Wishes (19 page)

“We have to talk sometime, Kennedy,” he answered inflexibly. “Come to bed where we can have some privacy.”

“What part of
go away
didn’t you get?” she asked peevishly. “Today was an incredible strain, and if you want me to continue, don’t add to it.”

Graham surrendered. He wheeled and strode out of the room, deciding to shower and read in bed until she joined him. Hours later he went quietly back to the family room to find her asleep, still in the same chair, recent tears still glistening on her cheeks, reflected by the outside lighting. She woke as soon as he gathered her up and began to struggle.

“Settle down, honey. Lois shouldn’t find you here in the morning. You have obviously been crying, and she’ll start to wonder.”

“Put me down,” she whispered. “I’ll walk.”

Graham ignored her and carried her to their bedroom, setting her on her feet just inside the adjoining bathroom. She looked at him dispassionately, and he wondered how it had come to this. Surely she could get past his stupidity. She must know how much he cared for her. Kennedy shut the door in his face and locked it. He heard the shower come on. He got back into bed and waited.

* * * *

Kennedy stayed in the shower until the water cooled. She spent a long time drying her hair and doing a facial. Finally, she gave up stalling and let herself into the bedroom. She wore a long, cotton gown with underwear, and had covered that with a robe. Graham was sitting up in bed reading and was bare-chested, probably naked under the sheet. She wanted to sleep in the same bed as him, to pretend they were a couple for real. She wanted him to cuddle her and stroke her hair and tell her he loved her. But she couldn’t get past how he had lied to her by omission and let her fall in love with a man she really didn’t know at all. How many other secrets did he have? She knelt to pull out the trundle, and Graham came off the bed like a huge cat.

“What the fuck is that?” He growled, obviously trying to keep his voice down.

“I’m not sleeping in the same bed as you, Graham, for obvious reasons,” she answered calmly. “Lois thinks this is for Nathan should he need to come in to us in the night, so our cover is safe.”

“Why won’t you sleep with me, Kennedy? Are you afraid I’ll force you?” he snarled.

Kennedy wanted to cry. “No, Graham. I’m not going to prevaricate or mince words. You know that if I sleep with you we’ll have sex, or kinky sex. And I don’t have sex with men I don’t like and distrust.”

Graham grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her against him. “You don’t like me?” he asked incredulously.

Kennedy didn’t resist him. “Don’t confuse love with like, Graham,” she advised quietly. “I love you. I’m doing all of this for you. But I don’t like you. I no longer trust you. I don’t really know you. And I absolutely won’t allow you to use my weakness for you against me. Because then I’ll hate myself, and you, by extension. So, just accept it or let me go.”

* * * *

Graham’s eyes burned. He was angry with her, that’s what it was. She was being unreasonable and acting like a woman. She was too sensitive and needed to know too much about him. He hated pushy and intrusive women. Funny how that train of thought didn’t work for him. His eyes actually were burning with unshed tears. Kennedy was always honest with him. He set her away from him, very gently, and walked on hollow legs back to his side of the bed. He crawled between the sheets and carefully put his book on the nightstand, then turned out the reading light. He heard Kennedy settle into the little trundle bed, and then the room plunged into darkness. He hoped she wouldn’t have a bad dream and made a mental note to get a night light for her. He had hope. She loved him. He would respect her boundaries and try to be the best man he could be with her and his son. He would include her in everything, and she might come to see him as someone she could like and trust again.

* * * *

Kennedy lay quiet for hours, listening to Graham sleep. The lines were drawn in the sand, and she knew he would respect them, that he would use his self-control to do so. She didn’t feel any happier but still believed it was the right thing to do. Life had been a veritable roller coaster over the past several months and promised to be the same for the next several. Just a few days ago she had thought of moving away, of moving on. This was no different, just a bit delayed, and now much easier because Graham had accepted her dictum. Funny how badly she hurt, and it didn’t feel very satisfying.

Chapter Eleven

The next few weeks flowed in much the same manner. Graham ate the breakfast that a smiling Kennedy made for him every morning, often sharing small bites with Nathan. He would kiss his son good-bye and blow Kennedy a kiss then head off to work. The work was more challenging than he expected, and Patrick was already looking ahead to having him straighten out other companies. It seemed he had a flair for it. He went home after work to a good meal and spent time with his son afterward, bathing him and putting him to bed with a story. He and Kennedy would then sit in the family room, reading or watching television. Graham would tell her about his day, and unless Lois was there, she would answer him perfunctorily, but she was unfailingly polite. If Lois was present, Kennedy would encourage the other woman to share additional anecdotes of Nathan’s behavior during the day but seemed to avoid including her own involvement. They would head off to bed at the same time and sleep separately. Graham hadn’t been celibate in all of his adult life, and he craved the little woman sleeping close by. He thought of no one else. He knew she had cried quietly when she realized he had installed a night light for her and lay there helplessly as he knew she would spurn any attempt to comfort her. And through it all they waited for Jennifer to make a move. Lois wasn’t at all surprised that Jennifer had dropped off the grid, so to speak. Apparently that was her pattern.

Kennedy did everything domestic she could think of. She cooked, cleaned, did laundry, and generally fussed with the house, including the flower beds, all to avoid spending too much time with Nathan. She made sure he had suitable food and that his clothes were clean and fit properly, and engaged him from a distance. When Lois seemed a bit concerned about her lack of hands-on interest, she took him for walks in the stroller and read him books before his nap. She was falling in love with another man, albeit a miniature one, and it was going to kill her to leave them both. Nathan would gaze at her with Graham’s eyes and toddle over to lean against her, and Kennedy so badly wanted to pick him up and hold him forever. But she couldn’t do it to him. She couldn’t be a presence in his life and then leave. It was so hard. It was a fine line to walk, but she managed it. Although, at great cost to herself. She hoped Jennifer wouldn’t ever contact Graham yet longed for her to get on with it.

* * * *

Jennifer blew into Graham’s office exactly twenty-one days after he had picked up his son from the hotel suite. She looked used up and worn around the edges, despite the designer clothing and expensive makeup and hairstyle. She threw the court documents at him.

“What the fuck is this shit, Graham?” she shrieked.

“I would think they are self-explanatory, Jennifer,” Graham responded calmly as though he wasn’t in the fight of his life.

“I’ll fight this all the way to the Supreme Court, you asshole. I’ll out you as the pervert you are, and they’ll hand the kid over to me so fast,” she threatened.

“You can do what you like, Jennifer, but consider how you know of my perversions, and think of what the judge might think of yours,” Graham suggested.

Jennifer shut up for a moment, her mind clearly ticking over.

“I suppose that little priss Lois is looking after Nathan,” she complained. “Layne hired her. He thought she was perfect.”

Graham nodded, and added, “And of course my fiancée is caring for him as well.”

Jennifer’s eyes narrowed, and she nearly spat at him. “That chubby little PA? Nathan is my child, not hers.”

“Nathan is my son, Jennifer, and he is in my custody. I decide who cares for him. If you want to challenge that fact, better find yourself a high-priced lawyer. And Nathan’s trust won’t pay for your legal fees either.”

Jennifer changed tactics. “C’mon, Gray,” she wheedled. “We had something together, and Nathan came out of that. We can have it again.”

“You wanted my money, my family’s connections, Jennifer. Not me. And I no longer want you. I haven’t for a long time.”

She smiled coyly. “How do your parents feel about their grandson?” she asked.

Graham shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, Jennifer. They are older. They have their own lives. They would hardly be interested in raising a toddler.”

Jennifer pounced. “You haven’t told them. They would probably move heaven and earth for a child to inherit the business. I’m sure they would welcome the news, and the bearer of such good tidings.”

Graham shrugged again. “Your choice, Jennifer.” He really didn’t want to fight a custody battle on two fronts, but he didn’t know how to dissuade Jennifer.

She suddenly dropped into one of his guest chairs. “I haven’t got the money to pay for a lawyer, Gray. And you probably know everything I have done in the past years, right up to yesterday.”

Her voice took on a bitter twist. “Patrick is probably backing you, the bastard. Well, I can’t fight you, but your parents can. If I can’t have Nathan, you won’t either.”

“Why do you want a child you haven’t spent time with since he was born?” Graham asked curiously.

Jennifer laughed. “Because he’s my ticket, Graham. Not that you’ll get me to say that out loud to anyone else. Layne died without making sure I’d be well taken care of, but he didn’t forget about Nathan, oh no. Your kid and Layne just ignored that fact. I don’t have a maternal bone in my body, and Layne knew it.”

“So, if you have enough funds for the life you want to live, then you wouldn’t need Nathan?” Graham queried.

Jennifer looked at him, greed and speculation in her eyes. “What’s it worth to you, Gray?”

“Uh-uh, Jennifer. I’m not buying my son. And if my parents offer, the courts will hear about it, and that won’t go over well. You can’t afford a lawyer, although you can probably get legal aid. Which will put the case off for years probably, and you’ll be on short rations the whole time. My parents might apply for custody but won’t pay you a dime because of how it will reflect on them and hurt their application. So you’re essentially using a little boy as a pawn because you can’t have your own way. Go for it. I like my chances.”

Jennifer appeared lost in her thoughts, and Graham waited impatiently for her to leave. He stood to open the door for her when she gave him an imperious wave to sit down again.

“If I marry again and the father adopts Nathan, the trust fund reverts to the estate and is dispersed. I would get some of it,” she confessed. “Enough to live on really comfortably when you include my stipend. And I have someone lined up for down the road, but he needs to divorce his wife first.”

“So if you marry me and adopt Nathan…” she continued.

Graham interrupted her. At least she wasn’t interested in him for old times’ sake.

“I’m marrying Kennedy. But, if I adopt Nathan or whatever I need to do, now that his paternity is no longer in question, then maybe the same rules apply to his trust fund without you having to marry and have your husband adopt Nathan. I don’t care about the money.”

Jennifer jumped up and tried to throw her arms around him, but Graham held her at bay, filled with distaste.

“I’ll sort it out, Jennifer, but you will sign a confidentiality agreement if things play out.”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Call me, Gray. Soon.” She left his office as quickly as she had entered it, but in a far different mood.

Graham immediately phoned his lawyer and arranged an appointment. He would go home and collect Kennedy, and they would…but she would have no reason to stay any longer if things played out. Jennifer would be out of his life, his parents wouldn’t have an opportunity to interfere, he would have full guardianship of Nathan, but Kennedy would leave. He must have done something terrible in a former life to deserve this. No, he had simply withheld a huge part of himself from the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and she no longer liked him as a person. Fucking wonderful.