Yellowstone Romance Series - Bundle (# 2-5) (76 page)

Dani’s eyes narrowed, and before he had a chance to respond, she added, “Don’t worry. I’ll keep the blanket wrapped around me. I wouldn’t want you to think I was acting like a hussy again. Besides,” she laughed, “what man in his right mind would find a heavily pregnant woman attractive? You can stop worrying that I might try and seduce you, Josh.”

Josh groaned, and clenched his jaw. “I want to apologize for that remark,” he said. Dani’s eyes grew wide with surprise. He moved around the table in the center of the room. “I had no call to say what I did.”

She nodded slightly. “I had hoped you weren’t a man who rushed to judge,” she said quietly. She sounded relieved. Time ticked by and they simply stared at each other. Dani had no idea how wrong she was about being undesirable in her present condition. Somehow, her full curves made her more attractive.

Josh finally cleared his throat. “Your bag’s over there by the door.” He motioned with his chin. “I’ll move it into the bedroom if you want.”

“No need.” Dani’s words stopped him when he was about to retrieve the bag. He needed something to do, to focus his mind on something other than her. “If we’re leaving again tomorrow, there’s really nothing I need from it.”

Josh glanced out the window into the darkness. “We’re not leaving tomorrow,” he said quietly.
Or the next day, or the next.
If his worst fears came true, the storm raging outside could bring enough snow to keep them locked in this cabin for a week.

Her eyebrows rose. She moved toward the window. Snowflakes streaked the glass pane with ever-increasing ferocity.

“We’ll have to wait out the weather,” he explained. “No telling how much snow will come down through the night.”

“And you don’t think I can make it to Helena?” she asked heatedly. The spark was back in her eyes.

“Now who’s jumping to conclusions?” Josh grinned. “I’m not wanting to go out in a potential blizzard. If we have to stay holed up here for a few days, then that’s what we’ll do.” He tried to sound casual, but his insides churned with dread. A few days could easily turn into a week or longer. He moved to kneel before the hearth, poking at the charred wood with a metal poker. He reached for more logs to keep the fire going. Dani needed the warmth.

“If you have some supplies handy, I’ll fix supper,” she offered. Apparently satisfied that he told the truth about the weather, she waddled back to the warmth of the hearth.

He raised his head to look up at her. He needed to ask the question that burned in his mind. It might as well be now. Slowly, he stood to his full height. She held his gaze as he stood before her. Josh swallowed, and cleared his throat. He ran his hand through his hair, and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  Inhaling deeply, he asked, “Dani, why did you kill your child’s father?”

Her eyes widened. She blinked and then lowered her head. He took a small step toward her. “Tell me I don’t have to sleep with one eye open,” he said, grinning.

Dani looked up at him, and the corners of her eyes twitched. There was no humor in her expression. She set her mouth in a firm line, and took a deep breath.

“Long ago, I swore never to allow a man to hurt me,” she said softly. “I killed the man who fathered my child because he . . .” Her voice wavered. She inhaled a deep shuddering breath. With renewed determination in her eyes, she raised her chin, and said firmly, “I killed him because he took the one thing from me I can never give to another man.”

Josh’s eyebrows furrowed. An ominous sensation of dread washed over him. Did he want to hear her next words? His muscles tensed, coiled and ready to strike something. He fisted his hands at his sides, and prepared for her response.

Dani clutched the ends of the blanket tightly to her chest, as if it would protect her somehow. Her blazing eyes couldn’t conceal the hurt and terror she so obviously tried to hide. Josh swore under his breath.

 Her voice was loud and strong, her tone defiant, when she confirmed his worst fears. “He stole my innocence. I killed him because he raped me.”

Chapter 11

The fire crackled loudly in the hearth as it eagerly consumed the fresh logs that Josh had added moments ago, the volume of the sound intensified by the silence that followed Danica’s revelation. She boldly held Josh’s dark stare. His body visibly tensed when she answered his question. Even now, the ferocious look on his face, his obsidian eyes drawn together, and his clenched jaw, reminded her of the warriors who had taken her and Maddie captive last summer. Obviously, her answer wasn’t what he had expected.

Abruptly, he tore his eyes away from her. He ran his hand through his hair and turned toward the fire, muttering something under his breath. His lips curved slightly, exposing white teeth. The light from the flames cast shadows on his bronze face, making him appear fierce and dangerous. He looked ready to murder someone.

Danica stood quietly, waiting for him to say something. She’d dreaded this moment, not sure what she should tell him. She’d never spoken the words out loud, whether to herself or to anyone else. The horrible memories it conjured up were too much to bear. She had firmly pushed the ordeal to the back of her mind, and set her sights on the future.  All that mattered was that she had survived, and the man who violated her was dead. She hoped and prayed Josh wouldn’t expect her to give him any more details.

His point blank question had caught her off guard. She could have lied and told him something else, anything other than the shameful truth. Some part of her however, wanted him to know. That he’d thought of her as a woman with loose morals hurt. What did he think of her now? That she was soiled goods? Someone’s discards?

She wanted Josh’s respect, and so much more. She wanted his love, but that had been a young girl’s fantasy. The irony of it didn’t escape her notice. For years, she’d dreamed of him, wondering what had become of him since their one brief encounter, or what sort of man he was. Now, by some twist of fate, she was married to him, and because of what had happened to her he’d become more unattainable than ever. No man wanted a sullied woman. And she had a child on the way that would serve as a constant reminder of her shame.

She’d made a solemn promise to herself that she would hold her head up high, no matter what. An unwed woman with a child was sure to cause speculation. Since her father had completely rejected her, Danica hoped she could make a fresh start in Helena or somewhere else, where no one knew her. No one would need to know that she had been violated in the worst possible way.

What would her father’s reaction have been if he’d allowed her to tell him the truth? Anger welled up in her. Most likely he would have told her that she was to blame, that somehow it was her fault that a man had done such unspeakable things to her.

Danica inhaled deeply, and shifted her weight from her left to her right foot. The warmth from the fire finally helped to thaw her body, and she moved to step away from the heat. Josh’s hand reached out abruptly and settled on her shoulder. Startled, she tried to pull away, but he held firm, and took a step toward her. She raised her head to look up at him, and startled anew at the depth of raw pain in his eyes.

“Dani,” he said quietly, and his hand squeezed her upper arm. “I . . . I’m sorry.” 

The sincerity in his voice surprised her. She didn’t comprehend the look of anguish in his eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Josh,” she replied coldly. “You’re not the man who violated me.”

The muscles in his jaw clenched anew, and he ran his hand through his hair.

“Would you like me to fix supper?” she asked again, taking in a deep breath. She needed to focus on something else. She didn’t want to remember her ordeal from last summer, and she certainly didn’t want to appear weak in Josh’s eyes. She had to remain strong and stand on her own two feet, even while her insides churned and every nerve in her body screamed for her to run into the next room to shed the tears that waited behind her eyes like a raging river ready to burst through a dam. She hadn’t allowed herself to cry last summer after the Indian attack, and she wasn’t going to do so now in front of Josh.

“Are you going to speak to me, or did my answer shock you so severely that you’ve become mute?” Why was he staring at her like that? He looked as if he was trying to reach a decision, but his eyes were filled with uncertainty.

Finally, Josh released his hold on her arm and turned away. He walked to the window across the room, and stared out into the darkness. Snowflakes streaked the window.

“My mother was raped, beaten, and left to die by three white men.” His back was still turned to her, and he spoke so quietly, she thought she misunderstood him.

Danica’s hands went to her stomach when her baby kicked out at that moment. She rubbed at the spot where his limb pushed outward.  Slowly, she moved up behind the man standing rigidly, staring out the window. It was she who placed her hand on his shoulder this time. Josh stiffened, then turned his head to look at her.

“I’m sorry, Josh,” Danica said softly. “I had no idea.” In the blink of an eye, the tables seemed to have turned. 

His gaze returned to the darkness outside. Silently, Danica waited for him to say something more. She wanted to ask questions about his mother, since he’d voluntarily brought her up, but thought it wiser to let him speak first, wondering, hoping, that he would say more. Her hand remained on his shoulder, and the tension in his muscles eased.

“You are an extraordinary woman,” Josh finally said, after a prolonged silence. Danica’s heart skipped a beat at those words. He turned to face her fully, and she dropped her arm. “I’m sorry for my accusations.”  

Heat crept up her neck and into her cheeks at his words. His intense stare, the fire blazing in those obsidian eyes, unnerved her more than she cared to admit. She took an involuntary step back. The room was suddenly much too warm, and she wished she could unwrap the blanket from around her heated body. It was not a good idea, however, to stand in front of Josh, wearing nothing but his shirt, even if the ends reached halfway down her thighs. If it weren’t for her wide belly, the shirttails would reach her knees.

She smiled tentatively at him. “Well, how about we agree not to make false assumptions anymore?” She held out her hand. He stared at it, his brows furrowing. “Shake on it,” Danica said, hoping her voice didn’t betray her inner turmoil. She thrust her hand at him. “Agree that we’ll ask questions from now on, rather than draw the wrong conclusions,” she prodded.

Josh hesitated, then slid his hand along hers, his large fingers and palm swallowing up her much smaller one. He held her gently, giving a light squeeze. Warmth radiated from Danica’s wrist upward. Her pulse increased. How was it that he held such incredible power over her? After everything she’d experienced at a man’s hand, why did she not feel repulsed or frightened by Josh’s touch? She was in love with him, that’s why, she reasoned.  No matter what another man had done to her, she loved Josh, and she would wager her life that he would never hurt her the way she’d been hurt before.

Danica tried to pull her hand away, but Josh tightened his grip. His eyes locked onto hers, and she held her breath.

“You are strong and brave,
Kumaa ekon nawipin.”
 The Shoshone words rolled across his tongue like an endearment.

“Will you tell me what that means?” Danica asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Josh grinned. Finally he released her hand, and she fought the urge to reach out to him, to slip her hand in his once more. A mischievous twinkle replaced the fathomless darkness in his eyes. Danica’s heart skipped a beat at the change it brought to his features.

“Even though they probably could not understand your words, the family you were with knew you spoke your mind. They called you woman with a sharp tongue.”

Danica stared for a moment, then smiled back at him, and lifted her chin proudly. She shook some hair out of her face. “Well, I was afraid it might mean something like dumb white woman who can’t get anything right.”

Josh’s face abruptly turned serious again. He stepped toward her, and took her hand in his again. “I meant what I said, Dani. You are a brave woman. Don’t be shamed by what some vile man did to you. You survived, and you dealt justice to him. Few women would be able to endure what you have.”

Danica didn’t realize how close they now stood to each other, until her belly scraped against Josh’s flat abdomen. She swallowed nervously, and tried to step back, but Josh held on to her hand.

With a shuddering breath, she realized the dam was ready to burst, and she was about to lose control of her well-guarded emotions. No one had spoken to her with such kindness in a long time. Certainly not in the last nine months, those long months when she needed a shoulder to cry on. Instead, she had only herself to rely on.

Danica bit her lower lip and squeezed her eyes shut as the first tears spilled down her cheeks.
Damn it! I don’t want to cry in front of him.
When she tried to pull free of his hold again, his grip tightened. Horrified at her display of weakness, she just wanted to run back to her room and hide, but Josh didn’t let go.

“I feel so dirty, Josh,” she blurted out.

In the next instant, he pulled her to him, gently, and wrapped his arms around her. Danica stood stiffly, too stunned by his actions to move or react. Slowly, the burden she’d carried within her all these months lifted from her shoulders like a great weight, and all she felt was Josh’s strong yet gentle hands stroking her back. She inhaled a quivering breath, and suddenly the strong resolve she’d built around herself crumbled like sandstone. Danica leaned into him as close as her bulging abdomen allowed. She rested her head against his chest, and let the tears flow.

Josh’s hold on her tightened. Danica’s arms reached up and she clung to him, her body trembling as her cries intensified. Years of standing strong and acting tough as if nothing in the world ever bothered her, coupled with the trials of the last nine months, came crashing down. For the first time since her mother’s death, another person cared enough to hold her up, and offered her a shoulder to cry on.

Nothing had ever felt as wonderful as Josh’s warm hand rubbing up and down her back, gently holding the back of her head to his chest with the other. He mumbled soft words to her, spoken in the familiar sounds of the Shoshone language, but she didn’t understand their meaning. Her baby suddenly kicked out violently, and she gasped involuntarily. Her back stiffened.

Josh must have felt the kick, too. He eased his hold on her, but didn’t release her completely.

Danica sniffed, and chuckled nervously. She hastily wiped at the tears on her face. “I think he’s telling me he’s being squeezed too tightly.” She glanced up tentatively, a jolt of adrenaline shooting through her. Josh looked down at her intently. His dark eyes had turned black as night, the flickers from the fire reflecting in their depths. She couldn’t interpret the serious look on his face. She dropped her hands from his shoulders, and stepped out of his embrace. Josh let her go.

“Thank you,” she said softly. The blanket she’d wrapped herself in had dropped below her shoulders, and she hastily pulled it back around herself.  She sniffed, and raised her chin.  He still stared at her.

Danica averted her eyes, and moved away from him. She pulled out a chair by the table and sat down. The muscles in her legs felt weak and tingly. She let the blanket fall down her shoulders, and she adjusted it around her middle, taking care to cover her bare legs. Every cell in her body was tuned to the man standing some feet behind her. She was sure he hadn’t moved, but didn’t dare turn around to look. What had brought out such tenderness in him? Did she remind him of his mother, and what she had no doubt endured? Did she dare ask him?

Danica’s stomach grumbled. She hadn’t eaten since they left their camp early this morning. 

“I’ll ask again, Josh,” she said, adjusting her bulk in the chair so she could turn her head to look at him. “Do you have any supplies here, so I can fix some supper? Or are you planning to starve us while we’re here?”

Josh chuckled, and moved around the table. Her eyes followed his lithe, easy movement. He seemed to have relaxed again. He barely made a sound as he walked. “I’ll get you some food,
Kumaa
. I forget that a woman in your condition eats for two.”