Working It Out (3 page)

Luke was dear--a little nutty, a little eccentric, a lot hard to live with--but dear. And God knew, he'd loved the man hard, was still in love.

The two cups were carefully carried over, Luke so...particular.

"Thanks, baby. You remembered how I take it?"

"Caramel latte half syrup, no foam."

It warmed him, that Luke remembered. "Thanks."

"You remembered mine, yesterday."

He nodded. "I did. It says something, doesn't it?"

Luke winked, sipped his coffee. "We're stuck in our ways?"

That had him chuckling. "Glass half full, baby, we remember because we care." They had done this endlessly--one taking a side, the other playing devil's advocate.

"Or we remember because we're lost in the past."

They went back and forth for better than half an hour, finishing the pastry and their second coffees, laughing together. It almost felt like the last four years hadn't been, that they'd woken up together this morning and met at the coffee shop after work.

It wasn't, but Affton had something he hadn't had before. Hope. For now, it was more than enough.

Affie called him every other day. Sometimes Affie asked him to have coffee, sometimes to have supper. Sometimes the calls were just about a file or business. It was dear and sweet and a little wonderful. Also, totally unlike the businessman he knew.

Tonight he'd been invited to Affie's place to cook dinner together and watch movies. He'd said yes, but now that he was in the metro, heading over to a much swankier part of town, he was worried. His cell phone rang and the number was Affie's.

He answered. "Hey. Hey there."

"Hey, Luke. How's it going? You on your way?" Affie'd volunteered to pick him up, but he'd refused.

"I am. My stop is two away."

"You want me to meet you? Walk you here?"

"Oh, that would..." Okay, stop it. He'd managed for eons on his own.

"I'll head out now and meet you at the west end stairs."

"Okay. Are you sure? Is it started raining yet?"

"I'm sure and not yet, but I'll bring an umbrella." He could hear amusement in Affie's voice.

"Okay. I have my raincoat on." He had on longjohns, jeans, a T-shirt, a button-up shirt, his hoodie, his raincoat. His armor.

"See you in a few minutes then, baby."

"Okay. Okay, thanks." The train stopped, then started again, and when it stopped again he slipped out.

He went out and took the stairs and there was Affie, waiting at the top of them.

"I... Hi. Good evening." God, his lover was beautiful.

And had a great smile. "Hi, baby. I'm so glad you're here."

Thunder crashed and the lightning ripped across the sky. "Affie!" He laughed, bouncing.

Affie slid an arm around his shoulders and pulled him up against that warm body. "I'll keep you safe."

"I'm not scared." God, Affie felt good.

"Good. It's easier to share the umbrella this way, though." Affie held it over both of them.

They didn't have a long walk, not at all, and by the time the storm was raging, they were heading up. Affie let him into a beautiful apartment with hardwood floors and huge windows that looked out over the city.

"Oh, wow." It was stunning. Utterly stunning.

"I knew you'd like it." Affie put the umbrella in a closet and helped him take off his raincoat.

"It's amazing."

Then Affie eased his hoodie off.

"Oh."

"I've got the heating on." Affie hung both raincoat and hoodie in the closet.

"Okay." He went to the window, fingers sliding on the glass, watching the rainstorm down.

He could see Affie coming up behind him in the glass. "You want a drink, baby?"

"Can I have tea?" He didn't drink alcohol anymore. At all.

"Sure. I'm not sure what I have aside from Sleepytime..."

"I don't drink wine or anything. Water is fine."

"I know I have juice." Affie went to the little kitchen that was separated from the room by a bar counter and looked in the cupboards. "You're in luck, I have peppermint tea."

"Oh, that works." He followed Affie. "What are we cooking?"

"Steak and frites." Affie pulled out the tea, a cup, and put on the kettle. "And salad."

"Oh, yum." He was all over that. He loved Affie's steaks. "I would know this is your home, anywhere."

The simplicity, the warmth, the scent--it was all Affie.

"Yeah?" Affie leaned against the counter, smiled at him.

"Yes. It's you. It's so nice." His place was smaller, but safe, filled with computer equipment everywhere.

"Thanks, baby. I'm really glad you like it." Affie reached out and took his hand, squeezed it.

"How long have you been here again?"

"Just over a year. I bought it when I got the promotion." Affie's hand was so warm around his.

"Can I have the tour?" He wanted to see everything. He wanted to explore.

"Of course." Affie spread out his free arm. "This is the kitchen."

"It's tiny, but I love how you have everything." The stainless steel looked expensive, classy.

"Thanks, baby. Now, you've seen the main room and dining room, so we'll go down the hall and end up back there again." Affie kept his hand as they moved.

"I love the couches. Where's your TV hidden?" He knew Affie had one. A big one.

"What makes you think I have a TV?" Affie was grinning.

"I know you. You have a TV, an Xbox, DVDs. You love media. It's your job."

Affie chuckled and they turned into the first door on the right. It was a den, a huge comfy looking easy chair sat in front of a huge TV with a complete complement of electronics attached. A computer sat on a desk in the corner.

"Busted," Affie gave him a wink.

"Oh, wow." This was where Affie lived. He walked in, fingers on the chair. "There's not room for two."

"I live alone, baby."

"I know. I know." Still, it was a little sad and it sort of reminded him he didn't belong here.

"Of course the two of us would fit in it just fine." Affie moved over to the chair and tugged him down, not into Affie's lap, but into the space next to Affton and he
did
fit.

"Hey." He looked up, then pushed in and offered the man a hug.

Affie's arms wrapped around him and he fit there, too. "Hey," murmured Affie softly.

"Is this okay?"

"You kidding? This is great." Affie smiled, looking so...happy.

"Cool." They sat for a long time, together. He could feel Affie's heart beating.

Affie's head came down to rest on the top of his. Luke thought he could just hang out there forever.

"You wanna watch a movie or something?" Affie asked.

"I could just listen to you breathe forever." He felt safe here.

"You might get hungry."

"Probably. You might get bored."

Affie shrugged. "I don't know--I can watch movies and hold you at the same time. Same with the gaming."

"Yeah. Of course, at some point, we'll have to make coffee and someone will need to pee."

"And it would be a shame for those steaks to go to waste," Affie added.

"Yeah. And you said frites. I'd hate for them to go to waste, too." Besides, Affie knew he loved crispy thin French fries.

"I did. I have a little deep fryer and everything. And the frites are cut nice and thin, sitting in water in the fridge."

Oh man, Affie had gone all out.

"That sounds amazing." It sounded perfect.

"Then we should get up and get it ready. This chair isn't going anywhere. And neither am I."

He nodded and sighed, but let Affie go. He knew that this couldn't be forever. He knew that.

Affie held his hand again as they went back to the kitchen. "Sit on the stool there and you can watch me work my magic on meat and potatoes."

The kettle had turned itself off already, so Luke turned it back on, making himself a cup. "What would you like to drink?"

"If you don't mind, I'll have a beer."

"I don't. I'm not anti-alcohol. I just... I can't." He'd never be vulnerable like that again.

"Okay. You know you'd be safe having a beer here, yeah? Nothing would happen to you." Affie started pulling stuff out of the fridge, tuning on the fryer.

Luke shook his head. He'd never be safe again. Not really.

Affie took a pull of his beer and then salt, peppered, and spiced the steak, letting them sit on the counter while he put together a salad. It was like a dance, the way Affie moved. Luke sipped his tea, watched. It hurt, deep in his chest, how good Affie looked, how easy in his skin.

Affie dried off the fries and tossed them into the fryer, than started cooking the steaks. It soon smelled really good. Leaning past him, Affie took down a couple plates.

"It smells good." Luke could have had all this, if he hadn't been attacked.

Affie stopped and smiled, their faces so close together. Luke's heart stopped beating, he thought, and he was afraid he was going to cry.

Affie pushed his hair behind his ear, then stroked his cheek. "Luke..."

"I'm so sorry. I fucked everything up, so badly."

"Shh."

He leaned into Affie's hand, a single tear sliding free.

"Baby..." Affie brushed the tear away with his thumb.

"I just wanted to be yours." He'd just wanted... Oh, hell, what the fuck did it matter now?

"You still can be."

"I like. It's... I'm not viable." Or ready.

"Not viable?" Affie frowned.

"I can't get it up, I have trouble in crowds. I can't drink, I have nightmares, I worry."

"You never liked crowds, I remember more than one nightmare, and worrying is something you've always been good at, Luke." Affie stroked his cheek with that thumb and then went to turn the steaks. "I'm not perfect either, and I'm willing to work on the not getting it up thing."

"Yeah, but..." He knew it wouldn't work.

"But nothing." Affie came back and put their faces together again. "Promise me you'll think about it."

"Think about what?" God, Affie had pretty eyes.

"Us. Me. Us."

"You." They weren't an us anymore.

"Okay. Think about me." Affie grinned. "Are they good thoughts?"

"Mostly. Some are sad, but mostly good."

Affie sighed and leaned their foreheads together. "Please don't link me with what happened to you. I swear I didn't know. I didn't do it, no matter what they said."

"I know that. It took me a long time to come to that. I was messed up for a long time."

"I'm so sorry, baby." Affie's eyes closed. "I wish we hadn't gone that night."

"Me, too."

Affie nodded and the fryer beeped. He was given a soft kiss, a bare brush of Affie's lips on his before the man went back to the food.

Luke sat there, his heart broken. He thought he'd gotten over this.

It didn't take long at all before Affie had the food on the table in the dining room, and was leading him to his seat.

"Thank you." He shouldn't have come. He was going to fall in love again. He was stupid that way.

"Eat up baby. I made it especially for you."

"It smells amazing." The steak was glistening, the fries golden.

"Good." Affie grabbed up a steak knife and a fork, but clearly wasn't going to eat until he started.

Luke was ninety percent sure he was going to throw up, but the first bite was so good, he ate another. Then another. And another. Affie looked pleased as punch and dug into his own.

They didn't start talking until the steaks were half gone and suddenly Luke felt like he could slow down. "It's so good."

"Thank you, baby." Affie reached out and touched the back of his hand.

His hand turned, all on its own, and he grabbed Affie's fingers. Affie squeezed and held on.

"We should make weird small talk now, huh?" Had it been weird, before?

"We should talk about what movie you want to see after we've finished eating."

"What are my options?"

"Anything you want. If I don't have it, it'll be on Netflix."

"How about
The Phantom Menace
?" He was a geek, through and through.

"How about we start with that and work our way through all six?" Affie started in on his salad.

"Oh, that sounds fun."

"Cool. There's chocolate mousse cake for dessert. Full disclosure--I bought dessert."

"Chocolate mousse? Really? I haven't had that in..." Years. Since the last time Affie had bought it for him.

"Then we'll have to bring the whole cake with us."

"We'll explode." Still, the idea made him laugh.

"So we explode. Death by chocolate cake. It has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Boom." They laughed together, and it was fine, warmed him all through.

When they were done eating--he'd managed almost all of his steak--Affie cleared up and started a pot of coffee. "Did you want to go see if you can find the Star Wars movies?"

"Sure. In your...office? Media room?"

"I call it the TV room." Affie grinned. "You were always the one with the imagination."

"It's my job."

He headed into the TV room, finding the cabinet where Affie's collection was stored. Affie had thousands of movies. Literally thousands. Luke sat on the floor and started exploring, going through drawer after drawer.

"You look at home there," murmured Affie, coming into the room with a tray of coffees and cake.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I wasn't snooping."

"No need to apologize--I sent you here to look for the movies." Affie put the tray down on a table next to the big chair.

"You have a great collection."

"Yeah. Every time I saw one I thought you'd like, I bought it."

"Oh." He looked up at Affton, eyes wide, heart pounding.

Smiling, Affie held out a hand to him. He reached up, took the warm hand. Affie tugged him up, close against the tall, strong body.

"Did you find the Star Wars movies?"

"I did. I pulled them out."

"Cool." Affie grabbed the movies and cued the first one up before moving the chair, settling in it. Then those blue eyes met his and Affie patted his legs. "Come sit, baby. There's a spot here just for you."