Wild Blue Yonder (The Ceruleans: Book 3) (7 page)

Still, I thought now, perhaps he had something with the
paperwork.

At the desk I took out some stationery. In the centre of the
paper I scrawled the words ‘BLOODY BIG MESS’. I encircled them, then I drew
more circles around the central one and filled them with names: Jude, Luke,
Sienna, Evangeline. I connected each circle to the centre, and then I took each
word in turn and broke it down, scattering further words around.

Jude. Liar. Betrayer. Betrothed to me. Will help save
Sienna?

Luke. Sad. Alone. Clueless. Loves me still.

Sienna. Needs me. Captive. Where?

Evangeline. Creepy dictator. In the know.

The longer I stared at my messy little mind-map, the more I
saw there was no epiphany to be found here, because still,
still
after
all the revelations of the last two days, the picture was incomplete.

Knowledge is power. And as far as I could tell, there was
just one person here with all the knowledge and, thus, all the power.

For now.

I underlined the final word on the sheet three times in
strong, black ink. Then, with dry eyes and a jaw set in determination, I went
to bed.

Sunrise the next morning found me in the cavernous
conservatory. To the casual onlooker, the scene was placid and dignified: me
settled in a rattan armchair, nibbling toast and sipping pomegranate tea; the
woman across from me perched demurely on the edge of her seat, legs crossed at
the ankles, elegant hands gesticulating in fluid, beautiful movements as she
spoke. And yet, beneath the surface of this apparently happy meeting of
‘Mother’ and ‘mother-to-be’, I was having quite a Hamlet moment, staggered that
‘one may smile, and smile, and be a villain’
.

I’d been up before the larks that morning and, having
dressed hastily, had marched downstairs to seek out Evangeline. She would come
to see, I told myself, that I was no meek little pushover with babies twinkling
in her eyes. She would give me my answers, and in return I would give her a
glimpse of the Jones spirit – the steel and fire and strength of my sister and
my mother, and my grandfather before them.
They
wouldn’t lie down and
take Evangeline’s orders, and neither would I: I was a Jones, and that meant
something.

I kept my resolve when I discovered Evangeline waiting for
me at the bottom of the stairs; when she led me into the conservatory, where
Nathaniel had set out breakfast for us in a secluded corner; and when she began
with pleasantries – Was I feeling quite well now? How had I slept? Was my room
to my liking? Had I had the tour? I answered each question with a one-word
reply, and didn’t bother to conceal the ice in my eyes as I watched Evangeline
sip her tea and smear apricot jam on her toast and think of a new meaningless
question to ask me and all the while smile and smile and smile.

This woman, who was the leader of this messed-up place.

This woman, who’d had how many babies and given up each.

This woman, who would have me
breed
with Jude.

This woman, who would keep me here for the rest of my life.

Eventually, I could take it no longer, this charade of
civility when we both knew there was ugly business to attend to. But before I
could form the words ‘I want to leave’, her papery white hand crept across the
table to cover mine and she opened the conversation we were here to have with a
sensitivity that took the wind right out my sails:

‘Scarlett, my dear,
I know
. I see it in your eyes,
and I know. You’re angry. You’re hurt. You’re frightened. You’re bewildered.
It’s only to be expected. You’ll find no judgement here.

‘I want you to know that I’m so happy to have you here, and
I’m so looking forward to getting to know you. I can only apologise for what
must have been an arduous beginning here. I was so keen to sit down with you
right away and answer all the questions that must be weighing heavily on you. I
always do so with a new girl – and it was especially important for you. But of
course little January decided to come just as you woke up from your transition,
and I was needed, as I’m sure you understand.

‘Jude came to me last night and told me everything you’ve
learnt from him – in a somewhat jumbled and unclear fashion, I gather, which
has no doubt been distressing. There are gaps in your knowledge, I know, and
it’s my duty to fill those for you. Then this time of struggle will be behind
you, and you can relax into your life here.’

She looked at me expectantly. To my dismay, I found my core
of steel had softened a little. I didn’t know what to make of this woman who
seemed so genuine but surely was not. But, I realised, I wanted to believe what
she said.

She was waiting for some sort of reply. I opened my mouth
and out flooded the words etched onto my heart: ‘I want to go home.’ I’d meant
to sound commanding, demanding, but instead my voice wobbled and I sounded like
a lost little girl.

Evangeline sighed and squeezed my hand. ‘I know you do,
dear. But this is your home now. You’re one of us, a Cerulean, and you belong
here.’

‘You don’t understand – my mother, my boyfriend…’

‘I do understand, Scarlett. Once, I was in your place. It
was a very long time ago, but I remember the feelings well. I was eighteen,
just like you. I had a family to leave behind – a mother who cared for me. It’s
a shock, I know, to be Claimed. But Scarlett, we can only move forwards, not
backwards. There’s no going back.’

‘But it
is
possible. I could go back.’

She was shaking her head. ‘No. For many reasons.’

I sat back in my seat, teacup in hand, and raised my
eyebrows.

‘For one,’ she said, ‘it’s not safe for you beyond Cerulea.
Here, you’ll be healthy and happy and live out your life protected from the
many ills of the mainland – and I don’t mean only physical illness. Crime.
Violence. Betrayal. Modern society is imploding. It’s no place to live, and to
raise children. And then there are those who took your sister, who’ll want you
too now that you’re fully Cerulean.’

‘The Fallen?’

Her lip curled. ‘That is what we call them, yes. They won’t
come here – not since the first of them split from us have they come near.
Here, you’re safe. But on the mainland, you’d be at their mercy, and they would
take you, I’m sure. As they did Sienna.’

She took a sip of tea, and I followed suit, buying time as I
wondered how to handle her. I said, ‘I’d be careful over there. I wouldn’t let
them take me.’

‘If only it were that simple, dear. But even if you could go
back, go back and protect yourself from them, you couldn’t stay.’ She leaned
forward and looked at me earnestly. ‘Tell me, Scarlett, how did you feel in the
year or so before your death?’

‘Pretty lousy,’ I said slowly, trying to fathom the course
of the digression. ‘Understandable given the brain tumour.’

‘What were your symptoms?’

‘Headache. Dizziness. Tiredness.’

‘Ah.’ She sat back. ‘And when did this tiredness begin?’

I thought about it. I remembered the year before I’d turned
eighteen, before I’d met Jude and discovered my fate, I’d been gradually more
exhausted. ‘Well, I guess sometime after my seventeenth birthday,’ I said.

‘And it worsened after you came of age? The exhaustion?’

I nodded.

‘Because the Cerulean in you was blossoming, Scarlett, and
the people around you were pulling you down. We’re incompatible, Ceruleans and
humans. They drain us, exhaust us. When we’re around them, they feel steadily
more alive – energetic, healthful, positive. We, conversely, feel steadily more
lethargic. It’s a natural effect of our healing power. I suppose we leak it out
at a low level all the time when around people, but not with our own kind.

‘That’s why we have Cerulea, away from the mainland, as a
place of protection, and for recharging those who’ve been around people. Our
base on the mainland, Kikorangi, is similarly isolated, out on Dartmoor, which
allows the boys to grow up there largely untouched by human influence.’

‘Jude mentioned it,’ I recalled. ‘When I was – before – he
said he could only be around me for short periods of time. But still, all that
time the males spend on the mainland mingling with people, helping them – it
must be manageable then?’

Evangeline surveyed me seriously. ‘It is manageable,
Scarlett, when all you’re doing is coming into contact with people fleetingly,
for a couple of hours at the very most. But anything beyond casual acquaintance
– a relationship, involving long periods of time together – it’s not remotely
feasible.’

I stared at her and slowly, painfully, the significance of
her words sunk in. Luke. So even if I could go back, I couldn’t
be
with
him?

She read my thoughts: ‘I’m sorry, Scarlett, but a
relationship between a Cerulean and a human just can’t work. For the Cerulean,
it’s a kind of torture. Terrible, life-sapping torture.’

‘It’s never been done?’

‘It has. In our history a Cerulean has had a relationship
with a human. It didn’t end well.’

I leaned forward. ‘How exactly?’

She took a bite of toast and chewed agonisingly slowly
before answering: ‘Misery, Scarlett. For them both. And, ultimately, death.’

I squeezed my eyes shut tight. To have had hope, to have
allowed myself that much, and then to have it taken away…

Evangeline’s hand touched mine, and I opened my eyes to see
understanding in hers. ‘Do you see now, Scarlett? You have to let it go, your
old life. You died. The fact that you were reborn as a Cerulean doesn’t change
the fact that you ceased to exist as you were. You aren’t the same now. You
can’t just walk back into your old life.’

‘But I could visit,’ I said desperately. ‘My mum. My
friends. Just sometimes, just for a little while.’

‘And is that fair on them? Does that allow them to forge a
path without you? Think how your distance would hurt them. Think of the lies
you’d tell them.’

I said nothing, but the truth of her words rang in my ears.
Though I was sitting still, the world seemed to be spinning around me.

‘Why me?’ I whispered. ‘Why has this happened to me?’

Evangeline’s smile was dazzling. ‘Because you’re special,
Scarlett. Because you have so much potential. You were
chosen
to be one
of us, and that’s an honour. I don’t know whether you’re religious, Scarlett,
but I am. And I believe God chooses us for this task. He gives us that time
with our families, and then He takes us for a higher purpose – a wonderful,
important, valuable purpose: to create these amazing men who go out into the
world and bring light and comfort and relief from pain. I can think of no
greater service to God, to humanity. We’re truly blessed.

‘Yes, we may miss those we left behind. But we know, we
know
,
what all those poor people who need our help don’t know: that one day, when we’ve
earned it, we’ll see those we love again – in the realm beyond the white light.
So, Scarlett, you can let go of your mother and your friends for now, because
you know it’s not forever.’

It was an impassioned speech and a moving one, and I sat
frozen in my chair. I didn’t know what to believe. I didn’t know what I
wanted
to believe. This woman – was she friend or foe? I’d been so sure this morning that
she was that damned smiling villain, but now…

‘You’re confused, Scarlett,’ said Evangeline. ‘I see that.
All these revelations – you must be exhausted. No more now. You need time to
come to terms with all you’ve learnt. And you need time to give Cerulea a
chance – and Jude.’ She paused and then added softly, ‘He loves you very much,
you know.’

I stared at her dumbly. ‘He does?’

She smiled. ‘Yes, dear. And he’ll make a wonderful partner,
of that I’m sure.’

I couldn’t find a response to that, so I settled for asking
the last question – the last but by no means the least.

‘My sister – please – I need to find her…’

The silence that followed was so long I thought perhaps
Evangeline hadn’t heard me. She was staring past me, out of the window into the
snowy day.

‘Will you…? I need to go to her, try to save her…’

For a fleeting moment something in her eyes reminded me of
my mother in her darker days. But when she spoke her voice was unwavering.

‘You may go with Jude to look for your sister after your commitment
ceremony.’

Her choice of verb had not escaped me –
may
; we were
back to the authoritative tone, I saw. But it was her last words that grabbed
me. ‘My what?’

‘Your commitment ceremony. It’s a custom we have here. It’s
important that two partners pledge their commitment to each other before
bearing children. They come together before others, and then we celebrate their
union.’

My jaw dropped. ‘A wedding?’

‘Yes, I suppose it’s a little like that.’

‘You want me to
marry
Jude?’

‘Yes, dear. Before you begin bearing children, it’s
expected.’

Expected. There was a lot of expectation going on here. That
I would be bearing children. That Jude would be their father. That I would
commit to him in literal and ceremonial terms. My instincts were to tell
Evangeline where to shove her expectations. But everything she’d said this
morning had confused me, and I had the sense to know that getting what I wanted
from this lady would demand guile, not blunder.

‘And then,’ I said carefully, ‘after the… commitment
ceremony, Jude and I will be free to go to Sienna.’

‘As long as I’m convinced of your loyalty and commitment,
Scarlett, then yes, I’ll grant you a short period of leave to search for your
sister. And then you will come back to Cerulea – with or without her.’

She waited, watching me closely. Eventually, I nodded.

‘Good!’ she said. ‘That settles it. And now, Scarlett, with
the answers you were seeking, you can begin moving forwards at last.’

She smiled, and smiled, and smiled.