Year of Mistaken Discoveries (7 page)

I’d gotten the message from Coach Kerr, asking me to see her, in homeroom. She didn’t need to sign it; there was no mistaking the note was from her. She still dotted her
i
’s with small bubbles. It seemed once you were over thirty, there should be a rule about not doing that anymore. No wonder she made Liz our alternate on the squad—they had handwriting in common. Calling her space an office was a bit of a stretch. I’m pretty sure it used to be a janitor’s closet until she demanded that the administration give her a room of her own. She’d covered the walls with those annoying motivational posters. I wondered if she ever got tired of being so perky all the time. Coach Kerr was originally from Texas, where cheerleading was practically a religion. I think she found Michigan disappointing on many levels: our weather, the fact we didn’t wear our hair as large as she did, the quality of our barbecue, and that people didn’t see cheering as a divine calling.

“Ah, Miss Scott, how are you?” She arranged her face into what passed as a frowny face for her. She’d had a lot of work done, and expressions weren’t exactly her strength. Her face tended to look stiff, like a Disney princess Halloween mask. “I hope you know the entire squad has been pulling for you. I
know losing someone you know, especially at this age, can be hard.” She pressed her lips together and shook her head sadly.

I thought of pointing out that I hadn’t lost Nora; it wasn’t a case where she’d wandered off at the zoo—she was dead—but I knew that wasn’t a discussion Coach Kerr was interested in having. Dead wasn’t perky. “Thanks. Everyone’s been great.”

“Do you feel like getting back to it?”

My nose twitched from the smell of her perfume. The day after Nora’s funeral there had been a playoff football game. I hadn’t been in any shape to show up, yelling on the sidelines for people to get fired up. The idea of standing there while we had some meaningless moment of silence for Nora had made me sick. My mom had called and made an excuse for me.

“I’m not sure I’m ready,” I said.

Her lips pursed. It wasn’t the answer she wanted, but it’s tacky to give someone a hassle right after you told her you understood how she was going through a difficult time.

“Since we lost the game, there’s a break before basketball starts,” I said. She frowned. I sounded entirely too happy that the football season had ended in glorious defeat. “If I could have just a bit more time, it would help.”

Coach Kerr opened her mouth, but I cut her off. “I always knew I could count on you to understand.”

A satisfied smile spread across her face. Coach Kerr was obsessed with being a part of our squad. She was always talking about how some actor our age was really hot, or how much she
liked some new band, in an effort to be one of us. Coach talked about how we should think of her like an older sister. No one mentioned that she was the same age as our moms, and she was entirely too boot-camp sergeant for us to consider her a friend.

“Of course I understand,” she said. She shuffled the papers on her desk, tapping them into a tidy pile. “You’re right. There’s a natural break here. Take a week or two for yourself.” Coach wagged a finger at me. “If we don’t take care of ourselves, no one else will.”

I nodded. I didn’t bother telling her that worrying only about myself is exactly how I’d gotten into this situation.

chapter nine

M
y parents forced me to make an appointment to see Bradshaw. They thought it was important I had someone I could talk to, despite the fact I tried telling them he was the last person I would want to share my feelings with. I sat in his office, rolling the hem of my sweater between my fingers.

“It’s normal to feel upset,” he said. His lips went in and out, in full-on guppy-face mode. Fishman on speed.

I tried not to roll my eyes. This was the best our school could do? It seemed to me if someone went to grad school and got to have a fancy nameplate on their door, they should be able to offer better advice than “it’s normal to feel upset.” Thanks, Captain Obvious.

He sighed. “Your folks told me about how your early application to Duke wasn’t accepted. I also heard about you and
Colton.” He made an exaggerated sad face like some kind of annoying circus clown.

I sat up straighter. What had he heard?

“Colton came in to talk to me. He felt bad about what happened between the two of you, especially with you losing Nora the very next day. He knows how important Duke is to you.” Bradshaw tapped his pen on the desk. If he expected me to say something, he was going to wait a long time. I could kill Colton for talking to Bradshaw. If he felt bad, he could have told me instead, or spilled his guts to Karl, or one of his other friends. Did he really have to take it to Northside’s version of Dr. Phil? “I think Colton’s worried that between losing Nora, the news about Duke, and then the break with him, it could leave you feeling . . . upset. Now, I get how it might seem like everything is crashing in on you. No one would want you to do anything to yourself.”

My mouth fell open. “You think I’d kill myself over Colton?” Did people really think he was so great that without him I’d fall apart? We weren’t even officially broken up, unless Colton had forgotten to mention that part to me.

“No, I’m not saying that. I meant more because of everything happening at once, you might be overwhelmed. Sometimes when things are going bad, people make bad decisions.” He shook his head sadly. He was still waiting for me to deny it.

“I’m not thinking about killing myself.” I tried to ignore the fact that he was implying that my life was so pathetic that
it might seem reasonable to me to end it. “I’m fine. I told my parents I was going to be okay. I got upset at the funeral, but I’m doing better now.”

“Your parents are worried about you, huh?” He gave a chuffing sound. “Parents can drive you nuts sometimes.”

Great. Now we were buddies in this together. Then I saw Brody. He was standing by the closed door to the office. There was a pane of glass, about a foot wide, that ran alongside the door. Brody pressed his face to the glass when he recognized me.

“My parents have been great,” I said, trying to ignore Brody. I could imagine what Nora would do if she was here. She’d start telling Bradshaw stories, things about how she was a cutter or was being bullied for being gay. Anything to get him all riled up and excited. She’d string him along just for her own amusement.

“Well, that’s good. You need to know that you’re going to feel many things over the next bit. Lots of ups and downs.” He waved his hand like it was a roller coaster.

I glanced over. Brody puckered up his mouth, doing a perfect Fishman impression. I pressed my mouth together to keep from laughing.

“Avery?”

My head spun around. Bradshaw was looking at me, his guppy lips pooching in and out. Uh-oh. He must have said something that required an answer. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I was just thinking about how lucky I am that you’re so willing to listen. It’s hard to find an adult who isn’t judgmental.”

A person with an ounce of insight would have realized that I was laying it on thick, but Bradshaw wasn’t known for his keen ability to smell sarcasm. He actually believed that the students all loved him. He and Coach Kerr should date. I stood up to leave and he came around his desk. There was a moment when I thought he was going to break the strict no-hugging rule, but then he settled for one of his bracing slaps on the back. He slapped my back so hard I thought my spine was going to fly out of my mouth.

“Now, my door is always open. Remember what I said.”

“It’s okay to be upset,” I said as I opened his door.

“And to expect the ups and downs.” He gave my back another whack. I was going to need a chiropractor to realign my spine when this meeting was over.

“I sure will.”

Brody leaned against the wall in the hallway outside the office. I could feel the hum of excitement in Bradshaw’s voice when he spotted him. He likely dreamed of students seeking him out versus being forced to make an appointment.

“Brody! Good to see you.” He held out a closed hand so they could fist-bump. This was Bradshaw’s way of keeping it real. Brody paused for a moment and I thought he might leave him hanging there, but in the end he halfheartedly met Bradshaw’s fist with his own.

“You sent me a note saying I was supposed to see you,” Brody said.

Bradshaw suddenly clapped his hands together, making the both of us jump. “I just had a brilliant idea!”

Neither Brody nor I said anything, but I had the feeling he was as skeptical about this brilliant idea as I was.

“Brody, I brought you down so we could talk about your senior project, and now that I see the two of you together, it clicked.” He slapped both of us on the back. Brody and I looked at each other warily. Bradshaw looked entirely too excited, like someone selling religion. “Avery is looking for a new partner for her project too.”

I opened my mouth to protest, and then closed it with a click. If Colton felt the need to tell Bradshaw that he was worried I was going to hurl myself into traffic or start drinking Drano cocktails, then odds were our break was a lot more like a breakup. Brody’s need for a new partner for his project was a bit more obvious. When I looked over at Brody, he shrugged slightly, which I decided to take that he wasn’t repulsed by the idea.

“Yeah. I guess,” I said.

“Okay! Everybody high-five.” He pumped his hand in the air. Brody and I both limply slapped his hand so that the horror could end. “Now you two hunker in and figure out what you want to do and let me know. I’m rooting for you guys.”

He bustled back into his office, leaving us standing there looking at each other.

chapter ten

I
waited until Bradshaw closed the door to his office and then punched Brody in the arm.

“What’s that for?” Brody rubbed his bicep.

“For almost making me laugh in there. The guy already thinks I’m on the edge. If I’d started laughing in the middle of his ‘we’re all in this together, isn’t the world a great place’ speech, he was going to have me locked up. I was trying to at least look like I was listening to him, and you’re out here making fish faces.”

“I couldn’t resist. He had me in for a heart-to-heart on Monday, just so he could tell me that real men aren’t afraid to cry.”

“He didn’t,” I said.

“Oh yes he did. He said, and I’m quoting here, ‘Batman
wouldn’t have existed without pain and emotion.’ ” Brody’s lip curled up in a half smile. “I think he was actively disappointed that I didn’t break down right then and there, vowing to take up a life as a secret hero vigilante to avenge Nora.”

“Wow.”

“Can you imagine what Nora would have said?” Brody asked.

I burst out laughing and Brody joined me. I hadn’t laughed in days and it felt unnatural, the sound almost fake as it came out of my mouth. Brody did his lip impression of Bradshaw again and I laughed harder, it coming easier the second time.

“You’re a fish-faced Batman,” I said.

Brody placed his hand on his hips, giving himself a hero stance. “Enemy of evil, protector of truth, justice, the American way, and the right to shed a few manly tears now and then.” He looked around. “You want to get something to eat?”

I glanced at the clock. “I’ve got calculus next period. I can’t miss it.”

Brody smiled. “No problem.” He started down the hall and after a few steps paused, looking back at me. “You coming?”

I followed him down to the empty cafeteria. “They’re not open,” I pointed out.

He held up a finger. “Not for the average person, but I think we’ve established that I’m a vigilante and outside the law.” He motioned to the open kitchen. “Go up and ask them something.”

“What am I supposed to say?”

Brody sighed. “I don’t know. I need a distraction. Ask them
about getting a recipe or something.” He pushed me toward the kitchen window before I could figure out why he needed the distraction.

“Excuse me!” The three cooks looked up from what they were doing. “Can I ask you ladies something?” They wiped their hands on towels and came closer to the window. Behind them I saw the side door open and Brody slip into the kitchen.

“We’re not open until the first lunch break,” one said.

“I know. I wondered if you could answer some questions about your recipes? I have a friend who’s allergic to gluten,” I babbled. I tried to look at the cooks, but I could see Brody behind them, grabbing a couple of cookies off a cooling rack and two cartons of milk. “Gluten’s in everything, so I want to make sure she doesn’t get sick.”

“There’s a printout on food allergies in the office.” The cook started to turn back. I lunged forward and grabbed her arm. All three of them looked at me.

“I, uh, just wanted to thank you. For caring . . . about food allergies. It means everything.”

“Sure.” The cook tried to pull out of my grasp.

“Food feeds the body, but the love you put in the food feeds the soul.”

I saw the cooks exchange a glance. They thought I might be on something. “Well, that’s great.” The cook took a step back so I couldn’t reach her. I saw the side door swing shut.

“Okay, thanks!” I hustled out.

Brody was just outside the cafeteria, laughing. “Feed the soul?”

I grabbed the cookie out of his hand. “I had to improvise. I can’t believe you stole from the cafeteria.”

“Lighten up. It’s a cookie; I didn’t raid the cash box.” He tossed me a milk carton and slid down the closest locker so he was sitting. “Cookies are warm,” he said, taking a bite.

The smell of warm chocolate and sugar was irresistible. I sat down on the floor next to him. “I didn’t know you and Nora were friends until the party,” I said.

“I used to go to the camera store where she worked. We started talking, and then after that we started hanging out sometimes.”

I was trying to figure out how to ask if they’d dated. Brody glanced at me and must have been able to read my mind.

“We were just friends. We both liked taking pictures. Nora was clear she wasn’t looking to date. She was pretty antirelationship since her folks busted up.”