Who's Sorry Now? (42 page)

Picky for someone who has come to be de-desired? Picky only in order to be unpicked.

He is led into a dungeon, which disappoints him. A dungeon is role-play. Dungeons don't figure in the real life of men like him. But what would he prefer? That they beat him in a stockroom? That they tie him to a lectern?

Undress!

So he undresses.

A hand inspects his genitals. He doesn't know what for. He isn't here for sex. He's done sex. But he submits to the inspection, looking away. He would rather not see who's handling him.

Cuffs of leather and steel go around his wrists and ankles. The old smell of leather. He sniffs.

Too tight?

He shakes his head.

There are toggle bolts or cleats or whatever – he doesn't have the language – fastened to the cuffs. With these he is attached to metal rings driven into a contraption that reminds him half of a crucifix, half of an easel for a chalkboard. Paraphernalia – why does there always have to be paraphernalia? Why can't the physical world ever match the purity of the mental? A black hole is what his mind demands.

He is facing a wall which is meant to look like dripping prison stone, but is probably wallpaper. He closes his eyes.

Spread your legs!

He spreads his legs so that the toggle bolts or cleats can be tightened. He is now an X shape, like Leonardo's Renaissance man.

A hand takes hold of his genitals and squeezes them. Crunch. His eyes water. But this is more like. He is a bullock, not a man. A Renaissance bullock. Mere meat.

It would be good if they were to turn him on a spit and roast him. Good for everybody, but especially good for him. It is turning out to be a hard thing to kill, desire.

He is offered a choice of whips. A cane, a hunting crop and something with thongs. He waves away the choice. He doesn't know which whip does what. They have never fallen within his sphere of interest, whips, not even the leather ones.

It starts with the thongs. Tickles rather than beatings. Short, insulting flicks and jibes. Derisive. Clever of her, the woman seeing to him, to know that derision will do the trick. She is a serious, faintly despairing woman. No to the frilly French-farce maid, and no to the mistress in rubber boots, so they have given him a philosopher in a straight skirt. Perhaps she is the cleaner. He would like it if she were the cleaner. When she's finished deriding him, she might flush him away.

Another crunch of his genitals. Her property, that's what her crunching fingers say. Hers to do with, or dispose of, as she wishes.

And now the hunting crop. He hears her flexing it. He arches his back towards her, inviting oblivion.

‘When I say,' she reprimands him, laughing – ‘not before.' Eager to be beaten, this one.

His knees go weak.
When I say
. Please God make her the cleaner.

‘All right,' she tells him, smoothing his flanks like a horse's, calming him, preparing him. ‘We'll start with twenty strokes. See how you survive those. That's one! That's two! Now you count …'

And Kreitman – alive in every fibre – counted.

An award-winning writer and broadcaster, Howard Jacobson was born in Manchester, brought up in Prestwich and educated at Stand Grammar School in Whitefield, and Downing College, Cambridge, where he studied under F. R. Leavis. He lectured for three years at the University of Sydney before returning to teach at Selwyn College, Cambridge. His novels include
The Mighty Walzer
(winner of the Bollinger Everyman Wodehouse Prize),
Kalooki Nights
(longlisted for the Man Booker Prize), the highly acclaimed
The Act of Love
and, the Man Booker Prize-winning
The Finkler Question
. Howard Jacobson lives in London.

Fiction

Coming From Behind
Peeping Tom
Redback
The Very Model of a Man
No More Mr. Nice Guy
The Mighty Walzer
The Making of Henry
Kalooki Nights
The Act of Love
The Finkler Question
Zoo Time

Nonfiction

Shakespeare's Magnanimity
(with Wilbur Sanders)
In the Land of Oz
Roots Schmoots: Journeys Among Jews
Seriously Funny: From the Ridiculous to the Sublime
Whatever It Is, I Don't Like It

Copyright © 2013 by Howard Jacobson

All rights reserved. You may not copy, distribute, transmit, reproduce, or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (including without limitation electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, printing, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages. For information, write to Bloomsbury USA, 1385 Broadway, New York, New York, 10018.

Published by Bloomsbury USA, New York

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
Jacobson, Howard.
Who's sorry now? / by Howard Jacobson. — First U.S. Edition.
pages cm
eISBN: 978-1-60819-744-6
1. Adultery—Fiction. 2. Male friendship—Fiction. 3. London (England) —Fiction.
I. Title.
PR6060.A32W47 2013
823'.914—dc23
2012047624

First published in Great Britain in 2002 by Jonathan Cape
First U.S. Edition 2013
This electronic edition published in July 2013

www.bloomsbury.com