You Don't Know Me: A Bad Boy Mafia Romance (46 page)

Lily

T
he Starbucks in Baker Street is quiet. Robin is sitting on a sofa in a corner at the back. He stands and waves to me. I walk toward him. He is wearing jeans and an expensive leather jacket over a Ralph Lauren T-shirt. His face is familiar—his eyes travel my face and body quickly, assessing, assimilating. I can see that he hasn’t ordered anything yet.

‘Look at you,’ he says loudly, so that anyone watching would just think we are friends meeting after a long time.

He kisses me on the cheeks enthusiastically while I stand awkwardly in the loose circle of his arm. ‘How’ve you been?’

‘Fine.’

‘What will you have?’

‘A latte.’

‘Anything to eat?’

I shake my head.

‘You sure? The company is picking up the bill,’ he tempts with a grin.

‘Not hungry, Rob,’ I reply.

‘Right,’ he says in a more serious tone, and goes off to the serving counter. I look around me. There are only two other customers in this back section—a woman scrolling through the messages on her handheld and a man who is immersed in a newspaper. I turn away and stare at my handbag. There is no queue and Robin is back quickly. He places my latte in front of me. He is drinking a cappuccino.

‘Thanks,’ I say, reaching for two sugar sachets. I tear them and upend them into my coffee.

He sits and does the same.

Then he looks around him casually again, sees what I saw and lets his eyes come back to me, his face creased into lines of concern. ‘Lily, what the hell is going on? Why did you initiate contact from an airport?’ he asks in a low, urgent tone.

I take a deep breath. ‘’Cause I fucking need your help, Robin,’ I choke.

‘Jesus,’ he says. ‘Oh fuck!’

I close my eyes.

‘Is that a fucking engagement ring on your finger?’ he asks.

It is hard to tell at a glance since the stone on the engagement ring is so big that there is another plain band there. ‘Yeah, and a wedding ring,’ I say.

His mouth opens. ‘You better start from the beginning,’ he says cautiously.

I have a speech prepared. ‘I…er…um… I… Well…uh…ah…um… Fuck, Robin, I went and slept with him and now it’s all a mess.’

He exhales audibly. ‘Look, it doesn’t matter. You’re not the first agent who has slept with their target. Just, well, just keep your feelings separate.’

The way a prostitute does, I think, and suddenly I realize I can’t talk to him. I can’t tell him anything. Not a thing. Calling him was definitely a mistake. He doesn’t know that I am bonded with Jake. He doesn’t know that I would die for Jake.

Robin’s back straightens suddenly and his expression changes into one of alarm. ‘Fuck it, Lily, he’s here,’ he says. He forces his expression back into one of normality and leans back into the leather couch.

I freeze.

‘Anyway, did you know that Andy’s wife has just had a baby?’ he says.

I want to reply. I want to be normal but I can’t.

‘Nine pounds, the nipper was,’ he adds, smiling.

I open and close my mouth like a demented fish.

And then the seat next to me depresses and I feel my life spiraling out of control. Slowly, I turn my head and feel a stab of pain in my gut. Jake is
nothing
like the man I know. I stare at him in perfect astonishment. His eyes are like green ice. Impenetrable. He does not spare me a glance. He has locked eyes with Robin. Hostility and animosity come off him in waves that you can feel and almost touch.

‘Introduce me, then, Lily,’ he says silkily, his eyes blazing.

I sit frozen. Unable to utter a single word.

Robin is one cool customer. ‘I’m an old classmate of Lily’s. We just bumped into each other. I should be going, really. The wife is waiting at the supermarket,’ he smiles. His smile is just right. His manner is just right, but Jake doesn’t buy it.

‘What are you? Her handler?’

Robin’s look of incredulity is not faked.

‘What?’ he says. ‘Look, mate, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m not getting involved. We’re just old friends. I was getting a coffee and I saw Lily. That’s it. I’m off.’ He starts to stand.

‘Yes, run away, but if I see you around her again, I swear I’ll break every fucking bone in your body.’ Jake smiles. The smile is pure menace. Why did I think I knew him? I know only the tip of the iceberg. I remember Shane saying, ‘Do you think he treats everyone the way he treats you?’ I stare at him, amazed.

Robin is on his feet, his hands raised, palms showing. ‘Look, mate, I don’t want no trouble.’

‘Fuck off, then.’

Robin’s eyes bounce to me. I nod quickly, and he leaves.

Jake turns to look at me. ‘You want to play undercover detective? Be my guest, I can play the fool for you, but if I ever fucking see you meet him or any other man behind my back again you’ll have to watch me fucking kill the cunt,’ he snarls.

‘Robin is my go-between.’

‘I don’t care what the fuck he is. You want to meet him? Tell me first.’

It’s so fucked up it’s unreal. He doesn’t care if I want to spy on him, he just doesn’t want me to do it behind his back. It would be laughable if it was not so weird. The only thing I can think of doing is using what has always worked. I touch his groin. Mistake. Big mistake. He grabs my hand, so hard I gasp.

‘Don’t, Lil. Don’t degrade what we have.’

He lets go of my hand suddenly. I rub it. ‘How did you know I was here?’

‘How do you think?’

My eyes widen. ‘What? You’re having me followed?’

‘Yes.’ He says it like it is the most natural thing in the world to spy on your girlfriend or wife.

‘Why?’ I breathe. Too shocked to be angry.

‘Because you got beat up by a pervert. Because I care. Take your fucking pick, Lil.’

I shake my head as if to clear it. ‘And what about Andrea?’

His turn to frown. ‘What about her?’

‘Didn’t I hear you arrange to meet her for lunch?’ I ask, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

‘Andrea is an old family friend. She takes care of my house when I am away. She picks the mail up from the floor and makes sure that no pipes have burst et cetera. I pay her for that. She’s nothing to me.’

‘Well, it doesn’t seem like that from where I’m sitting.’

He frowns. ‘What does it seem like to you?’

‘It seems that she is in love with you.’

‘Andrea is not in love with me. She’s got her hook in the water for a rich man. And she knows the score with me.’

‘Her behavior today was not that of someone who knows the score,’ I remind.

He shrugs carelessly. ‘All right, I’ll hire someone else.’

‘Good,’ I say as nonchalantly as I can, but inside all my cells are coming alive with joy: Not only do I never need to see her snooty, insolent face again, but I won’t have to worry about their relationship anymore either.

I look at his beautiful face. Even in a public place all I want to do is rub my body against his. I turn away and look at my untouched latte and Robin’s cappuccino. ‘Are you not afraid I will uncover something that will send you to prison?’

‘No,’ he says shortly.

‘Why?’

‘Because, Lily, my dearest, for the past ten years I have extricated myself and my organization from almost all that is illegal. I’ve nothing to fear.’

‘What about that bed of money then?’ I challenge.

‘Protection money.’

I frown. ‘You don’t need to collect protection money.’

‘It’s true, I don’t need it. It is one of the last bastions of an organization that I want to give up, but it would mean abandoning Eden and Dom’s clubs to other far more dangerous and mercenary rackets.’

‘I see.’ But I don’t.

‘I’m not a drug dealer, Lil.’

‘What came in on the sixteenth, then?’

He sighs. ‘Contraband. It didn’t just come in on the sixteenth. It comes in all the time. I don’t believe eighty-two percent of the price of anything should be tax. I feel like a modern day Robin Hood when I sell a packet of cigarettes or a bottle of whiskey for the right price.’

‘But when we met you told me you were a gangster.’

He shook his head. ‘You wanted to believe I was one. I just didn’t disabuse you of the idea.’

‘Luke told me you wanted to become a vet.’

‘Yeah. A long time ago when I thought I could talk to animals and they talked back to me.’ 

I cover his hand with mine and tell him the story about the crows. The anger dissipates as I speak. His eyes become warm and full of some strong emotion. ‘My grandmother still has all those shiny objects in a box,’ I finish.

I see the glimmer of tears in his eyes.

‘What is it?’ I ask.

He shakes his head and for a long time he simply looks at me with an expression I have never seen before. I dare not name it. If it is what I think it is then it will reveal itself in time. I won’t try to second guess it. It would be too frightening to do that in my delicate emotional state.

‘Sometimes I don’t know what to make of you, Lil. I’d love to meet your grandmother some day.’

‘That’s what she said,’ I say with a smile.

He smiles back. ‘Come on, let’s get you home.’

‘Sorry, I forgot to ask. Did you manage to solve your mother’s problem?’

‘Nope.’

‘Oh?’

‘Ask me why.’

I bite my lip. ‘Why?’

‘Because while praying she had a vision. She saw me with blood pouring out of my chest and you standing over me. You were the cause.’

I stare at him in shock. The idea is a terrifying, unimaginable vista. His words are like a monstrous tsunami wave rolling forward to envelop and swallow me whole. Foam and lies crash around me. In sheer panic I gasp a single breath of air. It rushes violently into my lungs. There is ice, too. In my heart.

‘I don’t want to hurt you, ever,’ I whisper.

His eyes suddenly soften. ‘I know,’ he says quietly.

‘I’m going to go into work tomorrow. I need to tell them that my cover is blown and that I really need to be taken off this case. In fact, I need to tell them that there is no case. Jake Eden is no kingpin drug dealer.’

‘Ah, my little lost lamb. Strayed into a den of wolves, did ya?’

Lily

T
he next morning Jake kisses me tenderly on the forehead.

‘Are you absolutely sure you don’t want this done through a lawyer? All I have to do is pick up a phone and you’ll never need to see any of them ever again.’

‘I’m not afraid, Jake. I want to do this.’

‘All right, but no matter what happens, never forget I’m here to support you,’ he murmurs. His eyes are intense and full of some strong emotion.

‘I think I kinda already know what’s going to happen. I’m gonna get the book thrown at me,’ I say softly.

‘Call me when the meeting is over, OK?’

‘OK.’

I dress carefully in a long black skirt, a striped white and gray shirt and a mannish gray jacket. I pull my hair back in a severe bun and stand in front of the mirror. And the mirror says, ‘Slut in disguise.’ I slick on some pale lipstick and I go to my meeting with DS Mills.

Sitting in the taxi I realize that I don’t feel any emotional attachment to my job or to staying in the force. I have no fear of being disciplined, suspended, or even fired. I look at my hands and they are steady and lying relaxed on my handbag. The calmness stays while I go into the building, up the stairs, and down the familiar corridor to the double stable doors. I have a sudden memory of my first trip here. How nervous I’d been. Getting this job had seemed like the most important thing to me. I smiled to think of me then. I have changed.

I push open the stable doors and the usual gaggle of macho men are gathered about regaling each other with tales of their exploits. Robin is not around.

‘How’s it going, Strom?’ one of the men shouts.

‘Not bad,’ I say, knowing that in less than an hour every one of them will have heard what I have done. The thing is, I don’t care. Let them laugh. I glance at my watch. I am perfectly on time. I knock on DS Mills’ door and he barks for me to come in.

I close the door behind me.

‘Have a seat,’ he invites.

‘I gather Robin has told you my cover is blown,’ I say, sitting down opposite him.

‘Yes, you gather right.’ He seems unwilling to say anything else. I realize he wants me to ‘spill the beans’.

‘I didn’t tell him I was an undercover officer. He guessed—’

‘How?’

‘He said I was too clean and too innocent to be a runaway.’

He grunts.

‘And Robin also probably told you that we got married.’

He nods. ‘He didn’t tell me why.’

‘He said he married me because that way no one could force me to testify against him.’

‘Right. That makes better sense. Are you in love with him?’

‘Yes.’

‘Is he in love with you?’

‘I don’t know. He hasn’t said.’

‘But he has strong feelings.’

I bite my lip. ‘Yes. Yes, he has, but the thing is, Sir, I really think we have the wrong guy.’

‘Why is that, then?’ he drawls.

‘Jake Eden is not a drug dealer. I’ve never once seen anybody take drugs in the club or seen anything that even looks like a drug deal going down. The only thing he seems to be doing is some harmless contraband.’

DS Mills’ eyebrows fly upwards and I realize immediately that I shouldn’t have used the word harmless. It has clearly revealed my loyalties.

‘Smuggling is illegal and carries with it a criminal conviction and a prison sentence for those involved,’ he says sarcastically.

‘I thought we’re going for the big criminals,’ I say, hoping to lead him away from my mistake.

‘Jake Eden
is
a big criminal.’

‘He is not,’ I cry passionately.

A look of amusement comes into his cold, ambitious eyes. ‘On what are you basing your judgment?’

‘He told me.’ Oh, that came out wrong.

‘And you believed him?’ He shakes his head incredulously. ‘What did you expect him to do? Tell you the truth when he knows you are an undercover cop?’

I look at him with frustrated eyes.

‘I’m afraid, Strom, you have broken the undercover agent’s cardinal rule.’ His tone is surprisingly calm. ‘You’ve allowed yourself to become emotionally involved with your target. And once your feelings are involved you are easy to manipulate.’

For a moment I don’t speak. There is something else going on. I realize that he is toying with me. He is not angry that I fucked up the investigation by sleeping with the target. It occurs to me suddenly that he wanted me to. I was chosen purely for my looks. He hung me in front of Jake as if I was some kind of bait! Shocked, I watch him lean back into his chair, his face laced with a certain smugness.

‘When you say harmless contraband, do you actually know what it is that he is bringing in?’

‘I believe it’s mainly cigarettes and alcohol,’ I say cautiously.

He pins me with his eyes. ‘Are you sure contraband is not a euphemism for cocaine, heroin and human trafficking?’

I stare at him filled with dread. He wants me to continue! It is not going to be as simple as I thought.
You are no longer impartial, your cover is blown, and you are taken off the case, Strom.
Why would Mills continue with an operation especially when the agent has fucked up so badly?

His calmness tells me that he must have known from the moment he chose me, an absolute amateur, that Jake would suss me out quickly, and with my cover blown, it would be the perfect opportunity to exploit both Jake and me. My blood runs cold. I study him carefully.

‘I’ve seen the file, and other than the old stuff when he was working for that Schitt guy there is hardly anything there. What makes you so sure he is what you say he is?’

His eyes glitter dangerously. ‘Instinct. When you do this job for long enough you develop strong feelers. Crystal Jake may have the cream of society fooled, but not me. I know his type. I know him.’

‘What is it you want me to do?’

He smiles for the first time since I came into the room. ‘I want you to go back to Jake Eden and pretend that you have been suspended pending an investigation into your behavior. And since you will be definitely living with him while the investigation is going on you will be thrown off the force. He has to feel so comfortable with…his new wife who is so deeply in love with him that she can never be compelled to testify against him that he loses his inclination to be guarded and starts boasting about what he is really bringing into this country. Rather than it being a setback, what has happened will make Crystal Jake far more accessible to us.’

Mills’ smile suddenly breaks into laughter.

‘What’s so amusing?’ I try not to show my irritation.

‘The irony of it.’

‘Irony?’

‘Yes, isn’t it ironic that the action he took to protect himself has actually made him more vulnerable?’ He laughs again, but this time, I know, he is laughing at me.

I drop my head and stare at my handbag. It is black and it has a gold button and a gold buckle. I bought it cheap in a sale in John Lewis. I will need a new one soon. The edges are beginning to fray. His words are actually painful, cutting through every layer of my being like a well-sharpened knife. I am an amateur and he has played me easily. When he said, ‘I know his type. I know him,’ what he was saying was, Didn’t I choose you? Didn’t I know what would turn him on? Didn’t I know you would play the role of slut perfectly? 

I feel the blood bubbling in my veins with rage. Rage at being taken for a fool, rage at being used as a pawn for his ambitions, rage at the utter contempt that he has for me. He
knows
I’m in love with Jake and yet he is willing to sacrifice me to get what he wants. I stand suddenly and with such force that the chair skitters on its wheels across the small room and hits the opposite wall.

Mills gets up from his seat and walks without haste toward the chair. I turn and, with my hands gripping my handbag’s strap so hard the knuckles show bone white, watch him pull the chair back to where I am standing. He looks me directly in the eyes.

‘Sit down, Strom.’ For a moment I hesitate. His voice is extraordinarily calm. Then I do as he commands and sit.

‘I’m going to ignore what just happened, and put it down to the stress that comes with being undercover, particularly for a new operative.’ He moves back around to his side of the desk and rests his palms on the surface of the desk before looming down over me.

‘Do you still want to be in the police force, Strom?’

The answer takes me by surprise. It is a clear no. ‘Yes, of course,’ I say.

‘Good. Bringing a criminal like Jake Eden to justice will ensure that you rise quickly up the metaphorical ladder of success and recognition. Do you understand?’

I nod.

‘Very good. Now, do you feel you are able to carry out the plan I have laid out for you?’

I feel the beat of my heart high in my throat. ‘Yes, Sir.’

‘Excellent. From now on you will no longer make any contact with anyone other than me in this office. To all intents and purposes you are suspended. You will also have to vacate your company flat as soon as possible. We’ll meet in the Bayswater safe house, and make contact with each other in exactly the same way Robin and you have established.’ He opens his drawer and takes out an envelope. He puts it in front of me. ‘The key is inside, along with my number and the address. Learn them by heart and destroy the information before you leave this office.’ Wow! He had everything ready. How meticulously he has planned Jake’s downfall.

‘I want names, places, dates. Anything at all.’ Mills’ eyes are steely.

‘Yes, Sir.’

‘Any questions?’

‘No, Sir,’ I say, slitting open the envelope and staring at the phone number and the address on the paper. I commit them to memory and put the paper back on his desk. I take the key out of the envelope and put it into my handbag. Then I stand, even though he has not dismissed me.

A look of fury passes through his eyes. It is gone very quickly. ‘I’ll be waiting for a call from you.’

‘Good day, Sir.’ I walk to the door and when my hand is on the handle his words brush my skin like a cold hand.

‘Do it for your brother.’

I turn around slowly.

He smiles. ‘It wasn’t on your file, but it is a matter of public record.’

I nod distantly, my thoughts well hidden.

Outside his door I see Robin leaning against a wall talking to someone, but I can see that he has been waiting for me to come out. I don’t want to speak to him. I’m not allowed to, anyway. I wave. He raises his eyebrows as if to ask if I am OK. I show him the thumbs-up sign. He appears surprised, but I quickly walk out of the stable doors. I walk out of the offices and outside the sky is blue and the sun is shining. But I feel cold inside. I have just become a kind of double agent.

I could have walked out of Mills’ office and been more than content to leave the force forever, but I know Mills won’t stop in his mission to destroy Jake. His determination has become personal and obsessive. It is clear to me that, of the two men, Mills is far more dangerous and unscrupulous in his methods. Me walking away will only mean that I will no longer have any idea of what Mills is planning. I have to find a way to exonerate Jake. Call it sixth sense, or intuition, but something just doesn’t make sense. I’ll play his game until I get to the bottom of it.

I pass a street painter. He is chalking a large hole in the pavement with people falling in. It looks remarkably real. It seems a shame that talent like that should be so temporary.

I hail a cab to the company apartment in Vauxhall. I pack my things quickly. There is not much. Then I call another taxi, put the keys through the letterbox, and give the driver Jake’s address.

As soon as I have put my stuff in the spare room in Jake’s house, I text him.

Have been suspended from duty pending investigation.

The phone rings almost instantly. It is Jake. I have already decided that I will not tell him too much. Rule number one—always keep a little back for yourself. For later. For protection.

‘What’s going on, Lily?’ he asks urgently.

His voice makes me feel a little guilty. I should have texted earlier, but I wanted to be clear in my head about what I was going to do.

‘I told them that I had slept with you and married you. And that you had figured out that I was an undercover officer anyway. For my trouble I got suspended. Pending a full investigation, I could be dismissed from the police force.’

‘Where are you now?’

‘At home. I cleared out my stuff from the Vauxhall apartment and brought it here.’

‘You should have called me earlier. I could have got someone to do it for you.’

‘No, they wouldn’t have known my stuff from the other girls’.’

‘Are you all right?’

‘I guess so.’

‘Do you want me to come back?’

‘No, absolutely not. There’s nothing for you to do, anyway. We’ll just end up having sex or something.’

He chuckles. ‘I’ll be there in five.’