You Are Mine (46 page)

Unnecessary, you bastard.

Perhaps. But it was better to be sure she knew there was no hope. Cruel to be kind. One day, she'd understand that.

She looked away, brushing one hand across her face, wiping away her tears. And he had to clench his fists tighter in order to stop from wiping them away himself.

“Okay,” she said thickly. “If that's the way you want it. But just remember this, Zac Rutherford.” She turned back and took a step toward him, the look on her face suddenly fierce. “I'm not Theresa. I will never leave you. I will never leave because I love you.”

The words vibrated in the air as if they had power. Magic.

I love you.

He found he couldn't move. She'd turned him to stone. If only he hadn't cared, it wouldn't have hurt …

“You should trust me,” Eva said quietly. “You should.”

He didn't understand. Trust her? With what? And what the hell did that have to do with love? With Theresa?

For one long, intense minute she stared at him and as if she was expecting a response.

But he couldn't speak. There was nothing he could say.

Abruptly Eva turned on her heel and left him standing there.

*   *   *

Eva approached the door to the usual Second Circle rooms and stopped. It was open a crack and she could see that Gabriel and Honor were already there. They were standing close together in front of the fire—which had been lit. Gabriel was cupping Honor's face in his large hands, looking down at her, an impossibly tender look on his face.

It was obviously a deeply private moment and it rooted Eva to the spot. She couldn't drag her gaze away from them. From the look on Gabriel's face. From the way Honor's fingers had risen to cover his. From the aura of closeness and intimacy that surrounded them.

Something she would never have.

She jerked herself away as Gabriel bent to kiss Honor, turning to lean against the wall beside the door, giving them some space.

Her eyes felt scratchy and sore, her throat thick, chest aching.

Fuck that. She wasn't going to cry. She'd already done so once today and once was enough. Zac had been very clear.

The asshole.

She swallowed, trying to force away the emotion clogging her throat and weighing heavy on her chest.

After she'd left Zac standing in the street, she'd gone back to her apartment and thrown herself into decoding the information she'd downloaded from Fitzgerald's computer. That was certainly easier than thinking about what Zac had said to her, how she'd laid herself bare for him and he'd thrown it back in her face.

Love was still a new concept for her and no, she hadn't seen much evidence of it in her life. But over the past week it had been her friends who'd given her an inkling about what it could mean. Gabriel and Honor. Alex and Katya. Love was in the way they touched each other. The way they looked at each other. The way they spoke to each other. There was just an extra quality to those interactions she'd never noticed before. A tenderness in their voices and a private, knowing look in the glances they exchanged. As if each of them knew a secret that only the other person knew and were sharing the knowledge together.

It had taken her a long time to figure out that secret for herself. But she knew what it was now. Had realized it for certain the moment Zac had pointed that gun at Fitzgerald.

She'd wondered why she hadn't been afraid when by rights, she should have been terrified. Why in that instant what fear she'd had, had been for him.

The lack of fear for herself was her trust in him, that he would get them out of this no matter what. But the fear for him … that was love. As was the sorrow she'd felt when he'd told her about his sister. As was the safety as she'd lain in his arms.

And the pain as he'd told her he didn't want what she wanted. That he had another punishment for her. Absence.

That was love too.

Love was for stupid people, clearly.

He'd said he'd liked being alone, that it was easier. What bullshit. He
was
lying to her and to himself as well. She knew fear, knew it intimately, and that's what she'd seen in his eyes, lurking there so far down he probably didn't even realize it.

Zac was afraid. What had happened with Fitzgerald had scared him. And she didn't know quite what it was that had made him push her away, but she was certain it had something to do with losing his sister in the way he had. Maybe he was afraid that she'd leave him like Theresa. It was why she'd told him to trust her. Because she never would leave him.

Fuck, how weird that in the end, she'd come to understand how much she'd trusted him and yet he was the one who wouldn't trust her.

Eva let out a breath, staring at the wall opposite, blinking back the tears in her eyes that had risen no matter how hard she'd tried to get rid of them.

No, she wasn't going to cry. She may not have Zac, but she wasn't alone these days. She had Alex and Gabriel, and Honor and Katya. She had them, and that was more than enough to be thankful for.

Pulling herself together, Eva turned to the door again, peering through the crack. Mercifully Honor was now sitting on the couch while Gabriel stood in front of the fire, smiling at something she'd said.

Eva pushed open the door and walked in.

Gabriel lifted his head, dark eyes catching hers, and Eva paused a moment.

“I'm sorry, Gabe,” she said. “I mean, I'm not sorry for killing him, don't get me wrong. But I am sorry that he was your father.”

“So am I.” He pushed his hands into his pockets. “And just so we're clear, I'm glad you killed him. Saves me the bother.”

A flush of pleasure went through her. A strange and wrong emotion when it involved having killed a man, but that didn't stop her from feeling pleased about it.

Fitzgerald had hurt too many people she cared about for her to feel even the slightest shred of remorse for him.

“Any time.” She lifted a shoulder. “And anyone else you need killed, you just let me know.”

A smile tugged the end of Gabriel's mouth. “I think you might be the baddest of us all, Eva King.”

“Oh come on, I'm pretty badass.” Honor had picked up a cracker from the plate on the table, having loaded it up with a piece of soft brie, and now waved it for emphasis. “I rode on that bike of yours. Followed you into a dark alley at night. Etcetera.”

Gabriel grinned. “Sure, baby.”

“Hmmm. Why do I get the feeling you're humoring me?”

“You're both wrong,” Alex commented as he pushed the door wide, coming into the room. “Katya is the most badass of us.”

Katya, following on his heels, rolled her eyes. “Thank you, but computers are my fatal weakness. I think Eva beats me on that front.”

“True.” Alex reached out, winding a casual arm around Katya's waist and holding her close. “But I don't think Eva could beat me in a fight.”

Eva, who'd settled herself in her usual armchair, gave the two of them an incredulous look. “You beat him in a fight?” she asked Katya.

The Russian woman was blushing, which was rather sweet. “I would have. If he hadn't used a couple of dirty tricks.”

Alex smiled at her. “Emphasis on the dirty.”

Gabriel cleared his throat ostentatiously. “Okay, enough with the romantic bullshit. We need to hear what Eva found on that computer.”

“As I recall,” Honor murmured, “you were the one who started it, but by all means…”

“Well hell,” Alex said as he rounded the couch to sit down next to Honor. “People are actually eating my goddamned food. Finally.”

Katya came to lean against the arm near where Alex sat, while Gabriel seated himself in the armchair on the other side of the fire from Eva. As he did so, Honor rose, dusting cracker crumbs from her skirt then moved over to his chair, calmly seating herself in his lap like she was sitting on a throne.

Another little barb of anguish slid through Eva, spoiling her enjoyment of the relaxed atmosphere. Probably for the best anyway. It wasn't as if the information she'd discovered was particularly pleasant.

“Where's Zac?” Alex asked, glancing around before looking directly at Eva.

Naturally. Because everyone expected she and Zac to be together. Because they always were. Unfortunately that wouldn't be for much longer.

The barb of anguish settled deeper inside her.

“He'll be here,” she said shortly. “But I can start without him.”

“You don't have to.” Zac's deep voice came as a shock to her system. “I'm here now.”

He strode into the room, tall and forbidding in his black suit and charcoal tie. The chiseled lines of his face were impenetrable as rock, the expression in his amber eyes completely opaque. How he usually was in other words.

But Eva could see the tightness in his jaw and the tension in his shoulders. A stiffness in the way he carried himself.

It didn't give her any satisfaction that he was in pain too.

Zac came over to stand behind the couch. He wasn't wearing his overcoat or gloves today, the ink on the backs of his hands dark against his skin. “Go on, angel,” he said in his usual calm tone, the look he gave her one of measured interest. Treating her as he normally did and not as if she'd told him she loved him not a few hours earlier.

Not as if they'd shared the deepest parts of themselves the night before.

She looked away from him, determined to be as calm and emotionless as he was. “Okay, well, I spent the afternoon decrypting the info on Fitzgerald's computer. It wasn't easy.” At least, it wouldn't have been if she hadn't been so determined not to think about Zac. “Some of the info had various fail-safes embedded in it, which meant quite a few of the files were wiped unfortunately. But I did find evidence that Fitzgerald was building quite the empire.” She paused, looking around the room at her friends. “The Lucky Seven was one of a number of different establishments around the world that operated as Fitzgerald's shop front. The drugs and money laundering seem to be a sideline to the main operation. Which is basically people. Women, mainly.”

“Fuck,” Gabriel muttered. “Dear old Dad.”

“I could say the same thing,” Alex said, his voice stripped of the sarcastic amusement that had been in it before. “My Dad was one of his fucking cohorts. Not that he was happy about it from what we've been able to figure out.”

“Yes, Fitzgerald mentioned Daniel,” Zac said without inflection. “He ordered his death.”

Honor and Alex shared a glance at that. Katya slipped off the arm of the couch and went around to sit next to her lover, putting one hand on his thigh.

Eva wished she didn't have to see that. Wished she wasn't quite so aware of it.

“I figured as much,” Alex said, covering Katya's hand with his own. “I suppose the consolation is that he didn't want to be part of it anymore.”

“Neither did Guy,” Honor murmured. “He wanted out too.”

Eva folded her hands in her lap. But it wasn't like touching someone else for comfort. It really wasn't. “I found quite a few emails and various other files, with names and things. A few financial details, money transfers and receipts. But…” She hesitated, glancing at them all. “Fitzgerald was very careful. Even on his private computer, everything was very vague. There's actually nothing concrete to tie him personally to this. Everything I found on his computer could be explained away easily enough I'm afraid.”

There was a silence as the others digested this.

“What about your crew, Zac?” Gabriel said at last. “What's the angle on the cleanup they did?”

Zac put his hands on the back of the couch and leaned forward. “They got rid of the henchmen in the lobby. As for the guards upstairs and Fitzgerald himself, they planted enough evidence to point to a professional hit. With any luck the police will start investigating and perhaps they'll turn up the evidence we haven't been able to.” He glanced at Eva. “You made certain no one would be able to tell you accessed his computer?”

Eva straightened in her chair. “Of course I did. I'm not an idiot.”

“So we can't take this to the CIA?” Alex asked. “Seriously? There was nothing at all we can use to pin anything on him?”

Eva shook her head. “No and believe me, I looked.”

Another silence fell.

She didn't look at Zac. His presence felt like a pressure, like someone was squeezing her. Squeezing all the air out of her lungs.

“What about Elijah?” Katya said, glancing up at Zac. “Did you find anything on him?”

“I have some contacts keeping an eye out for him, but, and I may have mentioned to the others, he's not in any databases I have access to, not even on the ones I don't. But it seems he was working for Fitzgerald.”

“Not entirely,” Eva murmured. “He let me go, remember?”

Zac's golden eyes met hers, the look in them entirely impersonal. “And he was not happy you killed Fitzgerald either. He wanted to do it himself.”

“A man out for revenge,” Alex said quietly.

“Well, that sounds fucking familiar,” Gabriel commented. “He must have been pissed with you, Eva.”

Her arm ached at the memory of Elijah's fingers wrapped around her arm, the cold fury in his black eyes as Fitzgerald lay dead on the floor.

“He was mine, you bitch.”

“Kind of an understatement,” she said. “But … he saved me.”

Honor shifted on Gabriel's lap, frowning in Eva's direction. “What exactly happened up there? How did he save you? I mean, I think we need to work out what his intentions are, don't you think? The problem when a man like Fitzgerald dies is that there's—”

“A power vacuum,” Gabriel murmured, interrupting. “And that motherfucker is gonna leave one hell of a power vacuum.”

The expression on Zac's face was tight and hard. Cold. “What happened,” he said, his mild tone completely at odd with the look on his face, “was that Fitzgerald was using Eva as leverage to get to me. To us. He wanted us off his back and wanted my skills personally. He told me Eva would be the leverage he'd use to get us to back off and me to work for him.”