Yin and Yang: A Fool's Beginning (40 page)

Maybe it's all in my head, maybe it isn't.

“Would he do this?”
she asks, searching my gaze.

I open my mouth to say no.

I can't do that anymore.

I shrug my shoulders
instead
. “Maybe.”

I can see tears
brimming in her eyes again
. “He
threatened me, but I didn't think he could do . . .
something like this.” She starts to cry again. Sobbing far more
fitfully than she did before.

I react. Sitting alongside her, I loop my arm around
her shoulders and rest her head against mine.

She doesn't shift back. She just cries.

I let her.

The world could be looking for me at that moment, but
nothing would make me leave her side.

Not the Princess, not my commanders, nothing.

Which is a strong
sentiment considering barely a few weeks ago I thought Yin was one
of
the most unpleasant people had ever
met. Yet as I've gotten to know her, things have changed. Since the
fan dance this morning, everything has changed.

Because I have changed. For the first time in years
I'm letting myself feel. I'm not pushing away my emotions, ashamed
of them.

I'm letting them tell me what's right and what's
wrong.

This is wrong. What Garl has down to Yin is
wrong.

“How is he doing it?”
she asks.

“I don't know,” I say
in a husky voice. “But there are sorcerers that can . . .
do things to people's blood. Poison it, dry it up,” I say through a
wince.

It's as if the full horror of those facts suddenly
strikes me. I've known them for so long, but I've never felt them
before. They feel horrible.

I still don't know if that's what's happening to Yin,
but it seems like the most logical possibility.

Garl, or perhaps
someone else, is punishing her. In the
cruelest way possible.

Automatically, I find myself pulling her a little
closer. Then I stare with a dead gaze across the room at the
door.

Again, time stretches out. Minutes or hours could
pass, but I have no way of telling.

Finally, however, she pulls away from me. She stands,
and she runs her right hand down her left arm.

“I didn't think of it
before, but now you mention it, I didn't even realize my hand was
bleeding the first time until Garl pointed it out,” she suddenly
says as she stares at the blood on her trousers.

I push my back into the wall and stand, feeling
wobbly. Then I nod.

Suddenly she looks at
me sharply
. “You aren't going to tell
him, right?”

“Of course not,” I
say disbelievingly.

“He's your commander,
isn't he? I thought there was nothing more important to you than
the Royal Army, your loyalty to the Kingdom,” she says, her voice
croaky from all the tears she's cried.

I go to tell her there isn't, then I stop.

I'm not sure of
anything anymore. No, I'm not sure of what is happening to me, but
I am sure of what I'll do
. “I will not
tell him,” I say, and I mean it, I really mean it. In fact, I've
never meant anything more in my life.

I watch her as she searches my gaze. I know she's
skilled enough to tell when I'm trying to manipulate her. She is
clearly looking for a lie in my eyes.

She doesn't find one.

There isn't one there.

I take a step forward, placing a hand on her right
shoulder.

She stares at the
floor, then up at my arm, then into my eyes
. “What am I meant to do?”

“I . . .
I've been investigating Garl,” I admit.

It's a secret I've been holding for weeks. One I have
told myself I will not share with anyone. Yet right now, I share it
with her.

She looks
confused
. “What?”

“Castor
. . . warned me about him. I didn't want to believe it,
but I . . . I've been investigating my commanding
officer,” I say bitterly.

She doesn't react how
I think she will. In fact, maybe I'm not even sure how she should
react. She shares my sorrowful gaze and nods
. “It's hard when your life changes before your eyes, and
the things you once relied on disappear,” she
acknowledges.

A tear collects in my eye and streaks down my
cheek.

I know it's going to happen before it does. I could
stop it, but I don't.

She looks at it. Then she sheds her own too.

“I've tried to do
everything he told me to. I thought I'd been good,” she
says.

“Maybe
. . . someone saw us this morning,” I suggest. “Perhaps
he returned to his office,” I wince as I think of the
possibility.

“So he's punishing
me,” she realizes, then she closes her eyes. “That makes
sense.”

“No it doesn't. He
should be punishing me.”

We look at each other.

What more is there to do?

“We'll find a way to
stop him,” I assure her.

I have no reason to assure her; what I'm suggesting
is impossible. Firstly, we're not even sure it's Garl behind this,
and secondly, he's a general of the Royal Army. I'm nothing but a
captain.

But as I look at Yin, I know I have to to help her.
Not just with my words, not just with my promises, but with
actions.

“I don't want you to
get in trouble,” she suddenly says.

It makes me laugh.
It's not a prolonged laugh, nor is it particularly mirthful. It's
just
. . . a laugh. “I'm pretty
sure only this morning you said you still hate me.”

She looks bashful,
closing her eyes
. “I don't hate you,” she
says with her eyes still firmly closed.

A shiver crosses down
my back, and I find myself gripping her shoulder
tighter
. “Thank you,” I say.

Perhaps it's the wrong thing to say, but I can't
think of anything else.

“And thank you,” she
says, her eyes still closed.

Silence descends between us. I have every reason to
walk away from her now, to pull my hand from her shoulder and to
leave.

Of course I can't though.

I remain by her side, as close to her as I can
get.

Until she opens her
eyes
. “What now?”

As she says that, despite what she's been through, I
see that flicker of flame in her gaze.

Determination.

It's just a spark
now, but I know from experience it will grow. Li
ke wildfire along a grassy plain, it will become bigger and
bigger and bigger, growing into a raging inferno no man can stand
before.

Though that prospect would have angered me before,
now I smile. Because, despite what is happening to her, I realize
she can fight back.

“I'll take you away,”
I suddenly say.

Surprise drops her
jaw down
. “What?”

“I'll let you go,” I
say with an unwavering voice.

“Yang?”

“Get you away from
here. I'll get you away from him.”

She shakes her
head
. “But this is your home. There's
nothing more important to you than the Kingdom. You've told me
that. And what of Garl? Are you just going to let him get away with
what he's doing?”

I grit my teeth
together
. “I don't know how to stop him,”
I admit honestly.

She watches me, her chest punching out in deep breath
after deep breath.

“In fact, I don't
even know what he's doing. What he's done. It is so complex. He's
too good at hiding his tracks,” I blurt out, suddenly all of the
thoughts I've been holding back streaming forth. “But there's one
place I think I can finally uncover his secrets.”

“What do you
mean?”

“There was a coastal
village that was wiped out 20 years ago. They say it was in a
tsunami, but I . . . don't know if I believe that. I
think Garl might have had something to do with it. I think this
time if I go out there. I might find the evidence I
need.”

She nods.

She doesn't shake her
head and tell me that's crazy. She just nods
. “Where is it?”

“A day away on
horseback,” I estimate.

Then I look at her.

I wonder if I can go through with what I'm
suggesting. Let her go? Take her out of the city? Go to the coastal
village and check to see if the most respected man in the Kingdom
is a mass murderer?

I have a duty. A sacred duty to the Princess. She has
selected me as one of her guardians, and yet right now I'm turning
my back on her.

I tell myself to stop. To think. To act like my
father would want me to. In the best interests of the Kingdom.

The only problem is, right now, I don't know what the
best interests of the Kingdom are. I know what I've been told they
are, but I can't trust that.

“Yang, are you sure?”
Yin whispers.

I have to be sure. I can't tell her and change my
mind.

Can I abandon the Princess? Can I walk away from
being her guardian?

. . .
.

Was I ever her guardian? I don't know anything about
the legend of the Savior. And all I found myself doing in her
presence was trying to figure out what the men around her were
planning. From Castor to Garl, it seemed like they had far more
power than I ever will hold.

They know more about the situation than I do.

And what kind of guardian does that make me?

Without any knowledge of my own, and with little
power, what can I offer Mara?

Plus, if Garl truly did see me teaching Yin the fan
dance, and decided to punish her like this, what will he do to
me?

Even if I stay, I won't be welcome. I'll do nothing
but look over my shoulder, waiting for Garl's attack.

Closing my own eyes now, I nod.

“Yang, are you sure?”
she whispers.

With my eyes still firmly closed, I nod.

Then I feel her light
touch on my shoulder
. “You don't have to
do this.”

I place my hand on
top of hers
. “But I will. You told me I
don't understand my magic. Well I don't understand my life either.
I trusted that man, trusted this kingdom. I purged myself of
emotion, went through the training to become the best Royal Army
sorcerer I thought I could be. All for them . . . .”
Finally I open my eyes. “I need to know if it's worth
it.”

She is looking right at me.

It's an expression I can't quite qualify; it holds
more than one emotion and more than one promise.

Swallowing hard, I
nod again
. “We are getting out of here,”
I say.

I mean it.

I mean it.

I am going to abandon the Royal Army and take Yin
with me.

There'll be no going back.

As I decide that, it
feels as though I'm standing there and staring into
the center of fire, knowing all the while it
can't burn me.

“When?” she asks
hesitantly.

“Now,” I say as I
take a step back from her.

“Now?” she asks
hurriedly, her surprise obvious.

“We can't risk Garl
doing this to you again. If I'm right, and he has found some
devious sorcerer who can manipulate your blood, we have to get you
as far away from here as soon as possible.”

“But . . .
Castor,” she suddenly says, emotion making her eyes grow
wide.

I don't know what to
say, so I say the only words that feel right
, “isn't here for you. But I am.”

Wow
. . . did I just say that?

I did, and there's no taking it back.

Yin places a hand
flat on her chest and takes a deep breath
. “You aren't . . . going to turn on me are
you?”

I stare directly at
her. If I wanted to manipulate her, I would draw up my water magic,
making my words seem as fluid and easy as possible. I don't dare
draw upon my magic now. Instead I delve deep into my
heart
. “No. I can't go back now. There's
nothing for me here anymore,” I conclude.

. . .
.

There's nothing for me here.

My whole life used to be here, and now, try as I
might, I can't find it in the regimes of the Royal Army or the
traditions of the Royal Family.

My questions have taken me far off the path my father
dictated for me, and though that should fill me with shame, it
pushes me further forward.

In fact, I take
several steps until I'm looking right down into her
eyes
. “I'm not going to betray you,” I
say.

I mean it.

She
nods
. “Then . . . what are we
waiting for?”

I actually smile. Only Yin can look excited in the
face of such hardship.

“Nothing. Garl will
be engaged at the palace well into the night. I will go and gather
some supplies, secure a horse, and come for you,” as I talk, a
latch a hand on her arm.

I'm not manipulating her.

She knows it.

She
nods
. “Captain Yang, thank you,” she
manages.

“I'm not a captain
anymore; I'm a traitor,” I say, trying the word on for
size.

It makes me feel sick, but it also fills me up with
energy.