Worse Than Being Alone (3 page)

Billy remembered Roni’s admonition about there being
worse things than being alone, but she wasn’t the one who had to
deal with the absolute silence and lack of companionship. It had
been four years since Billy found Roni’s mother, Carolyn, dead on
the back porch one fine May morning. Billy had gone in the house to
get them lunch and returned to find himself alone.

After a massive stroke had left Carolyn in a
wheelchair, Billy became her primary caregiver. All those years,
Roni came three or four days a week to help out. Billy wasn’t sure
what he would have done without Roni’s assistance. He loved Carolyn
without reservation until the stroke, but all those years as a
caregiver took their toll. He never had been able to verbalize his
weariness to Roni.

After Carolyn died, Billy couldn’t stand living in
the house they had shared all those years. Too many ghosts and
memories made it impossible for him to move on with his life. In
some ways, Billy had never felt totally comfortable there anyway.
Carolyn’s father had built the house on land that had been in the
family for generations. Billy grew up in Alton, Illinois, and
despite living in Hillsboro with Carolyn for fifty years, he still
felt like an outsider. Billy signed the house over to Roni and
Harley, and moved back to Alton.

Billy thought about Roni’s childhood and realized
how much he cherished those golden memories. In many ways, Roni was
his best friend, and he didn’t want to jeopardize their
relationship. He was walking a tightrope, trying to balance the
possibility of a new life without diminishing his bond with
Roni.

A sudden headache sent Billy scurrying to the
bathroom for some Tylenol. As he closed the medicine cabinet, he
looked at himself in the mirror, noting the age lines multiplying
rapidly around his eyes. Another reminder he wasn’t getting any
younger. Still, his gray hair contained some blond highlights, and
his cobalt blue eyes seemed to capture the attention of the widows
and divorcees he met.

In good shape for a man almost eighty-five, Billy
had few health problems and all his hair, a rarity for active
senior males. He had rattled around the empty house for three
years, fighting off several aggressive neighbor women, who swooped
in like vultures.

Marian Cirillo and her adult children had moved to
the area last year, quickly establishing themselves as attractive
newcomers to Alton’s active society circles. Billy met Marian at a
party hosted by a friend. Billy had never met anyone quite like
Marian, who was quite flamboyant in her appearance and actions.

Carolyn had been Marian’s polar opposite; reserved
and frequently morose after the stroke. Marian and her adult
children, Murray and Vicky, stroked Billy’s ego and filled his life
with companionship and advice. Billy had been completely caught up
in his suddenly busy life.

The tornadic trio proved to be easygoing and fun,
filling Billy’s life with laughter and camaraderie. Billy decided
it was time to take the next step and introduce Marian to Roni.
Marian’s subtle hints about a more permanent arrangement hadn’t
been lost on Billy, though he wasn’t sure marriage was the answer.
Just the other night, Marian’s son, Murray, had jokingly remarked
that Billy should make an honest woman of his mother. Something
about Billy had been getting the milk for free long enough so now
it was time to buy the cow.

Truth be told, occasional sex and companionship
without the commitment part would work just fine for Billy, but he
had his doubts Marian would put up with that in the long run. She
had been thrilled when he told her she was finally going to meet
Roni, attaching more importance to the event than Billy
intended.

At that moment, Marian glided into the room with a
glass of orange juice in her hand, demanding to be the center of
attention. Proud to be with someone he considered attractive, Billy
felt a rush of emotions. Marian Cirillo intimidated him in a way no
woman ever had. She offered a promise of caring and a genuine
connection Billy found endearing. There also were occasional
glimpses of a darker side in the last couple of weeks that left him
unsettled.

“
Were you able to reach Roni?”
Marian asked as she placed a hand on Billy’s arm.

“
Yes, she’ll meet us at
Bertolli’s.”

“
I can’t wait to meet her,” Marian
said. “I’m sure we’re going to love each other as much as I love
you, Billy. I’m going to try as hard as I can to make it work. I
know how important she is to you, Billy. She’s your baby. Your only
child.”

Billy caught a tone of sarcasm in Marian’s voice and
immediately searched her face for validation of his perception. The
mask snapped back into place immediately. There it was again, that
sense of unease that felt like someone whispering warnings in his
ear. He wondered if he should listen or grab his last chance at
happiness.

Chapter Four

The murky brown waters of the
Mississippi sparkled as Roni crossed the Alton Bridge to reach the
old river town. Roni passed the gaudy looking casino perched on the
riverbank, thinking about her one visit to the gambling
establishment. Lots of red flannel, smoke, and desperation created
a gloomy atmosphere that caused Roni and Harley to flee shortly
after dinner.

Roni continued driving down Main Street until she
reached her destination. Bertolli’s parking lot was packed,
probably because other patrons of the Club, the Whitmoor Country
Club restaurant to be precise, had determined Bertolli’s would be a
good substitute. Roni walked into the huge entry, which was light
and airy with lots of Italian terrazzo on the floors and walls.

Fake grapes and lots of wine bottles displayed on
racks lent a wine cellar ambiance to the place. There was a section
across from the hostess stand dedicated to wine tasting and sales.
Patrons were lined up three-deep, holding pagers, and hoping to try
wine since their tables weren’t ready. Roni had almost made it to
the podium when she spotted Billy walking toward her.

“
Hey, I’ve been watching for you,”
Billy said as he gave Roni a big hug.

“
This place is really
crowded.”

“
I know,” Billy said as he bent
over and whispered. “I didn’t realize people were into drinking
that much at lunch.”

“
Another effect of a bad
economy?”

“
Probably,” Billy said. “Come on,
I’ll take you back to our table.”

They made their way back to a corner table near a
window, a little set apart from the others. A petite woman wearing
designer clothes, nervously twirling the stem of a wine glass, was
looking out the window. She must have sensed their approach because
she turned her head as they reached the table and smiled. Roni’s
initial reaction was that she was a very attractive woman. On
closer inspection, Roni realized the woman wore too much make-up,
had a plastic smile probably from too much Botox, and was wearing
an entire jewelry box of ornate, gaudy bling.

“
Marian, this is my daughter,
Roni,” Billy said.

Marian suddenly presented her hand across the table,
and Roni wondered if she was supposed to kiss one of the garish
rings. Marian spoke before Roni had to decide which one would be
the most appropriate.

“
Oh, I’m so happy to meet you,”
Marian said as she stood and grabbed Roni’s hand. “I’ve heard so
much about you.”

“
It’s nice to meet you,” Roni
said, shaking Marian’s hand as everyone sat down.

“
I guess this must seem awfully
sudden to you,” Marian said. “It hasn’t been that long since your
mother died. I know how that feels.”

“
What do you mean?” Roni
asked.

“
My mother died when I was 10,”
Marian said. “I remember when my Dad started dating again. I hated
those women with a passion.”

“
Well, I’m not 10,” Roni said a
little too harshly and immediately regretted her
outburst.

A pink blush spread across Marian’s face. “I didn’t
mean that you would dislike me for no reason. I just meant that
it’s a difficult situation.”

“
Roni knows that,” Billy said as
he squeezed Marian’s hand and looked at Roni.

Roni felt like crawling under the table.
Fortunately, their waitress arrived with menus and took drink
orders. Under the pretense of studying the menu, Roni was actually
doing a quick survey of Marian. Among the many flaws noted were the
small brown eyes that were too close together, the hawk-like nose,
and the thick lips that seemed huge in relation to the rest of her
face. Suddenly aware all she doing was looking for flaws, Roni
considered Marian’s remarks and wondered if she was the one who was
acting like a 10 year old.

“
Billy said you have two children,
right?” Roni asked.

“
Yes, Vicky and Murray,” Marian
said. “Of course, they’re in their forties now. Billy told me
you’re a nurse. I think that’s the noblest profession there is. I
wasn’t able to go to college, but I always thought I would have
gone into nursing if I could have.”

“
How do you like Alton?” Roni
asked as the waitress returned with their drinks and took their
lunch order.

They kept the conversation light throughout the rest
of lunch, and Roni left Bertolli’s thinking she could understand
how Marian had charmed Billy. She seemed kind and very interested
in pleasing Billy. They set a date for Marian to accompany Billy to
Harley and Roni’s for dinner.

A burning guilt accompanied Roni to her car, where
she got behind the wheel, pulled out her cell phone, and dialed
Harley’s number.

“
Hey, babe,” Harley said. “How did
it go?”

“
OK, she’s not what I expected,”
Roni said.

“
No horns and a tail,
huh?”

“
No, nothing like that,” Roni
said. “I’m the one who acted like a jealous child.”

“
Well, it’s natural for you to
feel threatened. Maybe you just need to get to know her better. I
think Billy has really been lonely since your mom died.”

“
I think you’re right,” Roni said.
“I’ll try to be more open minded and give her a chance. She’s
either a really nice person or a great actress.”

“
No in between on this one,
huh?”

“
I don’t think so,” Roni said. “I
invited them for dinner. You’ve got good people radar. You can
check her out.”

“
What if she’s just a great
actress?”

“
Then the gloves come off,” Roni
said. “I’m not going to let that woman just waltz in and hurt my
dad. She’ll be in for the fight of her life.”

Chapter Five

While Roni was having lunch with her father, I was
sitting in an orthopedic surgeon’s office hiding behind a
newspaper, waiting for Nguyan Thj Dung to be called back to an exam
room. I liked detective days better than nursing days. Mostly, it’s
fun because there’s an element of excitement. Even a bad shrink
might suggest I’m still addicted to adrenaline rushes.

I was cranky because I hated coming to Dr. Blake’s
office. Determined to retire at the ripe old age of 50, he
double-and triple-booked patients. Pictures of his retirement
compound in Mexico adorned every exam room, and he freely discussed
his business plan, complete with investment advice to anyone
willing to listen.

I had complained repeatedly about the excessive wait
time, but he always laughed, totally unable to comprehend how
anyone could think her time was just as valuable as his. Injured
workers liked him because he apparently thought they should all
retire, too. Treatment was long and usually accompanied by numerous
highly questionable surgeries. An actual work release was extremely
rare because no one ever got sent back to work unless they begged.
Of course, many workers knew his reputation and flocked to his
practice.

I identified Nguyan Thj Dung after she signed in at
the desk. She was a compact and lithe woman who seemed to be in
very good shape for someone who had been off work for more than a
year due to a low back injury. Bird-like almond eyes peered
suspiciously around the waiting room until the perky nurse
announced Dung’s name and took her back to a treatment room.

I immediately suspected this wasn’t the first time
someone had tried to tail Dung, whom I decided to nickname Ho Chi
Minh. Comic relief in the face of chaos, suffering, and death had
always helped me cope. Roni constantly reminded me how politically
incorrect my habit was so I lied, promising to quit the next time I
got a new referral.

Months of therapy, epidural steroid injections, and
then more therapy had failed to relieve Dung/Ho’s intractable pain.
Despite her near normal MRI, Ho repeatedly insisted in perfect
English she was completely unable to work. The adjuster from
Bi-State Insurance suspected Ho was double dipping, collecting
workers’ compensation while working another job.

Ho Chi Minh had been packing boxes for her employer,
JB Electronics, for three hours when she suddenly grabbed her low
back and started rolling around on the floor. Terrified, her
supervisor wanted to call an ambulance until Ho insisted she would
be fine if she could just be referred to Dr. Blake. Her employer
immediately agreed.

Ho’s comp checks were sent to a post office box. No
one, including her employer, had any idea where she lived. I
couldn’t find her name in any of the search engines we used, so I
was convinced Ho had to be using an alias. Hopefully, I could
follow her when she left the doctor’s office and figure out what
she was up to.