Without care (8 page)

He lazily
lounges back in the chair and drapes one of his arms over the back
on mine. “Not much either” he laughs. “Are you going to the
dance?”

“Yes.”

“With
Chase?”

“Yes.”

There's a loud
bang and we all look over at Becks. “Why are you sat with us, Jen?”
She says with annoyance. “What? No Chase to hang off from
today.”

My jaw drops
open, but I should have expected this. It’s unlike Becks to not say
what she is feeling. I nervously bite down on my lip and bow my
head in shame.

“Ah, are we
meant to feel sorry for you?”

“Becks!” Ayden
hisses, with a hint of anger to his voice. “Enough!”

“No!” She
yells, her fist hitting the table again. “What has happened to you,
Jennifer? Ever since you’ve been with Chase, you’ve forgotten about
us. I don't even recognize you anymore. Everything about you has
changed. You’re turning into a Chrissy clone!”

“That's not
fair, Becks” I reply. “And I admit I shouldn't have forgotten about
you and I am sorry.”

“Sorry?” Becks
snorts. “I'm just sorry I wasted my time becoming your friend. I
should have left you as the lonely new girl.” She points a finger
at me, as if she is trying to get the whole cafeteria to look who
she is yelling at. “If I'd known what an utter bitch you are.”

I push back in
my chair and storm out of the room. I can't believe she just called
me a bitch that was out of line. Yes I have been an awful friend,
but I am not a bitch. So what if I have decided to change the way I
look. It just means I have more confidence, that's a good
thing.

I push open a
door and step outside, my throat is sore from trying to hold in my
sobs, my eyesight blurry from tears.

I stand still
and take in a big lungful of air. Why was she mean like that and in
front of everyone? Is it jealousy or am I really a bitch? The tears
stream down my face. A few people walk past me and raise an
eyebrow. Great, not I am a pathetic cry baby. I wish Chase was here
and I wish I had never gone over to that table.

“Jen,” says a
soft voice. I turn round and there is Ayden. Before I know what I
am doing, I crush

into him and
cry against his chest. His strong arms wrap round me and holds me
firmly while I cry uncontrollably. “Sshh,” he breaths against my
ear. “Let’s get you out of here.”

We sit in his
truck in silence, the tears have dried up now and I feel
embarrassed that he saw me cry. I dabbed my eyes and wonder what a
mess I must look like. My mind keeps playing what Becks said to me
and it makes me wonder if Ayden thinks the same.

“Music?” he
asks, I don't reply and he switches on the radio. “You shouldn't
listen to Becks.”

I look over at
him, his head is resting against his seat and he is listening to
the music. His eyes are closed and his dark hair frames his face. I
take that moment to drink him in, he looks relaxed and at peace
with everything. Maybe he doesn't think what Becks think.

“What do you
think?”

“About
what?”

“What Becks
said, do you think she is right?” I can't help but feel nervous,
out of all my friends, I know for a fact what he thinks will bother
me more.

He opens his
eyes and turns his whole body towards me, a smile dances on his
lips. “No,” I return his smile with full of relief. “I think you're
just a girl who has discovered herself.” His hand swipes towards my
dress. “You look amazing and you are full of confidence.”

I reach out for
his hand and give it a friendly squeeze. “Thank you,”

“For what?”

“This is the
second time you have come to my rescue” I laugh, looking into his
dark eyes. I can't believe that I use to be intimidated by them.
Now I could stare into them all day. Ayden is the first to break
away from our stare and hand holding.

Both of his
hands run through his hair and I get the feeling he is edgy. His
mood instantly changes and he abruptly switches off the radio.

“We should head
back to class” he rushes at me, as he opens the door.

I take that as
a hint he is now bored of me or wants to be alone. I just nod and
get out of the truck. I make my way back to school with Ayden
following behind. I still feel horrible. Beck's words have cut
deep.

“How about we
hang out tonight” Ayden asks.

“Sure” I smile,
Chase won't be back till late and it beats sitting alone digging
through memories.

“Good” he
smiles. “Meet you here after school.” Before I can reply is running
towards his next class. At least I have one friend left, but I
really need to find a way to make things with Becks right. I can't
lose her over a boy, even if that boy is Chase Walker.

Just like Ayden
said he is waiting for me after school. I smile at the sight of him
leaning against the wall, hands in pockets and staring at the door.
The second he sees me a massive smile grows across his face. You
can't help but notice how good looking he is. At that thought my
cheeks flush and I begin to think about the heated dreams I have
had recently.

I suck in a
breath and try to regain myself as I walk over to him. “Hey” I say
quietly. He begins to walk towards his truck and I follow. Exactly
what is wrong with me? I think Ayden is good looking; he's caring
and always treats me nicely. So, why am I not with him? We have an
attraction. I can feel the electricity between us. Maybe I value
his friendship more, and then on the other hand, I have lusted
after Chase since I moved here.

I shake my head
to get rid of my thoughts, I am just being stupid. No, I don't want
to be with Ayden. However, it would make my life easier if I saw
someone in my group. Becks wouldn't feel like I was abandoning
her.

“What do you
want to do?” Ayden asks, as we both climb into his truck. “Want to
go to the Diner?”

“No” I quickly
respond. “It’s my day off and if I go there, Carl will probably
make me work.”

“My place?”

“Sure. After
all we have that homework to finish.”

“Cool,” he
groans as he starts up his truck. “Homework!”

The second I
walked into Ayden's little house the same feelings began. It looks
unkempt, lonely and sad. How could he live alone like this? There
wasn't even a photo of anyone. I began to wonder what his parents
are like. Why did he insist of coming here and being alone? My
heart bleeds a little for him.

“I guess we
should get you something to eat as you missed lunch.”

Ayden's voice
pulls me from my thoughts, he points to the kitchen and I follow.
My eyes moved around the large open space, the kitchen seemed
different from the living room. It was bright, large and airy. As
some would say, 'the heart of the home.' I made my way over to a
large wooden table and sat down. My eyes followed Ayden as he moved
around the kitchen making food.

I couldn't
imagine not living without my mother, even though she can sometimes
be a thorn in my side. She was getting better. She was covering
herself up and sticking to one man. Ted had tamed the wild animal
within her. At least Lacey had someone to look upon as a father
figure and maybe now I could actually think about going away to
college. Even though I knew the dead lines were almost coming to an
end.

I let out a
deep sigh, my life was horrible. When one bit got into place
another area seemed to become muddled. What was I going to do about
Becks? I know she probably hated me. After all I'd done exactly the
same as Chrissy had done to her. At the end of the day, couldn't I
just be friends with everyone. These groups or titles didn't
actually mean anything. Ali didn't seem to mind, so why was Becks
taking this personally.

“Deep in
thought again?” Ayden placed a plate down in front of me. I shook
my head, what I was thinking wasn't even worth it. “Well, eat!” He
commanded, pushing my sandwich towards me.

“Don't tell me
you live off sandwiches?” I joked, picking it up and taking a bite.
It was actually really good, which surprised me.

“No,” he
smiled. “I can cook. Although, I pretty much eat at the Diner.”

“Seriously?” I
joke; he gives a deep throat laugh and carries on eating. We sit
there in silence and it feels comfortable. When I am with Chase, I
am always trying to think of things to say or he talks non-stop
about his sports.

“You excited
about the dance?”

I can't help
but smile. “Yes. This is the first dance I've ever been to.”

“I'm pleased
for you, Jen.” His voice sounds warm and I genuinely believe he is
happy for me. “You deserve good things to happen to you after what
you've been through.”

The smile drops
of my face and I stare at him dumb stricken. “What do you mean by
'What I've been through'?”

He looks like
he's been slapped in the face, runs his hands through his hair and
swallows hard. “Sorry. I am just assuming things again. After all,
you only live with your mother and I just assumed something bad
happened between your parents.”

“Oh” I reply,
feeling slightly taken back. No one here has asked about my family
or asked why we came here. Even I don't know why, it just shows
Ayden is very observant and in tune with other people. I think I
like him more now, its then I realize I am staring into his dark
eyes, losing myself in the dark honey brown and breathing heavily.
The corner of his mouth lifts and grows into a little smirk, yet, I
don't look away.

“I like your
eyes” I confess without thinking.

“Thank you,” he
begins fluttering his eyelashes as to make a joke out of what I
just said. I couldn't help the pathetic girly giggle that escaped
from my mouth. “Are you going to the dance?”

He screws his
face up. “Yep” he almost cringes as he answers.

“With
Becks?”

“Jen,” he
sighs. “Let’s make this clear, right now.”

His hands rest
on the table palm down and he leans back in his chair. His eyes
stay focused on me and I can feel the heat rising up through my
body. I don't know why I react this way every time he looks at
me.

“There is
nothing going on between me and Becks. Becks is a very nice girl,
but I have no desire in taking anything further than going to the
dance with her.” A little air escapes his lips and his expression
has turned serious, his brow almost meeting in the middle. “I was
actually hoping you would have asked me...” his voice trails
off.

My hand
automatically reaches out and rests on top of his. His skin is so
warm and soft, electric shoots through my entire body. His whole
body stiffens by my touch and his eyes have widened and he isn't
blinking. Without warn he pushes his chair back and jumps up,
clearing up the plates.

“We should get
started on homework” he says, his voice abrupt and he is avoiding
all eye contact with me.

I fold my arms,
my hand still tingling from touching him. My eyes follow as he
cleans up, why did he always do this? The minute our friendship had
deepened, he would pull away from me. For the rest of time I was at
his, we sat in silence doing homework. Even when he drove me home,
he just grunted in my direction. Although, he did say bye as I
climbed out of his truck. Then he hastily drove off.

I lay on my bed
staring up at the ceiling. Ayden was still playing on my mind. I
know I should have been thinking about my boyfriend. For some
insane reason Ayden was all I could fantasize about, my heart raced
as I imagined kissing him. Those dark eyes filled with lust and
desire for me. His warm soft hands caressing my naked body. I
couldn't stop the moan of disappointment leaving my mouth. I did
want him, in spite of myself saying he was only my friend, I did
want more.

That's when
Chase popped into my head and the dance. The dance -- that Ayden
had wanted me to ask him too. What was I going to do about Chase?
It was unfair to lead him astray, especially when Ayden was making
my feel like this.

I knew what I
had to do, after the dance I would have to break up with Chase. I
wouldn't explain exactly why, there was no need for him to know
that I was in love with Ayden.

I gasped and
sat up, my eyes blinking and my whole body shaking. In love? Did I
just say to myself I loved Ayden? How was that even possible, yeah
I got jealous when he was talking to Becks. When I am near him my
whole body reacts in a weird way, which I don't even understand. He
sends my heart racing, my breathing crazy and I loved when his
strong arms embraced me.

I let out a
deep breath, was that love? Yes, I believe it is. Oh god, I do, I
love Ayden. I want to be near him all the time. I flopped back down
on my bed and reached over for my phone. I had to hear his voice. I
couldn't wait for tomorrow. I opened my contacts and clicked on
Ayden's number. Before I could back out I pressed call, I had no
idea what I was going to say.

It rang and on
the second ring he answered. “Jen, what's up?” I couldn't get my
mouth to work, after a second he spoke again. “Oh Jen, your not
doing one of those heavy breathing calls on me, are you?”