Words Can Change Your Brain (38 page)

The Social Animal
(Brooks), 113

social anxiety, 14, 91

social neuroscience, 78

sociopaths, 132–33

speed dating, 83

spiritual values, 118–19

spontaneity in dialogue, 13, 18

stress

and the “breakout principle,” 188–89

effects of, 10, 124

exercise to reduce, 66

and mindfulness, 38

and reflecting on values, 104

and relaxation exercises, 125

stress chemicals, 24, 135, 173, 179

and talking with strangers, 160

subliminal words, 33–34

subpersonalities, 64

Summers, Joan, 8

suspicion, 10

tai chi, 33

taste of words, 48

thalamus, 35, 57

thinking before speaking, 18–19

Thirty Second Rule, 15–16.
See also
brevity in speaking

three-to-one ratio, 130–31, 189

time-outs, 97, 133, 174

Tolle, Eckhart, 126

tone of voice, 47–48

in CC model, 123, 137–39

effects of stress on, 10

emotions conveyed by, 138, 139

and empathy, 139

of physicians, 138

scripted practice of, 156

trust, 87–100

definition of, 88

and eye contact, 93–94

and facial expressions, 134

and honesty, 88–90

importance of, 173

and mirroring communication, 81, 97

and smiling, 98–99

and tone of voice, 138

twelve steps, 4, 121–45

1. relaxing, 123, 124–25, 150

2. staying present, 123, 126–27, 150–51

3. cultivating inner silence, 123, 127–28, 151

4. increasing positivity, 123, 129–32, 151–52

5. reflecting on your deepest values, 123, 132–33, 152

6. accessing a pleasant memory, 123, 134–35, 152

7. observing nonverbal cues, 123, 135–36, 152–53

8. expressing appreciation, 123, 136–37, 153

9. speaking warmly, 123, 137–39, 156

10. speaking slowly, 123, 140, 156–57

11. speaking briefly, 123, 141–42, 157

12. listening deeply, 123, 142–43, 157

values, 103–19

in business and the workplace, 8, 110–11, 117–18, 184–86

in CC model, 123, 132–33

and conflict resolution, 86

identifying, 103–4

nature of, 111–12

in personal relationships, 115–16

scripted practice of, 152

and secret desires, 112–13

situational values, 113–14

in society, 109–11

spiritual values, 118–19

ten-day experiment, 104–9

visualization.
See
imagination

vocal inflection.
See
tone of voice

Walton, James, 115–16

warm tone of voice.
See
tone of voice

Watkins, John, 11

Wernicke’s area of the brain, 33

whales, 54

White, Sara, 67–68

wisdom, 74

women, 181

workaholics, 64

worrying, 25–26

writing down thoughts

and brevity in speaking, 16, 141

in diaries, 160–61, 204, 205

writing in negative terms, 204, 205, 206

writing in positive terms, 204–5

“yes,” the power of, 30–31

yoga, 33