Wrestling Against Myself (44 page)

“What was plan B?”

“Homeschooling. It isn't the ideal situation, but it would have put an end to all the teasing and bullying as she adapted to being who she is.”

“Do you mind if I ask you a question?” Tony adjusted himself in the chair.

“Sure?”

“Why have her change in high school?”

“Because it was unfair to force her to stay being something she is not.”

“I can see that. So I take it she's always been feminine?”

“She tried not to be. She tried to conform and be the brave little soldier she thought she was supposed to be. I wouldn't say the results were disastrous, but whenever she tried to be Mommy's or Daddy's little man, every action she did seemed so unnatural.”

Tony let out a soft laugh.

“What's so funny?”

“Just how wrong I had everything. I figured she spent most her life playing dress up and being a little princess. Part of me thought that you were a single mom and didn't know anything about little boys and things gravitated to you making Courtney girlish.”

“That may happen in some situations, I wouldn't be able to tell. Like I said, I don't understand the whole mess as it is and I couldn't speak for other kids suffering from the same condition, but what you suggest didn't happen. In fact, Courtney never wore any girl's clothing until after school finished last year and that was after years of counseling with someone who specializes in gender disorders.”

“Lucky for her she has understanding parents,” Tony said.

“And now an understanding friend.”

“She has her friend Penelope in Atlanta, doesn't she?”

“That's to be expected of kids going through the same struggles.”

“Oh!” Antonio said in surprise. “That explains a lot. I was wondering how a girl like Courtney went to a summer camp with other girls without there being issues.'

“They were all girls like her, to varying degrees. It helped her realize she's not alone in her struggles.”

“And she won't have to struggle alone here either.”

“Don't get me wrong, Tiny,” Mrs. Barnes turned serious. “What are your intentions with my daughter?”

Antonio was caught off guard and almost fell out of his chair. “Intentions? I guess to be her friend. I know I'm not gaining popularity for hanging out with her and keeping her from the morons that want to do her harm. I decided a while ago that I would do what was right over what was popular. When I first saw Courtney, I knew almost instantly that the right thing to do was to be her friend.”

Mrs. Barnes raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“You have a great daughter. She's like the little sister I never had. I like her, she is fun to be around and I never turn down a friend.”

“Just checking,” Mrs. Barnes said. “But it's no wonder why she likes you.”

“She's a good kid.”

“Dinner is still a few hours away,” Mrs. Barnes said as she made her way around the counter to the sink. “We got steak and baked potatoes and I hope you like green beans.”

“They're fine.”

“This is the first time Courtney has had company over this house and I'm sure she is dying to show you around. I'm glad we had this talk and I'm sure my husband wouldn't mind sharing a few words with you when he gets home.”

“No problem.”

“I'd tell you to go find Courtney, but she's hiding behind the doorway eavesdropping.”

“I am not,” a small voice said defiantly before she realized she gave herself away.   

“It's okay,” Mrs. Barnes said. “Remember, we don't keep secrets in this house. Now give Tiny the grand tour, but leave the door to your room open.”

“Yes ma'am.” Courtney appeared in the doorway. “Come on, Antonio, I'll show you my room.”

“At least you remembered to call me by the right name,” Tony said as he followed the girl through the house. “It's always weird to hear parents call me Tiny. My mom always gets a kick out of it when someone calls the house and asks for Tiny. The first time it happened she thought it was a crank call.”

“Why don't you tell people to stop if you don't like them calling you that? And if they don't you just bop them on the nose.” Courtney jumped up and playfully jabbed at the taller teen.

“Easy slugger,” Tony said with a chuckle. “Don't want you breaking a nail or anything.”

Courtney rolled her eyes and sighed. “I'm not that fragile, you know?”

“Sorry, wasn't trying to imply that you were.”

“Right,” Courtney said sarcastically as she opened a white wooden door. “This is my room.”

Antonio followed the girl inside. It wasn't what he was expecting. The room was white with mauve carpeting. There were pictures on the wall, but nothing that would give away the gender of the person who slept there outside of the pink and white bedspread and a few stuffed animals that sat on the bed.

“What do you think?” Courtney asked excitedly.

“I don't know.” Tony made his way to a black leather chair that sat in front of a computer desk. “I thought there would be more pink and posters of dudes over the wall.”

“My dad wouldn't be able to handle that. This isn't the easiest thing for him. I'm an only kid and dads want to pass down the family name.”

“Maybe. My dad isn't around so I wouldn't know. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I had a son to name after him.”

“Not Tiny Junior?”

“No!” Tony said straight faced. “The world is barely big enough for the one of me.”

Courtney laughed. “I think the world could use a few more Tiny's, it wouldn't hurt nothing.”

“Ya, but sooner or later we'd meet on the wrestling mat and nothing good could come out of that.”

“I thought you liked wrestling against yourself.”

“Wrestling against myself is fine when there are no other options, but when it comes to competition, I like winning. If I wrestled against myself at a tournament one of me would wind up losing and that would make them sad.”

“You're nuts.”

Tony smiled and then spun around in the chair, going around two full times before coming to a stop.

“What did you think of my mom?”

“She's cool. She lets you be yourself and I know some parents who would have a conniption if their kid was in your situation. You're a pretty lucky girl.”

Courtney sat down on her bed, smoothing the skirt of her dress to keep her decency. “She's coming around. I think she wanted to fix me at first.”

“Like a dog?”

Courtney snorted out a laugh. “No! Not like that!” she said through boisterous laughter. “She knew I wasn't quite right as Corey, so she started me seeing a talking doctor. I think her plan was to make me more manly and to stop doing all the girl stuff I was doing naturally.”

“Must have been hard for you,” Tony tried to sympathize.

“Not really. I was going along with the program. I figured that I was born with certain plumbing and I should act that way.”

Tony eyes opened wide.

“Does that surprise you?”

“Kind of,” Tony admitted. “I figured you were girly all along and if people tried to change you, you would fight against them.”

“Not exactly. I wrestle against myself too, only in a different way. I didn't choose to be this way,” Courtney extended her arms to reveal her body. “And when I hear some of the other girls speak, sometimes I doubt myself.”

“Why is that?”

“Some of the other girls, when they talk, they say things like when they were younger they wished they had a girl's body or that their thing would magically disappear or something.”

“And that's not you?”

“Heck no. I was afraid of disappointing my mom and dad. I use to pray that when I woke up I would start behaving like the boy I was supposed to be and like it.”

“Interesting.”

“You keep using that word,” Courtney said. “Do you mean weird or strange or totally bonkers?”

Tony chuckled. “No. I mean interesting. I'm learning stuff I never knew and what I thought was the case isn't reality.”

“What did you think reality was?”

“I thought it would be like you saw your sister in a dress and wanted to be like her.”

“I don't have a sister.”

“I know that now. What made you decide to stop being a boy and start being a girl?”

“It's not like that. I didn't one day start being a girl. I was always a girl. I don't remember a time when I said, hey let’s try being a girl today. It's who I always was. The real decision was to stop pretending to be something I was not to make other people happy while making myself miserable in the process.”

“But one day you decided to stop pretending to be a boy.”

“Yes. It was slow. It wasn't like one day I burned all my jeans and toy trucks and stuff and said 'here I am world, watch out.' I spent a lot of time with the talking doctor and he spent a lot of time talking to my parents and it was decided that my life would be better if I was the real me.”

“And you did that over the summer?”

“No.”

“Oh? I thought because that Henry kid said he knew you from middle school last year.”

“Everything went in stages and it didn't happen over night or over the summer. I didn't even dress like a girl when I decided to be the real me. The first step was changing my name and that was only at home.”

“It would be strange to call you Corey.”

“It was strange getting use to being called Courtney. At the same time, it felt so right.”

“I am glad you decided to be the real you. You're not that bad.”

Courtney blushed. “Gee, thanks,” she tried to sound offended but her rosy cheeks gave her away.

“No problem. It took a while to get use to people calling me Tiny. At first I hated it, now it's second nature.”

“I like calling you Antonio, though.”

“And I like calling you Courtney. It's like we don't have facades up between us.”

“I can live with that. I do have one more question for you though.”

“Sure, anything?”

“Why did you tell my mom that I was like the little sister you never had?”

Tony shrugged. “I don't know. I guess that's the way I view you. I don't put you in the same boat as Tracy or Stephanie. They're just friends. With you, there's something more. Why do you ask?”

Courtney smiled politely. “Just wondering.”

Tony glanced around the room. “I notice you don't have dolls, that ruined the stereotype I have for girls,” he said to change the subject.

“I was never into dolls. But my mom tells this story that when I was three, I use to rock my Tonka truck to sleep and sing in a lullaby.”

“Cute.”

“Yeah, even then the signs were everywhere. I guess that's why when the doctor suggested what he did; me starting to live as Courtney, it didn't take my parents off guard.”