Woman of Substance (23 page)

Chapter 18

Robbie opened the kitchen door to the heady aroma of bubbling soup. The air was moist from the boiled water. She jumped as the toaster popped.

Jake whistled under his breath while he poured water into the teapot.

“Can I help?” she asked from the doorway.

He turned and surveyed her. “You look better. Sit down, everything’s ready.” He brought the tea to the table.

He’d placed the table setting on the long end of the table as she had in the past, away from looking directly at each other. He pulled the chair out for her and helped her slide it close to the table. When she leaned back, she felt the warmth of his fingertips against her back. She dipped her spoon into her soup bowl and sipped, then nibbled the edge of her toast.

“This isn’t enough for you. What else are you going to eat? I don’t have many groceries.” She watched while he brought the spoon to his lips.

“I thought I’d order pizza after you go to bed. I don’t want to upset your delicate stomach.”

“Thanks.” She flexed her abdominal muscles. “Still tender.”

But the way she felt could have more to do with Jake in her kitchen caring for her then being sick. She focused on his neck rather than his face, only to see his Adam’s apple move. She felt as if she was back in a time when hand touches, ankle views, and sensuous necks were the causes of arousal.

He cleared his throat. “Your dad said four days. We’ll need to have some sort of understanding.”

“What would you suggest?” She gripped the chair seat for support. Her head felt hot. Maybe she was delirious.

“I’ll prepare the meals and tidy up until you’re stronger and then we’ll talk.”

“That sounds fair.” She stole a glance at his face. He had his controlled professorial attitude in place.

Disappointment cooled her imagination.

He leaned back in the chair. “Tell me about getting suited up in the costume.”

She sipped her tea.
Right, she could do this, too. She can keep a professional distance.
“The costume wasn’t that hard when I found the right order. It could get pretty warm and if I knew I’d be indoors and doing small amounts of activity, I put gel packs in specially designed pockets. I couldn’t have carried out this experiment in the summer. The hard parts were my face and hands. I used different brushes and makeup tones to give the illusion of fullness. On a good day, I could have been ready in an hour, but on a day when colors didn’t blend or my wig wouldn’t sit right, it would take more time. You met me on my first day. I’m not surprised that you were suspicious.”

She spread her unadorned fingers wide. “I also acquired a lot of costume rings to add weight to my hands.”

She swallowed a lump in her throat. “To be honest, I’m surprised you didn’t recognize me. I saw so many similarities. I think Frank did. He called me Robbie during our last visit.” She blinked at tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “During that visit, while you were out running I told him about my disguise and my research, but he was asleep. I was going back to tell him the whole thing the next day. I only hope he heard me, if he needed to. Maybe he was just being Frank and accepting me no matter why I was dressed up.”

“He was astute. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had guessed.” Silence flowed around the table until he said, “Initially I thought you might have been ill. Your wig was obvious. But then you began to look better and I had other things on my mind.” He paused. “I saw your photographs on the mantle. Cute.”

Her shoulders relaxed. She understood. He wanted to keep the topic more general. “One of the women in my control group did that. It’s called visualization.”

“I’m surprised I didn’t see them the night we shared pizza,” he said.

She glanced up at his soft brown eyes, which seemed to be focused on her lips. She reached for the teapot.
Where was the bravado she’d had in Frank’s room when she’d mimicked Jake’s movements in order to be attractive to him?

“I turned them face down on the mantle. Besides, as you just said, you had other things on your mind.”

He nodded.

She heard him tinker with his spoon against the side of the bowl.

“Did you know there is an appetite suppressant made from the Hoodia Gordonii?” he asked. “The !Kung San used it for thousands of years to control thirst and hunger during their long hunting trips.”

“You mentioned that during your talk at the dinner.” She relaxed and rested her arms on the table. “There are so many advertised products that promise quick weight loss.”

“When I was with the !Kung San, they discussed a lawsuit against drug companies that stole their ancient medicinal knowledge of the plant without consulting them.”

“Women and men for that matter don’t need another drug to spend their money on. Before my research, I would have advised a quick fix medication to drop pounds, but not anymore.”

“What would you suggest?” He leaned toward her and filled her cup to the brim.

“Be healthy in the skin you’re in. It sounds easy, but it isn’t. Some of us are larger than others. The body comes in all shapes and sizes. We are not made from a cookie cutter.” She felt rather than saw his eyes on her.

She teased her leftover cold toast apart, just as Frank had done for the geese so many times. “The fat suit had disadvantages but the advantage was that I took up space. I was noticed and some men just wanted to talk to me. There wasn’t that whole pick-me-up challenge most of the time. I’m going to miss that feeling.”

“I suppose you could always use the suit to go undercover and investigate discrimination.” He picked up the empty dishes and took them to the sink. She felt the air around her cool her warm face.
She could do this if they kept their distance. He was right.

He brought a cloth back and wiped the table surface. She slid her chair away from the table. “Initially I thought that as well, but now I understand my limitations. I’d need a whole movie costume team behind me if I wanted to continue. I know there are more sophisticated ways of changing appearances. When I begin my career in human resources, I’ll cultivate staff to be sensitive to diversity.” She yawned.

“Time for bed,” he said. He shook his head as if he, too, was dispelling images that statement raised. “Do I have to? It’s early.” She imitated a whining child.

“I lit the logs in the fireplace. The living room should be toasty warm if you’d like to watch a movie.”

“Same spaces. I get the sofa and you the chair.”

“Deal. I’ll be in as soon as I’ve washed the dishes.”

She carried her teacup to the living room, snuggled into the sofa, then covered her feet with the afghan. She watched the flames lick at the logs. She listened to the various noises coming from the kitchen, the running water, dishes rattling, and Jake whistling. Sounds she found oddly comforting.

When Jake finished, he brought his cup and a fresh pot of tea to where she half sat, half lay on the couch. The remote was on the coffee table. Neither of them reached for it.

“Can I warm up your cup?” he asked with a smile.

“I can’t remember when I’ve been so cared for.”

After pouring her a fresh cup of tea, he settled into the chair and propped his feet on the ottoman.

When she bought her teacup to her lips the steam rose and cleared in front of her face. She rested the cup back on the table. “I wish I had been strong enough to stay for Frank’s celebration of life.” She glanced into Jake’s brown eyes. He looked down at the floor for a moment. The curtains whispered when the furnace pushed more heat into the room.

“I’m glad that I met him.”

“I know you made his last weeks happier as well.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me. I wonder if we would have become friends without my disguise.”

He glanced at the photographs on the mantel. “It’s as if you have a twin.”

She saw the uncertainty in his eyes. “I wished for a sister, what about you?”

“I don’t remember. I think I’ve always known my family was different.”

She wanted to reach out to him but shifted her extended arms above her head.

“You seem tired. Let’s save the movie for another time.” He gathered the cups onto the tray.

She pushed her feet into her slippers, stood, and folded the blanket. She kept her voice light. “Sleep tight.”

During the next few days, she and Jake continued to build on their friendship. As her strength returned, she helped make the meals and tidy up afterward. They often ended the day around the fireplace sharing stories about their youth. She no longer held her breath when she heard his footsteps down the hall when he went to bed or got up in the morning. She no longer trembled like a maiden if they passed each other on the way to shower. What she couldn’t stop were the dreams of his hands on her body and his lips covering her lips. But other than a playful tap on the shoulder, they avoided touching each other. It was as if they both understood that if they crossed the line once, their tentative newfound friendship would change.

Jake spent an extra long time under the cold shower. He had to survive one more night under Robin’s roof without touching her. He’d promised her parents that he would protect their treasure and he would do that. He planned his day carefully. Robin/Robbie was how he thought of her now. She was both rolled into one. Today she was Robin in his mind, because they had a foundation of the friendship they’d established with Frank in their lives. It kept Frank’s memory between them. She was well enough that he could leave her for a few hours. Today he needed to pick up some groceries and meet with Jean Clifton about teaching the next semester. He needed to check out his new apartment. He also needed to do something for the Smith Christmas he’d been asked to share. He dressed in his jeans and sweater, then joined Robin for coffee.

Jake wrapped his fingers around a mug of coffee to keep his fingers away from shifting a stray wisp of hair from Robin’s forehead. “You sound better this morning.”

A smile floated across her face as she answered evenly. “Christmas and family always does it.”

He was quiet.

“Do you have any traditions that you’d like my family to honor? A special type of food we can prepare?”

He shook his head. “This year will be the first year when I will eat a traditional Christmas turkey in a long time. Your family does have turkey?”

She nodded.

“I’m glad, I’m looking forward to sharing a Christmas dinner similar to my time with Granddad and Grandma. For many years, my schedule always included a research project during this time.” He paused. “I’d call my grandparents from some far off land and say Merry Christmas around the general time. But I can’t examine the past right now. I don’t want to feel guilty. What do you have planned today?”

Glad Jake didn’t want to dwell on sad subjects, Robbie said, “I’m going to decorate my Christmas tree. I’m not like my mother where every corner in her house and yard has to reflect Christmas.” She carried her coffee cup into the living room and turned on the weather channel. She called over her shoulder. “We haven’t had our usual snow fall. But I’m not wishing for a white Christmas this year.”

She knew instinctively when he was in the same room. She didn’t even have to turn around. He stood behind her at the window. “I pictured you with your nose pressed against the window watching the sky for snow clouds.”

She heard the tension leave his voice.

“Where’s the winter wonderland you said you wanted last night?” His voice flowed over her jangled nerves.

She wanted to say that she didn’t want anything to keep them from sharing Christmas with her family, but she said, “This year I’ll pass on mounds of snow. Many people drive distances in Saskatchewan to visit family and friends. I’d rather the picture perfect snowdrifts remain on the cards.”

“I agree. I know I certainly would prefer to drive on a clear blacktop highway.” Did she hear a chuckle?

“Are you laughing at me?” Her eyebrows drew together.

“Yes. I’m imagining you with your nose pressed against the pane with your fingers crossed and wishing against the thousands wishing for snow.”

She turned and tipped her head. He really was getting to know her.

“Tomorrow, after church, I’d like to show you the park around the river. Mom and Dad won’t mind,” she said.

“I’d like that. What should I bring your mother?” He backed away from her. She knew he was creating safe space for both of them.

She thought about her parents’ home. It would be easy to suggest a bottle of wine or an ornament to add to the collection but she thought that he might be the right kind of man to experience the real ‘Smith’ Christmas. Her family gave their largest gifts to the community all year instead of each other. During Christmas Day, while they sat around the tree, they shared a few examples of their good deeds and the feelings they experienced over the past year.

“Anything that shows you will help someone,” she replied.

“That’s cryptic.” His eyes looked up and toward the left. She knew from paying attention to his subtle little moves that he was thinking.

“It’ll give you something to ponder,” she said.

“And a reason to go to the mall.”

“I don’t think you’ll find it at the mall.” She shook her head confidently. “Use your imagination.” She tapped him on the shoulder. His reaction was quick and he held her hand in his. They were both breathing heavily when he brushed a kiss on her forehead.

“I’ve got some errands to run. Have fun.” He turned on his heels and she heard the closet door rattle.

She was glad he was gone. She had to stay focused and keep her hands to herself for less than twenty-four hours. She could do anything for a day.

The four-foot artificial tree took less time to decorate than she thought. Jake wasn’t home so she dressed carefully. When she sat in her car, she moved the seat forward. The last time she’d been behind the wheel had been the night she got ill. But she was better now. She drove to the nut and candy store and health food store for her parents’ gifts. She didn’t know what to buy Jake that wasn’t over the top like a muscle shirt or cologne, so she chose a CD of easy-listening rock hits. He seemed to enjoy her tunes whenever he worked around the kitchen.