Who Won the War? (10 page)

Once, in the night, Wally had to go to the bathroom. He did not want to go out into the hall and bump into a Malloy girl. Maybe he could hold it in till
morning, he thought. He turned onto his left side. He turned onto his right. He couldn't hold it in much longer.

Finally he got out of bed, edged his way around his brothers, and slowly opened his bedroom door so that it wouldn't creak. Then, in his tiger pajamas, he stepped out into the hall and took a step toward the bathroom. There, coming straight toward him, was Caroline Malloy in her Little Mermaid pajamas. A tiger and a mermaid did not mix at all.

He knew that Caroline, being a guest, should be allowed to go to the bathroom first. But Wally's feet kept moving. He made it two steps ahead of Caroline. He slipped inside and locked the door. When he was through, he drank half a glass of water, being careful not to touch any glass that the Malloys might have used. Then he opened the door, and there was Caroline with her arms folded, listening to everything.

Back in his room again, Wally pulled the covers over his head and tried to count the number of days, hours, minutes, seconds that the Malloys might be in his house.

He must have dropped off to sleep, because the next thing he knew, Jake was shaking his arm.

“Wally,” Jake kept whispering. “Wally …”

“Huh?” Wally murmured, rolling over.

“Listen. We need you to do something.”

“Huh?” Wally said again. He had that sinking feeling. Josh was awake too, and they were both looking at him.

“We need you to sneak into our bedroom and scoop up all our underwear from the dresser.”

“No!” said Wally. “No! No! No!”

“Your feet are smaller,” Josh explained. “You can creep around that room easier than we can with our big feet. We'd probably step on someone. It's four in the morning. They're all asleep.”

“No! Do it yourself! It's
your
underwear!” said Wally.

“Walll-ly,” said Josh. “Do you remember those underpants Grandma sent you for your birthday last year? The ones with your name on the seat?”

“Yes …,” Wally said, beginning to see where this conversation was going.

“And you know how Mom gets our underwear mixed up sometimes when she does the laundry? Well, if the Malloys see
our
underwear, they won't know exactly who it belongs to, Jake or me. But if they see any with
Wally
on them, they'll know for sure.”

Wally closed his eyes, but it didn't keep out the pictures. A picture of Eddie riding around town on one of the Hatfords' bikes, with Wally's underwear flying from the handlebars. Beth using a pair of Wally's underpants as a book cover. Caroline coming to breakfast with a hat made out of underwear, with
Wally
across her forehead. He couldn't stand it.

“Where
is
your underwear?” he asked.

“The bottom drawer,” said Jake. “Just softly open our door, tiptoe around the air mattress, pull out the bottom drawer of our dresser, and scoop up all the stuff. Then bring it back here. That's all you have to do.”

All he had to do. It was like asking him to climb Mount Everest and be back by sundown.

Wally got out of bed. He walked to the door.

“Goodbye,” he said to his brothers, because if Mrs. Malloy and her daughters found him creeping around their bedroom at four in the morning, he might not live to see the next day.

He padded down the hall. Gently, gently, he opened the door of the twins' room. He waited, holding his breath, while he took in the room, trying to see where everyone was sleeping. Carefully, carefully, Wally made his way around the air mattress with Caroline and Eddie on it, around the bed where Beth was lying, around the other bed, where Mrs. Malloy lay sleeping, one arm dangling over the edge, and over to the dresser along the far wall.

Slowly, slowly, Wally stooped down and, feeling around, put his hands on the two knobs of the bottom drawer, then slowly, slowly—so it wouldn't make a sound—pulled it open.

Again he held his breath and waited, sure that any minute Mrs. Malloy would rise and say, “Just what do you think you're doing in our room, young man?” Or that his dad would see the door open and thunder, “Wally, what the heck are you doing in there?”

But no one spoke. No one stirred. Taking a deep breath, Wally put his hands in the drawer, one at each end, and scooped up all the underwear. Now he'd be discovered for sure. Once again, however, no one stirred. With his right foot he softly edged the drawer closed. Wally turned slowly around. Step by

step … Pause … Breathe … Step by step … Pause … Breathe …

He reached the door. Still no sound. This was too easy. Things never turned out this well for Wally Hatford. Something always
had to
go wrong. It was inevitable.

He stepped out into the hall. Transferring all the underwear to one arm, he used his other hand to softly close the door behind him. He went down the hall to where Jake and Josh were waiting for him. They pulled him into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

“Way to go, Wally!” said Jake.

“You did it!” said Josh. “Wally, you're the best! Did you get it all?”

“Yep,” said Wally, scarcely believing it. Now he almost
hoped
there was a pair of his underpants mixed up with theirs so that he could feel double the relief. Jake turned on the light. The boys stared.

There on the floor was a pile of girls' underwear. Underpants with daisies on them. One pair that said
Monday
and another that said
Friday.
There were pink underpants with hearts, and blue underpants with stripes. And even a pair that read
Caroline
on the seat.

Thirteen
The Magic Underwear

A
shaft of sunlight fell on Caroline's face. It was the heat more than the light that woke her, for the sun was already hot. She yawned and rolled over, then opened her eyes and stretched.

Now she remembered. She was beside Eddie on an air mattress on the floor in the Hatford boys' bedroom.

Well, she certainly didn't want to lie here all day, and besides, she was hungry. She wondered what Mrs. Hatford might have left for their breakfast before she went to work. Maybe she could get the others to go to the ice cream store for cones before the day got too hot.

She sat up and looked around. Her mom and her two sisters were still asleep. Maybe it wasn't as late as she thought. Caroline slipped off her pajamas and pulled open the bottom drawer of the dresser, where
the girls had put their things after they'd thrown the boys' stuff in the closet.

Empty! The drawer was empty! How could that be? Maybe Eddie had moved their clothes somewhere. But why would she do that?

“What's the matter, Caroline?” came her mother's sleepy voice from one of the twin beds.

“All our underwear's gone!” said Caroline, puzzled, pulling on her pajamas again.

“What?” murmured Beth.

“Gone!” said Caroline. “Our underwear's gone.”

Eddie rose on one elbow.
“What?”
sh
e.
cried. And together the girls gasped, “The boys!”

“The boys stole your
underwear?
said their mother in disbelief.

“Ha!” said Eddie. “They'd steal our teeth and our toenails if they could. They'd steal the hair off our heads if we'd let them.”

“But I can't imagine those boys coming into our bedroom while we were sleeping and taking our
under-wear!”
said Mrs. Malloy, sitting up. “I'm sure they weren't raised to do something like that.”

“I think you should call their mom at the hardware store and tell her,” said Caroline.

“Now, look!” said Mrs. Malloy. “The Hatfords are graciously letting us stay in their house until we can go home. We are not going to say one word about this to the parents. I'll handle it myself.”

Everyone got dressed, wearing underpants from the day before, and found Jake and Josh and Peter sitting quietly at the kitchen table, eating their cereal.

“Good morning, boys,” said Mrs. Malloy. “Where's Wally this morning?”

“He's feeling sort of sick,” said Peter.

“Oh? What's wrong?” asked Mrs. Malloy.

“He's sick to his stomach,” said Peter.

Just then, however, Wally came in and, without a word, sat down at the table and reached for the cereal. He did look a little sick, as though he'd been outside throwing up.

“Good morning, Wally,” said Eddie, Beth, and Caroline together.

“Hi,” Wally mumbled.

“I see that your mom left us some of her delicious banana bread,” said Mrs. Malloy. “That's a favorite of mine.” She reached for the pitcher of orange juice and poured a glass for herself. “I just want to say, boys, that some things are missing from our bedroom, and I would like them to be returned immediately.”

Caroline looked across the table at the boys. They were sitting like frogs, she thought, their eyes huge. They didn't blink. They didn't even appear to be breathing.

Peter, however, got up from the table and went upstairs. His brothers stared after him. The girls stared too.

Peter?
Caroline wondered.
Peter
Hatford had stolen into their room the night before and taken their underpants? There were footsteps on the stairs again, and Peter came back down. He walked over to Mrs. Malloy and placed a Snickers wrapper and a Tootsie Roll wrapper on the table in front of her.

Mrs. Malloy stared at the wrappers, then at Peter. “What are these?” she asked.

“Some things I took from the room,” said Peter.

“When?” asked Mrs. Malloy.

“Last week,” said Peter.

“Aha!” said Jake. “
You're
the one who ate my candy!”

“I'm not talking about candy, boys,” said Mrs. Malloy. “Someone must have come into our bedroom last night and taken clothes that didn't belong to him. We want them back.”

Jake and Josh and Wally looked at each other and shrugged.

“Okay, come with me,” said Mrs. Malloy. “All of you.”

Everyone got up from the table and followed her upstairs.

“Caroline,” her mother said. “Show us what you found this morning.”

With everyone watching, Caroline walked over to the dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer. There were the girls' underpants. She stared, wide-eyed, then turned to her sisters in disbelief.

“I thought you said it was empty!” said her mother.

“It
was!
There weren't any underpants here at all!” Caroline declared.

“Now, Caroline …,” said her mother, frowning.

“Mom, the bottom drawer was empty!” Caroline protested. “I
know
that's where we put our stuff.”

“Boys,” said Mrs. Malloy. “I'm sorry, but I think the heat's beginning to get to Caroline and we jumped to
conclusions. I'm sorry I interrupted your breakfast. Let's all go back down and forget this ever happened.”

“Good idea!” said Jake.

Caroline could not believe this! No! She had opened the drawer with her own two hands and seen with her own two eyes that it was empty! She had
not
, however, shown it to Beth or Eddie or their mom. She had only told them about it. Now the drawer was full again. Was she losing her mind?

Maybe after a whole year of living near the Hat-fords, she was slowly going crazy. And then Caroline did what she always did when faced with something difficult.
Remember this
, she told herself, because when she became a famous actress on Broadway, she would know how it felt to slowly lose one's mind, and she would be able to play the part well.

At breakfast Jake and Josh and Wally sat across the table from her with mouths as straight as rulers, but their eyes, she knew, were laughing. If she had ever seen laughing eyes in her life, these were the eyes.

Only Peter had a puzzled expression on his face, and Caroline almost felt sorry for him—having to live with those three conniving brothers of his!

The girls went straight up to their room after breakfast while Mrs. Malloy straightened the kitchen and read over Mrs. Hatford's notes about what there was for lunch and what they might prepare for dinner. The problem with being a grown-up, Caroline decided, was that you always had to think about food if you were the cook. No sooner was breakfast over than you had
to start planning lunch. No sooner was lunch over than you had to think about dinner. She hoped that when she became an actress on Broadway, she would be rich enough to eat in hotels for the rest of her life.