Your Perfect Life (13 page)

“Well, someone looks like they had a good day,” I say to Audrey as she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.

“I did.” She beams. “Guess what happened?”

“What?” I ask.

“Chris McNies asked me out to the movies this weekend.” She does a little twirl in the kitchen. “Mom, he’s only like the most popular guy in school! And he wants to go out with
me
!” But then her smile fades. “Not that it matters.”

“Why?” I’m bewildered at her change of tone. “Why doesn’t it matter?”

As she has so many times in the past few days, she looks at me like I’m nuts. “
Because,
Mom, you said I can’t date until I’m seventeen.”

“Really?” I ask before I can stop myself. “That seems sort of harsh.”

Audrey’s mouth falls open. “What’s going on with you lately?”

“Nothing,” I say and try to think quickly. How hypocritical of Rachel and John to impose that rule on Audrey. They started dating when they were freshmen in high school and by the time they were seventeen, they had already had sex more times than they could even count. If they found love that young, why wouldn’t they want the same for their daughter?

I make a snap decision. “You should go out with him,” I say before I can change my mind.

Audrey squeals and runs over to give me a hug. “Really? Do you mean it?”

“Yes,” I say. “I mean, you’re almost seventeen, right?”

“In eight months.”

“Oh well, same difference,” I say lightly. “What are you waiting for? You better go call him and tell him you’re available this weekend!”

She throws her arms around my neck before grabbing her phone off the counter and heading to her room to spread the news. “Thanks so much, Mom. This is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me.”

Although I highly doubt that’s true, it feels good to have made Audrey so happy. And I’m sure Rachel won’t mind too much. I know they’ve always been a bit overprotective of Audrey,
their firstborn. Maybe they just needed a little shove in the right direction to give her a little more room to breathe.

“Dad’s going to freak out when he hears what you just did.” I turn and see Sophie standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

Whoops.
I hadn’t really thought about that. “Maybe we don’t have to tell him?” I give her my sweetest smile. “It could just be our little secret?”

“The problem is, secrets always have a way of coming out, Mom,” she says wisely. Then she smiles. “You are so dead.”

• • •

“What are you acting so nervous about?” Rachel pulls me aside later in the kitchen. She’s joined us for dinner again so she can see John and the kids. Normally I would welcome her with open arms, but all I can think of is that she’s going to discover that I went behind her and John’s back and gave Audrey permission to go out with Mr. Super Stud.

“Nothing,” I lie as I hand her the mashed potatoes that I slaved over earlier that day. I was proud to say that my food was becoming a bit more edible. What was becoming of me?

“Sophie! Audrey! Dinner!” John calls as he joins us at the table. The girls come bounding down the stairs, Audrey, with that huge giddy smile still glued to her face and Sophie, wearing a smug one, as if she couldn’t wait for the fireworks to begin.

Sophie starts in immediately. “So, Audrey, how was your day?” she asks, reaching for the salad.

I interrupt before Audrey can answer. “I was actually hoping we could hear about Aunt Casey’s day first.” I nod at Rachel.

But she shakes her head. “No, I’d rather hear about how the girls are doing.” She smiles at Audrey.

I sink down in my seat.

Audrey can barely contain herself. “Today was the best day
ever,
Aunt Casey!”

“Wow, really? What happened?” Rachel looks over at me and I look away and scoop some corn onto my plate.

“Chris McNies asked me out!”

John, having barely uttered a word since he got home, perks up. “The star quarterback? That Chris McNies?” I can tell he’s impressed.

“Yes!” Audrey exclaims.

“That’s fantastic news!” Rachel interjects, and for a minute I think I might be okay. But then she adds, “It’s too bad you’ll have to turn him down. I know your mom and dad have a very strict policy about dating before you’re seventeen.” She looks over at me pointedly.

“That’s the best part, Aunt Casey! Mom said I could go! We’re going out this weekend!”

“What?” Rachel and John yell out at the same time. I sink even lower in my seat, trying to disappear.

“Rachel, how could you tell her that? That’s a decision we made together! You can’t just change the rules whenever you feel like it,” John says, his face reddening.

“Yeah,” Rachel chimes in. “What were you thinking?” John looks over, clearly surprised Casey would take his side.

Audrey’s eyes fill with tears. “What are you saying? I can’t go? Everyone at school will laugh at me if I have to say no now.
Everyone
else is dating. Why do you guys still treat me like I’m a baby?”

“Hold on a second.” My voice is shaking. “That’s not what we’re saying.”

“Yes, it is,” Rachel says firmly and John gives her an annoyed
look, probably wondering why Casey is taking such a vested interest in his children all of a sudden.

I look at the tears streaming down Audrey’s face and my heart breaks for her. I know I have one chance to make this right. “Listen, everyone calm down. John, I’m truly sorry. I was wrong to make this decision without you.”

He seems shocked by my apology. “Thank you for saying that.” The frown on his face softens.

“But here’s the thing,” I continue. “When we made that decision Audrey was only . . .” I pause, unsure.

“Eleven.” Audrey fills in the blank for me.

“Right, she was eleven. We had no idea the mature, responsible woman she would be at sixteen.” I smile at her and she wipes another tear away and smiles back, a look of pride washing over her face. “So who says we can’t reevaluate? She’s right, all the other girls her age are dating.”

“Not all of them,” Rachel chimes in.

“All of them,” I push back. I look over at John, surprised to see him intently listening. “What if we set some strict ground rules and give her a chance? If she breaks our trust, then we can take away the privilege.” And I save my strongest argument for last. “After all, John, you and I started dating in high school.”

Rachel refuses to make eye contact with me. “Yes, and look at you guys now,” she says so quietly I can barely hear her. But I know I’ve got her thinking.

“Please, Dad!” Audrey pleads. “Any ground rules you want.”

John stares me down before answering. “Okay,” he says and Audrey and I cheer. Rachel’s face is impassive. “But with major ground rules.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Audrey jumps up from the table and hugs him tightly. I catch Sophie rolling her eyes.

“Thank you,” I mouth to him when he looks over at me. Then lean in toward Rachel, lost in thought. “Sorry.”

She whispers back through a clinched smile, “I’m going to kick your ass later. You know that, right?”

“I do,” I say, hoping she’ll go easy on me. But, no matter how angry she is at me, the look on Audrey’s face tells me it was worth it.

CHAPTER 16

rachel

Audrey dating. Audrey in the backseat of the star quarterback’s car. Audrey losing her virginity. Audrey dropping out of high school because she’s pregnant.

As I lie in Casey’s silky sheets, my mind is racing, one horrible thought replacing the last with an even worse one.

My eyes are heavy and I have to blink a few times to read the clock on Casey’s bedside table. It’s 5:30 a.m. In just an hour, I need to be sitting in hair and makeup at the studio. I’ve hardly slept all night thinking about last night’s dinner topic; my sixteen-year-old daughter’s dating life, which went from nonexistent to active in the span of five minutes.

I’m in no mood to face the makeup artist after the snide comments I overheard her make yesterday to her assistant about the dark circles under my eyes. I’d frozen behind the audio room door as I’d listened to her bitch about how she’d better win an Emmy this year after all the work she has to do to make me look pretty—especially now that we shoot the
show in high definition. I haven’t slept much since Casey and I switched and it’s taken a serious toll on my, or should I say Casey’s, face. After I’d heard her remarks, I’d wanted to punch her in the face as I stared at her in the dressing room mirror, the hot lights betraying every blotch, pimple, and line on my face. I’d felt an ache in my chest for Casey and wondered if she was always treated more like an object than a human being.

Looking around Casey’s bedroom, I’m almost shocked at how impersonal it is. How, if I saw a picture of it, and didn’t know any better, I could easily mistake it for a hotel room. A five-star hotel room, but a hotel room all the same. The walls are painted a shade of light gray. The furniture is expensive but not lived in. Not comfortable. It’s the kind you buy and arrange exactly as you see it in a catalog. The kind you buy when you don’t have to think about what the kids are going to do to it.

The pictures on her walls are of places, not people. In fact, she has hardly any photographs of friends or family anywhere. The other night, I had to search her entire apartment until I finally found a picture of her and me. It sat on a shelf toward the bottom of a bookcase in her office. It was one of us in college, our arms draped around each other’s padded shoulders. Red cups in hand, we wore matching half-drunk smiles and high-waisted jeans.

I’d sunk down on her dark hardwood floor and cried, wishing more than anything we could be back there again. I missed those college girls who didn’t have a care in the world, our whole lives ahead of us, our bright broadcasting futures just around the corner. But that was before an unplanned pregnancy changed everything, for the better and for the worse. And I’d made another promise to God. Once I got back into my own body, I vowed to be fun again.

I drag myself out of Casey’s bed, my body aching, my heart aching, as I think again of last night. Of John and Casey. How in sync they were as they handled Audrey. How they seemed more like a married couple than John and I had been in forever. How Casey knew exactly what to say to keep Audrey calm, something I haven’t been able to do in I don’t even know how long. I’d watched my life playing out before me and I’d felt rage and sadness and even contentment as I’d seen how blissful my daughter looked. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d been that happy.

But now I feel my anger resurfacing. How could Casey tell
my
daughter she could date? What gave her the idea that she could make that decision without consulting me? Or even John? She knows how critical that decision is, doesn’t she? The worst part is I had to sit idly by and watch, unable to stop it.

And in the end, my daughter is going on a date. My husband has a better relationship with the fake me than he has with the real me. And in forty-five minutes I’m going to be verbally assaulted by a woman with a mascara wand. And there’s not a damn thing I can do about any of it.

“You didn’t sleep again.” Destiny pushes a Starbucks coffee cup into my hand as I walk into my office.

“You sound like that horrid makeup woman.” I take a long drink, the coffee burning the back of my throat.

“Fuck her. She’s just pissed off at the world. I hope you didn’t take it personally.”

“Spoken by the twenty-nine-year-old without a single wrinkle.” I smile.

I think again about Casey and how she’s not only getting older, but she’s doing it in front of bitchy makeup artists and in front of America. And even parts of Mexico and Canada. I
almost laugh out loud as I remember the meltdown I had a few months ago on my thirty-eighth birthday when I’d discovered more wrinkles on my neck. I’d been so depressed that I’d worn turtlenecks for a week straight. It makes me wonder yet again if I was ever cut out for this business in the first place. If I would’ve been able to handle the incredible scrutiny.

“You want some good news?”

“I’d kill for some.” I sigh.

“We beat
Access L.A.
in the ratings last night.”

I stare at her blankly.

“We beat
Access L.A.
! You know that show we’ve
never
beat? Our nemesis? It’s like Leno and Letterman. And we’re finally Leno. The execs are doing a happy dance. They’re saying your interview with Ryan McKnight was our Hugh Grant moment. They’re saying you’ve
never
been better.”

“Never?” I frown.

“Don’t look so happy there. You’d think I just told you someone died. But it’s the exact opposite. You’re the It Girl of the moment.
Entertainment Weekly
even called this morning.”

“Sorry, I’m just tired. That’s great news.” I force a smile, but am worried about what Casey will think of this.

“That’s better. Now let’s get you into that makeup chair before she comes looking for you.”

Later, after the show is taped, I’m dragging myself back to my office, thinking I’m so tired that I might have to crash on my couch, when I hear them talking. It’s Charlie and a few of the executives huddled around a computer. I stop before they see me.

“This is great. This is so great. It’s all over the Internet,” Charlie says excitedly. “Look, look here,
ThePulse.com
is
predicting that we’re going to stay on top in the ratings. When was the last time The Pulse even cared what we did?”

“To think, just a few weeks ago, we were wondering if we needed to put someone else in her spot. Maybe even try it with just Dean. We weren’t bringing in that eighteen-to-twenty-five demo. But with last night’s numbers, with us beating
Access L.A
. It’s unbelievable. Casey’s
it
right now.” One of the execs high-fives the other.

I’m stunned. Casey was in danger of losing her job? Her worst fear might have been realized if we hadn’t switched bodies? This switch might have saved her career? I might have saved her career? I can’t believe that. These executives are getting ahead of themselves here. It’s one night’s ratings. We have to keep it up, don’t we? But if we don’t, then will they replace her? I close my eyes and try to breathe.