Shit always creeped me out. Taniesha said he lost it as a child when he was running through the woods by his house one day and caught a twig in the eye. Nasty eyeball of his made him look mean. Eldridge would always come over with these flowers that looked as if he had yanked them out of someone's yard. The
dirt and roots were still attached. Mama treated him like he was some kind of Boy Scout when he was a snake in sheep's clothing. I saw clean through Eldridge while he had Mama and Taniesha eating out of the palm of his drug-pushing hand.

Wasn't long before Taniesha took a turn for the fucked up when she started staying out all times of the day and night. Started looking like skin and bones, like she hadn't eaten in days. Taniesha went from having pretty, cocoa bean-brown skin, long pretty hair, and a body to die for, to looking a haggard, cracked-out mess. Eldridge had turned my sister into a damn junkie. Taniesha had stopped doing hair, so I took the reins. Mama was working double shifts as a waitress at Huddle House, so she was never around to see how fucked up things had gotten. I think she knew exactly what was up, but didn't want to face the fact that Taniesha was on junk.

Her friends, Akeila and Milan, were always asking me about her. I would cover for her by telling them that Taniesha was out of town, visiting my cousin in Buffalo. Milan and Akeila would give each other that look like they knew I was lying. Fort Lauderdale is small, so I knew it wouldn't be long before Taniesha was spotted on the streets somewhere, if she hadn't been already. When I was able to nail Mama down long enough to tell her what was up, she would only turn the conversation around on me.

“You've always been jealous of your sister.”

“Are you serious? What exactly am I supposed to be jealous of?”

“She's smarter, prettier, and thin. Taniesha can't help that she got her looks from my gene pool and you got yours from your no-account damn daddy.”

I couldn't say I was surprised by the venomous words that were coming out of her sewer of a mouth. It was, by far, one of the shittiest things she had ever said to me. Course, she was drunk off her ass, but I've always thought that people use booze as an excuse to do
and say dumb shit, and then want to come off the next day like they don't remember what they said or did. That was one thing I
was
smart enough to understand.

“Leave your sister alone. She's tired from school to be bothered by her bratty, meddling little sister.”

Oh, she's tired all right.

I was officially done with trying to convince Mama that Taniesha, her
perfect
and pretty daughter, had a problem with drugs. But, then again, she had her own Christmas list of issues. Liquor being one of them. Mama spent many a night under a bottle and would often come home drunk as a damn skunk. If I was going to help my sister, I was on my own. Taniesha was too sick and messed up to get help herself. I was only sixteen and had no idea where to start.

When Taniesha did manage to find her way home, she was so drunk and cracked out, she spent most of the day in her room with the door shut. My sister had lost so much weight. She would get herself together about as much as a crackhead could, and then was off with Eldridge again. I wouldn't see her weeks at a time, not knowing if she were alive or dead in a ditch somewhere. Mama also managed to pull her ass together long enough to get to work, only to come home reeking of gin. I couldn't help them both, so I chose Taniesha over Mama. The night of my plan, I waited until Mama left for work. She was covering a shift for one of the waitresses, so she had to pull a double at Huddle House. She didn't mess with me about getting a job since I took up much of the slack doing hair.

Mama had to be to work by six and left around a quarter 'til. As soon as I saw her get into the truck driven by her flavor-of-the-month boyfriend, I put my plan into action. Taniesha had been in her room all day, sleeping off her high. I cracked the door to find her sprawled across her bed with her dress hiked above her butt.
She was hovered over a pool of vomit that had the entire room reeking with the worst kind of funk. It was my first time seeing Taniesha like that, and it wasn't hard to see how far she had fallen.

I took one of her arms and threw it over my shoulder and lifted her out of the bed. Got to the point where she weighed less than me so she wasn't heavy. I literally dragged her to the bathroom as she went in and out of consciousness. Taniesha smelled like she had not bathed in days, probably longer than that. I managed to peel off this black pencil dress she was wearing that she had gotten from Top Fashions, a store that's a stripper's and hooker's dream. I knew that Taniesha wouldn't be caught dead in a dress like that and figured that bastard, Eldridge, made her wear that slutty ensemble. I gently eased her into the tub. I thought of Eldridge and how strung out he had her.

“I don't even want to know what he's got you doing.”

I was shocked to find track marks down both of her arms. It was worse than I thought. I turned on the shower and let the cold water run on her street-battered body, which was enough to shake Taniesha out of her drug-induced slumber. She screamed so loud, I thought she would send the whole neighborhood shuddering. You would think Taniesha was being burned with lye, the way she was hollering. I doubted she even knew where she was. She screamed so much, I had to slap her to calm her down.

“Taniesha, it's me,” I yelled. But she kept screaming like her skin was on fire, so I slapped her again. “Girl, shut the hell up.”

She finally stopped. I took some soap and washed her. Lather ran down her arms, over fresh track marks that looked like she had been picking at her flesh with an Exacto knife. I took a mirror from one of the drawers of the vanity and held it up to her muscle-wasted face.

“Look. Look at yourself. Girl, you sick. You need some help.”

Taniesha pushed my arm away, knocking the mirror out of my hand, causing it to shatter on the bathroom floor. “Get the fuck off me. What are you, a dyke or somethin'? Get the hell outta my room.” Taniesha attempted to lift herself out of the tub, but was too weak. “Get out. I don't need your damn help.”

“I'm not going anywhere.”

“Eldridge got you strung out on that shit, didn't he?”

“You don't know shit, Tangela. Eldridge treats me good. He loves me. He buys me whatever I want, takes me out to eat. He does more for me than you and Mama ever did.”

“Bitch, don't even try it. You know I've had your back since the third grade when you stole ten dollars out of Mrs. Bullock's purse. Do you know how many times I have covered for you, have lied for you every time Milan and Akeila ask where you at? I'm the one who has taken up the slack when you're too fucked up on shit to do hair. I've done nothin' but look out for you.”

“Well, ain't nobody ask you to do shit for me. Fuck do you want, a medal? This is my life.” Taniesha was slung over the rim of the bathtub like the drugged-out, trifling mess she was. “I don't need you. I can take care of my—” More throw-up obstructed Taniesha from finishing her sentence.

“Yeah, I see how well you takin' care of yourself. Sit down in the tub.”

“Fuck you, Tangela.” She swiped the back of her hand across her mouth. I took a towel from the rack between the sink and the tub, and started to clean up the funky-smelling vomit that felt warm and slimy as I wiped it up with one of my Mama's good towels before I took it and pushed it deep down in the hamper. When I tried to finish washing Taniesha, she said, “Get off me. Bitch, I ain't a damn bull-dagger.”

I didn't take what she was saying to heart, knowing it was the
junk talking. “Fine. You clean enough anyway.” I turned the shower off. The more I thought of Eldridge, the more pissed I became.

Love, my ass. If that's love, you can have that shit.

I grabbed one of Mama's robes and handed it to Taniesha. When she managed to find the strength to lift herself out of the tub enough to put on the robe, I couldn't believe how much weight she had lost, how she had wasted down to nothing. My eyes began to fill up with tears.

“I don't care what you say. I'm your sister. I'm going to look out for you no matter what.”

Taniesha caressed my face and then slapped me hard across it, sending stings of pain to course through. “Mama always said you was a weak bitch.”

Whoever said words will never hurt was full of shit. They hurt. They cut, rip, and tear.

For a good, solid week, Taniesha was clean and back to her old self, eating well and doing a few heads. Everyone was glad to see that she was doing hair again. I was just glad to see my sister healthy. Taniesha was gaining some weight, looking real good. She was even talking about going to beauty school with me to take a few classes, maybe get our license. It wasn't long before Eldridge started snooping his ass back up around the house, sweet-talking Taniesha, saying he missed her and wanted her to come back. It wasn't long before she started to sink back into her old ways. Eldridge had a hold on Taniesha that wasn't so easily broken. I told Mama what was going on, but she was so deep in denial and wrapped up in her own addiction with booze, she didn't give two shits about her two daughters being in peril.

I went out one night to search for Taniesha after not seeing her after two weeks. It was killing me, wondering if she was alive or dead. I figured she was laying up with that bastard, Eldridge, somewhere
much like Mama, who on her days off, was drunk under her latest conquest, some greasy white man of a trucker she met at work, no doubt. The night I went looking for Taniesha to bring her home, I sneaked into Mama's bedroom where she and the trucker were in bed sleep, butt-naked and drunk. The room reeked of sex, sweat, and vodka. I thought I was going to throw up, but I managed to keep it together long enough to grab the car keys out of Mama's purse. Taniesha and I were pros at sneaking out of the house whenever we wanted to go to the movies or a house party someone was throwing in the neighborhood.

On my way out, I stepped on a plate of chicken bones that was sitting at the foot of the bed, but it wasn't loud enough to wake either of them up. Luckily, Mama can sleep through a five-level hurricane. The trucker was snoring loud enough to wake the dead.
Calling the hogs
is what Mama calls it. If Taniesha was with Eldridge, I knew I couldn't wander onto the streets without protection. Mama kept a gun under her sweaters in a chest. I eased it open and found not only a .38 semiautomatic, but a half-bottle of gin that was hidden away like a bad secret she wanted to keep covered. I had never shot a gun, but knew I would learn quickly if I had to put a bullet in someone's ass if somebody came between me and my sister.

I didn't yet have my license, only my permit. The most Mama would let me drive would be down to the corner Family Dollar and back. I swore I would take the money I was making from doing hair, save it up, and get me a car. I was too old and too damn cute to be riding the cheese mobile. I hated how she would let Taniesha get away with murder, while whatever I tried to do to please her, to make her proud of me, was never enough. But look who's bailing who out…again? Look who's left behind to clean up their damn messes? Mama had always played pick and choose over me and
Taniesha, all because I was some one-night-stand mistake, while Taniesha's daddy was supposed to be the love of her life. If he loved you so, why did he run off with another woman, leaving you to raise a child by yourself? I might not have been grown, but I was grown enough to know that shit ain't love. Whoever my daddy was, I got my strength from him. I love Mama, but she's weak. She went on and on about Taniesha. Pretty this and smart that, but why weren't you helping me to get her away from that pimp, Eldridge? No, you were too busy lying under some loser to give a damn. You know what, fuck that. I didn't have time for this. I had a sister to save.

I searched every corner store, park, playground, from Rawson Street to Whitlock Avenue, looking for Taniesha. Nothing. “Hold up. Sicklen Street. She might be there.”

Word was that Eldridge had a place on Sicklen where he stayed when he was under fire by the po-po. I had heard that Eldridge was wanted in the connection of about five murders across town. I wasn't sure how true it all was, but there's usually a little truth to everything. Once I got to Sicklen, I suddenly had one of my bad feelings. I kept calling Taniesha on her phone, but it would go straight to voicemail.

“What's up? You know who you've reached and you know what to do. Peace.”

“Taniesha, hey, this is your little sis leaving you another message. Girl, where are you? Mama's worried sick,” I lied. “Please call me when you get this message. I love you.”

There was a thug on each corner, slinging dope, and girls wearing next to nothing trying to pick up tricks. I had Mama's gun in the passenger seat, covered over with magazines. I drove until I reached Eldridge's crib that was in this ratchet neighborhood. His black Cadillac Escalade high on .26s was parked in front of his crib.
The rap music was so loud that I thought it was going to shake the ground open, causing the rundown, abandoned crack houses to be swallowed whole by some unforeseen force. This side of town looked like the land time forgot.

I took Mama's gun and tucked it in the waistband of my jeans under my shirt. I could hear a commotion of curse words from behind the door before I even walked up to knock. I wasn't planning on bodying nobody, but scare these bastards, if anything, to get me and Taniesha out of there. At first, I knocked gently on the door, knowing these fuckers wouldn't hear my faint, nonthreatening knock. I tried to be all hard, but I was scared shitless. I knocked again, harder this time, but nobody came to the door. In that neighborhood, I was getting nervous. I knew if a girl like me went missing, no one would give a damn. This time, instead of knocking, I banged on that bitch with the side of my fist.