Wild Abandon (36 page)

“I asked Naomi where you were. She gave me your parents’ address.”

“You spoke to Naomi?”

“Yesterday.”

“You spoke to Naomi
yesterday
and are here this morning?”

“Booked the first flight I could get on. I had two layovers and a terrible case of needing to see you as fast as possible. I went to your parents’ place, but they told me you’d be here. Do you know how complicated it is to get from the Upper West Side to Brooklyn? I would have taken a cab, but your dad said the train would be faster. I was in the Bronx before I realized I had gone the wrong way. Then, I went to Queens, and now, I’m just so relieved to have found you.”

“Oh.” Yes, that’s the witty response I have to the fact that Nate flew all the way out here and spent the morning trying to track me down.

Nate lightens his hold on the door and stands up straighter. Stepping closer, his body is inches from me as he says, “Now, can I please come in? I have something very important to say to you.”

I stare back at him for way too long before I realize I’m not breathing.

Yes, let’s start breathing. Now would be a good time for that.

“I’m going to put Isla down. I’ll be right back.” I rush down the hall and place Isla in her crib. Then, I take a moment to gain my bearings. Adjusting my blouse, I do a mini pace about the room.

“Nate’s here,” I say into the open air. “He is actually here. What does this mean? Does he want me to go back to Napa? Does he want to stay here? No, he can’t. He has Ellie. Oh God, Ellie. I can’t do this. I can’t—no, I can. Crystal Reid, you can do this. You never got to say your good-byes. He’s here for closure, and that’s what you are going to do. Say good-bye. Yes, I can do this.”

I can?

I can.

Goddamn it.

I square my shoulders and walk out of the nursery.

When I get to the living room, Nate is standing by the sofa. His peacoat is off, showcasing a soft gray sweater, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His feet are spread apart, his arms are crossed on his chest, and his chin is up and commanding.

He might be tired as hell, but he looks like a man on a mission.

“I’m not here to say good-bye,” he says with his eyes trained hard on mine.

What? How the hell does he know my inner thoughts?

Nate holds up the baby monitor, and I slap my forehead with my palm.

God, I’m such an idiot.

“I love you, Crystal Reid, and I’m not leaving here without you.”

My head snaps up, and my lips part to breathe. Tingles, chills, shivers—the whole nine runs through my body.

I open my mouth to speak, but Nate halts me by taking a step forward and continuing, “Just in case you didn’t hear me, I will say it again. I love you, and I am not leaving here without you.”

My eyes moisten at the feeling his words are eliciting. I don’t want him to say these things.

He takes another step closer. “Life is too short, and I refuse to spend one more minute without being with the one person I want by my side. I want you to be the first person I kiss in the morning and the last person I see before I close my eyes at night.”

He comes even closer. His body is so close to mine that I can feel the heat of his body. “It’s not going to be easy,” he continues. “I come as a package deal. I made a vow to Ellie, and for as long as she’s alive, I will forever care for her. I also have a big, smelly dog and medical bills. But, in return, I promise to love you, cherish you, support you, and worship you for the rest of my life. I will even let you get a cat.”

The line makes me laugh, and a little bit of the tension is broken. I look back up at him, and his eyes are softer, lovingly looking down at me.

He says, “I can’t change my past, but I’m done letting the future write itself for me. I want you in my life forever, and I want the rest of my life to start right now.”

I let out a cry, an exhale-type cry where your throat makes a strange noise, but I can’t control it. Nate just said the one thing I’ve wanted so bad that it’s hard to say yes.

Still, I shake my head.

“How, Nate? Where would we live? What about Ellie and Ed? It’s all too complicated.” My eyes dart back and forth around the floor as I think of all the ways this could go terribly wrong.

Nate slightly bows down to catch my gaze, our contact intense. “It is complicated. But we always were from the start. I want you to come back to Napa with me. I put my apartment in San Francisco up for sale. It’s time to let go.” He must see the surprise on my face because he tucks a curl behind my ear and holds my head in his hand. “We’ll get our own place. You pick it. All I care about is that it’s somewhere in between Ellie and Russet Ranch.”

I shake my head. “I can’t go back to working at the ranch. What will Ed think of me after he finds out we’re together?”

Nate just smiles a beautiful smile, and that chipped tooth is visible through the brilliance of it. “He’ll think you’re in love with the owner.”

I push away, confused by that very odd statement.

Nate pulls me back and inches his mouth very close to mine. “The vineyard is mine. Ed signed it over to me, just as Old Man Russet had done for him. Signed the papers yesterday. I am going to bring it back to life, and I want to do it with you by my side. I want to raise a family with you and grow old and sit in rockers, drinking wine and telling our grandkids about the time you stripped for me in my living room.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“No, but I will show them a certain music video.” He laughs, and I go to hit him, but he stops me by pulling me in and kissing me.

Should I say no to him?

Yes, I should. My brain is telling my hands to push away from him and to ask him to leave.

Nate is married to someone else. His vow is to another woman. I will forever wonder if he wished to trade me in for the life he had originally chosen.

Yet, kissing him, in this moment, there is a thought more frightening taking over my heart. I have been married once. I loved before. Nothing has ever—nothing will ever measure up to the way I feel about him and the way he makes me feel when he’s around.

I’d rather live a half-life with Nate than not live with him at all.

Nate kisses me like his yesterday, today, and tomorrow are all tied up into one kiss, like I’m his forever. And I kiss him back like he is mine. Because he is.

It’s complicated, it’s messy, and it’s far from perfect. But, damn, it is the only life I ever want to live.

I pull away from Nate and look up into his beautiful face. “Take me home, Nate.”

“I already have your ticket.”

EPILOGUE

NATE

The sun is beating down, and sweat is dripping on my back. It’s a good day at Russet Ranch.

We produce four tons of grapes per acre and make high-quality wine only found in this part of the valley. We host five tastings a day, catering exclusively to tour groups, and sell a special reserve to a few high-end restaurants in the region.

Business has been good, and life has been even better.

“All right, boys, time to bring her in!” I call to my crew for the end of the day.

We have migrant workers at the ranch and a couple of yearly guys. I could sit back and let them handle the manual labor, but what’s the fun in that? This is what I was made for. This is the work I love.

Since I took over a few years ago, we’ve turned Russet Ranch around. Me, Crystal, and Ed. Yep, the old man is still going strong, especially since Crystal convinced him to get his hip replaced. Every day, he’s out in the rose garden, cutting flowers to place around the ranch. There’s a vase in every room of our home, too. They don’t bother me. After all, they’re magic.

“See you tomorrow, boss,” Jose, one of my workers, calls out to me when we arrive at the garage.

After the equipment is away, most of the guys take off for the day while others stick around for maintenance work.

As for me, I’m ready to go home.

I whip off my shirt, which is sticky with sweat, and walk the hundred yards to the house I built when I brought Crystal back to Napa.

It’s a small house but a good one. White with green shutters and a wraparound porch.

I run up the front steps and stop by Willie Mays, who’s having what could be his seventh snooze of the day. “Hey, pal, I have thirty minutes to shower and shave before dinner. You coming in?”

Willie slightly lifts his head. Then, it falls back to his paws, and he goes back to sleep. He’s old for a rottweiler, so if he wants to spend his final days sleeping on a porch, so be it. I give him a rub on the head and walk inside.

My favorite things about the house are the smells—mahogany floors, cookies, and the distinct smell of cherries. Yes, a family lives here. My ball cap and sweatshirt are hanging by the door, Crystal’s cello is resting against the living room wall, and a child’s toys are scattered about.

That would be Austin.

I didn’t have Crystal back six weeks before she got pregnant. It was an accident, but I meant what I said. I was ready for my life to start, and, by God, did it start.

Walking over to the mantel above the fireplace, I grin at a photo of Austin. Auburn hair, olive-green eyes, and a wicked smile. His hands and face are covered in red because he got into a barrel of grapes. Austin is a wild child. Two and a half years old, and he’s ready to get into everything.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think Ed was teaching him how to cause mass destruction wherever he went, just to mess with us. Every time the kid gets into trouble, Ed laughs and eggs him on. The two are incredibly close. As close as a grandfather and a grandson could be.

The day Austin was born, Ed welcomed him into the world with open arms. He’s done so much for me, but welcoming Crystal and Austin into his life was the greatest gift Ed could have given me.

Anyone looking from the outside would think our family was odd. A man living on the same ranch with his sick daughter’s husband and his new girlfriend, the mother of his child. It’s not normal, but none of us are. We’re creating our own modern family, especially since Crystal and I never married. How could we? I was still married to an amazing woman who had stolen my heart on a dare.

Ellie.

I look to the photo next to Austin’s. It’s the picture of Ellie and me on the day we met, the day we married. I’ll never regret the years we spent together, and I’ll always wish her life had ended differently. But things happen for a reason, and I’ve learned to just go with it.

Ed and I kept our promise and continued to visit Ellie on a rotating schedule. I asked Crystal to come a few times, but she thought it was too disrespectful. She always said it was unfair that she’d already taken so much of Ellie’s life, that the time Ellie had with us was too precious even if she didn’t know we were there. I never argued, and I enjoyed my days reading beside her.

I didn’t know what to do when we got the call that Ellie had died in her sleep. Part of me was devastated. Even though she hadn’t been here mentally, there was something comforting about her being here physically.

An ashamed part of me was relieved. She now had the peace I’d yearned for her to have.

I didn’t know what to do with these conflicting feelings, and I felt like a weak man if I voiced either of them.

Ed was quiet for a few weeks as well. We kept our distance. Even Crystal knew enough to let us mourn on our own terms. The first time we’d lost Ellie, we’d both broken down. It had taken four years to turn us around. We really could have gone either way.

But we did okay, Ed and I. We made it through the funeral and into our new lives without Ellie with our hearts still intact and our tempers in check.

The entire time, Crystal waited patiently for us.

Crystal.

The third picture on the mantel is the one I took of her the day we went wine-tasting for the first time. I was falling in love with her. To think I put a wee-wee pad under her while she slept, and she
still
fell in love with me? I still mess with her sometimes. Whenever she drinks, I place one on the bed. Not because I think she’s gonna piss herself. I just like to hear her yell at me as she comes barreling down the stairs in the morning, her hair a mess and her arms flailing about. She’s cute when she’s mad.

I still can’t believe she actually came back with me. I was sure she’d have put up a bigger fight. But when you are as devastatingly handsome as I am, who can resist?

I laugh at my own joke.

Honestly, what the hell was she thinking?

She once told me she’d rather live a half-life with me than a full one without me. Well, if this is half-living, then I can’t imagine what living life to the fullest is.

Well, there is one thing that I’m lacking.

A wife.

The damn girl won’t marry me. At first, it was impossible. I was still married to Ellie, and I’d never end the marriage to her. Not while she was still on this earth.

But Ellie has been gone for a year, and now, I want to make Crystal Reid my wife. I’ve tried everything. I even had Austin ask her for me. She won’t even do it for our son. She’s a stubborn woman, that Crystal Reid.

I run up the stairs and take my shower. Then, I grab a bottle of Jack and old Willie Mays, and we walk over to the veranda where the Santangellos are joining us for dinner. Most nights, we have dinner on the veranda. It’s easier for Ed.

When I brought Crystal back to Napa, we rented a home in San Rafael for a few weeks until Ed said he couldn’t climb the stairs to the apartment above the garage anymore. Told us to knock it down and build something of our own. Crystal and I were hesitant until Ed showed up with a crane one day and started tearing the thing down himself. We turned the office of Russet Ranch into a bedroom for Ed.

“Daddy!” Austin is the first to run up to me.

I grab him and lift him high in the air. His face is full of fudge. Typical.

“
Wook
,” he says as he shoves his palms in my face, opening them to reveal a small frog.

“Nice catch, buddy. Let’s put him in Naomi’s hair,” I whisper into his ear.

And the little devil smiles. Okay, so maybe Ed isn’t the one responsible for Austin’s whimsical ways.