Worthy of the Harmony (Mountains & Men Book 2) (38 page)

I don’t move when I hear the front door open and close. I don’t have it in me to hide my tears from Sarah. Not today, anyway.

“Millie?” she coos, inching her way around the couch. “Millie, what happened? Why aren’t you with Sage? I thought—”

“I think…we broke up.” I say the words with uncertainty, as if I’ve somehow wandered into denial over what I’ve just done.

“Wait, what do you mean,
you think?
”

“I mean—” I’m cut off when my phone starts to ring.
Again.
I know without even looking that it’s Sage. He’s been calling every ten minutes for the last hour and a half.

Sarah turns and spots my phone on the coffee table. She picks it up and kneels in front of me, holding it so that I can see the display. “Millie, you should answer.” I shake my head no, but she doesn’t give up. “Millie—” She looks from me to the phone and then nervously bites her lip. “Oh, shit. Please forgive me.”

Before I can interpret what she means, she slides her finger across the screen and answers the call. “Sage? It’s Sarah.”

I gasp, shooting upright in a seated position as I gape at her. I ignore the pounding in my head as she stares back at me with wide eyes, almost as if she’s just as shocked as I am that she actually answered the phone against my wishes.

“Hold on, I’ll try, okay?” He says something that I cannot hear and then Sarah pulls the device away from her ear, holding it out for me to take it. “If you were me, if you saw your face right now, you would do the same thing.” She pushes the mobile into my hand and, reluctantly, I curl my fingers around it and bring it to my ear before she leaves the room.

“Hello?” I whisper.

“
Baby
—fuck, hi.”

Hearing his voice fills me with a dangerous amount of hope. I try to ignore it, but then I speak, wishing to hear more of it. “What do you want, Sage?”

“You, doll face. You know that.”

“I don’t—”

“No. No more
don’t
or
can’t
or
won’t
or anything that resembles a
no.
Only one of us is allowed to say
no
and that’s me. Millicent, I’m telling you no. We’re not breaking up; do you hear me?”

I seal my eyes shut, causing another couple tears to leak down my salted cheeks. Just like earlier, when he wrapped me in his arms, his voice weakens my resolve. I’ve done my best to fight this love, but I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to win the war. I’ve picked my battles—but I’ve gone in with a disadvantage. He holds my heart. How am I supposed to beat that?

“I hear you,” I say softly.

He sighs before he mutters, “Thank
fuck,
” but I don’t let him get another word in before I continue.

“Sage, wait. I hear you—but I meant what I said. Maybe we should just…I don’t know, maybe we could take a time out. You could figure out what it is that you really feel and—”

“Millie, I
know
how I feel.”

“
Now.
You know how you feel
now.
But after six weeks of being apart?” I blow out a breath, reaching up to tangle my fingers in my messy hair. “Look, I can’t stay here and watch and wait for you to change your mind. So, please—for me—can we just hit the pause button? Then, we’ll talk when you get back.”

I hate myself for asking him to do this. I despise myself for being so weak, for giving him this small victory, for giving either of us hope. I want him so badly; but at the same time, I’m too afraid to hold onto him. So, instead, my solution is to torture both of us—to hang onto him without actually hanging onto him. I’ve given us
hope
when I was determined to let us go…and this hurts more. But the sound of his voice in my ear—

“Baby—”

“Sage,
please?
”

“Fine,” he grumbles. “But this doesn’t change anything, Millie.”

I nod, afraid to believe that he’s right. “I guess we’ll see.”

“Yeah. I guess we will.”

I CAN’T FEEL
my ears. I wonder how cold you have to be before you get frostbite. I wonder, but I don’t worry. I don’t have the capacity to worry; and right now, I don’t give a shit about my ears. If it weren’t for Maestro, I wouldn’t have even bothered digging out the blanket I keep in my trunk, but it’s my choice to be out here. Not his. He shouldn’t have to suffer. He’s asleep on my chest, covered with a blanket and my hands. Tonight, out here in the dark field, stretched out in the backseat of my car, the top down and my feet propped up, he’s my only solace.

Though, I suppose the night passed long ago. Morning should bring the dawn, soon.

I have no idea what time it is anymore. I could give a fuck. I
should
give a fuck, but I’ve been numb for hours now. My phone died sometime around midnight. I wore the battery down calling Millicent over and over and over again. I sat in front of her apartment for at least two hours, hoping that if I was relentless enough, that she would pick up. She didn’t—but Sarah did. I swear, that girl is like my fucking fairy godmother or some shit. She’s got my back when it comes to Millie. Always has. Even still, talking to my girl didn’t fix a fucking thing.

Pepper and Rosemary blew up my phone. I knew, without listening to a single voicemail or reading a single text message, that they were anxiously waiting for me to show up, but I couldn’t go. Not without my girl. My last night was supposed to be spent with all my girls—not just my sisters and my niece. If I went to Pepper’s house, if I sat at the Montgomery table, I’d have to give voice to the events that transpired and…I just couldn’t. So I came here instead.

At nine, they started to really worry. I know because one by one, the guys started calling and texting. In an attempt to shut them up, I sent Rosy a text, ensuring her that I was still alive. Of course, that didn’t silence my phone, but I ignored it until it died.

Tonight, under the stars, in the freezing cold, I’ve wandered around in my thoughts. In the quiet of this place, this place where bullshit is shed and peace resides, I think back to what Millie said about me
belonging
to the crowd I sing to. She’s got it all mixed up. It’s never really been about the crowd, but about the music. Even then, my music isn’t everything. It’s who I am, who I’ve been, and who I will be—it’s my passion, it’s my heart, it’s my dream, it’s my first love—but it isn’t everything. It doesn’t keep me warm at night. I can’t hold it or touch it or
taste
it. It will never bring me the physical ecstasy that I crave. It doesn’t look at me and make me feel like more of a man than I’ve ever felt I could be. It isn’t Millicent.

Tonight, under the stars, in the freezing cold, I’ve explored my heart. In the quiet of this place, I’ve heard the depths of my longing and I’m sure that I am in love with Millicent Tatiana Valentine. I knew that it would happen. I could sense it coming like an unstoppable force that would take me by storm. I never imagined that admitting it would hurt this much.

Tonight, under the stars, in the freezing cold, I’ve searched my soul. In this peaceful place where my bullshit must remain, I wait for answers. I know why she’s done this. I know why she waited until tonight. She knew that I would fight. She was afraid that I would win—and maybe I would have, had she believed me when I told her that I love her. But
fuck,
now we’re here—or rather, I’m here and she’s there and my love means nothing to her as it stands.

Somehow, over the course of the next six weeks, I’m supposed to prove to her that my feelings are true. I’m supposed to prove to a woman who won’t answer my calls, to a woman who will be out of reach, that I love her. The question that only breeds more questions and no answers is—how do I fight for her while I fight to keep my dream alive at the same time?

In the dead of night, the sound of the approaching vehicle cannot be ignored. I’m not surprised that I have company. I knew that they would come, that someone would think to find me here eventually. When I hear a car door open and shut, the sound of someone’s footfalls as they walk toward me across the frozen ground, I don’t move to greet them.

“
Christ
, I ought to beat the shit out of you,” Rosy mumbles, peering down at me. “We’ve been worried sick, asshole!”

“Now you see me. I’m fine,” I deadpan.

“No. You’re not fine.” She opens the car door and squeezes into the small space between me and the seat. She cups her mitten covered hands around my cheeks in an attempt to warm my face as she looks me in the eye. “Something’s going on between you and Millie. I don’t know what—none of us can figure it out, but we haven’t been able to get ahold of either of you and you aren’t there. You’re here, which means you’re hurting.”

Hearing the words from her mouth guts me. My throat starts to close and it’s all I can do to manage a swallow. Was it just a few days ago when I thought I had it all? And now I see that what’s here today could be gone tomorrow—and maybe I don’t have shit.

“Sage, honey, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. But you can’t stay here. You have to come home. You’ll be leaving with the guys in a few hours.”

I sigh, knowing she’s right, wishing she wasn’t—wishing I had more time.

“I love her,” I whisper.

She nods. “I thought you might.”

I draw in a deep breath when I hear two more car doors open. Rosy didn’t come alone and, guessing by the number of feet I hear, I know it’s time to go.

“Sage—you’re fucking insane. It’s freezing out here, man,” cries Maddox.

“Yeah, dude, forget this shit. We’ve got some beers back at the house. Let’s get out of here,” says Knox.

I look up and find everyone is here—my band of brothers. Even Alex and Violet showed up.

“Sage, whatever’s going on, you aren’t going to beat it out here,” Derrick states. “You can’t live to fight another day if you freeze your fucking ass off. Let’s go.”

He’s right. They all are. It’s time to leave.

I have no answers. I don’t know how I’m going to get my girl back, not with this tour standing in my way—but staying out here won’t help. It’s time to face the music—
my
music.

This isn’t over.

Our song isn’t finished.

It can’t be.

Look for the continuation of Sage and Millie’s story in book two of the Mountains & Men series.

Worthy of the Dissonance, coming autumn 2016.

Also by R.C. Martin

Made for Love Series

The Promises We Keep

Reckless Surrender

The O’Conners

So Much More

The Holloways

Fool for You (Coming Summer 2016)

Acknowledgments

First and foremost, big shout out to my God. Without Him, I have no gift, I have no vision, I have no dream. By His grace, I have the opportunity to do what I love and to share it with all of you.

To my dear friend Hayley—THANK YOU! Gosh. I cannot thank you enough. Words cannot express how much your support helped me through the process of writing this book. It was so hard to get these words out, but you were my cheerleader every step of the way. You boosted me when I tore myself down; you encouraged me when I thought I had written absolute crap; you put up with me when I simply couldn’t be satisfied with all that I had managed to get out; you didn’t bat an eyelash when I asked you to read Sage and Millie’s story
again.
Seriously. I don’t even want to know what the journey of this completed work would have been like without you. I love you. For real.

To Megan and Ella, I’m so appreciative of all that you do for me. Your help is invaluable, your encouragement and honesty is not taken for granted, and the time that you give to me—your precious time—it means the world. Thank you, so very much!

To Cassy Roop, thank you for taking pride in what you do. Thank you for sharing your gift with me over and over and over. Thank you for surprising me and exceeding my expectations at every turn. Thank you for being easy to work with. Thank you for delivering such high quality every time. In this industry, it’s hard to trust people in the process of getting your book ready to publish—but I trust you, and I’m always so grateful that I found you.

To EVERY blogger and reader who has helped me promote my work, to every person who has ever been so kind as to write me a review, to every one of you who has one-clicked—YOU ARE AMAZING! I mean, I don’t know what else to say. THANK YOU. Really. Truly. I’m humbled by you. I’m challenged by you. I’m encouraged by you. I
publish
for you.