Winning the Alpha (10 page)

Over the days we were narrowed down to a field of four: Brittany, the sweet Diana, Julia and myself.

“Julia,” I told my roommate when we were alone one evening, “I need to talk to you.”

“What’s up?”

“It’s obvious that Craig doesn’t really want me around. That’s fine; I have no desire to end up with him either. But you need to know what you’re in for if you make it to the finale and he chooses you.”

“Well, I assume he’ll do the usual thing and ask me to marry him or be his mate or something like that, and I’ll say yes and coo for the cameras, then we’ll date for a week
, have some crazy monkey sex and split up.”

“It won’t go that way though.”

“What do you mean? Do you know something we don’t?”

“I’ve learned things about shifters. Well, ‘learned’ isn’t the best way to put it. I understand better now that my own instincts are kicking in. These guys mate for life. If he chooses you as the alpha, you’re his.”

“What does that mean? Whether I like it or not? Is this the twelfth century?” Julia chuckled.

I remained serious, however.

“Well, it’s not too far off. He won’t let you leave, and more importantly, his pack won’t be happy about it. It would be the ultimate insult to their alpha.”

Julia looked thoughtful for a minute. “So what do you think I should do?”

“Well, tell me, how do you really feel about Craig?”

“I think he’s a pompous, arrogant ass. He’s hot
, yeah. But he’s a total douche.”

“You need to find a way to get out of this then, Julia. But you don’t want to just walk out. There has to be a reason for it, and a good one.”

That night Julia received a phone call from home giving her the devastating news that her grandmother had died and that she was expected home for the funeral. Home was six states away, and Julia wouldn’t be able to return to the show.
Little did anyone know that her grandmothers had both died years earlier. I have no idea how she managed to orchestrate this, but I was glad.

I was relieved when she finally
left, but I knew I’d miss her in the final days. The idea of her ending up with Craig was too much, though. She was far better than him.

I wandered the house on my own as we prepared for the final episode
, in which Craig would eliminate one girl and finally choose from the remaining two. I saw Tristan now and then, but he avoided me, knowing how volatile the situation was; if somehow Craig chose me and then discovered how Tristan had continued to betray him, if wouldn’t end well. I hated knowing that the producer was so close to me and yet that we couldn’t speak or touch; it was like a wound that wouldn’t heal. I found my mind repeatedly asking if we could find a way to be together in the end, and I tried to beat back the question because the answer always seemed to be no. Even if Craig didn’t pick me, he and Tristan were still senior members of the pack and it would still be considered a slap in the face. The best that I could hope for was an amicable resolution to the tense situation.

How I’d managed to make it this far without a date with Craig was beyond me, but I knew that there was no avoiding it anymore. Being in the final three meant that we would be sent on an overnight date somewhere, very soon.

One
morning Tristan came to find me before my private interview.

“You know that you’ll be going on a date with Craig.”

“Yes, I do.”

“They’re sending you on Thursday, after he’s been on the other two
dates. You’ll be heading off to an undisclosed location not too far from here.”

“Okay.” I was shaking, I realized. It felt like days since I’d spoken to
Tristan, but worse than that, I felt like I was being sent to a place from which I couldn’t return. I knew that the alpha would do what he wanted with me and that there would be no cameras around to save me from the uglier aspects of his personality.

“I wish I could go with you, but th
ey’re sending Susan as producer so I’ll have to stay here.”

At this news, my heart sank. I’d hoped he’d be close by, not that it would have helped; with Craig’s attention focused on me there was no way I could focus on
Tristan. But his presence would have made me feel safer, protected.

“I won’t sleep with him,
Tristan. I couldn’t.”

He looked at me, affection in his eyes. I knew that he wanted to touch me but it was too dangerous; shifters were roaming the house preparing it for the finale.

“You have to, gorgeous girl. You don’t have a choice. You’re like us, and you’ve been absorbed into this pack. You can’t turn down the alpha.”

“Well, that sounds a lot like accepted sexual assault.”

“You just have to make yourself want it. I know it sounds ridiculous. But you’re going to have to assume the role of pack member and give him what he wants, for the sake of loyalty.”

The thought of giving myself to Craig disgusted me. Even if
Tristan didn’t exist, didn’t live inside my every thought, I still wouldn’t want Craig.

“I’ll do my be
st. But I’m going to try my hardest to get out of it. Nothing on earth could make me want that man. The only person or wolf I want is you.”

Tristan
was uncharacteristically silent now.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I said.

“That I’ll kill him if he does anything to you.”

I spent the next few days trying to think of an escape plan for my date. I was under no illusion that Craig was in love with me, or in fact that he would want to sleep with me. But it was possible that he’d use the opportunity to assert his dominance, both over me and Tristan. I knew that he might try and use me as a weapon.

When Thursda
y afternoon rolled around, Jay the makeup artist came to get me.

“We’re going to shine you up nicely for tonight,” he said. “This is your big moment.”

“God, I hope you’re wrong about that,” I said.

“Well, I’m not sure anything can outdo your co
ming out of the closet as a shifter,” he said. “That was something. They say that the ratings for that show were record-breaking.”

“Really?” No one ever told us anything about ratings or viewers, presumably because they didn’t want to influence our
behaviour.

“Yeah. You’re a star, Nikki.”

I wasn’t sure how to take this news. On the one hand, I was here on the show partly out of a desire to make other big girls feel better about themselves. But on the other hand, I liked my quiet life. I didn’t want people to stop me on the street and ask me to turn into a wolf. After all, I’d only shifted once in my life.

When
Jay was finished with me I looked in the mirror and wanted to cry.

“I look beautiful,” I said. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“I don’t do much of anything. I just enhance your gorgeousness.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Well, thank you. You do know how to make a girl feel good.”

Wardrobe gave me a long blue dress for the evening, which had a corset-like midsection that pushed my breasts up and together, creating a more impressive waistline and cleavage than I’d ever had before. The material was flowing and light and as I walked, I felt even more stunning. I only felt sorry that it was Craig who would be having dinner with me and not his second in command.

As I stood in the foyer
waiting for the car to pick me up and take me to our secret meeting place, Tristan found me.

“Oh wow,” he sai
d. “You look even more delicious than usual. This isn’t going to help Craig to resist you at all; I should have told makeup and wardrobe to paint stubble on your face and dress you in brown polyester. But even if they did,” he leaned close to me now, “I’d still want to devour you whole.”

“Don’t,” I said. “You’re making this too hard. I won’t be able to get into that car.”

“You have to. But you’re right, I’m making it worse for us both. But still, I can’t pretend, Nikki, and I’ll never be able to act like I don’t have feelings for you. Feelings. What a stupid way to put it. I feel like I can’t breathe properly when I don’t see you. When I do see you and know I can’t talk to you I feel tortured. I can’t imagine, in fact, what I’d do if I
could
have you. I might do us both in.”

I wanted to fall over with joy and sadness, which were combatting each other within me. There was no question in my mind that over the weeks this man had developed love for me, and I believed him when he told me about his affection. I didn’t doubt him for a second, because I felt exactly the same way about
him. I felt like an illness hit me when I was kept from him.

“
Tristan…” I said.

“Don’t say anything. I know how you feel, beautiful. I know what you think of me because I think of you the same way. I know what you feel and what you want, because I want it as badly.”

He didn’t touch my face for fear of ruining my makeup, but instead he let one finger slide down the side of my neck and curve around my front, continuing its gentle trajectory down my right breast. My chest heaved under his touch and I heard him sigh, desire overcoming him as his touch glided along my soft white flesh.

“If you shifted now,” he whispered, “your dress would tear away from your body. I would ask you to shift back and I would get my mouth on every part of you. There wouldn’t be a nerve in that beautiful human form of yours that would escape my touch. I would eat you until you came for me and then I’d eat you all over again.”

My eyes closed and his finger sat on my breast, playing with the seam which outlined the fabric coating my skin. I wished it would split open and that he could have his way with me.

“Nikki.” The voice interrupted my fantasy. “We’re ready for you.”

Damn that driver.

“I’ll see you soon,” I said to
Tristan when I’d opened my eyes. “Tomorrow evening.”

“I know.”

He turned and left, and so did I.

The car drove me well into the mountains. The ride was beautiful and I spent my time looking out the window, wishing Tristan were there with me. I thought of him, looking for strength, wondering what was in his mind at that moment. I knew how much he wanted to protect me from harm, to keep me from giving my body to Craig. I wished things could be different and wondered what the viewing audience would think if they knew that women on this show were essentially put into a position of submission, if not violation. I thought of going to the other producers about it but of course they were pack members. This was their alpha. If Tristan couldn’t protect me, they couldn’t either.

As dusk was setti
ng in we pulled up to a large chalet in the woods, which was exactly what I’d envisioned when I’d first arrived in the area. It was essentially a very expensive log cabin with modern windows and warm lighting. I imagined that inside was at least one cozy fireplace, and the thought made me long for Tristan all the more.

The camera crew surrounded me as I exited the car. There was nothing new in this, but I’d managed so nicely to avoid being the center of attention ever since our first meeting that I’d forgotten how self-conscious the cameras made me.

As I approached the front door of the chalet, it opened and Craig stepped out. I was a little surprised not to see John, but I supposed that they wanted this to seem like a real date; just two people who are falling in love being intimate. If the audience had been able to see the technology that was chasing me around they would have realized how utterly ridiculous the concept was.

“Hi, gorgeous,” said Craig disingenuously as I walked towards him.

“Hi,” I said, smiling shyly, trying to put on the act that my heart was fluttering.

He threw his arms around me and squeezed. “It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you.”

Jesus, you’re such a sleazy liar. But so am I.

“I’ve missed you too. It’s been too long since we’ve had time alone.”

Craig took my hand and led me inside, where a table was set up in the large, high-ceilinged living room. Sure enough, a large fireplace was roaring with shooting flames and a bearskin rug graced the floor, its menacing jaws pried open.

“Wow,” I said. “What a beautiful house.”

“Yeah, it’s something, isn’t it?” said Craig. “Come on, we’re going to have dinner.”

Immediately he pulled out one of the two chairs that were
posed by the table and I sat down, then Craig took his place opposite me. He leaned in but didn’t move his chair closer, I noticed.

“So, Nikki, tell me more about yourself. Tell me about your family.”

“Well, I’m an only child. My mother is divorced and I haven’t seen my father since I was a small child.”

“And how has this changed your take on marriage?”

Was I in a fucking psychiatrist’s appointment?

“I’m not sure that it has. All I know is that it will take my really loving someone to marry him.” I realized in saying this sentence that my tone wasn’t terribly friendly, so I added, “Of course, those feelings can develop with time.”

“Of course.”

“I will add that I didn’t know for sure that my father was a shifter until very recently.”

“No, I guess you didn’t. I’m so happy to know that you’re one of us. That makes us even more compatible.”

Bullshit, Craig. You know we couldn’t be compatible if we
’d both been fabricated in the same factory out of a mold.

We were served filet mignon, garlic potatoes and asparagus. I was grateful to get to eat and avoid conversation, though I knew that it was my job to talk. There was nothin
g honest about the conversation though, and I wondered if Craig was capable of having a sincere chat with anyone. What on earth must his date with Brittany have been like?

“So tell me,” he said at one point, “are you jealous of the other girls?”

I wanted to say, “Yes. The ones who’ve been eliminated,” but instead I simply replied, “Well, it’s hard to know they’re off on dates with you when I miss you so much.”

I saw something in his eyes now; a flash of anger. He knew perfectly well that I’d surrendered any opportunities at dates to the others while I remained safely within the walls o
f the house; he knew that I was lying through my teeth, just as he was.

“We’re together now,” he said, smiling as he took my hand. “And we have the whole night to spend together.”

Fuck. I’d hoped he’d give me an option to get out of the night ahead; that I could perhaps sleep on the couch.

When we’d finished dinner and
drunk our fill of wine, I realized that I was no closer to being amenable to the idea of sleeping with Craig. But the night was coming to a close and soon the cameras would be shut off and the crew would leave.

Before they did, though, Craig took the opportunity to lead me to the couch, where he
sat me down and immediately leaned in for a kiss. I’d been dreading this moment since I’d met him, not even because of a horror at the idea of feeling his lips on mine, but because of my poor acting chops. I knew that a look of disgust was spreading across my face as he moved in.

I felt his
breath on my face as he pulled me close. Nothing in his scent aroused me now; there was no indication of arousal on his part, either. I glanced down at the front of his pants and saw that no bulge had appeared; this was all a simple act.

I allowed him to move closer and felt a hand on my cheek and then his lips were on mine. I felt my mouth go tight, my own lips sealing shut as his tongue probed, looking for my own. Finally I allowed myself to relax, only because I couldn’t imagine that I wanted the world to think I was this appalling a kisser.

Nothing. His tongue exploring mine did nothing for me. All I wanted was to be a million miles away from this man.

Finally he pulled away and smiled at me. Then, as though someone had choreographed the whole thing, he stood and held out his hand.

No. Oh, no. Please no.

I took it, and he gently pulled
me to my feet then led me up the stairs while the cameras followed us all the way to his bedroom door. He opened it and with his hand on my back coaxed me in, then followed me and shut the door.

I heard the crews begin to pack up already. There is no word to describe the emotion that I felt at the thought of being left in this house alone with Craig.

“We’ll wait until they leave,” he said as he threw himself onto the bed. “Then I’ll fuck you; don’t you worry.”

I
didn’t answer him. I stood by the door, wanting nothing more than to open it and to run out.

The next two minutes seemed to take hours. I remained where I was while Craig lay on the bed, alternating between inspecting me and
eyeing his fingernails. I determined that his sole goal was to make me uncomfortable. There was no attempt to seduce me, no attempt at tenderness. This was his way of asserting his role as alpha. He was controlling me, the situation, Tristan, the show. All of it. And I hated him for it.

When we heard the front door shut, Craig simply said, “Come here.”

“No,” I said.

“What the fuck do you mean, no?” He sat up now, glaring at me.

“I mean no. I’m not going to come there. I’m not going to fuck you.”

He laughed. “I’ve never thought you were all that smart, Nicole, but this proves it. Do you know who I am?”

“I know you’re an asshole. I know you’re the alpha wolf, and I know that you shouldn’t be. But whatever the case I have no intention of sleeping with you. You’re welcome to tell everyone that you fucked me eight times in a row and that I screamed and howled for you. In fact I expect you to because there’s no way a jerkoff like you would tell them I turned you down. But you’re not coming near me.”

With that, Craig stood and walked
towards me. I had my back firmly against the door now and I looked him square in the eye. To say that I wasn’t frightened would be a lie but I knew that I’d sooner be beaten to death than give my body to this man, particularly since he’d most likely fucked Brittany the night before.

As I stared at him, my eyes narrowing, I found myself growing more and more resentful of the situation
, and angry, but I wasn’t the only one. Hulking over me, Craig raised his right hand and I could see that he intended to hit me with the back of it.

Instead of wincing and bracing myself though, I felt my defenses take over. Rage filled me and I want
ed to attack him before he could strike me. In all my life I don’t know that I’d ever felt so antagonistic towards a person; this man who was in Tristan’s rightful place, who was so cocky and so undeservedly full of himself would not get the better of me for a second.

I felt a sharp pain sh
oot through me but only briefly, as a cracking sound filled the air. Craig went flying backwards as my wolf form rose up, my lovely dress in shreds around me. I lunged at him, my front paws on his shoulders.

He hit the bed’s footboard hard with his back
, which temporarily landed him on the floor. I could tell that he was in pain, but I saw a vengeful anger begin to build in him. His eyes went red and narrowed and I thought for a moment that he would shift as well, and confront me wolf to wolf. I knew that I wasn’t strong or experienced enough to fight him and win, but if I had to I would defend myself to the death.

As he rose, his hand on his lower back, Craig growled, “Go. Get out. Sleep on the couch; I don’t care. Just fucking go.”

I left th
e room, padded down the stairs and, finding a blanket on the couch, shifted into human form and wrapped it around myself. The crew had brought me a change of clothes for the following day and the overnight bag was sitting by the front door. I discovered that they hadn’t packed anything for me to sleep in, which was awfully presumptuous of them. Hot tears of frustration streamed freely now as I dug at the bag trying to find something, anything, that would calm me. A familiar item of a clothing; my toothbrush. Something that was purely mine.

My eyes were clouded with tears b
ut I felt my way through the bag, grasping at jeans, a sweater, a blouse...and then my fingers touched paper. What was this?

I pulled it out. I
t was only a small piece of notepaper that had been placed under everything the crew had packed. It was folded four times and as I unfolded it I saw a hand-written note:

             
Whatever happens, I’m yours and you’re mine. My moon, my love. ---T             

My heart swelled. I would have given anything in that moment for a car. There’s no doubt that I would have found my way to him and, wordless, torn his clothes off and taken him. I wished that he could have been here to protect me, but in a strange way he had. It was my desire to be with him that had strengthened my resolve, and he’d saved me.

In the morning after what I can only describe as a fitful sleep on my part, the crew showed up. Craig hadn’t yet come down, but I was already dressed and set for the day ahead.

“I want to go back to the house,” I told Susan when I saw her. I hoped not to have to explain myself.

“But you and Craig are supposed to spend the day together,” she protested, much to my chagrin.

“I don’t care. We’re not going to. Do what you need to do. I think you’ll find him just as unwilling as I am to have another date.”

Susan left me then to go and talk to Craig, returning after a few minutes.

“Take her back
to the house,” she said to the others. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll just use footage from last night for her segment.”

The drive to the house seemed to take forever. All I could think about was Tristan.

When I arrived I opened the front door. The building seemed so empty now, with most of the girls gone. The two remaining were nowhere to be found, but I wasn’t interested in them.

I ran through the house after dropping my bag on the floor, hunting for the producer who’d been left behind. I felt my heart shredding itself as I tore around; he wasn’t there. Where was he? Had he left? Was I not going to see him again?

When I’d checked the back yard I gave in and threw myself down on one of the couches, my face in my hands. All I wanted in the world at that moment was for Tristan to hold me. I didn’t care about consequences; I didn’t care if I might die as a result of it. I just needed him.

I sat, breathing deeply, trying not to cry. I needed to solve this problem, to figure out my situation. How would I leave this place? How would I go on with a life after what I’d experienced?

“Nikki.”

I took my hands down and
looked up, confused about what I was hearing. He wasn’t here. I was imagining his voice.

Tristan stood in front of me, his beautiful face staring down into mine.

I stood up and threw my arms around him. Finally I sobbed. He held me tightly, his arms entirely wrapped around me, enveloping my body in a protective gesture.