Wolves’ Bane (18 page)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Mistakes

The fog rose around me, dense and swirling, my hands barely visible as I raised them to my face.
Where is he?
Panic surged, my stomach in knots. I had to find him before it was too late. I had to tell him I didn’t mean for things to end, to push him away. I just wanted more of him.

I rushed forward, ignoring the instinct to go slow, my legs bumping unseen objects, my feet snagging on immobile things, tripping me up, making me stumble. Something slashed against my face, stinging like a small whip, opening my flesh, and yet I continued. I had to find him.

I switched direction, turning and turning again, uncertain of where to go, confusion clouding my brain, making me doubt each step. Where was he?

A howl echoed around me, followed by another and another.

I froze, my heart skidding to a halt as the fog suddenly cleared. I was in the forest and I was all alone.

“Cal!” I screamed. “Please come back to me.”

The door of my room swooshed open and I hastily wiped away the tears that seemed to be permanently sliding down my cheeks. Another nightmare had jolted me back to the hell of being awake. The feeling of losing Cal was so tremendously heavy in my gut and heart that I could hardly breathe.

I knew without looking that Candy had returned. The men had given up on me days ago.

“Hey, Morgan, I brought you up some of Ken’s fabulous chili. You’ve got to try it. He even baked homemade buns.”

I groaned and tightened the blanket over my head, not wanting to be rude, but also not wanting to have company. Hearing Candy slide the tray on my night table had me hoping that the girl would notice my cocooning, take the hint and leave.

Moments later, as the weight of another body bounced on the bed, I knew that I wouldn’t have such luck.

“Are you ever going to get out of bed?”

I sighed. I felt totally defeated. Cal had been gone so long that I’d almost grown used to the stabbing throb of his separation, the sudden jolts of physical pain that made me ache for him. Roll that in with my emotional turmoil and I was a blubbering mess most of the day.

Candy tugged at the blanket, pulling it away from my head. “Seriously, Morgan, you stink. You should at least have a shower,” she teased. “Come on, honey. The guys are all running around downstairs like it’s the plague up here.
You go talk to her. No, you go talk to her. I’m not going up there, she’s crying. I don’t know what to do with a woman who’s crying
.” Candy chuckled. “It’s pathetic. We need more women around this place.”

I stifled the urge to giggle. This was no time to laugh. I was depressed, damn it. But Candy caught my attempt to hide a smile and tugged the sheet even farther. I flopped over onto my back then pushed myself up to lean against the headboard. For that, I earned a giant grin from the teen.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” She motioned to the food. “You should eat tonight. I’m serious about Ken’s chili. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever tasted.”

I wiped my hand over my face and briefly closed my eyes. With Cal gone, my world seemed to spin out of control. I couldn’t tell for sure if he had broken the bond, but assumed that he hadn’t since I still felt such tremendous pain. Not yet anyway.
Shit, what’s he waiting for?
My only hope at this point was that breaking the bond would numb the ache somewhat, take the edge off at least.

I sighed as I ran my hands through my lank, greasy hair. Candy was right. I needed a shower in the worst possible way. “Has anyone gotten a hold of him yet?”

Candy’s smile faded and she diverted her gaze to the floor. “Who, Cal?” She shook her head. “No. Andrew’s been leaving messages, but his phone’s off.”

My stomach clenched and the smell of Ken’s
spectacular chili
was enough to bring on a wave of nausea. “Has he done anything like this before?”

Candy shook her head again. “No, Cal’s pretty dependable.”

I nodded as fresh tears budded in my eyes. “I don’t think he’s broken the bond yet. I can still feel him and it hurts.” A stream of tears rolled down my cheeks. I’d gotten over being embarrassed about crying in front of everyone, but especially Candy. The teen had put in more girl time and shoulder support than any of my friends ever did back home. Candy reached out and snagged my hand, tugging me away from the headboard so that she could hug me.

“I know it hurts, Morgan,” she cooed gently.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I pulled away and snatched a tissue from the box, wiping my nose and eyes. “I’m such a total disgusting mess. I can’t control it. I wish I’d never bonded with him. This sucks. What a great Huntress I’ve turned out to be.”

Candy’s eyes were mournful. “Morgan, you’re being too hard on yourself.” She moved down the bed to let me slide to the edge. “Even though Jer and I aren’t bonded yet, I know what it feels like to be away from him. It does suck and I know it will suck more if he ever leaves me after we’re bonded. That’s the point. It’s not natural to do what Cal’s doing to you. I can’t imagine why he is doing this in the first place, and whenever I ask the guys, they say he has his reasons. It’s bullshit if you ask me.” She stood from the bed and held her hand out to me. “You have every right to lose your shit, Morgan, and if you get angry at him it might make you feel better.”

She was right, of course. I should be angry instead of sad. I should turn my sorrow into something stronger, something motivating. But I couldn’t, not while my heart was shredding. I didn’t have the energy or the desire to do anything but wallow. This situation, the effect of our separation on the bond, was pushing me into the deepest depths of a depression I’d thought I’d overcome.

What Cal was doing was making me weak and I was beginning to think that breaking the bond might actually be to my detriment in other ways too. Without the bond, would I be strong enough to fight Lazarus’s thrall? I didn’t know, but it seemed like a logical theory that without Cal’s bond I’d be more susceptible to Lazarus’s charm. Cal thought he was doing his duty to the Order and he believed he was breaking the bond to free me, to help me, to make me happy. I’d said some things to him that I didn’t mean. A lot of things out of anger. I didn’t want Lance, I wanted Cal. I wanted him more than anything, and my foolish game had ended up costing me that which I coveted the most—a possible future with Cal.

I’d been thinking a lot in my solitude and I realized that even though he was being stubborn and idiotic by pushing me away, he was doing it because he was afraid. What I knew for certain was that he was scared of falling in love with me. I just didn’t totally understand why. Although the man had acted like a total ass, I wasn’t prepared to have him gone from my life forever, not without knowing what the bond really meant. But I’d pushed too hard, I’d dared him to do something drastic. And he had. And I could do nothing to stop it. I didn’t know where he was or how to contact him, so there was no way for me to tell him that I was sorry for some of the things I had said.

Candy dropped her hand to her side with a shrug. “Listen, I’m not going to stay in here and bug you tonight. I get that you want to be left alone. I just wanted to bring you something to eat.” She walked to the door. “You should really have a shower, though. It’ll make you feel better. It always helps me when I’m feeling like a bucket of crap.” She smiled before leaving, closing the door behind her with a quiet thud.

I sighed and pushed myself off the bed. Candy was right—a shower would make me feel better. And if I wasn’t going to eat, at least I could make myself smell nicer.

Cal exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped snuggly around his waist and steam billowing out behind him. He ran his hand through his wet hair and smiled. Becca was seated on the bed, her jean-clad legs crossed and her eyes glued to his body.

“So you decided to come after all,” he drawled as he moved to lean against the short set of drawers.

Becca nodded. “Yep.”

He pushed himself to stand and moved over to her, grasping her hand on her lap while at the same time planting a kiss on her forehead. When he pulled away, she stared up at him, her green eyes sparkling once again. He tugged her up and wrapped her arm around his waist, nudging her belly with his already hard erection.

Morgan.

The name caught in his throat as he lowered his lips to Becca’s cheek, bypassing her pouting lips to trail down to her neck. She shivered under his touch, pressing herself against him, rubbing her hard nipples along his bare chest.

She moaned as he ran his hand under her shirt to cup her breast, strumming her nipple as he continued to kiss her flesh.
Good. Good. You can do this.

“Oh, Cal.” She gasped as she ground her hips against his cock. “Kiss me.”

Cal snagged her hair in his hand and pulled her head back, lifting his mouth from her neck so that he could stare down at her. With her lips parted, her breaths ragged and her eyes hooded, he could almost believe that he was about to take Morgan again—just as his body truly wanted. He lowered his mouth to kiss her and instead brought her hair up to meet his nose. As he inhaled, she ran her hands along the front of his body, snagging her fingers into the tight knot of his towel.

“Kiss me, Cal,” she breathed again.

He pulled himself away from her. It had been stupid of him to do it in the first place. Morgan had such a distinctive scent. One that called to him, stirred him up. Becca didn’t. Not that she didn’t smell nice—very flowery in fact—but she didn’t smell like Morgan. He stared down at her, willing his body to take her even if his mind was shifting him into a full dead stop. She opened her eyes wider and he realized suddenly that they weren’t the same color as Morgan’s, not anywhere close to chocolate brown. And her lips were almost too pouty, not at all proportioned like Morgan’s. It was those little things that Cal noticed as he held Becca. How her body didn’t fit his quite the same way and her breasts were a little too large.

He closed his eyes and sighed.
Shit.

“What’s the matter?” Her voice suddenly sounded too nasally.

He shook his head as he opened his eyes, releasing her hair from his grasp and removing his hand from under her shirt. He pried her hands from his semi-hard cock, which she had freed from the towel only moments before.

“I’m sorry, Becca. I’ve made a mistake.” He leaned down and snatched his jeans from the floor where he’d left them and quickly pulled them on.

Becca stood with her arms crossed, her bottom lip quivering. “A mistake?”

He sighed and moved toward her again, pulling her into his embrace and staring down into her eyes as he quickly etched a spell on her. “You won’t remember any of this in the morning. Instead, you’ll think you had too much to drink and didn’t want to drive home,” he whispered as her eyes slid closed and her body went limp. He laid her on the bed, then finished dressing.

It was useless to battle it. He just couldn’t do it. He could not betray Morgan, even if it was what she wanted, and he was tired of fighting against nature. He needed to be with his Huntress. He needed to stop avoiding his duty to her, convince her that he could be the man she needed him to be. And if she was destined to betray him, then he would deal with it. Why deny himself the only true happiness he’d ever know when time was running out? The battle with Lazarus was a little more than a week away and he needed to be with Morgan, bonded with her in every possible way.

With one last look around the room, he grabbed his bike keys and helmet then left, making sure that the door locked behind him. Now that he knew he was going back to her, he couldn’t seem to get there fast enough. He donned his helmet and revved the engine before gunning out of the lot, hoping that after everything he’d done, Morgan would find some way to forgive him.

Chapter Thirty

Redemption

After my shower, which had made me feel better for about ten minutes, I slipped back into bed and fell fast asleep. So when the door to my room opened, I was in a state of total confusion, not knowing what time it was.

“Candy, I don’t want any company right now, okay? Just leave me alone.” My voice came out as a throaty grumble.

I felt the bed shift with the weight of someone heavy and bolted up, squinting into the limited light of the moon’s rays. “Cal?” I almost didn’t want to believe my eyes.

The massive body sitting on the bed turned and moments later the light from the side table lamp cascaded over him. My lips quivered and my eyes welled with tears as an unbidden sense of relief and even joy washed over me. “Cal?”

He was staring at me, his eyes filled with sadness. “God, Morgan, I’m so sorry I was such a fucking asshole. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? I promise you, I’ll never behave that way again.”

I was too stunned to speak as I stared back at him, my brain still rejecting the fact that he was actually there. He’d come home in my dreams many times over the past few nights, so part of me thought that this could be my mind’s way of screwing with me.

“Cal? Are you really back?” I murmured.

A small smile touched his mouth as he leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. “Yeah, I’m back. If you’ll have me.”

I gasped at his touch, my heart stuttering, my thoughts chaotic. A flare of anger there and then gone as my body’s need to be with my Hunter took over completely. Without another moment’s hesitation, I launched myself at him, scrambling over the sheets to land on his lap, my momentum sending us tumbling to the floor. He caught me in his arms and held me close to his chest, kissing my head, my brow, my nose, bathing me with affection.

“God, Morgan. I’m so sorry.”

I pushed myself away so I could see into his eyes. “You didn’t sleep with another woman?”

Cal shook his head. “No one can replace you.” He pushed himself up from the floor, all the while keeping a tight hold on me. “It was foolish of me to even think it. I want to be with you and only you.” He leaned down and tenderly kissed my lips. “You are my Huntress and I should never have tried to deny that bond.” He kissed me again, this time with more passion before pulling away. “It’s what you wanted, I know, to be free of me. I understand why, I do, but I couldn’t bring myself to break the bond.”

“That’s not what I wanted, Cal.”

“But you said…” He paused and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath before opening them again. “Never mind what you said, I was wrong. Can you possibly forgive me?”

I hesitated, my body saying yes, forgive, forget, while my heart still ached from his actions. “You pushed me away.” I gulped. “You left.”

He flinched, pain flashing across his eyes. “I did and I’m sorry, more sorry than I can possibly tell you. I’ll live my life making it up to you. I promise.”

He wasn’t telling me why he left, why he pushed me away as he had, and I wasn’t asking. Not yet anyway, not while this moment lasted, in his arms, my body craving him more than I could understand. “We need to figure this out, stick with it even if it’s hard. Give whatever this is a chance.”

He nodded.

“You’re not allowed to leave me ever again.”

“I’ll never spend a moment apart from you, not unless you demand it,” Cal whispered, his tone earnest, no lies hiding there.

Believing the sincerity of his words, I sighed as I latched onto him and snuggled against his chest, pressing my ear to hear his heart thudding there. We would figure things out. We would mend what was broken. “And why in the world would I want to do that?”

He sighed as he lowered his face, burying it in my hair for a moment before lifting me in his arms and gently placing me on the bed. He climbed on after me, hovering over my body, his massive arms holding him up

“I’ve missed you.” His voice was a delicious low rumble that rolled over me and sent tendrils of desire racing through my body. “Oh god, I’ve missed you.” He moaned as he lowered himself down to capture my lips, suddenly and fiercely plunging his tongue into my welcoming mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck, lacing my hands in his hair and loving the feeling of his weight pressing into me and his erection prodding my belly.

He rolled to the side, pulling me along with him, never once breaking his kiss as he slid his hand under the oversized T-shirt I wore. He groaned when he realized I wasn’t wearing underwear and then groaned again as he cupped my breast.

“You’re mine, Morgan,” he growled as he rolled my hardening nipple between his fingers, his eyes blazing with the truth of his feelings. “You’re mine and I’m not going to let you go without a fight.”

He was so overwhelmed with relief to have Morgan back in his arms again that it took little effort to push that annoying voice away, the voice that had been chanting to him from the moment he’d discovered Morgan might be Lazarus’s bride. The voice of duty to the Order that reminded him of his vows.
Thou will honor the Order above all others.

Well, this time Cal was breaking the rules.

Morgan lifted her leg to wrap around his hip as her lips trailed down his jaw. She nuzzled his neck and pressed her body closer to his. “I’ve missed you so much, Cal,” she whispered, the edge of her pain still lingering on her words.

His heart thudded with excitement and remorse. He wanted to erase that hurt he had caused and, although he knew it might take a while for her to truly forgive and trust him, he could at least distract her from the pain for a while.

He ran his hand along her calf and up her thigh, moving under her shirt to grip her ass and bring her even closer to him. “I need you to be naked.”

Morgan nodded as she pulled her lips away from his skin.

He sat up with her and helped to lift her shirt over her head, allowing her hair to cascade down around her bare shoulders. She was kneeling next to him, watching him intently. Her face showed the bitter aftermath of time spent crying with little sleep. Dark circles lined her eyes, tracks of tears dried on her cheeks. He kissed her gently, pulling away to look into her eyes once again. “I’m so sorry.” He’d almost broken the bond, thinking that he was doing what she wanted, needed from him. He’d been so wrong and he’d almost lost her for good. His stomach bottomed out at the thought. So close to ruining everything with his stupidity.

Morgan’s bottom lip quivered before she sucked in a deep breath, stealing herself it seemed, halting any sign of weakness.
So strong.
His Huntress.

He moved in again and kissed her, plunging his tongue into her mouth with such force that she gasped when he suddenly pulled away. Cal greedily raked her body with his gaze, loving her proportions, everything just the right size for him. He gripped her waist then ran his hands up her sides, coming under her breasts to stroke them. They were large but not too large, a perfect fit for his hands, her nipples small little pebbles that begged to be kissed. He leaned forward and did just that. Rolling his tongue along one, clasping his lips together so that he could suck and nip before moving to administer the same attention to the other. Morgan clenched his shoulders as she rolled her head back and moaned.

“Cal,” she breathed. “It’s been too long. Please don’t tease me.”

He chuckled against her breast as he gave one last lick then moved up to capture her lips once again. With a hand on her ass, he guided her down to lie on her back. She stared up at him with those perfect brown eyes, the ones that sparkled just right. The ones that were looking at him like he was a god to her. With a groan, he quickly discarded his own clothes. His mind wanted to take it slowly, to savor the moment with her, but his body demanded other things.

She lifted her arms to him, letting her legs fall open to show him just how ready she was. He stared down at her pussy, glistening already with moisture, wanting him as much as he wanted her, despite all he had done to her. For that, he was truly grateful. With another groan, he slid over her, pressing his cock into her cleft and rubbing along her entrance.

She ran her hands through his hair and down his back, urging him into her as she writhed. “Please, Cal, I need this.”

His body was shaking with want as he closed his eyes, savoring the moment. He eased himself into her tight little pussy, his body spasming as he slid deeper and deeper, filling and stretching her deliciously. She sighed when he encased himself to the hilt, wrapping her legs around him as she arched up. The subtle movement had him withdrawing slowly, then slamming back into her, his body relishing the feeling of her as he lost control over his senses and over his heart.

I sighed with contentment as I nuzzled closer to Cal’s warm body. The sun was out. Through my closed lids, I could see the brightness of the day and for the first time in a long time I felt good. More than good, I felt complete. Part of me had feared he would be gone again when I woke. After our multiple rounds of lovemaking, I had resisted the urge to fall asleep, paranoid that he would slip out again and leave me. But I was so exhausted that I did finally succumb to sleep. And now, waking to find Cal’s heavy arm still draped protectively around me, I buzzed with joy.

I snagged his hand and pulled it up to kiss. He had such big hands, I marveled as I traced my fingers along his. So callused in places, scarred in others, testaments to his hard training. I felt his penis harden behind me as he curled ever closer to my back, his face buried in my hair, nestled into the nape of my neck. We’d made love three or four times the night before—I’d lost count after a while. It had all spun into one blissfully orgasmic experience, my need for him driving me to climax again and again. I just couldn’t get enough and it seemed neither could he. I was sore but in a well-used, pleasant way.

He groaned as he woke, pulling his hand from my grasp to slide up under the sheets and latch onto my breast, holding me in a possessive gesture that I really loved. He groaned again as my nipple hardened for him.

“It feels good,” he murmured into my hair.

I giggled. “What does?”

“Waking up with you in my arms.”

I melted, fresh tears bubbling as I lost all control over my heart, feeling triumphant as the bond overwhelmed me with his tenderness. Just as I’d suspected, his asshole behavior was nothing more than a front. I’d been right all along.
This
was the real Cal, a sweet, caring, tender man. He had me. I was vulnerable to him and even though it had only been a couple of weeks, most of which had been hell on Earth, I knew for sure I’d fallen in love.