Wishing Water (37 page)

‘I’ll let him out in a bit. He likes a fly round. This one’s called Mickey.’
 

‘Hallo, Mickey. I’m glad you let him out,’ Lissa said. ‘I hate to think of a bird in a cage, like a prisoner.’ She went oddly silent, dipping her head to her glass.

They munched their way through several cakes, drank another Coca-Cola, though Lissa positively refused any more rum. Then they chewed over several ideas and Lissa rejected them all. The germ of an idea was growing in the back of her mind, perhaps it had always been there, waiting to be picked up, but she didn’t feel quite ready to bring it out into the open yet and examine it.

Renee frowned at her over the rim of her glass. ‘What did you mean when you said, not yet?’
 

‘Pardon?’
 

‘We’ve finished our ice cream, Mummy. Can we play in Renee’s garden?’
 

‘Course you can, Poppet. Go play at house in the shed.’
 

Squeals of delight, and more when Renee went to the under-stairs cupboard and brought out scarves and hats and bags in riotous colours. ‘Here you are, my pets, get dressed up and enjoy yourselves while your mum and I have a bit of a crack.’
 

‘Ooh, I want the pink one,’ cried Sarah. ‘You can have the blue hat, Beth.’
 

‘That Sarah, chippy little sprite. She’ll organise you all one day,’ laughed Renee, shaking her head as the two skipped happily away, small bottoms wriggling with self-importance.

She turned back to Lissa, eyes shrewd. ‘So, when I asked if you’d left him, why did you say “not yet”?’
 

Silence, which grew and lengthened. Lissa chewed on her lip and Renee quietly waited.

‘You’d feel better if you talked about it.’
 

‘Would I?’ Violet eyes like bruises in a pale face gazed into hers. Lissa knew, deep down, that although Renee might be right, she simply couldn’t. It was too private, too personal. ‘It’s just that I feel such a failure. You and Jimmy seem so well matched, so happy, always laughing and kissing, making love without a thought. While I...’ Then the question burst out, unbidden. ‘How do you know when you do it right?’

Lissa flushed deeply and Renee laughed. ‘When it feels good. There aren’t any rules. So long as you’re both happy in what you do.’
 

‘I see.’

‘You’re not?’
 

‘I don’t think either of us are.’ She manufactured a laugh. ‘Perhaps I was a silly romantic girl expecting too much. Philip is very kind to me.’
 

‘So long as you do what he says.’
 

The smile trembled a little and faded. ‘He never seems quite satisfied with my performance. As for my feelings... Oh, hell, I would so like to succeed in something.’
 

It all poured out then, her dashed hopes for a happy secure marriage, the way he controlled her every move, made all the decisions, liked to keep her at home, told her what to wear, how to clean, what to cook, how to think even. But she could say no more about the intimate side of her marriage.

‘Sometimes my brain goes numb with all his instructions.’

Renee quietly sipped her rum and Coke and listened. ‘So when?’ was all she said when Lissa finally fell silent, the tears mopped up, deep breaths taken. ‘And how?’
 

‘What?’

‘You can’t go on like this, Lissa. You have either to leave him or make him change his ways. I can see that wouldn’t be easy. Loving a man is good. Sex is good too, smashing with the right fella. Everyone deserves to be happy and treated well.’
 

Lissa was calm again. ‘I couldn’t really leave him. He’s good to me in so many ways. And there are the children to consider. They would miss him terribly.’
 

‘Children would rather have one happy parent than two unhappy ones. I’ll vouch for that. Mine drove each other crackers then took it out on me.’
 

‘Oh, Renee, how sad. Maybe I will pluck up the courage to leave him one day, who knows? One step at a time. I told Miss Stevens a little of my problem, no details, but she’ll keep my confidence. She says it will bring shame on my head if I divorce him.’ Lissa gave a bitter little laugh.
 

‘And happen worse if you don’t.’

Lissa squared her shoulders and looked Renee straight in the eye. ‘I don’t want him to know anything about this shop. Not yet. Not until it’s a success and I have some money coming in.’ Her eyes became distant, narrowing on some future plan. ‘Then we’ll see.’
 

Renee sipped her drink, reading Lissa’s faraway thoughts. ‘D’you think he’d let you keep them?’
 

Lissa frowned, not understanding. ‘Keep what?’
 

Renee jerked her head in the direction of the garden. ‘Them two. The lively duo. Would he give them up if you did leave him?’

Lissa looked stricken. ‘Oh God, I hadn’t thought, I mean... why shouldn’t he? I’m their mother?’
 

‘No reason,’ Renee put in hastily, thinking for a moment that Lissa was going to pass clean out. ‘You could move in here you know, any time.’ But Lissa shook her head.

‘No, you have a lodger.’
 

‘My Water Board man? He comes and goes. We have another room.’
 

Much as Lissa enjoyed Renee’s company and was glad of her support, the thought of sharing a house with her and the rapacious Jimmy did not appeal.

‘I saw an old lady today. The one who used to have our house. Poor thing has gone quite senile.’
 

Renee looked sympathetic. ‘My gran went that way. Loved the old so and so, I did, for all she was nutty as a fruit cake in the end.’ She blinked hard, batting her spiky eyelashes. ‘So what about this old dear?’
 

‘It was so sad. She kept on talking about her husband, long dead in the war, I’m afraid, whom she obviously adored and thought would arrive at any moment to carry her away. What romantics we women are.’ Lissa got up to glance out of the window. ‘I hope the children are all right.’
 

‘Course they are. Made you think about how you’d feel about giving up that grand house on the Parade, did she? Or growing old with a man you don’t love?’
 

Lissa gave a wry smile. ‘I didn’t say that I didn’t love Philip.’

‘But you don’t.’
 

‘No, I don’t. She made me think how fleeting life is. What little time we have. Troubled me a bit, actually.’ Lissa took a deep breath. ‘Anyway, Philip doesn’t ill treat me. If I can improve my life, win back some pride and self-esteem, I can cope well enough.’ She turned to Renee with a grin. ‘No more self-pity. It’s bad for me. What about this shop then? Shall I risk it?’
 

‘Absolutely.’ Renee grinned. ‘How will you manage to keep it a secret? Till you get it going, I mean. You can’t work behind the counter yourself, or everyone will know and tell him.’
 

‘I’ve thought about that. I shall work in the office upstairs and employ a shop girl. Why not? I can deal with the ordering and buying, while she can do the selling. It should work. I may need more than one assistant eventually, if the shop gets busy.’
 

Renee considered, then set down her glass, looking unusually bashful. ‘I don’t suppose, I mean... How would you feel about..? Nah, forget it. Daft idea.’ Renee picked up her glass again, looking flushed and embarrassed.

Lissa smiled quietly to herself. ‘The sort of person I really need is someone I can work with, someone I can trust. Initially to help get the place ready. Too late for this season but perhaps in time for Christmas. After that I’ll need a manageress, someone reliable and honest to be in charge of the day to day running of the shop, train new seasonal staff and so on. I have the twins to take care of too, you see. Ideally I need a person who is good with people and of course likes clothes. Someone, for instance, rather like yourself. It’s a pity really that you’re so busy.’ She cast Renee an enquiring glance.

Renee’s eyes opened as wide as her mouth which formed into a perfect strawberry oval. ‘Ooh, I’d kill for a job like that. All dressed up and in charge of a shop. Crikey!’

‘Then the job’s yours. If you want it. But what about your bed and breakfast?’
 

‘Hang the B and B! Jimmy never liked it anyway. And I have the lodger. Not that I wanted him, but the money’s useful, I can’t deny that.’ She thought it best not to mention how she’d come by him. ‘Oh, Lissa. It’d be grand to work in a lovely shop. I’d never have to serve soup to pawing old men again.’

Then they were laughing and shrieking their delight, hugging each other and jumping up and down with excitement like the young girls they really were.

Later they stood at the front door, the twins looking exceedingly grubby after their afternoon’s adventures. Sarah’s dress was torn and Beth had lost her hair ribbon.

‘Lord, look at them. Philip will kill me.’
 

‘It’s all good clean muck, isn’t it, kids?’ laughed Renee.

‘He can’t bear to see them dirty. I’ll have to scrub you both in the bath before your daddy sees you,’ Lissa warned and their small faces looked so doleful she couldn’t help but laugh. Then Lissa turned to hug Renee again.

‘I’m so glad it’s all worked out. I must visit my family, and Jan, of course. Long past time I did. This plan that’s growing in my head won’t work without their help. We’ll see what they have to say about it. If their response is positive, then we’ll get cracking. You can come too, if you like? OK?’
 

Eyes shining. ‘Just say the word and I’m your girl.’
 

Philip was waiting for her when she got home and tore into her about the state of the twins’ dresses.

Nanny’s obvious satisfaction at seeing her scolded as if she were the naughty child, infuriated and embarrassed her. Lissa fought to maintain her dignity. ‘They are children, Philip, and must be permitted to play.’

Ignoring her he ordered them to the bathroom at once. ‘And there will be no supper for you two,’ he shouted. ‘You naughty girls.’

Both children started to cry in unison and Lissa grabbed hold of his arm as he would have walked away. ‘How dare you? They’re only four years old. I may have to put up with your bullying, but not my children. Do you hear?’
 

‘What nonsense. When have I ever bullied you? You are hysterical, Lissa, as usual.’ Even so, her unusual vehemence shocked him, and even silenced the twins. ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have shouted at them, though discipline is important. Look after them better in future.’
 

He still refused to let them have supper and later Lissa crept upstairs with a tray when he had gone to the Yacht Club and Nanny wasn’t looking. The twins thought an eiderdown picnic was a wonderful treat and the bad feelings were soon smoothed over and forgotten, by them at least.

To Lissa it seemed a portent for the future. As they grew older, would he treat his children with the same mocking contempt with which he treated her? Dear God, please not. It sealed her determination more firmly than ever.

She spent the rest of that week secretly drawing up plans. She paid a visit to the shop, making notes as she walked through the dusty rooms, talking to herself, planning. Her mood lifted with each passing day and never had she felt so positive about life, so filled with new hope.

Chapter Nineteen

The sky was eggshell blue over Broombank, streaked by ice pink cloud, the mountain air so crystal clear that Lissa drew great healing gulps of it into her lungs. She was always surprised, and calmed, by the peace of the place, loving the way the humps of grey mountains blended into the blue haze. Lissa looked about her with sweet relief, glad as always to be home.

The harvest had been brought in and the lower fields were already showing flecks of fresh green between the stubble. The leaves on the wild cherry tree in the garden were beginning to change colour and drop. Soon the mellow days of autumn would be upon the dale, Meg’s favourite time of year.

Lissa could see her, halfway up Dundale Knot with the dogs, moving among her sheep, checking the feet of any that were limping, making sure they stayed healthy, and probably deciding which ones must go in the backend sales.

‘Do you never sit down for a minute?’ Lissa called up to her, laughing as Meg waved madly, hurrying down the hill arms outstretched to hug her. Lissa forestalled the embrace by offering a cheek which Meg kissed, rather awkwardly, before picking up her giggling granddaughters. Ruff and the rest of the dogs smothered Lissa in a moist and joyous welcome, rolling over onto their backs so they could be tickled and petted and admired.

‘How did you get here? Where’s Philip?’
 

‘He let me come alone for once. Even lent me his precious car. I was so afraid of scratching it I’ve driven all the way at twenty miles an hour. Tea would be a life saver. This is my friend Renee, by the way.’
 

‘Hello Renee. You must be exhausted.’
 

‘Walking would have been quicker,’ Renee agreed, grinning.