Wildflowers from Winter (37 page)

A helpless feeling swooped inside her. Like she was freefalling, only she had never agreed to jump out of the plane. She wanted to surrender. She yearned to surrender. But how could she give God some, without giving Him all?

She squeezed her eyes shut, the deep ache growing inside her—her need to hold on waging war with her longing to let go. To stop flailing. To spread her arms wide and enjoy the fall. Only she was nothing like Robin. She didn’t have a simple faith. She didn’t trust easily. She would always wrestle for control. How could a woman like her give her life away?

I’ll never be easy, God. You might not even want me
.

But the ache swelled and refused to go away. It sat on her chest, demanding attention. Despite her doubts, despite her concerns, an answer bubbled from her soul. She might not be ready. She might not know what she was doing. She might not know the steps to this particular dance. But maybe God didn’t need her to know. Maybe that was the point.

She let her head drop, and with hesitancy and coiled muscles, she rolled her tears and her past and her scars and her hopes into a sacrificial offering and presented them to a God she was choosing to trust.

Take it, God. Please take it
.

And He did. Not every last drop, but enough to step forward. Maybe for her, this wouldn’t be a free fall into faith as much as a steady climb toward it. And maybe that was okay.

“Bethany!”

Evan appeared down the hallway, Gavin and Amanda close behind. Even from her position on the floor, she could see their excitement. Evan motioned for the pair to go in without him. When he reached her, his forehead creased. “Hey.”

She tried to respond. She tried to smile or nod or say something appropriate,
but her voice was stuck and her eyes welled with tears. Evan slid down the wall and sat beside her. She wanted to cover her cheeks, hide the heat that was sure to be bright red. Why was she always crying in front of this man?

His callused hand reached over to her lap and took one of hers. “Are you okay?”

She sniffed. Wiped her face with her sleeve. What an understated word. At that moment, she was so much more than okay. She wiped her face again.

“You’re kind of a mess,” Evan said.

She laughed. “Thanks.”

His mouth curved into a crooked smile, and he wiped a tear from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “A beautiful mess, though.”

Goose bumps marched up her skin. They started at her ankles and raced toward her arms and neck.

“You were amazing. The way you got Robin through that labor.”

She disregarded his praise with a single shake of her head. “It wasn’t me who got Robin through her labor.”

Evan looked at her, through her, inside her. She wanted to ask him what he saw. What did this exposed, naked Bethany look like?

“Maybe not,” he said. “But you sure helped.”

“He’s perfect, isn’t he?”

Evan wiped another tear and let his hand drop away. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. “Proof that God is still good.”

Bethany examined his profile. “Were you questioning that?”

He shook his head. “No, but I think Robin was.” He looked at her. “And then there’s you. You’ve done a bit more than question.” Evan brought her hand below his chin and ran his thumb over her knuckles. A ripple of heat tumbled through each finger and somersaulted up her arm. “But you don’t question it anymore, do you?”

Her breath came in choppy waves. “Not anymore.”

“So what do we do now?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What are you planning to do with the farm? With Robin and the café?”

She took back her hand. “Didn’t you hear what I said in the delivery room?”

“But what about your career?”

“That’s the beauty of being an architect. You can be one pretty much anywhere.” Bethany clasped her hands in her lap. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’d like to do more projects like the café.” Maybe renovation wasn’t so bad after all.

Hope frayed the edges of his face. “You would stay in Peaks for Robin?”

“Not just for her.”

“For Caleb?”

Bethany shrugged.

He leaned toward her. “The farm?”

She kept very still. “There’s that.”

He leaned closer. “Is there something else?”

“You.”

“You’d stay for me?”

“I finish what I start, remember?”

Evan closed the small gap between them, and like dipping the tip of his toe into a pool to test the waters, he brushed his lips against hers. The gentle touch filled her lungs with a sweet longing. He brought his hand to the small of her back and pressed her closer. And Bethany’s body ignited. She wrapped her arms around his neck, relishing the minty taste of his lips, the spicy smell of his skin, the hardness of his arms.

She wanted to melt into him. To collapse against his strong body and never pull herself away again. But they were on the hospital floor. And
Evan’s family was waiting for them inside Robin’s room. So when Evan pulled away, she allowed herself to disentangle from his embrace.

“Wow.” His husky voice filled with a desire that matched her own.

Bethany nodded. Really. There was nothing else to say.

“I’ll have to tell my uncle I won’t be renting that land.”

“Please do.”

Evan stood and pulled her up with him. “C’mon. Let’s go see my youngest nephew.” He brushed her lips once more with his own. Soft and sweet and much too quick. A natural afterthought to their moment on the floor. It felt comfortable and new and invigorating all at the same time.

She followed him down the hallway. Evan did not let go of her hand when they walked into the room. He held it with a charming possessiveness that made her squeeze his all the tighter. Amanda held baby Caleb in her arms while Gavin did a miniature photo shoot with his camera. Robin watched from the bed, her eyes tired, her mouth smiling, radiating an inner strength born from pain.

And although Bethany still had questions, she couldn’t deny what was happening. Somehow, in the middle of Peaks, in the middle of a place she was so desperate to escape, God was making her new. He was bringing her to life.

Slowly and surely.

Like a master architect renovating a worn-out building. One with stubborn mold and crumbling brick and broken windows. The renovation wouldn’t happen overnight. It would take time. And through it, she would have to trust. To keep surrendering. As many times at it would take. It might not be an easy path, but it sure was a beautiful one.

Amanda passed the tiny bundle to an awestruck Evan, and as Bethany gazed at this perfect, new life swaddled in his arms, her heart flooded with joy.

EPILOGUE

T
wo days later, Robin came home. Two days after that, they celebrated the arrival of Caleb Micah Price. They gathered around the small boy. They joined hands. And Evan prayed over him. He prayed for health. He prayed for love and patience and wisdom and every other single thing parents pray for their children. And then he asked God to relay a message to his brother. That baby Caleb would be well taken care of on this side of heaven. That he would grow up knowing what a good man his father was.

Six weeks after Caleb’s birth, on Micah’s birthday, Bethany and a recovering Robin opened the front doors of Willow Tree Café. Drawn in by curiosity and a complimentary cup of gourmet coffee, the residents of Peaks gathered to celebrate the grand opening. Bethany’s mother was among the crowd. She sat alone at one of the tables—sans Pastor Fenton, who had been moved to a nursing home the week before—sipping a free mocha. She didn’t talk to anyone. But when Robin sat down at the piano, a hint of a smile graced Ruth’s lips.

When Robin finished, everybody in the café clapped, cooed over Caleb, and congratulated them on such a fine establishment. Bethany deferred the congratulations to her tired friend, and a twinge of worry pinched her chest. She didn’t know how Robin would cope as a single mother. She didn’t know how long it would take for the loneliness in her friend’s eyes to fade away. She didn’t know if these people would come back when the coffee
wasn’t free. She only knew right then that the café was a success and that when Robin looked at her son, she smiled.

Bethany closed her eyes and let the moment wash over her.

Somehow, over the course of building the café, she’d let the sweat and planning and vision sneak into her soul and take root. Just like the farm when she was a small child. Just like Robin so many years ago. Just like Evan since her return to Peaks. And just like Caleb as soon as she saw his blip of a heartbeat on the ultrasound screen.

She looked down at him, sleeping in his car seat, lips puckered as he nursed in his dreams. This place—the town she’d worked so hard to hate, to ignore, to push aside—had brought her to the girl she used to be before everything fell apart and reconciled her with the woman she’d become since she left. Peaks, in all her attempts to get away, held on tight and refused to let go.

Bethany smiled and leaned into Evan. He wrapped his arm around her waist and squeezed.

READERS GUIDE

1. When you first met Bethany, what was your immediate impression? How did your opinion of Bethany change throughout the novel?

2. As an architect, Bethany longs to design new, innovative projects, rather than overhauling older buildings. How is this desire central to her character?

3. Which character do you relate to more: Bethany or Robin? Why?

4. Bethany and Evan have fairly different goals and interests. Do you think this benefits them as a couple or provides challenges? What advice might you give them for maintaining a good relationship?

5. Why do you think Dan left the farm to Bethany but the farmhouse to Evan?

6. A younger Bethany talks in first-person narratives throughout the novel. What do you learn from her story?

7. Bethany and Robin’s friendship plays a big role in the story, despite the years that have lapsed when they weren’t friends. What do you believe draws them together? Have you experienced a similar friendship in your own life?

8. Discuss Pastor Fenton. What were your feelings about him throughout the story? What kind of relationship does he seem to have with his congregation?

9. Pastor Fenton believes Bethany’s father’s paralysis was evidence of God’s punishment for unconfessed sin in his life. Have you experienced teaching and spiritual guidance like this before? What is your response to it? In light of what happens at the end of the novel, discuss how you think Pastor Fenton’s views on suffering will change.

10. Ruth’s faith seems to diminish her. Robin’s faith strengthens her, but they both call themselves Christians. How do you explain such different responses?

11. The Bible tells us God reveals Himself through nature. In this novel, we learn that snowy winters produce an abundance of wildflowers later in the year. What truth is God revealing here? Have you seen this truth in your life or in the lives of people you know?

12. Bethany reunites with Robin, only to be put in the difficult position of comforting her friend during a time of seemingly endless grief. Can you identify with either character in this situation?

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I don’t know about you, but this has always been my first stop whenever I buy a new book. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer. Maybe it’s because I’ve always dreamed of writing one of my own. Or maybe it’s because I know dreams are never reached alone and I long to say thank you.

So thank you. From the bottom of my heart. To everyone who has been a part of this journey. Without all of you, this dream would be nothing but a dream.

Thank you, thank you, thank you …

To Jenny, Grandma Pfau, Holly, and Erin, for being my faithful prepublication readers. Your belief in my stories carried me through the long waits and all kinds of doubt.

To Ms. Alli Schurr, for answering my random farming questions while waiting for the bus, and Matt and Heidi, for giving me a tour of your farm so I could bring Grandpa Dan’s to life.

To Richard Mabry for directing me to his book,
The Tender Scar
, which helped me write Robin’s grief in a way I hope is real.

To everyone at WaterBrook Multnomah, for giving me such an amazing experience as a debut novelist and for the hard work you’ve put into this book. You are all amazing!

To Shannon, Jen, and Lissa, for your dedication to this story and for pushing me to make it the best it could be. Even when I wanted to chuck it out the window. I am convinced I have the best editors on the planet.

To Rachelle, for turning my dream into a reality. There’s nobody else I’d rather have in my corner. You are truly a dream agent.

To Jeannie and Erica, my amazing critique partners, for seeing something in this project when it was all kinds of ugly.

To Mom, Dad, and Peggy, for listening so attentively to my stories when I was a little girl. It would have been so easy to laugh. But you never did. Even when I read with an accent.

To Melissa and Susan, not only for reading my books but for making this ride so ridiculously fun. I’ll never forget how much you screamed and jumped around with me when I told you I was getting published. There aren’t words to express how deeply grateful I am for both of you.

To Ryan, for your unending support. To you, it was never
if
I got published, but
when
. God couldn’t have given me a more perfect husband.

To my readers, for taking part in Bethany and Evan’s story. I hope you return to Peaks to continue Robin’s in
Wishing on Willows
. You are the reason I write.

And to Jesus, for taking me on a journey that keeps me so humble, so dependent, so in awe. Who am I that You would give me the desires of my heart? Who am I?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

K
ATIE
G
ANSHERT
is a Midwest gal who’s passionate about Jesus, her family, writing, and all things romance. When she’s not plotting ways for her hero and heroine to fall in love, she enjoys watching movies with her husband, playing make-believe with her son, and chatting with her girlfriends over coffee and bagels. She could talk books all day and is often spotted around town pushing a stroller, walking her dog, and reading—all at the same time.