You'll Think of Me (6 page)

Needing to come up for air, Olivia broke the kiss to breathe. Her lips felt swollen and puffy as they both gasped heavily into each other’s mouths, seeing the raw passion and need in the depths of his eyes. In that moment, Luke’s gaze said more than words could ever express.

Of course you're enough for me, always have been
... she thought to herself.

How could she ever leave him?

Olivia stood on her toes and pressed her lips to Luke's cheek, hugging him closely and taking in his heady scent. The sun beat hard onto the open land, but Olivia couldn't tell if the heat was coming from the sun or how agitated Luke was at the moment. Pulling back, she noticed creases around his eyes. That old saying ‘
the eyes are the windows to the soul’
reverberated through her mind. If that were true, Olivia had all she needed. The truth in his eyes held so much emotion, and it nearly killed her to see it.

In that instant, Olivia made the decision to tell him what he wanted to hear.

“You know... Let’s not talk about it anymore. It was just a thought, nothing more. Honestly.”

What she failed to mention was that she had already applied to medical schools outside of Georgia. Dropping that kind of news wasn't going to be easy after Luke’s reaction today. She was apprehensive about the whole situation and it set her stomach rolling with anxiety. The last thing on earth she wanted to do was lose Luke.

S
liding the key into the lock, Olivia opened up the door to the place she called home. It was far from a home these days, but merely a place to sleep. The warmth and love seeped away long ago and loneliness took its place. It wasn’t always that way, it just changed as she got older when she learned to be a little less naïve.

For as long as she could remember, Jane and Dave, her adoptive parents, had taken care of her. They had treated her like their own daughter and showed her unconditional love. For whatever reason, her biological parents had given her up after she’d been born and it was something she had learned to live with. Olivia felt she was better off. If they didn’t want her, she didn’t care to ever meet them.

But as the years passed, something changed in the home and she found herself becoming detached. The care and love she was shown early on began to dwindle away some time towards high school when her father’s drunken insensitivity progressed. Small arguments began to creep up more often than she cared to remember, leaving her on edge with anxiety. It went from being a couple of times a month to a few times a week. There was no way to escape the yelling as much as she tried. Olivia would lock herself in her bedroom, push her earplugs in, switch the lights off then crawl between her cold sheets. She’d turn up the newly added music that she knew would be waiting for her on her iPod to help drown out the roaring of voices from down the hall. Luke, her one savior who knew every little thing about her life and accepted her regardless, would upload new music often to surprise Olivia. It was her one clutch, her one grip on normalcy she had left. And she owed it all to Luke. But when that wouldn’t work, because there were times when she couldn’t stand to be home anymore, she’d run off to his house as her last resort where he’d welcome her with warm, open arms. He’d hold her tight and sing her to sleep.

So much was shifting in her adolescent world when she needed a mother to confide in most. Jane had become distant, unhappiness plaguing her once lively eyes as the years passed by. Resentment filled Olivia for making her feel so unwanted. Music had become an infallible source through it all and her tie to Luke. It filled her with warmth when she was feeling hollow and empty inside, and very alone. They had formed a bond through lyrics that could not be broken.

In return for her defiance, Olivia later learned she came with a paycheck. It nearly broke her on the inside. The first time Olivia heard her father spew the words that she came with a price, she cried silent tears in the shower for days on end. Could it be that no one wanted her?

Any time she rebelled after, her father would dutifully remind her they were paid to take care of her. Jane came to Dave’s defense on more than one occasion, pleading with Olivia to ignore him, that it was the alcohol talking, but Olivia couldn’t. The damage had already been done the first time she saw the resentment in his eyes as he spoke with clarity one night. With Dave’s little reminders, she learned to rely on herself, and by the time her senior year came around, Olivia wanted to hightail it out as fast as she could.

Olivia worked hard in college so she could get out of South Fork. She never lost focus and graduated from Georgia Southern University with a Bachelors of Science in Chemistry. Attending medical school outside of Georgia was something she secretly wanted. New York offered some of the top rated medical schools in the country, along with a rich cultural diversity that she longed to experience. Olivia needed to do this for herself more than anything to prove that she could make it.

Looking around the living room as she walked through the front door, everything was the same as it always was growing up. She spotted her father planted in the tattered blue recliner with his feet propped up watching television. His stomach hung out just a bit from his faded red shirt while his greasy hair was in disarray. The drawn and worn out look of his skin matched his eyes, like he was tired of life and everything around him. It always made Olivia sad to look at her father that way.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, sweet pea.” His eyes perked up at the sight of her, a smile splayed across his bloated face. “How was your day? Have a good time?”

When he wasn’t drinking, Dave was the concerned and caring father who she remembered as a young child. Only when he drank would he become verbally abusive and cruel. He knew which words would cut her down when he used them against her. Overhearing her parent’s argue through the walls, Jane had once told her that he drank so much he didn’t remember his actions the next day. But Olivia could never forget.

“It was pretty good. We barbequed at the lake and listened to music
.
It was really nice seeing everyone together.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you got to see your friends again. You look a little sunburned, though. I hope you put on some sunblock.”

“Yeah, it was a scorcher out there today,” she said and she smiled. “And of course I wore sunblock, Dad. Is Mom around? I need to talk to her.”

“I think she’s in the kitchen making supper. Not sure. She’s around here somewhere, though.”

Olivia nodded her head. “Thanks.”

Considering she truly felt he regretted her existence, she was completely bewildered by his gentleness at times. Olivia had come to the conclusion that Dave was the explanation behind Jane pulling away over time. It wasn’t Olivia’s place to ask, but with the arguments and vile words, it only seemed natural for Jane to retreat. How could she not? It was why Olivia had herself. If what Dave said about her being a paycheck was true, then she was forced to think the worst about him. But Olivia didn’t want to come to that conclusion, she’d seen happiness in his eyes once and knew it still lingered somewhere below.

Once it all set in, Olivia didn’t hold a tight grudge against her mother anymore. She’d come to terms with it all and accepted it for what it was.

Heading into the kitchen that smelled of garlic and sauce, Olivia found Jane over the stove cooking dinner.

“Hey, Mom.”

Jane’s brown hair was sprinkled with grey. She turned to Olivia with a genuine smile and asked, “Hey, honey, how was your day?”

“Good. It was good…until the end,” she mumbled the last of her response. “I hadn’t realized how much I missed everyone. It was like old times like when we were back in high school.”

Concern crossed her mother’s face. “Up until the end?”

“I brought up the possibility of moving outside of Georgia to Luke. Let’s just say it didn’t go over well with him.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, honey. I imagine he didn’t like hearing that you’ve already applied to a few medical schools then.”

Avoiding eye connect with her mom, Olivia said, “I…ah…didn’t tell him yet.”

“Liv.”

“I know, but I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I don’t know what I’m going to do. All I know is that I came to talk to you about student loans and what I need to apply for them. I’m stressing about it all and wanted to see if you would help me look on the computer so I can start gathering the right papers. That’s all I want to do right now. If everything goes as planned, then I’ll decide what to do about me and Luke. Aside from that, I really don’t want to talk about him. If it’s going to be a problem then we just won’t do it.”

With a sigh, Jane responded, “Alright. Whatever you need help with I’ll help. I just hope Luke will be able to come to an understanding with your decision.”

She hoped he did, too.

“So do you think we can start after dinner?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks. And I’m sorry for snapping at you. I just have a lot on my mind at the moment. I’m really stressing about everything.”

“I understand,” she replied softly, using the same tone she would with her father. All her mother could manage to give was a half-smile with her response. Everything was said in that small action.

As Olivia made her way up the creaking stairs to her old bedroom, she looked at the wall of framed photos. Her mother insisted on hanging each school year up. Some were the most embarrassing photos she’d ever taken with puffy, high hair and sprayed bangs, and others that captured an innocent and sweet face to go along.

A strange sadness flowed through her. Reaching out, she ran a finger down one of the wooden frames as she stared at the photo. Just like with any family, they all had their good times and bad, but why was it so easy to remember the bad times rather than the good?

Despite Dave and his drinking, she had a soft spot for him and his willingness to adopt her in the end. He was the only father she'd ever known and appreciated all that they had done, regardless. As she stared at the photos, Olivia felt guilt slither up her body and settle in her heart for her way of thinking.

Opening the door, Olivia glanced around her bedroom. The bed was near the window with the same purple lilac comforter she had throughout high school. Next to the window were her matching desk and bookshelf. Olivia smiled at all the pictures pinned to the old corkboard that hung above her desk. It was a recollection of the past, moments she never wanted to forget that brought back tender memories. Each picture told a different story; some of her and friends during birthday parties and high school football games, but most were of her and Luke. Happiness washed over her as she looked at them, a warm sentiment filled her chest.

Luke.

Olivia sighed inwardly. She didn't know what to do. Uncertainty seeped through her body, disposing of the joy she felt just moments ago. She didn't want to leave Luke, but also couldn’t stay trapped in her small town. Deep inside, Olivia knew what she wanted. She knew she should have told Luke about applying to medical school but didn't want to upset him any further, so she had decided to leave that part out. She needed to see how the application process went before she broached the subject of leaving again and go from there.

Walking into her bathroom, Olivia turned the knob of the shower and waited for the water to heat up.

A beep sounded from her phone.

Tessa:
Listen. I’ve been thinking. How about we plan a night at Smokejacks? The girls and guys…dancing…maybe a drink and possibly getting Luke to sing on stage?

Olivia shook her head, chuckling. Tessa was the reserved one between the two, except when she drank. Then she was loud and bubbly, which made for fun stories the next day. A thrill ran up her spine just thinking of how much fun they would have.

Olivia:
That sounds great. I’m sure the guys would easily agree to going to Smokejacks. The lake was pretty amazing, and I’d love for us all to get together as much as we can before real life takes over.

Tessa:
Sweet! I’ll take care of the guys, you just work on getting Luke to sing. I’ll text you later once I have it all figured out.