Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1) (32 page)

Yet, she can’t be mad at him. It was her decision, unable to
resist the temptation of her first ultrasound, of finding a bit of happiness in
her devastation.

“Okay, let’s take a look.” The doctor smiles as she pats Shae’s
trembling leg. “Just relax. This might feel a little strange, but shouldn’t
hurt.”

Just one more deception to add to her crumbling morals. Evan
told her it was better this way. Let Nick’s security team think she’s with
Nathan and Carrie in her car while they sneak out in his. Otherwise, the guys
would report back to Nick she went to the doctor, and he would know something
was going on. It felt wrong when she agreed to it. And now, lying here waiting
to see their baby for the first time without him, confirms her guilt is
deserved.

“Usually my technician performs the ultrasounds, but since it’s
the weekend, you’re stuck with me.”

Evan smiles at the physician as she moves to Shae’s side. “We
appreciate you doing this for us. Shae’s a little bit nervous, but I assured
her she’s in good hands.”

Amy laughs as she sits down in front of a monitor attached to a
rolling cart. “Thank you. And, after all of my middle of the night calls for
Lexie’s infamous ear infections and mysterious fevers, I definitely owe you.
So, I’m happy to do it.” She types on the keyboard before tapping on the screen
with her fingertip. “Ah, here we go. There’s your little one, Mom and Dad.”

Dad
. Shae cringes from Evan’s growing smile and knowing nod before
turning back to the screen. A small sob escapes her mouth as tears trickle down
her temples at the white oval wiggling on a fuzzy, black screen. No real idea
of what she’s looking at, except it’s the only connection to Nick she has left.

Evan’s lips brush her ear. “I told you that you’d be glad we
came.”

“Looks like about six weeks.” Amy winks at her. “So, we know
what you two were up to around that time.”

She smiles through her tears. The shower. Clinging to Nick,
seeking his forgiveness, and instead, he gave her the purest symbol of his
love.

“I know that look. Mom remembers.” Amy turns back to the side
table and picks up a white tube. “Okay, not much to see yet, but let’s listen
to the heartbeat.”

A shiver runs through her at the cold, sticky gel the doctor
spreads across her stomach before pressing a gray rod connected to a small
speaker against her skin. Wrinkles begin to crease Amy’s forehead as she tilts
the wand in different directions. “Hmmm…I’m not quite able to pick it up.” Amy
looks up and gives her a small smile. “How have you been feeling? Any morning
sickness, lightheadedness, breast tenderness?”

During the last eighteen hours, her feelings have run an
emotional spectrum, dread and worry interlaced with joy and happiness. Yet
knowing she’s pregnant for such a short time doesn’t diminish the fierce love
swelling in her heart. “No.” Her voice strangles with fear, and she clears her
throat. “Is that bad?”

“Not necessarily. Sometimes this early we can’t always detect
the heartbeat and some women don’t experience noticeable symptoms of pregnancy
at first.” Amy looks from Evan to Shae, making her tremble even more at the
subtle frown still lining her forehead. “Let’s not panic. We’ll do some blood
work to test your levels. We’ll do the first test today and then again on
Monday. That will let us know what’s going on.”

Her heart plummets. Mired in shock and surprise, she worried
about telling Nick, terrified of breaking him from the stress. Never
considering the possibility she may not need to protect him at all. “Okay.”

Amy’s smile brightens while she wipes off the translucent
ointment with a small yellow towel. “You’re young and in great shape. There’s
no reason not to be optimistic. Just keep doing what you’re doing—eat healthy
and work out—and fill this prescription for prenatal vitamins.”

The wheels of the stool squeak as Amy rolls to the counter
behind her and picks up a leaflet and book and hands them to Shae. “Here’s a
list of foods to avoid, such as alcohol, raw meat, unprocessed cheese, things
I’m sure you already know. I also have a book for you to read. Pregnancy is a
natural function of the human body, however, that doesn’t mean everything is
always self-explanatory.”

The kind words and positive attitude alleviate a bit of her
fear. Maybe everything will be okay. It has to be. “When will I hear
something?”

“I’ll send the sample over to the lab as soon as we’re done
here. We should have the results later today. I’ll call you myself, okay?” Amy
picks up a pen and jots down a brief note. “Here’s my number to put into your
phone so you’ll know it’s me.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome. Now let me get what I need to draw your blood.”
Amy stands up and walks out of the exam room.

Evan leans down and kisses her forehead. A shudder runs through
her at the feel of his lips on her skin. “It’s going to be okay. I know it is.”

Her confidence begins to wane as the possibility of more
heartbreak grips her chest. “What if it’s not? I don’t think I can take it.”

“You have me. I’ll always take care of you, no matter what
happens. I love you.”

Amy’s return saves her from responding. “Okay, I’m going to have
you rest your arm on your leg.” After she disposes of the needle and labels the
vial, Amy pats Shae’s shoulder. “You’re all done. I’ll call you as soon as I
have the results.”

“Thank you.”

Evan shakes Amy’s hand before he guides Shae out of the office.
They walk through the professional complex to the parking garage and stop in
front of a bank of elevators. He smiles and tucks a wayward lock of hair behind
her ear. “When do you want to start moving your stuff? We could have you
settled by tonight if we begin packing as soon as we get back to your house.”

She cringes at his relentless pressure, at his assumption her
decision has already been made. “What are you talking about? I never said I
would move in with you.”

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her against him, a
playful smile lighting up his face. “Married people live together, you know?
We’ll get you home and then figure out our plans for the wedding. Maybe a small
ceremony at the house. I don’t want to do it at the courthouse, or anything
tacky like that.”

A marriage proposal should signify commitment and hopefulness,
not deceit. She wants a family with Nick, not a life with Evan built on lies.
Nick deserves to know the truth, but adding a baby to the duel between his love
for her and hatred for himself may be more than he can stand. How can she
protect him, yet still live with herself?

Pushing him back, she shakes her head. “Please, stop it. I never
said yes. I’m not sure what I want. Right now, all I can think about is getting
the test results back.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. But we can’t wait too long, or Nick could
figure things out.”

Her stomach turns at the desperation imbued in his voice. He
doesn’t care about the baby, doesn’t have the fierce protective love a father
should have. All his impatience is so she can’t be with Nick. “Please take me
back to my house. I don’t want to discuss this here.”

“Good idea. Maybe Carrie and Nathan can talk some sense into
you.”

Best friends dating best friends. Their corny but cute joke so
long ago. It seemed wonderful at the time. They were the perfect foursome.
Until her mother’s dislike of Evan got in the way. At the time, she was
convinced her mother’s attempts to drive them apart were just part of her
irrational need to protect her from a broken heart.

Now, her certainty wanes. Nick builds her up, makes her feel
confident and self-assured. After spending time again with Evan, his love feels
controlling and overbearing, as if she can’t think for herself. How did she not
see it before?

He helps her into the car and walks to the other side. She leans
back against the seat and closes her eyes. Too many emotions run through her
head and heart to talk anymore.

* * * *

The limo circles each floor of the parking garage as they search
for Evan’s dark blue BMW sedan. Nick spots Shae before the car. She never looks
up from the ground as Evan talks in her ear. Beautiful as always, yet more
defeated than he’s ever seen her. An inferno blazes in his gut. He fucking did
this to her.

He climbs out of the car and strides behind them. Once Evan
moves to the driver’s side, he pulls open the passenger door and squats down to
see her face. She doesn’t react to the sound, never opening her red-rimmed
eyes. Pain grips his heart as he whispers to her, “Are you okay?”

Her eyes fly open at his voice. She covers her mouth with her
hand and blinks back tears, slaying him as to whether they are from sadness or
fear. “What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you. You left the house without security.
It’s not like you to trick people. Why did you do it?”

“I had an appointment.” She drops her head, her shaky voice
laced with guilt. “It was last minute, and I needed to get going.”

It takes everything he has not to reach out and pull her to him.
To erase everything he did to destroy her and prove he loves her. “I know I’ve
hurt you, but please don’t keep me from protecting you.”

“The only protection she needs is from you.” Evan’s voice echoes
in the hollow space, his body tense standing in front of Nick. “Leave her
alone. She’s happy with me.”

Shae yanks off her seatbelt and scrambles out of the car as he
slowly rises, his fingers curling into fists. Every nerve in his body pulses
with need from her delicate hand squeezing his forearm. His unwillingness to
lose her touch is the only thing keeping this guy alive.

“Nick, please calm down.” She raises her other hand to Evan.
“Give me a minute, please. I’m fine. I just want to talk to him.”

Evan looks from her to Nick before walking behind the car. Max
leans against the limo and the rest of the security team mills around as cars
drive past them, slowing down to gawk at the unexpected show unfolding between
the concrete pillars.

She takes a deep, labored breath. “I’m sorry I scared you. It
won’t happen again. But you need to leave. I don’t want this turning into a
fight for everyone to watch.”

Her blue eyes burn with sadness as she stares into his. He must
correct his mistake. “Don’t marry him. I know what I said, but I was wrong. He
can’t be your husband.”

Her head tilts as she frowns. “How did you know he asked me?”

“He told my guys not to worry about protecting his…” Bile burns
in his throat as he chokes out the word. “…fiancée.”

Her face relaxes in relief before it flushes, maybe at the
realization of the trouble Evan instigated. “He said that?”

“You didn’t know?”

“No, but I’ll deal with that later.” Her hand falls away, and
she looks down, rolling the fabric of her skirt between her fingers. “You
really should go. Like you told me, it’s over, and we both need to move on.”

She barely whispers, yet his ears pound like she’s screaming. “I
don’t know if I can.”

Her shoulders sink as she shakes her head. “What do you want
from me? You’ve made your decision. You don’t want me, so what difference does
it make to you what I do?”

“Never think that. Just because I can’t be with you doesn’t mean
I don’t want you.”

“It’s the same thing, isn’t it?”

“Don’t you understand?” He drives his hand through his hair, his
voice dropping to a whisper too. “I don’t have any choice. I’m scared I could
hurt you.”

“I’m not. I trust you, and I wish you could trust me.”

Her love makes him a better man, but even her sweetness can’t
erase the evil written into his genes. “I can’t change who I am.”

“You’re letting the ghost of your father ruin us. You aren’t
him. I don’t know what to say or do to convince you.”

He drops his head, shame engulfing him. “I don’t think you can.”

“Then, there’s nothing more I can say. You begged me not to run
and, in the end, it was you who gave up on us. Now, all I can do is try and get
over you the best I can.”

“With Evan?”

“I don’t know.”

Fury flames in his chest. He’ll never let that happen. “He’s not
the man for you.”

“Maybe not. But the one who is rejected my love and broke my
heart.”

Evan interrupts their conversation. “This is ridiculous. She’s
through talking to you.”

Nick’s body stiffens, rage burning through him at this stupid
bastard trying to control her, but he keeps his eyes on her angelic face. “No
matter what happens, I need to keep you safe. Please don’t let him talk you
into leaving again without security.”

“She doesn’t need you. I’m taking care of her now.”

“I love you, Shae, even if you don’t believe it anymore.”

“You aren’t fooling anyone.” Evan’s voice drips with disgust.
“Even with your bodyguards and money, you’re nothing but a thug.”

“Evan! Just stop it!”