Withered + Sere (Immemorial Year Book 1) (22 page)

Jamie giggled. “That’s not how we play. You have to find me. You have to catch me. That’s how the game works.”

Cavalo pushed through thick brambles that scratched along his skin, drawing blood. A branch snapped back against his face, and for a moment, the forest disappeared and he was in the tunnels underneath the prison, the water from the snow overhead dripping down in a steady flow. His skin was pebbled and chilled. He took another step and was in the forest again.

“Guess what I found!” Jamie demanded.

“Mr. Fluff?”

Jamie laughed. “No! I already had him. Mr. Fluff was never lost. Do you remember what happened to him?”

Cavalo did. After he’d shot himself in the head, he’d awoken in a makeshift medical tent in the charred remains of what had been Elko, Nevada. He was lucky, he’d been told. Somehow, the bullet had deflected off his skull plate and ricocheted into the wall. There was no swelling of the brain, as far as they could tell. The skull had cracked, but that would heal. He would always have a scar, but if that was the price he had to pay to live, it was a small one.
Very lucky
, they’d said.
Very lucky indeed.

The dead had been buried. Those who were missing would probably never be found and most likely were already dead. No one could remember a time when a person had been taken by the Dead Rabbits and had been seen alive again. Once you were taken, that was the end.

Cavalo had been stumbled upon in the roadway, unconscious, the day after the attack, skin burned, leg broken. The remains of his family lay around him. People had gathered them all up as best they could and took them back into Elko. Cavalo woke. His wife and son did not. They were cremated. Cavalo never spoke of what had happened, though he knew others had guessed at it.

He spread his son’s ashes in a nearby river. On the nearby bank, he cobbled together a little cross and carved Jamie’s name into it. He thought about putting his wife’s name too, but it felt wrong. He didn’t make her a cross, either. He thought to spread her ashes in the dirt, to smear them around until she was nothing but earth, but in the end, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “I hate you,” he said in a choked voice as she drifted away in the river. “God, how I hate you.” And he did. Mostly.

He felt part of him die then. A big part. Maybe the only part that mattered. He returned to Elko. Spent days in Jamie’s room with Mr. Fluff. He didn’t speak much, but that was okay because Mr. Fluff didn’t say much either. He didn’t eat. He slept in fitful dozes that were wracked with his son reaching for him before disappearing in a bright flash of light.

No man could exist like this for long. It wasn’t possible.

So one day, not long after, he sat in his son’s room with Mr. Fluff in his hand and shot himself in the head.

He was lucky. So lucky.

He left Elko not long after. Before he did, he went back to the river. His son’s cross was still there. Someone had placed a small bouquet of wildflowers that had already begun to die. He didn’t know who it could have been, but by then, he couldn’t muster even the smallest amount of will to care. He took Mr. Fluff from the bag on his back and sat on that riverbank for almost three hours, staring down at the worn rabbit. And when his time had ended, when he could delay no longer, he stood, slipped back into his pack, and then threw the rabbit into the river.

He watched it bounce along the surface until it disappeared from sight.

He turned and left. He had no destination in mind. No plans. He would walk until he walked no more. He would either live or die. And at some point during those first few weeks, when the ground was hard beneath his back as he slept, when the sky above was wild and infinite, he became only Cavalo.

“The river,” Cavalo said now in the stunted forest. “Mr. Fluff went into the river.”

“Like me,” Jamie said from off in the trees.

“Yes.”

“You went through a door.”

Suffering
, he thought. “Yes,” he said.

“Was it the right one?”

“I don’t know.”

Jamie laughed. Something moved through the underbrush. “You still haven’t guessed!” he said, sounding farther away.

Cavalo began to move again.

Through the trees that reached for him.

Through the fog that tried to suck him down.

He was in the woods.

He was underneath the prison.

He was following his son.

He was heading toward that clever monster, that clever cannibal. From a white panel on the wall came a metallic voice. “Cavalo? I’m showing you’ve accessed the maintenance tunnel. What on earth are you doing?”

All of this has happened before
, he thought.
And all of this will happen again.

And again.

And again.

How many times in the last years had he dreamed of his son? How many times had he been close enough to reach out and touch him? Granted, this time felt different. This time felt more
real
. The rational side of Cavalo (for he still had one, no matter how small, no matter how much like bees it sounded) tried to tell him that it
wasn’t
real, that this
was
a dream, that these were just the rubber bands snapping, and wasn’t that just
alarming
? Wasn’t that just
insane
how easy it was becoming for them to break?

But that side of Cavalo was small indeed, and lost in the storm that raged above and inside his head.

He staggered in the tunnel and held himself up against the cold cement wall.

He tripped over a fallen tree in the forest, skinning his shin.

“Cavalo, wake up!” the robot said. “Blast it all, the doorway is blocked. How did you do this?”

“You have to guess!” Jamie said. “Hurry, Daddy!”

He reached the end of the tunnel and pressed his hand against the panel to open the door above.

A tree in the stunted forest in front of him burst through the ground, sprouting up with a loud rumble, parting and cracking the earth below. It spun gracefully as it rose, sprouting bright green leaves that began to die as soon as they hit the air. They curled up in on themselves and faded into a dull brown, retaining only minimal life. The branches grew up toward the sky like arms. The base of the trunk was wide. The tree twirled. It
danced.
And from it came a terrible voice.
Her
voice.

“This is because of you,” she said. “Everything that has happened is because of
you
. It has happened before. And it will happen again. You are damned. You are rotten. Everything you touch dies.”

Cavalo fell to his knees in the stunted forest.

Cavalo fell to his knees at the foot of the stairs in the tunnel.

“You are nothing but breaking rubber bands and bees!” she cried as she danced, waving her arms gracefully. Her leaves shuddered and sounded like bones. “You are made up of pieces that no longer fit.”

A dog barked, far away. It sounded panicked.

“I’m sorry,” Cavalo said in a tunnel and in a forest. He bowed his head.

“You should be,” the tree-wife hissed. “Everything that happened to us is
your
fault! You should have listened to me! You should have trusted me! It’s because of
you
that we broke apart! It’s because of
you
that our son died!
You should have done more
!”

“I know,” Cavalo said. His shoulders shook.

“You’re dreaming!” the robot cried. “Wake up!
Wake up!
I can’t get… I can’t be….
Brzzp. Beeeeeep.
The foundation of the human condition is built upon the need and caring of others. Therein lies the danger. Sigmund Freud once said that we are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.”

“
YOU DID THIS TO ME
!” the tree shrieked. “
YOU DID THIS TO US BOTH
!”

Little hands reached out and touched Cavalo’s bowed head. They ran through his hair. They touched his wet cheeks. They poked his chin. His ears. His jaw. His nose. They smelled clean. Alive. Vibrant and sweet. “Daddy,” Jamie said as he touched his father’s face. “Look what I found.”

Cavalo raised his head and looked at his son.

Jamie smiled. It was a beautiful smile, it always had been. He’d taken after his mother that way. The wide curve of his lips. The slightly crooked teeth. The tiny upturned nose. The freckles on his cheeks. His ear sticking out on either side of his head. His black hair. That was all his mother.

But the eyes. The eyes belonged to Cavalo.

And they were hidden behind a black mask, painted on in heavy strokes.

“She isn’t a tree,” Jamie said, cupping his father’s face. He laughed.

“Jamie,” Cavalo croaked. He tried to bring up his hands but couldn’t. They felt weighted down.

“She isn’t a tree, and I found something,” he said. “I found the way back.”

“To where?”

“Silly Daddy,” Jamie said. “The way back home.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will,” Jamie said before he turned and ran into the forest.

Cavalo screamed after him. Rose to his feet. Ran up (into) the stairs (the forest).

He tripped on a tree root (stair).

“Don’t leave me!” the tree-wife screamed.

As he fell, he banged his knee against rock (cement).

“I’ll have to reboot the system!” the robot said. “
Cavalo!
Don’t go into the cellblock!
The cell is going to open on the reboot!
”

He stood in (on) the forest (the stairs).

“Hurry, Daddy.”

A flat mechanical voice, vaguely female: “System reset requested. Authorized access only. Please enter the proper codes to proceed with system reset. Resetting the system will cause temporary loss of power during the reboot. Please make sure all proper precautions have been taken and that personnel is on the ready. Enter the authorization codes now.”

He called out for Jaime. “I’m coming!”

“Hurry!”

“Authorization codes accepted. Would you like to proceed with system reset?”

“Yes, you stupid bitch!” SIRS shouted. “You blasted machine!
DO IT
!”

“Shut down commencing in five….”

Cavalo reached the clearing (top).

“You’re almost there, Daddy.”

He stepped into the meadow (cellblock).

“Four….”

Jamie stood in the middle of the clearing.

“Be ready,” he said.

Lucas stood in the middle of his cell.

“Three….”

Jamie raised his head toward the dark sky.

“Cavalo,
run
!”

Lucas began to pace back and forth in his cell, that feral look on his face.

“Daddy!” Jamie cried. “They’re coming!”

“Who?
Who’s coming
?”

“Two.”

Lucas smiled a terrible smile. Shadows played across his face, like a mask.

Jamie smiled a terrible smile. “
Them
.”

“
One
.”

Cavalo took a step into the meadow.

Cavalo took a step into the cellblock.

He stood in front of Jamie in the stunted forest. Trees sprouted all around, and they all sounded like
her
, they all screamed like
her
. They reached for him, for the both of them, but they were rooted in place. Their fury rose into the air until it roared like a hurricane.

He stood in front of Lucas in the crumbling prison. The lights flashed overhead as the female robotic voice said, “System shutdown commencing.” Low emergency lights began to flash along the floor. All other lights went out. The white panels flared briefly before going dark.

The cell door slid open.

The stunted forest shattered into pieces as Lucas leapt from the jail cell. He hit Cavalo in a flying tackle. Cavalo struggled to breathe as he was knocked backward off his feet. They crashed onto the floor, Cavalo’s head knocking against the cement. Stars more brilliant than he’d ever seen before exploded across his vision. He was distracted by them momentarily because didn’t they just
shine
? They shined so darkly, and he could hear his son’s voice in his head still, Jamie telling him to rise, that one day he’d rise up, and nothing would ever be the same. As the shattered fragments of the forest fell around him, a thinnest sliver fell past his face, like the most precious piece of glass. In it, and buried in the stars, he saw Jamie. As it fell across his vision, Jamie said from inside the glass, “Hi, Daddy.”

Then that world, that dream of a world fell away, like it never existed at all. The shrieking tree-wives were gone; his son was gone; the forest was gone.
They were never there to begin with
, he told himself as hands circled his throat and began to squeeze.
It’s all bees and rubber bands. That’s all it ever was.

He opened his eyes, and above him the Dead Rabbit stared down, eyes narrowed, teeth gritted, jaw tensed. The cords in his neck jutted out. His arms trembled. His fingers dug into flesh. His thumbs pressed against the man’s windpipe. The ugly scar across his neck was pale in the low light. The Dead Rabbit (
I am Lucas
) let out a hiss of air between his teeth. Cavalo felt it hit his face. It was warm.

And didn’t this do something to Cavalo? Something more than anything had done in months? Years? Ever?

It did.

Maybe it was the dream of Jamie. Maybe it was the tree-wives. Maybe it was the stunted forest. The past two weeks. The death of Warren. The using of Alma (for wasn’t that
exactly
what he did?). Getting shot. Killing men. The government, alive and well.

Or maybe it was just the shitty fucking life the man named Cavalo had. Maybe it was because nothing good ever happened. Everything was taken away. Life sucked. It was unfair. It was cold and dark and lonely. It was his own fault. He had failed.

Regardless of the reason, regardless of everything that had happened, Cavalo felt an extraordinary fury rising from deep within him. It cost him, he knew. It cost him dearly. Rubber bands snapped, the bees howled and spun into a tornado of wings, their stingers scraping at his insides. But it was there. It was like fire. For the first time since he could remember, Cavalo felt something close to humanity. Not quite there, but close. His survival instinct kicked in, that base notion to kick and punch and pull and break.