Without You (28 page)

My mother leaned over and whispered, “Alex, you’re staring at Will, sweetheart.”

I nodded my head. “I’ve missed him.”

“I know, but you’re really staring.”

I giggled and looked at her. “We can blame it on the scorpions.”

She let out a small laugh and shook her head. I peeked over to my daddy.

He mouthed to me,
Talk to him.

I will
, I mouthed back.

I glanced around the huge table.

Daddy and Uncle Jeff had put together two huge tables, so everyone would be able to sit together. When we were younger, all of us kids had sat at the kids’ table. That had been until Will and Libby started having food fights and getting the rest of us in trouble.

I turned back to look at Will. Now, he was staring at me. We both smiled, and the butterflies in my stomach began to fly around.

I love him. I will always love him.

In that moment, it hit me harder than anything ever had before. I needed to let him know how I felt. I wasn’t going to let this evening end without telling him.

Luke, Colt, and I all carried the extra table down to the barn and up to the loft.

I looked around and smiled when I saw the bed. “You think your parents still sneak out here, Colt?”

Colt made a disgusted face, but then he smiled slightly and shook his head. “Yeah, I’m sure they do. I want a love like that someday.”

Luke and I both let out a long breath and looked at each other.

Luke busted out laughing and said, “Damn girls.”

“Hell, you got that right,” Colt said. “They drive you crazy. They don’t tell you what’s really on their minds, and when they do, they don’t give you any damn warning.”

I shook my head. “What’s going on with you and Lauren?”

Colt grunted. “After she blew me off that night, I ended up getting back together with Rachel, who I can barely stand. Now, Lauren is pissed at me because I’m dating Rachel.” He shook his head. “Makes me just want to give up on women altogether.”

“No! Don’t ever talk that way, dude. A man needs a vagina to function.” Luke sat down in a chair and leaned back, balancing it on the back legs.

I looked at him. “Really? You just said that?”

“Hey, I could have said pussy, but I kept it clean. It’s true though. A man does need pussy to survive in this world.”

Colt started laughing. “Damn, Luke. What is wrong with you?”

Luke held up his hands and laughed. “Keeping it real. Just keeping it real.”

“That’s why he has his fuck buddy. No strings. Just a fun way to
survive in this world
. Isn’t that right, Luke?”

I closed my eyes when I heard Libby’s voice.
Shit
.

I turned and looked at Libby, Grace, Lauren, Taylor, and Lex all standing there.

“What?” Luke lost his balance on the chair and dropped backward to the floor.

Libby smiled and shook her head. “I’m heading out for a while to meet someone. I don’t have my car. Can I borrow your truck, Will?”

“Uh…”

Luke jumped up. “You’re going out? On Christmas night? Where in the hell are you going?”

Libby glared at Luke. “Jason’s in town, and he asked if I wanted to meet him for dessert.”

Luke laughed. “What kind of dessert, Lib?”

“Watch it, Luke,” I said through gritted teeth.

“The kind you’ll never get from me, Luke.”

I snapped my head over and looked at Libby. She walked up to me and held her hand out for my truck keys.

“Wait. What did you just say?” I asked.

“Can I borrow your truck or not, Will?”

I looked at Lex and then back at Libby. I reached in, pulled out my truck keys, and handed them to her. I watched her walk away, and then I glanced at Luke. His hands were balled into fists.

Lauren walked up and waited a few seconds. “She isn’t going to meet anyone. You pissed her off with your comment, Luke.”

“How long were y’all in here?” Colt asked.

Lauren smiled and sat down. “Long enough.”

I rolled my eyes.
I’m so tired of games.

I glanced over to Lex, who was standing at the edge of the stairs. She gave me a look and then headed back down. I quickly followed.

She stopped at Banjo’s stall and smiled at me. “You feel like a nighttime ride? It’s still pretty warm out.”

I grinned and nodded my head. “Sure. You want me to saddle up two horses?”

She shook her head. “Nah, I’ve been riding Banjo bareback. Do you mind riding him with me?”

My heart slammed against my chest at the thought of being so close to her. “That sounds good to me,” I said as my voice cracked.

Lex attached the reins to Banjo’s bridle and led him out of the barn. She looked over her shoulder at me. “Can you help me up?”

I knew damn well she could get up on him by herself, but I played along. The moment my hands touched her body, I felt it. It was the same sensation that always ran through my body whenever I touched her.

She adjusted herself and winked at me. I grabbed her hand and jumped up behind her. Banjo was a big paint horse—sixteen hands and built like a machine. I’d never seen a horse love a person as much as Banjo loved Lex.

She rode out of the barn and down the trail leading to the river. We rode along in silence. I took in every single detail of her—her smell, what she was wearing, how her hair was pulled up, the way she rode her horse in perfect form. I loved everything about her, and I always would.

Lex brought Banjo to a stop and stared out over the river. “I love it here so much.”

I followed her gaze. “Yeah, so do I.”

I slid off the side of Banjo and helped Lex down. Having her in my arms was bringing out so many emotions.

“I’d ask if you wanted to sit down on a log, but—”

She hit the side of my arm and smiled. “Colt or Luke?”

I laughed. “Both filled me in. I’m so sorry, baby, um…Lex.”

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, her tears about dropped me to my knees.

“I’ve never been confused about my love for you, Will—not once. I won’t stand here and make excuses because I know my actions hurt you, but you have to believe me when I say nothing, absolutely nothing, happened between Blake and me. Would I change things if I could go back? Yes…and no.”

I tilted my head and looked at her.

“I learned something through all of this. I need to start thinking for myself. I need to stop listening to my father’s voice in my head and start listening to my own voice. And us being apart helped me find that voice within. The last few weeks have been hell, but the time apart has opened my eyes as well.”

I swallowed hard.
She’s moving on without me.

“I’m glad you found yourself, Lex. I’m really happy for you.” I turned and started walking toward the river. My heart felt like it had just been ripped from my chest and stomped on.

“Do you know what it’s been like?” she asked from behind me.

I let out a sigh. “What has what been like?”

“My life without you.”

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

“It’s been empty, completely empty.”

I turned slowly and looked at her. “What? You just said—”

“I said, I learned to hear my own voice, Will. I learned to stand up and make my own decisions. One of those decisions is to leave UT at the end of this school year. I’m transferring schools.”

My head was spinning, and my knees felt weak. “Where are you going?”

She smiled as she walked up to me and placed her hands on my chest. “Where I belong. With you.”

I looked at her with a confused expression on my face. “Lex, are you saying…”

She giggled and nodded her head. “Yes, both Grace and I are going to A&M next year.”

I just stood there, stunned. “Lex, I don’t…I don’t…you’re coming to A&M?”

She smiled bigger. “Being without you, Will, is no longer an option. I love you. I want to be with you. When I’m not with you, a part of myself is missing.”

“Lex…” I pulled her closer to me and placed my hands on the sides of her face. “I love you so much. I’ve been so lost, completely and utterly lost, without you.”

I pressed my lips to hers, and we both let out soft, low moans. I picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around me as our kiss began turning more passionate.

“I need to feel you, Will. Please, please make love to me.”

I bumped into Banjo, who just turned his head and looked at me. I set Lex down and began unbuttoning my pants. Then, it dawned on me.

I shook my head. “We can’t. I don’t have a condom.”

Lex’s face dropped, and she slowly shook her head. Then, she suddenly said, “I have an idea. Help me back up on Banjo.”

A short while later, we were riding up to the barn.

Lex slid off Banjo and yelled, “Hold on!”

I watched her run up the stairs. I looked around to see if any of our friends were still here, but they had all left the barn.

Lex came running back down the stairs. She began looking around and then looked back at me. “Want to be daring?”

“Uh…how daring?”

She bit down on her lower lip. “Really daring.”

I shook my head. “No. I want to live, Lex. My life is really just beginning, and you want to end it prematurely. No, thanks.”

She laughed. “Come on, all our parents are up at the house, and God knows where everyone else is.”

I slid off Banjo and began walking him back to his stall. “Lex, listen to yourself. You want to have sex in your barn—the barn that is close to your house…where your daddy is…with his guns nearby. I want you, Lex. I want you real bad, but I’d like to marry you someday and have kids and—”

I realized what I’d said when her expression changed. I swallowed hard as I turned and gave Banjo some hay and checked his water before I shut the gate to his stall. I turned around, and Lex slammed her body to mine.

“I need you, Will. Now. I have to have you inside me. Please.”

“Shit.”

She ran her hand through my hair and tugged on it hard. I let out a moan and cursed my betraying body.

She pulled away and began climbing the stairs. She glanced over her shoulder and looked back at me. “Luke has a stash of condoms hidden up here.”

Oh good God.

“Lex, maybe we should finish talking.”

She disappeared as I walked back over to the barn entrance and looked out. I didn’t see anyone outside, but I could see people in the house through the kitchen window. I spun around, made my way back to the stairs, and then took them two at a time. I stopped when I saw Lex standing there, naked.

“Fuck,” I whispered.

“I’ll take that, thank you.”

“Lex, we were talking. Don’t you want to finish talking?”

She shook her head and placed her finger in her mouth. I looked her body up and down. I wanted her so damn bad.

She began trailing her finger down her neck, between her breasts, to her stomach. She finally stopped short of where I wanted to bury my face. She lifted her leg and set it down on a nearby bucket. Then, she slowly pushed her fingers inside of herself while she held up a condom in her other hand.

“Fuck it.” I quickly stripped out of my pants and boxers before walking up to her. I grabbed the condom.

She hissed, “Yes,” through her teeth.

I rolled it on and grabbed her leg. I pushed myself into her, and she let out a moan. I stopped moving, so I could just feel her warmth.

Her head dropped back as she whispered, “Finally.”

I began moving in and out, and we both moaned.

I need more.

“Will, I need more.”

I smiled, knowing we both wanted the same thing. I picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around me. I walked her up to the wall and pushed her against it.

“Yes, Will. I’m so sorry. I love you so much, and I never, ever want to be apart from each other.”

I pulled out and pushed into her. “Lex, you’re my everything.”

“Yes, oh God, yes.”

“I love you, Lex. Don’t ever leave me. Don’t ever leave me.”

She shook her head as she began thrusting her hips. “Never, Will. Faster. Will, please do it harder and faster.”

I closed my eyes and prayed to God I lasted long enough for her to come. I began pounding into her over and over as she let out one quiet moan after another. There was no way I would take her to that bed.

Hell no.

“Will! I’m going to come. Kiss me! Oh God, kiss me!”

When I slammed my lips to hers, she began pulsing around my dick and moaning into my mouth. She dug her fingers into my shoulders, and I was glad I had a T-shirt on still.

Then, I felt my buildup.

God, how I’ve missed her.

I pulled out and pushed in deeper, and then I exploded inside her as one of the most powerful orgasms ripped through my body.

I pulled my lips back as I panted, “Jesus…feels so damn good…Lex.”

By the time I was done, my legs and arms were shaking. Lex started kissing me again like she’d never kissed me before.

That was when I heard his voice.

“Banjo’s here, so they must have come back.”

Gunner!

My eyes and Lex’s eyes grew bigger as I quietly put her down. I took off the condom, tied it, grabbed my pants, and slipped them on. I looked around for a place to hide the condom, and I ended up sticking it in my pocket. Lex opened her mouth, and she made a funny face by scrunching up her nose. I shrugged and put my sneakers on as I listened to Gunner, Jeff, and my father all talking.