Wonderlust (Steel Roses #1) (22 page)

“I wouldn’t go that far,” I snorted, moving to get up.

“Oh no you don’t. My cock hasn’t finished with you yet.” Giggling, I fell back down onto the mattress as Alex’s body covered me.

Walking out into the pool area later that morning, I groaned, noticing Maddison straddling Shane. It seemed the two of them were seeing each other. The whipped cream incident a few months back had actually been about
Shane
. I swear she was dating him just to be close to Alex, but I had a habit of being paranoid. We hardly spoke to each other. I kept telling Shane he could do better, but he was smitten with her.

“You’re here
again
, Maddison?” I gave her a sweet, fake smile as I walked passed. “I never had you down as the needy type.”

“I just want to be with my love muffin. What’s wrong with that?” Trying to hide my laughter at Shane’s nickname, I continued to walk to my office. I had so much to do today. At least Alex wouldn't distract me. With Gina flying over with his publicists, he'd be tied up all day. He walked in a few moments later in just his sweats, though.

“You have clean shirts, you know?” I glared up at him, teasing.

“I know, but I like watching you drool when I walk in.”

“Asshole,” I smirked. “What do you want? I’m kind of busy trying to get your calendar in order.”

“Nothing. I just wanted to come in and bug you.”

“GO!” I laughed, throwing a notebook at him. He gave me a dreamy smirk and left.

I was hardly interrupted the rest of the day. Mary came in with some lunch for me, telling me that I needed to eat. She was such a sweet woman. By the evening, I’d made progress, but still had a lot to do tomorrow. Alex was still in his meeting with Gina. They’d been in there for most of the day. I couldn’t see him getting out any time soon, either, so I decided to head to bed.

Wandering out onto the private balcony, my phone rang. Smiling down at the ID, I answered. “Hey, Mum.” I hadn’t spoken to my parents for over a month.

“Hey, Natty. How are you doing, Sweetheart?”

“I’m good. Alex is keeping me busy. How’s the cruise going?”

“It’s wonderful. Your father sends his love. He’s gone to play poker with a few friends on the ship, so I thought I’d give my bambino a call.”

“It’s nice to hear your voice,” I sighed, slumping down on one of the metal chairs.

“What is it, Natty? You sound troubled.” She could read me so well, even on the phone. We were so alike, which was the problem.

“Oh, Mum,” I breathed out, looking up at the night sky. I had so much on my shoulders right now. I needed someone to talk to. “I don’t know where to start.”

“I can guess. Your father and I saw the pictures from the award ceremony.” They were on a
world cruise
. How did they see them? “I was right about you and Alex Harbour, wasn’t I?”

“I’m in love with him, Mum.”

“Oh, Natty. You silly girl! What happened with David? Why were they fighting?”

“He’s left Sarah. He wants me to go back to him.” She gasped. “I haven’t told Alex any of this. David was drunk, and didn’t like that I was going home with Alex.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“You can’t pin your hopes on a rock star, Sweetheart. You need to really think about this.”

“You don’t know how I feel when I’m around him, Mum. He makes me feel alive. I’ve never felt a connection like it before. He makes my body sing when he touches me.”

“What about David?”

“I’ll have to let him down gently. It was only ever a fling. This means so much more. I can see that now.”

“It’s your life. You know what you’re doing. Please, just be careful. If he breaks your heart, I’ll kill him.”

“He’s not going to hurt me, Mum. I think he might love me, too. I need to stop running and fight for what I want.” I couldn’t help but beam at my words because I was so sure they might be true. Alex felt something for me, I was sure of it. It wasn’t just lust. There was definitely more there than that.

“Just be careful. I love you, Natty.”

“Love you too, Mum.” Her signal cut out, but the conversation was over so I didn’t try to call her back.

By the time I went to bed, Alex still hadn’t come up. I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face, though. I’d decided that on his birthday, I was going to tell him how I really felt. I was going to tell
Alex Harbour
that I was desperately in love with him. I’d need to drink a bottle of vodka for courage before I did that, though.

“Did you want any cereal?” I asked Alex at the breakfast bar a few days later. He’d seemed troubled since Gina’s visit. In fact, we’d hardly spoken, and I had no idea how to get him to open up.

“No thanks.” Without any explanation, he stood and walked off to his studio. Why did I feel as if I’d done something wrong? It wasn’t just that we weren’t really talking. He hadn’t touched me the last few days, either. It didn’t help matters that Diego was away visiting his friend in Rio. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I knew it was a stressful time for Alex with his album release. Maybe he just needed a little space to get his head clear.

“Is everything set for Alex’s party?” I asked Mary, helping her clear the dishes.

“I believe so,” she smiled warmly. “Alex seems stressed at the moment.”

“I know. I don’t know what to say or do.”

“Maybe he just needs someone to listen. Help share the load.” I looked toward his studio thoughtfully. Could I get him to open up to me? If he loved me, wouldn’t he do that? It was time to put my theory to the test.

“Hey,” I called, wandering into his studio. He was playing around on his mixer.

“What do you want?” His voice was so cold. I didn’t understand it.

“Alex, what the fuck is going on? Why are you being like this?” He didn’t turn to look at me. “I get that you're nervous about your album, but don’t push me away.”

“Push you away? That’s what you think I’m doing?”

“You can talk to me, you know. I’m here for you.” He laughed like it was a joke, and that hurt.

“You should go back to London, Straight Lace. There is no point in you being here anymore.” What? Where the hell did that come from?

“Why would you say that?” I gasped.

“Because it’s the truth. You don’t belong here. You’re all about organization and control. I’m all about chaos. You should go back to the suit. He’ll give you what you need.”

“Is that what you want?” Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to fight hard to keep them at bay. I didn’t want David; I wanted Alex!

“Yes. I’ve spoken to Gina. She’s happy for me to release you from your contract.”

“Y…you…you’ve spoken to Gina already?” This was all happening so quickly. When had he decided all of this?

“It’s for the best. You’re flying back after my birthday party. I didn’t want you to miss seeing Diego, and he’s not back until then.”

“Why did you decide all of this without me?”

“Because I could. I think we should go back to a business relationship as of now, too. It was only a fling, after all. I know you won’t have a problem with that.” He was crushing my heart with each word he spoke.

“If that’s what you want.” I didn’t understand any of this. A week ago, I had everything. I was so stupid for thinking I meant anything to him.

“Yes, it is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.” Not wanting him to see me break, I left without a word.

Just like that, we were over.

When I was younger, I used to fantasize about being with celebrities because they couldn't hurt you. I’d always guarded my heart, and had let very few inside. Alex had been that make believe love when I’d been younger, and now it seemed ironic that he was the
only
man to destroy me completely. I’d never known heartbreak like it. It was as if my chest was constantly on fire, burning with all the grief that was inside my head.

Of course, I hadn’t let Alex see me that way. I was a strong woman. I could plaster on a fake smile and carry on like none of it mattered. I only had another week left in this hell anyway, then I’d be free. Free to get over him and move on. I never thought I’d hate Alex more when I left than the first moment I saw him, but I did.

Liv was excited to learn that I was coming home. She decided to move into my apartment with me. I wouldn't have a job when I arrived back, so it would help with the bills. I knew I’d need my best friend more than ever when I got back to London, too.

“I can’t believe this is your last week,” Shane sighed, taking a seat on one of the couches in my office. “Are you sure you can’t stay?”

“I’m missing London. This job was only ever going to be a temporary thing.”

“But you’re like family here now. Alex was so much easier to live with since you arrived. Now he’s gone all moody again. It sucks.”

“I doubt that had anything do with me. I made his life hell most of the time.” Alex had decided this, but Shane was right. He’d been moping around the mansion like a sulky teenager all week. It didn’t make sense, but the asshole wouldn’t talk to me.

“You had an effect on him, Nat. Everyone could see that.” He laughed, looking out toward the pool area where Maddison was sunbathing.

“Are things serious between you and Maddison?”

“I don’t know. She’s…”

“An idiot?” I grinned, finishing his sentence. “You could do so much better, Shane. Make sure she isn’t using you just to stay close to Alex. I have a feeling she’s a gold digger.”

“You really don’t like her, do you?”

“How can you tell?” I sniggered, following Shane’s gaze out to the pool as Alex came into view. I noticed a whiskey bottle in his hand as he walked over to sit on the edge of Maddison’s sun lounger.

“You better go and save your girl. Alex looks like he’s in predator mode,” I commented. If Alex was trying to piss me off, it was working!

“For fucks sake!” Shane groaned, getting up. “He thinks he can have anyone he wants!” He stormed off, but I didn’t watch the confrontation that I knew was about to happen.

My office gave me a good place to hide for the last two weeks. My parents were very happy with my decision. I hadn’t told them the truth, though, that it was Alex who told me to leave. It wouldn’t make a difference, anyway.

They’d be arriving back in London a month after me. My mother had already planned several shopping trips, so at least I was going to be kept busy. I’d already applied for a few office jobs in London. I didn’t care what I was doing, as long as it wasn’t working with Alex. I didn’t even mind temporary work to start with. It was easier to find another job that you wanted when you already had one. I just needed these last two weeks to go by as quick as possible.

“What the fuck happened?” Diego had his hands on his hips as he barged into my office. Today was Alex’s birthday, and my last day at his hilltop mansion. Alex hadn’t even surfaced yet. I wasn’t sure how to act, or if I should even wish him a happy birthday. I’d hardly set eyes on him in the last two weeks.

“Hey, Diego. How was Rio?” Forcing a grin, I continued to pack my things up.

“Bitch, we are not talking about Rio. Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

“Back home.”

“What about Alex?” He seemed really angry with me, but I couldn’t understand why. “Did you just drop this on him?”

“I don’t owe you
or
Alex an explanation!” Alex was the one who broke
my
heart, but I wasn’t going to let Diego see that. “I miss home. It’s where I belong!”

“I really thought…” He stopped and looked at me closely. “Never mind. Clearly, I was wrong. Is the birthday boy up yet?”

“No idea. I’ve been busy packing.” I was acting like a bitch, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to go home.

“Okay, but I'm sorry to see you go.” He walked off without another word, probably in search of Alex.

With my clothes the only thing left to pack, I made my way upstairs. As I was walking, I heard female giggles coming from Alex’s bedroom. Seconds later, Maddison burst out of his room, wrapped in a robe.

“Do you want anything else, Lover?” she called back into the open door.

“Your pussy, dripping wet,” Alex purred. I felt nauseous at his words. What was he doing sleeping with this whore?

“That’s a guarantee.” With a smirk on her lips, she looked at me as she walked past.

I should have let it go, but my blood was boiling. Charging into Alex’s bedroom, I slammed the door hard behind me.

“What the
fuck
are you doing?” I yelled. Alex was naked, lying on his bed, but for once I wasn’t affected by it. I was seeing Alex for what he really was, and who he’d clearly always been. “Maddison is with
Shane
!”

“She
was
with Shane, and now she’s with
me
. Get the fuck out of my room,” he snarled.

“I was right about you the first day we met! You are just an empty shell! You’re a heartless son of a bitch!”

“Well, at least I’m not a fucking stuck up, controlling bitch like you!” He seemed to regret his words the moment he spoke them, but it was too late. Tears were already falling down my cheeks.

“You fucking asshole!” I sobbed, walking away.

“Nat, no, wait.” He rushed to my side and tried to reach for my arm. I spun around—the rage burning inside me—and slapped him hard across the face.

“Happy birthday, Alex,” I spat, leaving him stunned.

Without another word, I walked into my room, slid down the door, and sat hugging my knees. I wasn’t going to wait for his birthday party tonight. There was no point. I was leaving right now.

Throwing all my clothes and belongings into my suitcase, I made my way down the staircase.

“Nat, what the fuck are you doing?” Alex called, rushing down the stairs, doing up his shirt.

“Leaving,” I seethed. “I’ve had enough of this shit!”

“Your flight doesn’t leave for another ten hours. Don’t be stupid.” He tried to pull my suitcase away from me.

“Get off!” I yelled. We were making so much noise that Shane and Diego had gathered at the bottom of the stairs to watch us.

“I’m sorry, okay! I didn’t mean it!”

“No, you’re right, but do you know what? I don’t give a
fuck
what you think of me. I like to have control in my life! I’m damn good at my job because of it! I’m straight laced, but I’m fucking
proud
of it!” Snatching my case back from him, I stood tall.

“I know, I…”

“You shouldn’t have fucked Maddison either! You’re better than that!” I was dropping him in it with Shane, but I didn’t care. He deserved it!

“What?” Shane snarled. “You didn’t?” Alex dropped his head, ashamed.

“What’s sad is that I saw a good person in you, Alex. Unfortunately, you let your nasty side take over when the going gets tough.”

“Nat…” He closed his eyes, unable to continue.

“We’re done. You need to let me go. I can’t do this anymore.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He couldn’t even look at me as he spoke.

“It doesn’t matter now. Goodbye, Alex,” I whispered, kissing his cheek gently. This was it. The fight in his eyes had gone when he finally looked up. He was letting me go. Shane took my luggage from me as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Do you need a ride to the airport?” he asked.

“No, I’ll get a cab. You have things to sort out,” I motioned as Maddison came into view with a drink and some food in her hands. She froze, shocked to see Shane there.

“You take care of yourself,” he sighed, hugging me. “If I’m ever in London, I’ll look you up.”

“Make sure you do,” I smiled before turning to Diego, who was already crying. “I’m going to miss our shopping trips.”

“Oh, Baby Cakes, I’m going to miss everything about you.” He embraced me tightly. “Take care and don’t be a stranger.” I nodded, looking up at Alex one last time. I wanted to memorize the king in his castle. Even though he’d broken my heart, I’d never forget the eight months that he’d given me. He had allowed me to see his softer side, and I’d always be grateful for that.

Turning on my heel, I walked away without a word. Once I’d said my goodbyes to Mary, my cab had arrived. Ever the gentleman, Shane carried my luggage to the car. With one last look up at the mansion, I got into the cab.

LA had been fun while it lasted, but it was time for me to go home.

“You’ve kept the place clean and tidy,” I muttered, walking around my apartment. Liv was making me a much needed cup of tea.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” she called from my kitchen. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

“You have to promise not to freak out, and you can’t tell a single soul.”

“You can trust me. Oh, God! Do you have gossip about Alex?”

“Erm, yeah, you could say that.” Liv handed me a cup of tea and took a seat next to me. I then proceeded to finally tell her everything that had happened in LA.

“Holy fucking shit!” She sat there with her mouth wide open. “You…you…you slept with Alex Harbour for three fucking months? You are the luckiest woman on the planet!” I’d told her everything, except for the fact that I’d fallen in love with him. I also told her that I’d decided to leave, not that he’d sent me away. “I bet he was an animal in bed, wasn’t he?”

“Sometimes,” I giggled, thinking back to all the memories.

“Damn it! You fucked my man!” she snorted, nudging me playfully. “What made you decide to come back?”

“It was just sex, Liv. I’m almost thirty. I need more than that.”

“What are you going to do about David? He’s a free agent now,” she said suggestively as she wiggled her eyebrow at me.

“I don’t know. Being away from him, finding myself in LA, I just…I’m not sure if he’s the one anymore.”

“You should go and see him, at least. Maybe he can offer you your old job back.”

“I wouldn’t take it. I need a fresh start. I’ve got a few interviews next week for some temp jobs.”

“Oh yeah? Doing what?”

“One’s at a call center. I’m not sure about the other.”

“A call center? Really?” Liv giggled. “That’s not really you.”

“Maybe, but it will pay the bills. I don’t want to use too much of my savings.” I looked over at my luggage. “I really need to unpack and get some sleep. The jet lag is starting to kick in.”

“Sure. I’m just really happy to have you back, Nat.” Liv hugged me tightly. “Even if you never got me my invite to meet Alex.”

“I’m sorry! If you really want me to, I can speak to Diego and see if I can get you a meet and greet next year when Alex tours.”