Wings of Love (2 page)

Brad froze, feeling the blood drain from his face. He had never actually said the words out loud. Mac, sensing something bad, wished he could take back the words immediately, but it was too late.

“Jeff died three days ago, Mac,” he choked out.

“Oh my God, Brad. What happened?”

“Cancer,” he whispered. “He’d been fighting it for the last year and a half.”

“He looked fine the last time you guys were here,” Mac insisted.

“Yeah, well, he’d just been diagnosed, and we wanted to make the trip before he started the first rounds of chemotherapy,” Brad explained.

“Oh man, I’m so sorry,” Mac said. “What can I do?”

“Take me to Hiline Lake,” Brad said.

“Sure, Brad, anything. When do you want to leave?”

“The sooner the better. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it together,” Brad said.

“No problem, give me thirty minutes to fuel up and file a flight plan.”

“Thanks, man, I really appreciate it.”

“Do you have a reservation at the lodge?” Mac asked.

“No, I didn’t really think that far ahead,” Brad responded.

“Let me call them on their satellite phone,” Mac said. “It’s been pretty busy up there the past couple of weeks. By the time we get up there, it’ll be close to dusk, so I’ll need a room too. I’ll fly back in the morning.”

“Are you sure?” Brad asked.

“I’m sure,” Mac said with a weak smile.

Brad waited while Mac made the call. Mac placed the telephone back in the receiver and said, “We’re all set. They just had a couple cabins of kayakers check out to do some camping on the lake.”

Brad lowered his head as he wiped a tear off his cheek and said, “I don’t know how to thank you, man.”

“No thanks needed. You’ll be okay while I fuel up?”

Brad nodded.

Twenty minutes later, Mac and Brad took off for the forty-minute flight to Hiline Lake. When they landed and taxied over to the plane dock, they were greeted by the lodge owners, Jake Elliot and Alexander Walsh.

Jake and Zander had built the lodge and operated it for the last ten years, and during Brad and Jeff’s many visits had developed a casual friendship with them. Luckily, Mac must have informed them of Brad’s situation when he called, as they each simply gave him a hug and silently walked him to the lodge.

Before heading to his room, he leaned in toward Mac’s ear and whispered, “Thanks for telling them. I don’t think I could have handled that again today.”

“I figured as much,” Mac said. “Listen, if you want to talk tonight or you want to have breakfast with me in the morning, just let me know. Even if you don’t want to talk, but just don’t want to be alone, I’m here, man, anytime, day or night. I’m in room twelve.”

“You’re a good friend, Mac. Thanks, man,” Brad said.

“I never told you and Jeff this,” Mac said, “but my wife died about a year before you started coming up to the lodge, so I know some of what you’re going through right now.”

“Mac, I’m so sorry. I wish we would have known.”

“Nothing you could have done, but I’m glad you know now,” Mac continued. “Maybe I can help you in some way.”

“I’m not sure anyone can help me, but thanks,” Brad said.

“I remember the feeling,” Mac replied.

“Thanks again, man. I think I’ll head to my room.”

Brad started to turn, but Mac stopped him, hugged him, and said, “Try to get some rest.”

“I will, thanks,” was the last thing Brad said as he walked down the hall and stopped in front of his room. A room that, for the first time in fifteen years, he wouldn’t be sharing with Jeff.

Chapter 2

B
RAD
unpacked what he thought he would need for a week or so. He took a long, hot shower and put on his favorite old sweatpants and T-shirt, then sat on the end of the bed. He dropped his head in his hands and, for the second time in three days, let the tears flow freely. He cried until he had no tears left. He sat in one of the two club chairs next to the window and thought about how ironic it was that there would be an empty chair in his life from now on. Then he had to chuckle.
Drama queen
, he thought.

The Alaskan summer days are very long, and it was ten twenty in the evening when he watched the sun drop beyond the mountain range. He and Jeff had watched so many Alaskan sunsets together over the years, from this very lodge, that he almost felt he was cheating on Jeff watching it alone. As the final light faded, he rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes.

When his eyes opened again, it was to a darkened room. He realized he must have fallen asleep, and glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. It was one thirty in the morning; he had slept for five and a half hours, the longest consecutive sleep he’d had in over a week. He stretched and realized his neck was pretty stiff from sleeping in the chair, but he felt okay otherwise. He went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and combed his hair. He put on a pair of jeans and his sneakers and walked out into the hall. The place was quiet at this hour, and he enjoyed the stillness and peace of the motionless lodge. He walked up and down the halls, then around the grounds until he got cold, realizing he’d left his jacket back in his room. He walked back into the lodge and sat in front of the huge stone fireplace. There was barely any heat radiating, but he was no longer cold. He sat there and stared at the charred wood until the last ember faded away into darkness. He thought about how many times he and Jeff had sat in this very spot and read the newspaper or just talked about their adventure of the day. His bottom lip started to quiver, and he forced the tears back yet again. He got up and walked down the hall toward his room. He didn’t know why, but he stopped at room twelve. He raised his hand and lightly knocked on the door. Thirty seconds later, a sleepy Mac stood in the opened doorway in a T-shirt and boxer shorts.

Brad stood there, staring at Mac, not knowing what to say. Mac opened his arms, and Brad fell into them. When the sobs stopped, Brad stepped back and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go. I am so tired of crying, but I can’t seem to stop.”

“You came to the right place,” Mac said. “I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to knock on my door. Sit down,” he said as he motioned Brad into the room.

Brad sat down in one of the two club chairs that were very similar to the ones in his room. Mac excused himself and went into the bathroom and came out in a pair of blue jeans. When he returned, he sat in the chair opposite Brad and waited for him to speak. Brad took a deep breath and said, “How did you do it? Go on with your life, I mean.”

“Well,” Mac answered. “When it came down to it, I had two choices. Get out of bed one day at a time and try to put my life back together, or….”

“End it all,” Brad added.

“Yeah,” Mac said. “To put it bluntly. I thought long and hard about it, and even thought I could pull it off. I’m a pilot, for heaven’s sake. It would have been easy. I went as far as taking the plane up and initiating the stall, but in the end I wasn’t strong enough to do it and pulled out.”

“What made you stop?” Brad asked.

Mac looked out of the large window into the darkness of the Alaskan night and said, “My daughter and a promise.”

“I didn’t know you had a daughter,” Brad said.

“Yep,” Mac said. “She’s in her second year of medical school back in Seattle. Lindsey and I tried for years to have our own kids, and the doctors finally discovered that I was the problem, so we gave up and adopted Zoe-Grace. She was twelve, and had been in and out of foster care for most of her life, and we thought she deserved a family.”

“Good for you, Mac. You must be very proud of her.”

“I am indeed, she’s a great girl,” Mac said.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your story, Mac, please go on.”

“Well, near the end, Lindsey made me promise that I would do the best I could to raise Zoe and make a life for the both of us, without her. That conversation kept playing in my head over and over. Even though I’d promised under duress, I still couldn’t break my promise to her. In addition, Zoe hadn’t had such a great start to life, so it just wasn’t fair to her to leave her alone again.”

“How did Lindsey die?” Brad asked.

“Breast cancer.”

Both men sat in silence for a moment before Brad whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Mac responded.

They talked until five o’clock in the morning. And although they never acknowledged it, they both knew that a friendship had been forged that would stand the test of time.

Chapter 3

L
ATER
that morning the men said their good-byes, and Mac took off for Lake Hood. Brad watched the little plane until it was out of sight, knowing that since Mac exclusively flew all the guests back and forth, as well as weekly supply runs to the surrounding areas, he would see his friend again very soon.

It was a beautiful July summer morning, and the leaves were blowing lazily in the trees. Although he hadn’t slept very much the night before, he felt better than he’d expected to. The sweet mountain air and the blue skies did a world of good for his mood, and while he didn’t know how long the mood would last, he decided to take advantage of it.

He went back to the lodge and dressed in his hiking gear. He told Jake and Zander that he’d be gone for most of the day, and they offered a brown-bag lunch, which he happily accepted. He started his hike along the lakeshore and headed toward Mount Susitna. He and Jeff had often hiked in the foothills there and had a couple of favorite trails they did each time they vacationed here.

As Brad quietly walked in the sunshine and observed the beauty around him, he felt closer to Jeff than he had at any time in the last few weeks. In Jeff’s last days, he’d been in a coma, and although Brad had been happy to be with him, Jeff really hadn’t been there. But when they’d been here… Jeff had been so
alive
. The feeling was so overwhelming, Brad suddenly felt weak in the knees. He stopped and sat on a large rock right off the trail and allowed the feelings to take him, harder than ever. Just like that, he was again in a really dark place. Remembering the promise he’d made to Jeff, he forced himself to stand and take a step.
Keep going
, he told himself.
You promised.

It was about nine thirty in the morning, and he’d been walking for about an hour when he noticed a cabin just off the trail.
I’ve never noticed that cabin before
, he thought
. But most times we were here in the spring when the leaves were full, green, and vibrant on the trees.
He decided to check it out.

He started off the trail toward the cabin when he noticed a faded old sign covered in brush. He realized he was up in the Alaskan mountains and didn’t want to get shot for trespassing, so he thought he should see what it said. He assumed it was a “No Trespassing” or “Private Property” sign, but wanted to make sure. “
Holy shit
,” he said out loud. “For Sale.”

He felt certain that, since it was for sale—and by the appearance of the sign, had been for quite some time—he could inspect the property without his life being in danger. The approach to the structure was badly overgrown, so it was slow going. He finally reached the wraparound porch and looked up. He grabbed the handrail to pull himself onto the porch, and it promptly came off in his hand. He fell backward and landed square on his butt. Stunned, he sat there for a second, looked up at the sky, and started to laugh. The more he laughed, the louder he got, and his laughter soon became a roar. He knew that wherever Jeff was, he was laughing his ass off too. With a smile plastered on his face, he stood again, and this time with a little more caution, climbed his way onto the porch.

Crossing the porch to the front door, he carefully avoided all the rotten floorboards and reached the door without any mishaps. He felt very silly as he raised his hand and knocked on the closed door. Of course, no one answered, so just for the hell of it, he tried the doorknob. Much to his surprise, the door was unlocked. He opened the door and called out “Hello!” Again no one answered, so he walked in.