You and I Alone (5 page)

              “Had a couple things to run through with me before he heads back to New York tomorrow.” He says, reaching out for me. I don't hesitate stepping forward and allowing him to pull me into his arms. It gives me the ability to hide the disappointment on my face as I rest my head against his chest.

              I knew Bentley wouldn't be here long and that him returning to wherever he came from would come sooner rather than later, but something about it being confirmed twists my stomach in a way that can only be described as one thing.... Regret. Though I am not sure what I regret more. Allowing myself to even have a taste of a man I can never have, or not allowing myself to have him all when I had the chance.

              Either way, I can't dwell on it any longer. Bentley is leaving and soon, my life will be back to normal and I can move on from this temporary brain malfunction I seem to be having. Pulling back from Josh, I give him a sweet smile and then push up to kiss his cheek.

              “I gotta go.” I say, pulling back. “Finals next week. I am so behind on my studies.” I say, allowing him to pull me back to him as he grips both sides of my face and looks down at me.

              “We good?” He asks, his eyes searching mine.

              “We're good.” I say, not feeling up to making this a bigger issue than it is. While I can forgive his reaction to me dancing for Bentley, I can't just ignore what I know this means. Josh has moved past the point of a casual hook up. Which means, sometime very soon we are going to have to make a decision.

              I like Josh. A lot. But we are at completely different points in our lives. He's ready to settle down and me... Well, I'm just getting started. Pulling him down, I give him a gentle kiss and then back out of his embrace again. “I'll see you later.” I say, quickly slipping out of his office and closing the door behind me.

              Eager to get the hell out of here, I turn towards the back exit and make my way outside as quickly as I can, determined not to have to face anyone else tonight. But as I approach my old beat up blue Cavalier in the corner of the parking lot, my hope of getting away unscathed slips through my fingers.

              Leaning against the rusty old door of my car is none other than Bentley Reed himself. I recognize him immediately. His body is silhouetted under the light I purposely park under. Arms crossed in front of his chest and a devilish grin pulling up the corners of his mouth. I try not to stumble but the moment I realize he's there, my steps falter. Taking a deep breath in, I try to pull myself together as I close the distance between us.

              “Bentley?” I question, not missing how out of place he looks leaning up against my old clunky car. His appearance completely out of place against the chipped paint and dented exterior.

              I stifle a small laugh at how ridiculous this all is. He's power and success and money. While I am just a measly college student scraping to get by and working as a dancer in one of his clubs. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum. It's funny how seeing him standing in front of my car is what brings the reality of the situation into view.

              “Are you hungry?” He asks the moment my steps cease, cocking his head to the side. As much as I want to be annoyed, I can't muster the feeling. The truth is, I'm glad he's here. As much as I know I shouldn't be, I can't help that I am.

              “Now?” I ask, checking the time on my cell phone.

              “Nothing like dinner in the middle of the night.” He says, pushing away from my car and holding his arm out for me. “But I think I'll drive.” He laughs, ignoring my offended gasp as he leads me away from my car.

              I know I should decline. I should get in my car and drive home. Bury myself in my school work. Do anything but what I am doing right now.

              It's just dinner, I try to reassure myself. But even if all we do is eat dinner, I know that somehow it will be so much more than that. I can feel my need for control rearing it's ugly head and yet, I am powerless to do anything but exactly what he requests. And honestly, that scares me more than anything else.

Chapter Five

             
“So Josh... I have to admit. I didn't see that one coming.” Bentley shakes his head before taking another bite of his sandwich.

              “We have sex.” I say on a shrug. “It's not like I plan on marrying the man.” I say, not letting his comment bother me. He doesn't have to understand it as long as he accepts it. Because at the end of the day, he holds the power to fire me or Josh. Or hell, both of us for that matter.

              “Do you do that often?” He asks, running his fingertip along the rim of his glass. “Have sex with people, I mean?” He elaborates when I throw him a questioning look.

              “Wow.” I say, taking a drink of my water before continuing. “Is that what you see when you look at me?” I ask, crossing my arms in front of my chest as I lean back further in my chair. “Just some whore who dances at your club and fucks everyone?”

              “That's not what I meant.” He lets out a light laugh and I try my damnedest not to be distracted by the deepness of his voice or those fucking dimples.

              “You sure about that?” I ask, feeling the overwhelming need to be challenging. Something about this man screams control and I need him to understand right here and now, that I am not one to be controlled.

              “I just meant, do you hook up casually with people often? It's not meant to be offensive, it's just a question. Helps me understand you a little better.” He says, smiling so sweetly at me I really just want to reach over and punch him right in the face. Maybe he thinks I will fall for the sweet guy routine, but he is sorely mistaken. There is nothing about this man that is sweet, except maybe how he tastes.

              “Do you?” I ask, turning the the tables on him. I lean forward on my elbows and pin my eyes directly on him.

              “Yes.” He answers without hesitation, his smile growing wider.

              “Somehow that doesn't surprise me.” I shake my head before taking another long drink of water. “And no, to answer your question, I do not hook up with people randomly. I find one person that I can connect with sexually and I stick with that person until my needs are no longer being met or he decides he wants more. At which point, I move on. I do not bounce from man to man daily. And I am not a whore.”

              “So no commitment then?” He asks, his eyes dancing across my face.

              “None.” I say, shaking my head adamantly. “I don't do boyfriends. Never have. But I have needs, just like everyone else.”

              “What are your needs?” He asks, mirroring my posture by leaning forward on his elbows.

              “I am not going to have this conversation with you.” I say, laughing lightly at his boldness. “But I will say this, Josh satisfies those needs perfectly and right now, I am content with that.” I say, trying to drive home the point that I am not interested in hooking up with him, even though every fiber of my being is begging to do just that.

              “Content? Not really a word I would use to describe having great sex. I would think a woman like you would need more than that.” He says, reaching out to trail his finger tips down my forearm, my skin prickling under his touch.

              “What kind of woman is that?” I ask, curious about his statement and honestly a bit turned on by it as well.

              “You're challenging and fierce. You have always had to fight for what you want, so you protect the only thing you can. You like sex, but you hide behind it. It's your security blanket.” He says, biting down on his lower lip causing me to squirm in my chair.

              “Just because you have seen my personnel file, does not mean you know anything about me.” I say, pulling my arm back and pushing back in my chair again, desperately trying to put space between us. I can't help but be offended that he is using what very little he knows about my past to try to score some kind of points with me or something.

              “This has nothing to do with your file. Anyone can see these things about you, they just simply need to look.” He says, sitting back and crossing his arms in front of himself. “Tell me I'm wrong.” He challenges.

              “So you've got it all figured out then?” I ask.

              “Actually, no.” He says, somewhat catching me off guard. “I haven't figured out why we are still sitting here talking when I could be showing you what you really need.” He says, causing my stomach to knot in the best sort of way.

              “And what's that?” I ask, trying to keep my breathing even.

              “You need a man that knows what you want and how to give it to you. A man that will fuck you so hard, you will still feel the effects of him days later. Will kiss you so deeply, you will still taste him hours later. A man that understands you. You need someone to help you escape. Someone to help you crawl out of that perfect exterior you put on display for everyone and release who you truly are.” His voice is low and drips with seduction and I find myself hanging onto every single word as it flows from his perfect mouth.

              I can feel the shallowness of my breathing and the rapid thumps of my heart as he stares back at me with so much intensity, it's a wonder I can even meet his gaze. But there is one major flaw in his proposal, the fact that I know it's something he has probably said to hundreds of other woman.

              Deciding to play along, I ask. “And you think you could give me that?”

              “I know I can.” He says without hesitation. “Give me one night and I promise you, Josh will be the last person on your mind.”

              “Why this hang up on Josh?” I can't help but ask the question. “We have sex, that's it.” I say, somewhat egging him on. I want to push him to his limits. The moment I start insinuating that maybe he's jealous, I am sure that he will back down.

              “There's no hang up. He has something I want and I fully intend on taking it from him.” He says, his confidence so sound that it's amazing to me that it doesn't turn me off. Usually cockiness is a deal breaker for me, but something about the way Bentley carries himself, makes his cockiness a pro not a con.

              “What could he possibly have that you want?” I ask, already knowing what he's implying but still wanting him to say the words.

              “You.” He says, once again without hesitation.

              Leaning forward, I hitch my finger gesturing for him to come closer. He smiles wickedly at me and then moves in, not stopping until we are as close as we can be given the small round table between us.

              “Let me make one thing very clear Mr. Reed.” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “I am not going to fuck you.” I say, not missing the way his eyes dance with a challenge. “Not tonight. Not ever. I am not like all the other hussies you probably have flocking you everywhere you go. I don't want a complication or a distraction and I certainly do not want to join the ranks of being just another woman that Bentley Reed has fucked. So thank you for dinner.” I say, dropping my napkin in front of me and standing. “But I really should be going.”

              Bentley peers up at me and laughs lightly. A wide smile spreading across his impossibly handsome face. Oh god help me. “I like you.” He says, smiling even wider.

              “Well lucky for you, I don't feel the same.” I say unconvincingly, spinning around and leaving him sitting in the small twenty four hour diner all by himself.

              It's only a matter of seconds before I step out into the cool night air. It's nearing the end of May and the heat is just now starting to extend into the late night hours. Turning right immediately upon exiting, I try to figure out exactly where I am in conjunction to the club. Considering my car is still in the parking lot, I kind of need to figure out my way back there.

              “You just going walk the whole way back in the middle of the night?” Bentley's laughter dances around me as I whip around to see him quickly approaching. “Come on. Let me drive you back.” He says, holding his arm out for me.

              I look from his face to his arm and then back to his face. “Oh come on. You don't really think I am going to let you walk just because you said you wouldn't fuck me.” He laughs, linking his arm with mine and spinning me back in the direction of the diner. “Besides, you said you wouldn't, not that you didn't want to.” He laughs, nudging my hip with his. As much as I want to keep up the act and pretend like he doesn't affect me, when he smiles at me the way he's smiling right now, I find it impossible to be anything but completely smitten.

              “You're impossible.” I say, shaking my head at him, his black sports car coming into view as we round the corner.

              We cross the street and within moments, I am being assisted into the passenger seat. While it's a sweet gesture, I can't help but feel a little annoyed with myself for liking the fact that he treats me like I am incapable of doing small things like getting into a car on my own.

              The drive back is quiet and the silence buzzes around us. More than once I open my mouth to speak but then think better of it and end up closing it again. I don't know what to say or do. I have never been in a situation where I wanted someone as badly as I do Bentley and yet, denied myself the pleasure of having him.

              I don't know what it is about him that has me fighting every step of the way. He wants to fuck me too, that much he's made clear. But it's everything else that makes me hesitant. I don't like the thought of being another number. I like being different. I like having the power and the control and it's clear he does too.

              Maybe that's my biggest issue of all. Control. I want to be able to control everything around me. I want to know that when I am with a man, I am all he wants. I want to be his sole focus. It makes me feel powerful. It makes me feel alive. I think with Bentley, it would be a fight for that power and it's a fight I think I would lose. Having never been in that situation, I'm fearful as to how that would feel.

              “Here we are.” He says, breaking into my thoughts as the car slows to stop next to my beat up old clunker.

              “Thank you for dinner.” I say, turning slightly to face him. The moment I do though, I am pulled into his arms and the next thing I know, his lips are crashing down on mine. I have no time to react as his tongue sweeps inside of my mouth until the only thing that exists in this moment is him.

              Not able to fight against the pull of electricity between us, I kiss him back with just as much force. He may be hell bent on leaving his mark on me, but that doesn't mean that I am not hell bent on doing the exact same thing to him.

              I expect him to make a move. Suggest we go somewhere. Touch me even. So when he does none of those things and abruptly breaks away from my mouth, I am left not only a panting mess of want and need, but also very confused.

              “Goodnight Logan.” He says, turning his eyes forward again. Realizing immediately the turn of events, I can't help but smile and push open the passenger side door.

              “Goodnight Mr. Reed.” I say, peeling myself from the leather bucket seat and not once looking at him as I shut the door and turn towards my car.

              I can't help but laugh as I watch his car pull away. That asshole actually thought that by getting me all worked up and then shutting me down, he was going to change my mind about sleeping with him. And though the thought sounds ridiculous to me, I also can't deny that in a way, it may have worked.

              In some strange way, him being the one to shut down on me makes me want him that much more. Is that crazy? I feel like it seems crazy and yet, there's no denying the fire coursing through me right now. I may have entered into this just wanting to come out on the other end unscathed. But now I am starting to think the only way to do that is to fuck him and get him out of my system.

              Climbing into my car, I stick the key in the ignition and groan when the engine kicks to life with a rumbling sound so loud, its a wonder that the car still even starts. It isn't until I am pulling out of the lot, that I realize that Josh's car is still here.
Allure
doesn't close until five in the morning but it's very rare that Josh stays past one or two. Considering it's well after three, I can't help but wonder what he's doing. Knowing I can't just go in and find out what's up without drawing attention to the fact that I was out with Bentley, I turn my attention forward.

              Pulling out into the street, I enjoy the sleeping city around me as I make my way back towards campus. I love being awake when everyone else is asleep. There is something so freeing about being in a city of thousands and yet being completely alone at the same time.

              It doesn't take long before I am quietly slipping into my dorm room, being extra careful not to wake Andrea as I fumble through the darkness towards my bed. Collapsing down on the mattress fully clothed, my eyelids feel heavy the moment my head hits the pillow.

              Not able to find the strength to do anything else, I try desperately to shake the vision of piercing blue eyes staring back at me and what those eyes make me feel. It doesn't take long before I feel myself starting to drift. One moment I am thinking of strong hands and full lips and the next, I am lost to the blackness.