-Worlds Apart- Ruination (28 page)

“I’m so sick of these things. I can’t wait to get back to Jon’s and get some real food,” I groan.

Ty’s voice trails off as he snaps off the corner of his bar, “Pancakes, eggs, sausage…” I shoot him a look of dissatisfied longing as I bite into my bar.

After breakfast we hardly move as we slowly condense our supplies into two hiking bags. He’s carrying the explosives. I offered to take half but he refuses to let me carry something that could detonate at any given moment.

“So how many miles do we have to cover?” I ask.

“We’re two hundred miles from the testin’ facility and one hundred and thirty-four from your home.”

The word home no longer conjures one specific location. There was the home I grew up in in sub-three, the one with the creaking blue door. Then there was the shelter I’d made that’s now ash and char. But that’s not all, home also feels like Jon’s loft in the city and our tent in the woods. Home is an idea held loosely now, one tethered by so many strings they’ve become tangled and intertwined.

“I figure we can cover twenty miles a day. At that pace we’ll be at the facility in ten days.”

“Two days to spare.” I smile.

We take a final look back at our tents before we push forward through the woods. The thick trees provide shelter from the whipping winds that cut through the air. The ground’s frosted and crunches beneath our boots. The faintest dusting of snow fell yesterday and lingers in the deep woods. I hypnotize myself watching the endless impressions Ty’s boots make in the snow as he walks ahead of me.

“Should we perfect our stories?” I ask.

“I thought you’d never ask Mrs. Barnal.” He smiles as he continues picking his path through the frosted brush.

I give my best Central impression, “State your name and business.” He turns laughing at my terrible impression.

“Eric Barnal, electronic surveillance coordinator. First day on the job.”

“Credentials?” I ask in my ‘official’ voice.

“Citizen 99201, educated at MIFF.” He swipes an imaginary card to imitate the card Zane made for him. “Who are you?” He asks in his usual husky voice.

“Excuse me?”

“What? Not official enough for you?” He teases. “Fine…State your name and purpose.” His exaggerated voice makes me laugh. “Something funny, Miss?”

“No sir. Lindsay Barnal, reporting for duty sir.”

“Duty?”

“Yes, first day on the job, tactical engineering.”

“Credentials?” Ty barks.

“Citizen 99234, educated at MIFF where I met my husband.” I smile emphasizing the word ‘husband.’

“I’ve heard of your husband. He’s a genius and very attractive.”

“Shut up!”

“What? I was improvising.” He looks back smiling before he stops, waiting for me to catch-up. We kiss underneath a large dying tree, the ground crunches under our boots as I bring him closer to me.

I pull my head away. “He’s alright. Not a genius though.”

Chapter 46

Days have passed since that kiss and we’re twenty miles outside the testing facility now. The unpredictable weather nearly cost us the mission. On our seventh day snow fell like an endless white blanket caking the world with white flakes, heavy like glue. We were forced to stay under cover an entire day. We huddled together, every joint in my body trembled from cold. Without the gear Jon packed we would’ve died. Ty held me, his body virtually wrapped around mine as he tried warming me. I’m sure he was just as cold but he wouldn’t show it, he covered me in all his gear, leaving him nearly bare.

After twenty-four hours of unrelenting snow the storm finally cleared enough for Ty and I to see where we were going. If we tried to travel in a storm like that we would’ve been turned around countless times and inevitably frozen to death. The two-day buffer has been cut down to one. Even that’s closing-in considering our speed’s been severely cut by breaking trail through knee-deep powder.

Despite the arctic chill of winter I blaze like wildfire as I make my way through the snow and ice. Sweat collects on my brow and drips down my back. Cold can’t touch me now that I’m up and moving. Ty and I move forward through the snow day and night. The closer we get to the city the more frantic I become.

It’s almost as if my old home is calling to me, beckoning me to return. I can see Emma and Papa eating in the pavilion. Emma looks taller, leaner, and dejected. She’s been lonely without me; my stomach twists as I see her tucked in bed alone. I want to run to her and Papa. I want to take my trail across the rotting log to the old oak by the river. I want to see our crystallized river and Garrett waiting for me. With each step my former life cries like a siren that’s just out of reach.

I know Ty can tell something’s changed in me; I’m distant and distracted. It kills me to hurt him. When I let myself focus on him my prattled brain clears and I’m happy. For a few fleeting moments a day he gets the old me, the Nessa he loves and the one that’s starting to love him back. I wish I could stay in those moments forever but no matter what I do I keep getting pulled away. I don’t understand how I can feel so right and so complete with him and then at a moment’s notice, flat out question if it’s true and real. Of course what we have is true and real, but is that enough? Wasn’t what Garrett and I had true and real, but that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to keep us together, it wasn’t enough to keep me from falling for Ty. Ty’s different though, I know that. We fit together, our lives, our pasts, and our futures. He knows me and I know him. Just by being the same, by being Prems, we have a bond stronger than I could have ever imagined. But then again, is that enough?

He lowers his atomic bag to the ground, hesitating before he speaks. “We can stop here for lunch. Did I do something to upset you?”

“No.” Anger resonates in my voice. I’m mad at him for asking, for pointing out something I’m already sensitive about. “It’s not you, it’s me.” I pause appreciating how stupid that sounds. “The closer we get to home the more I think about Papa and Emma.”

“And Garrett too. Right?” He asks, the pain obvious.

“I mean, I guess so, yeah.” He turns away. “It’s not like that. It’s just sometimes I miss my old life. I don’t necessarily want to go back with
him
. I’m not going to lie to you though, I think about a lot of things and one of them is him.” Ty unzips his bag tossing me my bar. 

“You don’t have to explain.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. The first seventeen years of my life were here and eleven of them were with him.”

“I told you, I don’t need you to explain.”

We eat our bars in silence. Both of us hurting and internally licking our wounds. I wish I could make him understand how I feel but nothing I say or do ever gets the message across quite good enough.

My feelings for Ty are strong, probably stronger than I want to admit. I know I want to make him happy but I also know there’s still a part of me I hold separate from him. It will be a year tomorrow that Garrett was ripped out of my hands by Central. A year since I fell across the cold stage and listened to his screams as they carried him away. Sometimes I think I’ll need a lifetime to get over that one hurt. I know it isn’t fair to Ty but I also know I can’t let him go either. The thought of losing him only intensifies the pain.

“Ty I’m sorry. It’s just hard for me to face my old life.” He turns to look at me. His eyes are distant but at least he looks.

“We should get up, we need to make it to the facility tonight.”

Half furious, half hurt, I get up hoisting my bag to my back. We push forward in silence, my mind racing a million miles an hour. I stare at the back of Ty as we move forward. The day’s so long and almost uncomfortable. Finally Ty lifts his arm with his fist squeezed tight as he drops to the ground.

I follow with my heart hammering. He signals for me to stay low and move into position next to him. My pack sways left and right as I belly crawl toward him. His hand directs me to scan ahead over the small hill we’re positioned behind. I slowly scramble to the top and see the idling hovercraft sitting in front of the massive wall of the testing facility.

I’m just about to lower myself back down to Ty when the black metal door carved into the wall opens and Natalie steps out. I drop my bag and fist the first rock my fingers find. I’m going to kill her. I watch her turn to the door and I make my move, pushing to my feet. I’m ready to run. I’m going to bash her skull in. I take my first step and then I feel Ty’s hands clamping down on my ankle as he pulls me back.

“What the hell are you doing? Are you crazy?”

“Let me go, I’m gonna kill her!” I try yelling through his hands that muffle my mouth. I crash back to the ground.

“Nessa, stop it!” He’s fighting to hold me down.

“Leave me alone! Let me do this!”

“No!” He’s breathless laid out on top of my bucking body.

Just as quickly as she came she’s gone, safe onboard the craft and taking off to Central. I’m furious. I wanted revenge. I wanted to see the snow painted red with her blood.

“What’s your problem? You coulda got us both killed. You woulda blown the whole mission.” He slams his head into the embankment, his breath spirals against the cold. “What good would that have done? Honestly! Where would we be? Dead in the snow and you know what they would’ve done? They would’ve gone after my family and yours. Emma would probably be killed just for sport.”

He’s right, it was stupid. I nod my head. I’m sure he won’t forgive me and just then he reaches across taking my hand. I turn to look at him and I see the hurt I’ve caused him, it’s written across his face. He’s a good man, better than I deserve. He knows what I need and he’s always there to give it to me.

“Nessa I’ll fight for you till my last breath.” I look down, ashamed. “Just don’t make me take it today.” He smiles weakly.

We sit together in the snow waiting for the shadows of night to fall around us. Finally night comes and we set-up shelter.

“I’m due at the facility tomorrow at 0800.” He’s reviewing the plan for the hundredth time. “I’ll go in first, you’ll be able to see me with the binoculars. I’ll get in and set the first bomb.”

“Don’t forget, you enter here.” I use a stick to point to the entrance we traced into the snow. “You go down the tunnel and take a left at the fork.” I’m mentally retracing my steps from the leap-test. I veer my stick to the left. “You pass my target and continue to yours, it’s about two hundred steps from the fork.” He nods as I drag my stick through the snow.

“OS3-4,” he says.

“Right, that’s the room. At least it should be...” Now that the mission’s upon us I’m beginning to doubt myself.

“It’ll be the right room.” He tries assuring me. “I’ll assemble the bomb and sync it to be triggered at 2000.”

“I’ll be right behind you. The guards are expecting me to report to duty at 0900. I’ll get in, plant the bomb in OS1-2 and coordinate it to detonate at 2000.”      

“I’ll meet ya back here at the end of the day, 1900 at the latest.” He’s trying to sound confident but I hear his voice break at the end, betraying his ruse. “Well Lindsay, we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. What do ya say we get some sleep?” I nod, laying down next to him.

Chapter 47

I tossed and turned all night. I had a terrible dream that Central had captured Ty and Garrett. I had to choose which one lived. I looked at them both sitting bound and beaten to metal chairs in a cold sterile room.

The blood dripping from Ty’s face ticked at a steady rhythm against the tile floor and Garrett’s strained moans echoed throughout the room. I could only save one. I was utterly torn as I alternated back and forth between them. There was Garrett from my former life, from the naïve Nessa. We’d been dreamers together but it was more than just a dream.

And then there was Ty, the man I fell for since becoming enlightened to the deceitful ways of our nation. Two men pulling at two halves of me. I could feel my head just forming its decision, the haze was beginning to clear. I could almost see myself saving one and then clarity collapses as Ty’s alarm goes off.

“Did you sleep at all? You were tossin’ all night.”

“Bad dreams.” I pause hoping he won’t push me to divulge any further.

“Yea, me too. They’re just dreams, we’ll be okay. We’ll get through this together.” He reaches for my elbow guiding me closer to him. His deep inhale pulls at my hair as he buries his head into my auburn locks. He exhales, “I need to start getting ready.” He stands and moves across the tent toward his oversized bag.

He pulls out his white and black uniform. He changes quickly; the cold’s biting, even inside the tent. He reaches down and fixes his hair before he covers his eyes with the contacts. When he turns to me with his white uniform and long white lab coat it’s amazing how different he looks. He really could be one of them.

“Do I look the part?” He smiles as he does a slow spin holding the front of his jacket open.      

“Without a doubt,” I smile.

He leans down lacing his boots that have been stuffed with explosives. Hidden compartments inside the boots hold the bomb’s components. “Well, I should be headin’ out.” I stand and look into his brown eyes, even though they aren’t the deep green color I’m used to they’re still the eyes of the man I trust. I can see his honesty.

“After today this will be all over and we can go back to our life across the wall,” he says before he leans down to kiss me. It ignites the blood pulsing through my veins. My heart hammers as he pulls away. “I love you Nessa,” he says and I smile weakly, still unable to bring myself to say those words back.

He turns to leave and I follow him with binoculars in hand. I watch his silhouette glide between the trees and over the frosted ground. As he drifts out of sight I pull the binoculars up, following him toward the entrance.

His steps are confident and his shoulders are square and strong. Closer and closer he gets until he’s at the gate. I can tell from the way his hands are moving that he must be talking to someone or something. He reaches into the pocket of his lab coat pulling out his scan card, swiping it smoothly into the machine.