With All My Soul (13 page)

Then he faded from the human world, right in front of me.

I shuddered with revulsion and wished desperately for something
to wash the taste of my own blood from my mouth. I closed my eyes, and silent
tears slid down my cheeks. Then I sucked in a deep breath and made myself still.
Completely motionless, as only the dead can do. No heartbeat. No pulse. No
breathing. A moment of self-imposed, absolute calm while I tried to control the
anger Ira had left coursing through me.

It didn’t work. In the end, I could only ride the wave while
the pressure built inside me, pushing me toward an edge I didn’t know how to
come back from.

When I realized I couldn’t just bury that much anger, I opened
my eyes, swiped my hand over the blood finally starting to dry on the tile
floor, just in case, then blinked into my own bathroom.

My house still felt empty when I arrived—there were no voices,
and Styx was there to greet me almost instantly, which she wouldn’t have done if
she was standing watch over guests or intruders. So I rinsed my bloody hand in
the bathroom sink, blotted it dry around the cut, then dug beneath the counter
for a large bandage.

I didn’t even glance in the mirror, because I was afraid of
what I’d find. Afraid that I’d see the rage that had drawn Ira to me. The rage
he’d
fed,
damn it, and that if I saw that in myself,
I’d know he was right about me. That I was changing. That I was fighting for
revenge, rather than justice.

Instead, I turned and stomped into the hallway—and ran smack
into Tod, who was scowling at his phone. “Hey, Kaylee, I have a missed call from
you and five nasty voice mails from Nash. What’s going—” He looked up from his
phone and his eyes widened. “What happened?” His gaze dropped to my chin, and he
shoved his phone into his pocket, then turned my face to the right for a better
look. “Is that blood? Are you okay?”

“Where the hell were you?” Tears filled my eyes, and I spoke
through teeth clenched to stop the flow of more angry words I knew I had no
right to speak. Tod wasn’t the problem. I was angry. I wasn’t thinking
straight.

“I was in the Netherworld. They don’t have cell towers. What
happened?”

With one glance at the concern in his eyes, my anger fled and
guilt washed over me.

“Avari took my dad. Again.” I let him lead me into the
bathroom. “I have to go after him, but I don’t think I can get to him on my own
without going through Avari, so I called everyone, but Nash was the only one who
answered. Well, Sabine answered my uncle’s phone, but they can’t come because
Sophie committed her first criminal act, and the police aren’t a
forgive-and-forget kind of operation.”

When I stopped talking I realized I stood in front of the
mirror, where Tod was wetting a rag at the sink. Which is when I noticed that
blood streaked the lower right side of my face, from where Ira’s hand had
trailed down my chin. And that more of it was smeared around my mouth, like a
clown’s lipstick, in spite of my attempt to wipe it off.

I didn’t just look angry. I looked
scary.

“Kaylee, I’m so sorry.” Tod wrung out the rag and started
wiping blood from the back of my jaw. “Whose is this? What happened?”

“I summoned Ira.”

His hand went still, and his irises churned with tight,
twisting streaks of cobalt fear. “You
what?
How?
Why?”

“I summoned him with my blood—this is all mine—and his name.
Because I couldn’t get a hold of anyone else who could help me.”

“Please tell me you did
not
make a
deal with a hellion of wrath.”

“I’m not going to lie to you.”

“Oh, Kaylee.” He sank onto the edge of the tub, the rag in his
hand forgotten as he stared up at me in true fear. “What did you
do?
”

“I asked him to get my dad back safely, but the price was too
high. He wanted my soul. I said no.”

Tod slumped with relief for a second, then sat straighter and
pushed pale curls back from his forehead. “So what’s with the blood?”

“He said he’d tell me where my dad was being held for a smaller
fee.”

“What fee?” There was no end to the depth of his voice in those
two words. They were a bottomless chasm of fear and dismay and dread, and I
stood on the brink, poised to fall in. Balancing on the edge. “What did you
do?”

“He just wanted a kiss.” My tears finally fell, and they burned
all the way down my cheeks. “He wanted a taste of my anger, so he wiped my own
blood on my mouth and kissed me. And I let him.”

Tod blinked at me. His arms rested against his legs, his hands
hanging between his knees, and his eyes were
so still.
Still like true death. And for the first time since I’d met him, he
looked like I might have expected a reaper to look. Like death itself, he was
both the object that could not be moved and the force that could not be
resisted, and the longer he stared at me without reacting—without showing a
single ripple of emotion beneath his frozen-lake eyes—the deeper my heart ached,
until I thought it would split open and fall apart.

“Please say something.” I sank onto the closed toilet seat, my
knees inches from his. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I would
take it back if I could, but I’m not going to lie about it, and... Are you
mad?”

“You kissed a hellion.”

My heart pumped once, painfully, then stopped. “Yes, but it
wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like kissing you—”

“I sure as hell hope not!” A single thread of ice-blue anger
twisted through his irises, then they burst into a dizzying range of shades from
cornflower to cobalt, displaying a storm of emotion like I’d never seen. Anger.
Fear. Jealousy. Confusion. Frustration. They were all there, but the scariest of
all was grief, as if he’d lost something he couldn’t get back.

As if
we’d
lost something...

He stood, and I stood in front of him, as if I could possibly
block a reaper’s path if he wanted to leave. “No. Tod, wait.” I put one hand on
his chest, feeling for his heartbeat, but it wasn’t there. “It wasn’t like that.
I swear on my afterlife. I swear on my
soul.
It
wasn’t a kiss like people kiss. I don’t think hellions even truly understand why
people kiss. This was an exchange of information.”

“It was an exchange of saliva.” That churning continued in his
eyes, and my heart shattered when I saw a midnight twist of disappointment.

“No!” I grabbed his hand—if he tried to blink out, he’d have to
take me with him. “Well, yes, but it wasn’t about saliva. It was about blood. My
blood, and the anger it carried. That’s what he wanted.”

“That’s
part
of what he wanted.”
Instead of pulling his hand away, Tod squeezed mine, like everything important
he wanted to say could be read in his grip, when I couldn’t make any sense of
what I saw in his eyes. “He wanted to taste your anger, but he also wanted to
cause more of it. And he did, right? Making you kiss him pissed you off, didn’t
it? It’s sure as hell pissing
me
off, and he
probably wanted that, too. Nothing hellions want is simple, Kaylee. Nothing they
take is simple, either, and they always take more than you realize you’re
giving.”

Suddenly the maelstrom churning in his eyes collapsed into a
single sapphire coil of pain. “I can’t stand the thought of him touching you.”
His free hand rose, and his thumb brushed the fullest part of my lower lip,
still crusted with dried blood. “Kissing you... I don’t even know what he looks
like, but I can’t stop seeing it.”

I tried to breathe and realized I couldn’t. “I’m sorry.” More
tears trailed down my cheeks, and I took the rag from the sink where he’d
dropped it. The cloth was cold now, but I swiped at my face furiously, scrubbing
the blood off without the benefit of the mirror, trying to erase what I’d done.
“I’m
so
sorry. I wish I could take it back, but I
can’t, and I had to do
something.
I can’t just leave
my dad there, but I’m
so sorry
for how I paid, and
if I lose you—”

“Kaylee. Stop.” Tod took the rag and stared at it for a second.
Then he used one clean corner to gently wipe the blood I’d missed from around my
lips. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m not happy about what happened, but
losing you would make that worse, not better. You’re
never
going to lose me, and
certainly
not because one of hell’s ambassadors bullied you into kissing him.”

My heart started beating again, and the sudden rush of my pulse
made me light-headed. Tod wiped the last of the blood from my mouth, then leaned
forward and kissed me, and I let the feel of him and the taste of him—of all
things good and safe and strong—drive the memory of that other kiss from my
head.

“Just...in the future, save all the good stuff for me, okay?”
he whispered into my hair, holding me so tight I couldn’t have breathed if I’d
needed to.

“It’s yours. All of it. All of
me.
”
I put my head on his shoulder and clutched handfuls of his shirt. “I’m all
yours.”

That was the only thing I could see clearly, when I tried to
picture forever.

Chapter Twelve

When Tod finally pulled away, it was only so that he
could see my eyes. “We’re going to get your dad back. I’m sorry I was out of
reach when this happened. I was looking for Thane.”

“Oh, yeah.”
That’s
why he’d been in
the Netherworld.

“What does that mean?” He frowned, studying my face. “You
knew?”

“I went to reaper headquarters last night and I overheard. I
didn’t mean to, but once I figured out Levi had given you a special assignment,
I was kind of glad. We
need
to catch Thane. And I
figured you didn’t tell me because Levi wouldn’t let you, right? This is a
secret assignment?”

Tod exhaled and held my gaze. “Kay, this was my idea. Levi
thought he’d be too far away by now, and we’d have to wait on a sighting from
one of the other districts, but I asked him to let me look into it. At first, I
didn’t find anything, but then early this morning I found one of the souls he
took off with after Emma died.”

“Where?” I wasn’t sure I’d processed everything he’d said yet,
but that question couldn’t wait. “Where is he?”

“I haven’t found Thane yet, but he sold one of the souls in the
Netherworld, one district over. I’m not sure what he got for it, but that’s
proof that he didn’t leave the area immediately. He may still be close.” Tod
smiled, and his whole face lit up with the possibility shining in his eyes.
“We’re going to catch him, Kaylee, and he’s going to pay for his part
in...everything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you requested this?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise. I wanted to catch him as a sort
of late birthday present. Because your party...well, it kinda sucked, and you
deserve to get something you really want for your birthday. Something other than
death, horror, and mayhem.”

“I
have
what I really want.” I
grabbed a handful of his tee and pulled him closer for another kiss. “And I
don’t like secrets.”

“Not a secret. A
surprise.
Similar
meaning—completely different tone and intent.” He grinned. “I wanted to
surprise
you. What were you doing at headquarters,
anyway?”

Well, crap.
Tod would have been the
first—possibly only—person I told after Emma, but timing was definitely not on
my side lately. “I...um...may have taken Beck’s soul back from Levi to give to
Traci’s baby.”

“You
what?
” Tod sat on the edge of
the tub and ran one hand through his curls, and when he met my gaze again, his
irises were twisting slowly in frustration. “For someone who doesn’t like
secrets, you sure keep a lot of them. Does my boss know you stole his letter
opener?”

“If he hasn’t said anything to you, I’m guessing he doesn’t
know. But I didn’t take the letter opener, I just took the soul. And I wasn’t
stealing it, I was taking it back. The way I see it, several people have a
legitimate claim to that soul, including me. But Levi’s not one of them. It
should go to Beck’s son. Traci and her baby deserve a chance, and that soul is
the very
least
that bastard owes them.”

“Kaylee, I sympathize with Traci. I really do. But you can’t
get involved with another incubus. It’s not safe.”

“I can’t
not
get involved with this
incubus. His mother may not even be alive when he reaches his first fertile
period, but I will. Traci deserves a chance to raise her son, but the rest of
the world deserves not to be preyed on by him. So, like it or not, I’m
involved.” I shrugged. “And honestly, I can’t swear that I’m not going to get
involved in other crazy Netherworld chaos between now and forever. Eternity’s a
long time.” I hesitated, searching his eyes while I took a deep, nervous breath.
“Are you still with me?”

He took my hand, and that tension inside me eased, just a
little bit. “I meant it when I said forever, Kay. You’ve been mixed up in crazy
Netherworld chaos since the day we met, and I kind of like knowing that even if
we live another thousand years, we’ll never be bored, in any sense of the word.”
The heat in his eyes hinted at double entendre, and I couldn’t resist a smile.
“But I wouldn’t mind a heads-up next time you decide to jump into the crazy end
of the pool.”

“Fair enough. Though you should probably know there isn’t
really a not-crazy end of the—”

The front door flew open and smashed into the wall, and Tod and
I both turned toward the sound as Styx began growling furiously. “Kaylee!” Nash
called.

Tod groaned. “You left the front door unlocked?”

“That was probably Emma. I don’t use doors much anymore.
Besides, everyone who wants to kill me is on another plane of existence.” I
shrugged. “The front door doesn’t seem like a particularly meaningful
barrier.”

“Well, I hope you’ve learned your lesson.” He said it loud
enough that I knew no one else could hear him. As they couldn’t yet hear me.

“Kaylee?” It took me a second to recognize Emma’s voice, even
though I’d had two weeks to get used to it. Because it wasn’t Emma’s voice. It
was Lydia’s.

“Back here, guys,” I called, and both sets of footsteps hurried
our way. “I’m fine.”

Nash stepped into the bathroom doorway, nearly tripping over
Styx, who came to growl at him, and I saw Em over his shoulder. His attention
narrowed on the rag his brother still held, then rose to meet my gaze. “Then
what’s with the blood?”

“When you cross the bridge, you have to pay the toll....”

I squeezed past him into the hall, and Emma fell into step
beside me. “What bridge?”

“She made a deal with Ira to find out where Avari’s holding her
dad,” Tod explained, and I looked up to find him waiting for us in the living
room, one hand on the dead bolt on the front door. “His price was her
blood.”

“Blood? How much? Are you okay?” Em looked terrified.

I showed her the bandage on my hand. “Just a little. He only
wanted a...taste.”

“And he told you where your dad is?”

“Yeah. Avari’s holding him in the Netherworld version of
Lakeside. In the basement. I’m assuming he considers that some kind of
irony.”

“Or a joke,” Nash said. “Please tell me you didn’t go into the
Netherworld by yourself to make this deal.”

“Nope. I summoned Ira. He came to me.” I held my hand up again,
showing off the bandage. “Thus the blood.”

“You
summoned
him?” Nash said.
“What does that even mean?”

“He came here?” Emma asked before I could answer Nash. “They
can cross over again?”

“No.” I frowned. “Well, yes, but only because I summoned him
with my blood and his name. While he’s summoned, he can only interact with me,
and I can get rid of him just by wiping his name off whatever I wrote it on. He
can send himself back the same way.”

“So you think that makes it safe?” Nash demanded. “Please tell
me you don’t think what you just did was safe!”

“Of course not. Dealing with a hellion is never safe, but I
didn’t have much of a choice. Avari’s latest game appears to be evil
hide-and-seek. That way I don’t just suffer once I get to the Netherworld—I also
suffer while I track my father down.”

“I didn’t know hellions could be summoned,” Em said, and I
could only shrug. I hadn’t known, either.

“Most of them can’t.” Tod sank onto the arm of the couch. “Only
the most powerful can cross over when called, and then only for very short
periods. Once the blood used to summon them dries completely, they get sucked
back into the Netherworld. And Kaylee’s right. There’s very little a summoned
hellion can do in the human world. It’s mostly used for face-to-face
communication and...exchanges.”

“Exchanges?” Nash looked suspicious, so I ignored his
question.

“So, that means Ira really is more powerful than Avari?”

“My guess would be way more powerful. He’s a hellion of wrath,
and wrath is one of the oldest, most primal emotions.”

“Weird.” I frowned. “He looked pretty young.”

“So does Levi,” Tod pointed out. “But then, compared to Ira,
Levi’s practically still in utero.”

“So, how much trouble are we in with this new hellion?” Emma
asked. “If he’s that powerful, maybe we should try drawing him out, as well. I
mean, is he strong enough to just...squish Avari for us?”

“I don’t know. What I do know is that he wouldn’t do that for
free, and I’m not willing to pay the price he’d ask. And I’m not eager to spend
any more time with him, because just hearing his voice makes me angry. Touching
him is even worse—that makes me truly furious, about things I haven’t even
thought about in years.”

Nash scowled. “You touched him?”

“He touched
me.
That was part of
the price. And when he touched me, I couldn’t think about anything except how
furious I was about every time anyone has ever been...wronged. And I think he
could see those times. All of them. I think he tasted them in my blood. Or maybe
sucked them right out of my head when we kissed.”

“You kissed him?” The horror clear in Emma’s wide-eyed
expression echoed in her voice as well.

“Not by choice. It was weird, though, because he didn’t taste
like wrath. He tasted like peace. Like calm. But he was
hungry
for wrath, like he devours every drop he ever tastes
immediately and is then starving for more.”

Tod scowled. “Feel free to stop telling me what hellions taste
like.”

“She kissed someone else.” Nash wasn’t exactly smiling at his
brother, but he didn’t look entire unhappy, either. “Wow. I wonder what
that
felt like?”

“That felt like Kaylee sacrificing a part of herself to help
her father. And if memory serves, she’s not the only one in this room who’s ever
kissed a hellion. Were
your
motives so pure?”

“Is that always going to be your default insult?”

“Okay, both of you calm down, please.” I was worried enough
about the anger I couldn’t seem to purge. I couldn’t deal with more brother
drama on top of everything else.

Someone knocked on the door, and Nash headed into the
kitchen—hopefully to collect his temper—while I peeked through the curtains to
see my uncle’s car parked in the driveway. I unlocked the front door, and Sabine
walked in without being invited, followed by my cousin and Luca. My uncle
brought up the rear.

“So, what’d we miss?” Sabine dropped onto the couch.

Nash returned from the kitchen with a bottle of water and took
the cushion next to her. “Avari has Kaylee’s dad, and she kissed a hellion to
find out where he’s being held.”

“What?”
Uncle Brendon demanded, and
I couldn’t tell which part he was more upset about. “Why didn’t you call
me?”

“I did. You were bailing Sophie out of jail. Or something like
that.”

“Sabine was the perpetrator. Sophie was just an accomplice
after the fact.” My uncle sank into my father’s recliner and ran one hand
through his thick brown hair.

I glanced at Sophie to see if she’d correct him or let Sabine’s
lie by implication stand. She stared at her feet and said nothing. But I
couldn’t really blame her for not owning up to that one. It was Sabine’s fault,
at least in part, for playing so loose with her fears and insecurities.

And for letting her carry scissors, my cousin’s
well-established weapon of choice.

“It’s been one hell of a day.” Uncle Brendon looked up and
glanced around the room. “Where’s Harmony? Did you call her?”

“Yeah, but she’s in the Netherworld, gathering ingredients
for—” I glanced at Em, then decided to keep the details quiet, because I wasn’t
sure how much everyone else knew about Traci’s predicament “—something. Should
we go look for her?”

Both Nash and Tod started to nod, but my uncle shook his head.
“No. She’s careful, and she knows how best to get in and out without being seen.
If we go after her, we’re just increasing the chance of her—or us—getting
caught.” Which would be worse for Nash, my uncle, Luca, and Em, who couldn’t
come back on their own.

Not that I had plans to take Em or Luca into the Netherworld
anytime soon. Or even Sophie, though she’d demonstrated the ability to come and
go on her own. Once. But once wasn’t enough to prove she could stay calm under
pressure or cross over without unleashing her full scream—the only trait she
seemed to have inherited from her father’s side of the family.

She could wail well enough to cross over, with the required
intent, but she was not a
bean sidhe.
Her screams
would not sing for souls. She could not restore life.

She’d be a sitting duck in the Netherworld. Or an enticing
piece of bait...

I shook my head, shaking the thought loose before it could take
root. I was not going to use my own cousin for demon bait. Even if she sometimes
deserved it.

“Harmony will be back on her own, and the best thing we can do
is wait for her.”

“But what if Avari has her?” Nash demanded. “He has Kaylee’s
dad. How do we know he hasn’t taken my mom?”

My uncle stood. “If he had your mom, he’d tell us. It does him
no good to take her hostage and not tell us how to bargain for her freedom.”

“What if she’s not a hostage?” Sophie asked, and Emma sank
slowly onto the arm of the couch next to Nash in obvious horror. “We weren’t
hostages when he took us. What if he has Harmony but doesn’t intend to give her
back?”

Nash stood. “I’m going after her.”

Uncle Brendon rolled his eyes. “You can’t get there on your
own, son.”

Nash turned to Sabine. “Take me. Please.”

“Nash...” She took his hand, and I realized I’d never seen her
look at anyone else the way she looked at him. Like it broke her heart not to be
able to give him whatever he wanted. “I can’t. It’s not safe.”

“I know!” He pulled his hand from her grip. “That’s why I have
to go find her.”

“Nash, I want to protect her just as much as you and Tod do,”
my uncle said. Tod looked skeptical, but Nash looked furious. “But if anyone
knows how to get in and out of the Netherworld without getting hurt, it’s your
mother. She’s been gathering stuff for her homemade remedies since she was
younger than you are. I’m sure she’s fine.”