With Every Breath (32 page)

She cried, not because she was unhappy but because she was finally releasing pent-up emotions she'd suppressed for a decade. She was letting go of all the grief, the guilt and so much pain that she no longer felt.

She was free. Finally free of the bonds she'd placed on herself after being freed of the bonds Thomas had imprisoned her with.

You don't have to carry your burden alone, Eliza.

Let it go, baby.

I'm right here.

I'm not going anywhere.

Give yourself—and your burden—to me.

Wade's words drifted to her on the most beautiful wave, rolling over her and washing her clean. How could she have ever doubted he loved her? How could she have even questioned it? He may not have given her the words until just now, but he'd shown her in every possible way how much she mattered to him. The evidence, the proof, had been staring her right in the face almost from the very start, but she'd been too bent on protecting herself from the pain of briefly touching the sun only to have a storm roll in and cover it with black clouds, never to be revealed to her again.

What she hadn't realized was that Wade
was
the sun. Her sun. And even the fiercest storm could never suppress his warmth, his light, his love.

Her sobs quieted, leaving only soft hiccups in their wake. She lay limply against Wade, her face buried in his neck as she clung desperately to him, afraid that if she so much as blinked, he would be gone.

Wade ran his fingers over her face, wiping the last of her tears from her cheeks and then he carefully tucked the tousled strands of hair stuck to her face and partially covering her eyes behind her ears and smoothing the rest away, leaving no wayward strands behind.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and sighed softly. “Baby, what happened just now? Have to say, that wasn't exactly the reaction I was expecting to me telling you I love you and that you're marrying me. Is the idea of me loving you so terrible? Or is it the marrying part that freaked you out?”

He carefully maneuvered her face from his neck to look at him. There was such a look of vulnerability in his eyes, something she'd never seen in this hard man who rarely let his emotions out from behind the impenetrable mask that was such a permanent fixture on him.

Seeing that naked, raw uncertainty so clearly reflected in his expression made her tear up all over again.

Wade's expression immediately became frantic, agitation radiating from him in waves.

“Baby, don't cry. Please don't cry anymore. You're breaking my heart. Whatever it is, we'll fix it, I swear. I won't rush you. I'll wait forever if I have to. I'll give you all the time in the world you need and when you're ready, I'll be right here, waiting.”

“Oh God, Wade,” she said tearfully. “I love you too. So much. And it scares me to death. I'm terrified. I haven't allowed myself to love anyone except the few people I call friends—family,” she corrected. “But even them I keep at arm's length, never letting them too deep inside me, because it's so ugly and I'd never let them see that part of me. I can't lose you, Wade. Not you. It would destroy me. I don't know how to love. I've never loved the way I love you and have never
been
loved like you love me.

“I thought I was in love, but I was so wrong. You've shown me what love is, how beautiful and selfless it is and I want it more than I want to breathe, but I'm so scared, because I don't know how to love someone the way you deserve to be loved. It terrifies me to care so much about someone. To have so much—all—of my happiness depend on one person.”

For a moment Wade didn't respond. He didn't seem capable. He closed his eyes, his relief a living, breathing entity, and it was then she noticed that he was trembling just as she had been shaking a short time ago. When he reopened his eyes, they were so full of love and understanding that they looked near to bursting and they were lighter than she'd ever seen them before.

“Now you understand how I feel,” he said gruffly. “I've never loved anyone in my life, Eliza. Never even knew what love
was
, what it felt like, what it meant. It's beautiful and scary as hell all at the same time. You think you have ugliness? You have nothing on me. I'm not a good man. I've done things you can't even imagine and I've never suffered a single regret. But that's over with now because I would never risk you that way. I will never let anything ugly touch you again and if that means me going straight and becoming legitimate then I'm more than willing to do that if it means I have you. You are everything to me, which is why I'm not letting you risk yourself to take this maniac down. I will always stand in front of you and anything that puts you in harm's way. You need to understand that and deal, Eliza. Life with me won't be easy. I'm an overbearing, controlling bastard and I will never allow you to take risks with your safety.”

He framed her face and looked fiercely into her eyes as if willing every bit of his impassioned statement to be permanently engraved in her mind, her heart and her soul.

“But, baby, I can promise you this. If you take a chance on me. If you stand with me and by me and never give up on us, and if you're willing to risk it all for a man who isn't nearly good enough for you but loves you and wants you with every beat of his heart, then I will always do anything to make you happy. There is no sacrifice I won't make. No dream you have that will go unfulfilled. No wish that will not come true. And you will be the most treasured, cherished, pampered, spoiled, loved and adored woman who ever lived. I vow it on my life.”

“Not good enough for me?” she whispered incredulously.

She stared at him in utter stupefaction. Not good enough? Was he insane?

“Wade, do you even realize what you're taking on? How much baggage comes with me? You deserve so much more than I'll ever be able to give you,” she choked out, stifling the sob that lodged in her throat. “But I'll make you a promise as well. If you're willing to risk so much for someone as damaged and unworthy as I am then I will spend every single day doing everything I can to make sure you don't ever regret taking a chance on me.”

“I love you,” he said. Just that. Nothing more. But it was enough. It would always be enough. It was all she'd ever dreamed of, wished for, hoped for and it was what she'd never thought she'd have.

“I love you too,” she whispered.

She closed her eyes, savoring these few stolen moments, knowing that all too soon reality would once more intrude and they would be forced back into the real world where evil was far too prevalent.

“What do we do now?” she asked quietly, her heart clenching, filled with dread for what was to come.

Wade shrugged. “We wait for him to make his move. But, in the meantime, I'm going to take you to bed and spend the rest of the afternoon making love to you.”

TWENTY-TWO

DUSK
had fallen, casting shadows across the bedroom where Eliza lay nestled in Wade's arms, both on their sides, facing one another, legs tangled, their bodies molded tightly together. She purposely cleared her mind to everything but the intimacy that blanketed the entire room and the sensation of lying next to the man she loved and who loved her.

Wade had made love to her, drawing out her pleasure until she'd been mindless with want and need, her desire for him the most desperate, urgent sensation she'd ever experienced. He'd given her the words over and over, but he'd also shown her his love by touching, caressing, kissing, licking and sucking every inch of her body from head to toe, spending extra time on the parts in between.

He'd been in no hurry. No rush to orgasm. No quick slaking of lust and desire. He'd taken his time, bringing her to the brink of release only to back off and give her just enough time for the edge to not be as sharp and then he began all over, taking her up the peak again and again delaying her release until she was in complete freefall. Weightless and floating in a sea of indescribable pleasure.

When he finally brought her to completion, she'd fallen apart in his arms, utterly shattered by the beauty of having a man who loved her without measure make sweet love to her. Tears had slid down her cheeks, joy filling every place deeply hidden that had been barren and devoid of any feeling for so long. He reached every one of those dark places and brought light and life to them all.

And afterward, he'd held her while she cried, this time overwhelmed by the realization that she was finally home. She finally belonged. She was finally loved and wholly accepted without conditions, reservations or judgment.

Then he'd made love to her again. And again, until they'd fallen into a light sleep, content to rest in each other's arms and soak up every minute of the start of something new and special, the first day of their future together and the promise of many tomorrows.

Eliza had awakened first and lay quiet and unmoving as she studied Wade's handsome features at rest. His face lost the natural harshness that was such a part of his personality and he looked younger, more relaxed and at peace. She could spend hours simply watching him, smug in the knowledge that this beautiful man was hers.

She was loose and limber, completely sated and content. Her eyelids were slowly closing as she surrendered once again to the lure of sleep when the peel of Wade's cell phone startled her, making her flinch.

Wade came instantly awake, rotating to his other side to reach down and snag his phone.

“Sterling,” he said shortly.

There was a pause as Wade listened to whatever the other person was saying and then Wade's next words froze her to the bone.

“No. He's mine. Sit on him. Do not let him out of your sight, and make sure he goes nowhere until I get there. My men will remain here to protect Eliza. I'll be there as soon as possible.”

He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and then swiveled, turning to look at Eliza. She saw the inevitable in his eyes. She'd only heard his side of the conversation, but it was clear what was about to happen. She pushed herself up to her knees, staring at him pleadingly, her heart in her throat.

“Please don't go, Wade. Don't do this. Not for me. Let's just leave. He can't control me anymore. He is no threat to me. Let's just go. I'll go anywhere you want, do anything you ask. I don't want to lose you,” she said brokenly.

“Come here,” he said quietly.

She scrambled over the bed, launching herself into his arms, clinging desperately to his neck, biting into her lip to staunch the scream that echoed over and over in her heart. He pulled her into his lap and then turned so he was perched on the edge of the mattress, his feet planted on the floor.

He cupped her face and kissed her hard. Fierce. His tongue tangling wildly with hers until his chest heaved from lack of oxygen. Then he pulled away, cradling her face in his hands as he stared intently into her eyes.

“Baby, I can't let it go,” he said gently. “I'll never breathe easy if he's alive and out there. I'll never allow a threat to you to exist. He damaged you. He hurt you. He made you doubt yourself. For that alone he dies. He took something from you and I'll be damned if he ever takes you from
me
. I have to do this, Eliza. I need you to understand that. You know who I am, the kind of man I am. You've accepted that part of me that I hope to God never touches you. And after this, nothing ever will. You did what you had to do. I didn't like it but I understood. It was important to you. Baby, this is everything to me and this is something I have to do. Don't make me choose between loving and protecting you with my every breath or losing you anyway because you can't forgive what I have to do.”

She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his, emitting a sigh she knew he would recognize as her acquiescence.

“I love you,” she whispered. “Promise me you'll come back to me. Swear it, Wade. I can't lose you. Not when I've finally found myself
and
a man who knows every ugly secret I have and loves me anyway. How can I not do the same for you? Swear to me this doesn't touch you, doesn't lead back to you or implicate you in any way because I will not let you take the fall for me,” she said fiercely. “I swear to you, Wade, if this falls back on you I will make a full confession and I will plead guilty and swear under oath that I was the one who killed him.”

Wade's eyes went soft with so much love that she felt shattered. He stroked her cheek and kissed her lovingly.

“Baby, I don't say this to freak you out, and after this, I will never talk about anything like this with you again because you're going to live free and you're going to live in the light, never in the shadows and I'll break my back to make you happy and to make sure you live free and in the sun. But I am good at what I do. Not saying I'm proud and I'm not bragging. It just is. I've done a lot of shit in my life, shit I will never share with you and I hope that doesn't hurt you but this is me protecting you and busting my ass to make you happy every day. I will never be implicated, suspected or even considered in the matter of Thomas Harrington's death. I need you to trust me and I need you to have faith in what I'm telling you. I would never do anything that made it so I'm not with you or that I'm not the man making you smile and laugh and live free. So when I tell you that I'll be back and that neither me or you will have any suspicions cast our way, I need you to tell me you believe in that.”

There was no way she would ever send the man she loved off on a mission that could get him killed, hurt or jailed worried that she would never be able to accept him for who and what he was. He'd done that for her with no hesitation, no reservations and she could do no less for him.

“I believe in you, Wade,” she said, her voice serious and grave. “I'll always believe in you. Just be safe and hurry back to me. I'll be waiting.”