I was willing to bet coffee, knowing Kass.
I thought about trying to make a run for it and go straight to my room, but then she looked up and spotted me, her face breaking out into a relieved smile. I knew then that there was no point. I was going to have to face her.
Letting out a sigh, I went to the kitchen. That was when I realized that Kass wasn
’
t sitting alone, that she was incredibly nervous, and why she was so damn relieved when she spotted me.
Sitting across from her, holding his own mug, was Logan.
At Kass
’
s change of expression, he turned in his chair so that he could face me. He was calm now, unlike he had been the last time I saw him, and his hair was pulled back away from his face. He wasn
’
t smiling, but he didn
’
t look angry or disgruntled in the least. He looked like he was just sitting there sharing a cup of coffee with my roommate.
Kass glanced between us, a fake smile plastered on her face to cover up her discomfort. After a moment, she got up, leaving her mug behind and strode over to me.
“
I
’
ll, uh, leave you to alone to talk,
”
she said to both of us, glancing between us again. She told Logan it was nice talking with him, and made to leave, but she paused when she was right next to me.
“
I
’
ll be upstairs if you need me,
”
she whispered into my ear.
“
Just give me a holler, and I
’
m all over him like Lexie on a fresh piece of meat.
”
I gave her a grateful smile as she left. We waited until we heard her footsteps fade on the stairs before either of us said anything. When her door closed, I folded my arms across my chest and focused on Logan.
“
What are you doing here?
”
I asked.
“
I didn
’
t think you
’
d want to talk to me after what happened earlier.
”
His calm expression flickered momentarily to hurt, but he pushed it aside. He shrugged.
“
I think we were both pretty upset today and maybe said some things we didn
’
t mean?
”
It was framed as a question and I could hear the hopeful note in his voice. When I didn
’
t answer, he continued.
“
I
’
m sorry if I came off too strong,
”
he apologized, running a hand back along his hair.
“
After last night, I thought we needed to talk, but I didn
’
t really know how to get ahold of you. I asked around a bit and figured out where a few of your classes were.
”
“
A few?
”
I interrupted, voice dripping with skepticism.
He smiled a little, just a tiny bit.
“
Alright, okay,
all
of your classes. Mason mentioned that you never missed class, so I figured if I just met you outside of class
…
well, I thought we could work things out.
”
I kept my arms crossed, though I could feel my anger soften a little. He
’
d only been trying to get ahold of me and didn
’
t know how else
…
It made it a lot harder for me to be angry at him.
“
But then you didn
’
t show up for your first class,
”
he continued, and I could hear the frustration start to bleed through his otherwise calm fa
ç
ade.
“
And your second. And then your third.
”
I stopped him there, shaking my head.
“
I went to my third class.
”
He frowned.
“
I didn
’
t see you. I waited for you outside of the door, but you never showed.
”
I thought about a moment before saying,
“
I got there really early. My first two classes were cancelled because of some mishap in the Social Sciences building and instead of rescheduling, they gave us a free period to study and work on homework.
”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“
So when I finally went to campus, I left really early, and ended up in class before all of the students had finished leaving the last one.
”
Logan stared at me a moment before he shook his head and gave a bark of a laugh, not really filled with any humor, but maybe a little self-derision.
“
So you didn
’
t skip your classes.
”
I shook my head.
“
I didn
’
t skip my classes,
”
I confirmed.
“
And you weren
’
t avoiding me,
”
he added.
Here, I paused. While I hadn
’
t deliberately missed any classes with the hopes of avoiding Logan, I hadn
’
t really been seeking him out. If I
’
d known he was trying so hard to find me, I probably
would
have been deliberately avoiding him.
As it stood, I wasn
’
t.
After a moment, I sighed and let my arms fall from their crossed position over my chest. I walked farther into the kitchen, heading to island counter. I took Kass
’
s vacated seat, taking her cup of coffee into my hands more out of habit than anything else.
“
I wasn
’
t deliberately avoiding you, no,
”
I told him honestly.
He smiled a real smile, relief evident in his expression. He opened his mouth, probably about to say something along the lines of how he felt ridiculous now and was really uncertain about the night before, but I stopped him before he could get anything out.
I couldn
’
t let this keep festering.
“
I wasn
’
t doing it deliberately,
”
I repeated carefully.
“
But if I
’
d known you were looking for me, I probably would have.
”
His smile dropped almost immediately, his brow furrowing in confusion.
“
Why?
”
he asked, clearly upset by this bit of news.
I shook my head, my gaze dropping to the coffee that was cooling in Kass
’
s mug.
“
Because I have a lot going on right now, and you
’
re
…”
I struggled to find the right words.
“
You
’
re bad news for me.
”
I could see the hope flickering out in his eyes, his posture slumping slightly.
“
Addy,
”
he said, his voice low.
“
I thought maybe I
’
d convinced you that I
’
m not such a bad guy, that I
’
m not trouble. That you can give this a chance.
”
Whatever
this
was, I thought, feeling heavy. I shook my head again.
“
You
…
you aren
’
t a bad guy, Logan,
”
I answered in a soft voice.
“
That
’
s not what this is about. You just aren
’
t the guy for
me
. We
’
re a bad match, and
…”
I didn
’
t know how to finish.
“
What, Addy?
”
he asked, his voice getting hard as he tried to swallow back whatever emotion he was feeling.
“
And whenever I run into you, it just seems so hard to remember that,
”
I finally admit in a tiny voice.
“
That
’
s why I would have avoided you today.
”
For several long moments, the both of us were silent. I stared at Kass
’
s coffee, unable to look up and see his eyes, to fall into them again and get caught up in him. But I couldn
’
t sit still, feeling the tension between us as my words hung in the air, so I got up from the counter and took her mug to the sink. I dumped out the coffee and rinsed it out. Then I stuck it in the dishwasher. The washer wasn
’
t full, so I didn
’
t run a load, but I had the urge to go around the house and search out other dishes so I
could
run it. Or maybe even just go around and clean the entire kitchen.
But I resisted these urges and turned back to the island counter. I stood there, choosing not to sit, and leaned with my forearms on the counter.
“
I feel like a broken record with you,
”
he admitted to me, his voice low and husky. His gaze lifted and his eyes searched out mine. I thought about looking away, but I couldn
’
t. As soon as I saw those swirling blue and gray colors, I was lost in them.
“
But I
’
ll keep saying it until you hear me, Addy,
”
he continued in that same low voice.
“
Just give me a chance, please.
”
He reached out, his hand covering mine.
“
I promise, I won
’
t be bad for you.
”
I froze as soon as I realized it. Glancing down, I confirmed it. His hand lay over mine, large and warm. There were callouses on his fingers and his palm, but his touch was so gentle. It was the first time I felt like he was touching me with those hands when he wasn
’
t just catching me when I was falling. Heat flooded into me from that one simple touch, even though it was only his hand on mine.
My body always seemed to keep responding to him like this, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that this was a bad idea, that he was the last person I needed in my life, that this was just a terrible mistake waiting to happen.
I took a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest as his touch warmed my hand and made me wish he would touch me other places.
I had a full moment to bask in his touch, but then he seemed to realize what he was doing, too. He jerked his hand away quickly and stood abruptly from his seat at the counter.
Surprised
—
and maybe a little disappointed
—
I realized he was planning on leaving.
“
I
’
m sorry,
”
he muttered, shaking his head.
“
I
…
I need to go.
”
He turned away from me, heading towards the door.
“
Wait, Logan!
”
I called, but the door already closed behind him and I was left wondering again what it was about him and putting his hands on me.
I stood in the hallway staring at the closed door. I wasn
’
t sure what just happened. Why had he left so abruptly, right when I felt
…
I shook my head. It was for the best that he
’
d decided to leave. No good could come from my admitting that I felt something
—
even if I wasn
’
t sure what it was just yet
—
for him.
I had to stay
away
from him.
I was still staring at the door when I heard footsteps padding down the stairs. Kass appeared beside me, putting her hand on my shoulder.
“
Are you okay?
”
she asked hesitantly, concern lacing her voice.
Nodding my head, I said,
“
Yeah, I
’
m fine. I
’
m okay.
”
But my voice sounded empty and a little hollow, uncertain.