Winter Affair (12 page)

“But what if you could prove that you were innocent of the charges?” Leda asked.

“It would be a different story if I could prove that,” he answered evenly. “But at the moment I’m just a guy who did time trying to convince the board that I’ve reformed.” He snorted. “From the replies I’ve been getting something tells me they’re not buying my act.”

“What will you do if you can’t work in your field?” Leda said softly.

He spread his hands, staring into the fire. “I’m trying not to consider that possibility,” he answered quietly. “The only thing that’s kept me going is the idea that someday this will all be over and I’ll be able to go back to my career.”

“I’m sure that’s true,” Leda whispered.

He looked up at her with a faint smile. “You just keep telling me that, saddle shoes.”

She laughed. “What?”

He smiled wider at her reaction. “Saddle shoes. You look like one of those girls at football games, in short skirts and saddle shoes, rooting for the home team.”

“Oh, dear. Do I really?” she said, shaking her head.

“You do to me. The untouchable, the unattainable, the sweetheart of Sigma Chi.”

“I’m touchable, Kyle,” Leda replied quietly. She wasn’t sure he’d heard her. He stood abruptly and refilled his cup, asking her if she wanted more. When she shook her head, he resumed his spot on the rug, examining her with his head tilted to one side.

“So tell me about yourself,” he said. “How did you get into acting?”

“Oh, I got the bug in high school, appearing in plays. Then I went to college and signed up for a drama major without telling my aunt. When I finally announced my intention to become an actress, she reacted as if I’d told her I planned to pursue a career as a streetwalker.”

Reardon choked on his coffee. Leda watched as he sputtered and then got himself under control, trying desperately not to break up.

“Oh, go ahead and laugh,” she said gloomily. “Everybody else thinks it’s hilarious too. I’m tempted every day to give it up and get a safe, sensible job, especially when I give a bad performance and everything goes wrong.”

“Don’t give it up,” he answered seriously. “I think you’re very talented. All you need is some more experience, and the right breaks. After seeing you in the play I can’t imagine you doing anything else.”

Leda bit her lip, too moved to speak. He was the first person outside of her colleagues in the theater who had offered her any encouragement. Monica treated Leda’s ambitions as some sort of bizarre phase she was going through, and even her friends regarded her performances with a lighthearted indulgence that annoyed her. Only Claire supported her, but Claire had never seen her in a show.

“Leda?” Reardon inquired, concerned at her silence.

“Yes?” she answered, blinking.

“I could tell that you really love to perform,” he went on. “Why? What does it feel like when you’re up there?”

“It’s a feeling of power, I guess.” Trying to express in words what she felt was difficult. “Everyone is watching you, listening to you, and it seems that you have them in the palm of your hand. On stage, you can’t see the audience, but that hush tells you they’re out there. And when you get that response from them, a sigh, a laugh, a round of applause- well, for me it’s the greatest rush in the world.” She smiled a little, slightly embarrassed at the torrent his question had unleashed. “Do you understand what I mean?”

He nodded. “I think so. I know that feeling of accomplishment, fulfillment.” He looked away. “Flying is like that for me.”

“Oh, Kyle.” Leda put aside the tray on her lap and knelt next to him on the floor. “You’ll fly again. I know it.”

“Do you, saddle shoes?” he said softly, reaching out to touch her hair. Leda closed her eyes.

In the next instant he was on his feet. “I think you’d better go,” he said hoarsely.

Leda rose also, more slowly, stunned at his abrupt dismissal. She searched his face, and he turned his head.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he said.

“How am I looking at you?”

“As if I’d...slapped you, or something.” He shook his head. “Just go, Leda. Don’t ask for trouble.”

“Is that what I’m doing?”

“Yes, yes,” he said, throwing up his hands. “Bringing me a gift, being so nice to me. What do you think that does to me? Do you know what it means to somebody who’s been shut up in jail, a man, to have a beautiful woman take such an interest? Maybe you’re just trying to be kind, but—”

“I’m not trying to be kind,” Leda cut him off, touching his arm and stepping closer to him. “Kyle, why are you telling me to go? I think you want me to stay.”

He gripped her shoulders suddenly and looked down at her, examining her face. “Why did you come here tonight?” he demanded huskily. “Why?”

“I think you know why,” she whispered, mesmerized by the silvery eyes boring into hers.

“Tell me,” he said.

“I’m falling in love with you,” she said quietly.

He let her go instantly, turning his back. “Don’t say that,” he ground out, agonized.

“I have to say it,” Leda answered passionately, stepping around him to face him again. She waited until he met her eyes and then continued. “I’m not like you, I can’t hold everything inside and deny my feelings. Why do you think I’m here? You’re the first man I’ve ever visited without an invitation. I don’t do things like this. I can’t even believe I came. But I missed you so, and when I saw you today, and you kissed me—”

“Don’t,” he barked. It was a command. She stopped. Kyle held up his hand. “The past stands between us. Until I can prove my innocence I have nothing to offer you.”

“You can offer yourself. That’s all I want.”

He shook his head. “You’re dreaming, Leda. This isn’t some romantic play where the hero and the heroine solve everything neatly by the curtain. This is real life, and in real life I’m a dead end, a loser, a convicted felon with no future and no prospects. Go home, Leda, and forget me.”
 

“I can’t forget you, and I won’t,” she replied, blinking back tears. “I want to feel the way you made me feel this morning. I want you to kiss me again and make me ignore everything but the way we are together. Doesn’t that count for anything? Is that so easy for you to dismiss?”

He held her gaze, his eyes tortured, and then he looked away. In that fraction of a second before he turned, Leda saw a glimmer of insecurity, a shadow that told her he wasn’t being completely honest with her. Perhaps he believed everything he had just said, but there was something else, something more, that he wasn’t revealing.

“Kyle, what is it?” she whispered.

He didn’t answer.

“You can tell me.” She reached for his hand.

He pulled away. “Leave me alone.”

“Is that what you really want?”

He remained obdurate, not looking at her.

“What is so awful that you can’t say it?”

“All right!” he exclaimed furiously. He faced her, his expression mocking. “You know those guys at the hangar who were giving me a bad time, the charter customers who were making fun of me the night you were there?”

“Yes,” Leda said, confused. What was he talking about?

“Well, they were right.”

“Right?” she replied, still puzzled.

“Yeah,” Reardon went on, frustrated at her lack of understanding. “I haven’t had a woman in over four years.”

Leda’s lips parted. She was beginning to catch his drift.

“Got it now?” he asked sarcastically.

“I think so,” she whispered.

“It would be like the first time for me all over again,” he went on, flushing deeply, unable to look at her.

“You mean if you made love to me?” she said softly.

He swallowed with difficulty. “I refuse to make a fool of myself,” he said. “Not with you.” He raised his eyes to hers. “Especially not with you.”

Leda was speechless, deeply touched. His insecurity was endearing, but totally unnecessary, and she found it almost amusing. She’d seen him turn enough female heads, including her own, to know that it was unfounded, but she could hardly reassure him on such a delicate subject. She remained silent, unable to think of a thing to say.

“Satisfied?” he asked nastily. “I feel ridiculous so you can run along now. Your mission is accomplished.”

“Kyle, I didn’t mean to pry...”

“Yeah, well, you did. Give it up and run back to Auntie, little girl, you’re not equipped to deal with my problems.”

Stung, Leda picked up her coat and made for the door. She didn’t know how to handle his sensitivity and she just seemed to be making everything worse. She had only taken a couple of steps, however, when he caught up to her and spun her around to face him.

“Don’t go,” he said urgently. “I didn’t mean it, don’t go.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her wildly, his mouth warm and pliant, devouring hers. Leda melted into him, her coat falling to the floor. But just as she was winding her arms around his neck, he pulled away, his face a study in conflicting emotions.

“What?” she almost wailed. Surely he couldn’t be holding her off again.

He didn’t respond, his breathing ragged, his chest heaving.

“Answer me!” she cried. “I’ve been straight with you, don’t I have a right to expect the same honesty in return? Do you want me, or not?”

He stared at her as if she had lost her mind. “How could you even think I don’t want you?” he asked in a tone that suggested the idea was absurd. “I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you in a cloud of swirling snow and every second since.”

Leda sobbed and sagged against him. He held her gently, and after a short while she looked up at him and touched his face tenderly.

“Oh, darling, that’s all I wanted to hear. I don’t care what happened in the past or how long it’s been since you...made love. In fact, I’m glad you told me, because it will be like a new beginning with us, a chance to start fresh.”

“I’ll be awkward,” he murmured, burying his face in her hair and running his hands over her body.

“You could never be awkward at anything,” she answered as he raised his head and looked into her eyes.

“I want to please you,” he said huskily, and she sank her fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck, pulling his mouth down to hers.

“Oh, shut up,” Leda muttered, silencing him with a kiss.

This time there was no hesitation. Reardon reacted powerfully, taking the initiative and kissing her until she was weak and hanging onto him, barely standing. He picked her up in one economical motion, gathering her into his arms and carrying her into the bedroom.

Reardon meant to set her down gently, taking his time. But when Leda fell back upon the pillow, her arms above her head, the look she gave him was so evocative, an enticing combination of innocence and seduction, that he was lost. He forgot his good intentions and dropped onto the bed with her, engulfing her slight body with his heavier one, pressing her into the mattress.

Leda wound herself around him, sighing and closing her eyes. He started to say something and she shushed him.

“Just hold me,” she said, smoothing his soft hair. He obeyed, tightening his grip and dropping his head to her shoulder.

“I dreamed of this so many times,” she whispered.

Reardon kissed her neck and looked into her eyes. Leda had never seen him so close before; his silvery irises reflected the moonlight streaming through the window like a cat’s.

“I love your face,” Leda said, tracing his features with the fingers of one hand as if she were blind. “I think you’re very handsome.”

His lips opened as she touched his mouth, and he set his teeth gently on the edge of her thumb. “I’m not handsome, Leda,” he answered, smiling slightly. “But I’m glad you feel that way.”

“Oh, you don’t know what I mean,” she said, withdrawing her hand. “You’re not a woman.”

“That’s true,” he said, laughing softly, kissing the tip of her nose. “And I’ve never been happier about that than I am at this moment.”

Leda had to laugh too, but she sobered quickly as his lips moved lower, capturing hers and driving everything but the thought of him from her mind. He kissed her over and over again, with the deep hunger of long denial. When he sat up to remove his sweatshirt, Leda sat up with him and embraced him as soon as he had pulled the top over his head. He inhaled sharply as she kissed his chest, running her tongue over his collarbone and the flat hard nipples surrounded by soft dark hair. His fingers curled around the nape of her neck and he raised her head, seeking her mouth with his. Leda kissed him back with reckless abandon, unable to touch him, caress him, enough. When he reached for the buttons of her blouse his fingers trembled, and Leda caught his hand and raised it to her lips.

“I’ll do it,” she said, and he watched, riveted, as she removed her blouse and dropped it on the floor. He pulled her back into his arms immediately, unhooking her bra and tossing the scrap of lace aside. Pushing her down on the bed, he took one rosy nipple in his mouth. His hand enclosed Leda’s other breast, and his fingers brushed the sensitive tip, caressing her with increasing ardor until Leda arched her back and groaned.