Who Moved My Blackberry? (2 page)

Feeling a bit rough this am. Hair of the dog later?

M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi Pandora

I'm jotting down a few key facts re myself, so that we'll be able to hit the ground running when we have our first Coachworx! session on Wednesday.

But first I'm going to be up front about the key learnings I want to take out from the coaching experience. For me, it's about achieving peak performance. At the end of the day, it's about winning. And that's what I want to do—to win.

So, with that out of the way, who am I ?

Basically, I'm a board director of A&B (UK). Our parent company is based in Atlanta—and I'm Director of Marketing here in London. It's an exciting and challenging leadership role, and I feel I play a critical role in shaping the business going forward. I have always seen myself as a high-octane player. I'm very results driven, very can-do.

However, over the last year I feel I have hit a plateau careerwise. Last month I was headhunted for the position of Marketing Director at Sainsburys. I was way out in front of the field in terms of skillsets, but at the end of the end they went for the safe choice—someone less talented but who had retail experience.

Frankly, following this setback, I am faced with a choice. Do I hunker down here, or do I play the field? I've thought deeply about this and have decided to stay at A&B for now, as my values are well aligned with the company—and at 43 I feel I still have a huge amount to contribute.

I think you wanted to know a few key facts re my home life? I've been married for 17 years to Jenny and we have two smashing boys. Jake is 15, and Max is 12. Jake is highly creative, though has some issues around behavior—which makes him typical for a youngster of his age. Max is a highflyer across the board—a chip off the old block, if you will. He's doing Common Entrance this year—we've put him down for Eton, and according to his head teacher, he's expected to walk it.

I'd say the marriage is definitely a happy one, albeit with the usual ups and downs. The only thing I'd flag up is that in the last couple of years Jens has been getting stressed about her career—she works part-time for a pr agency. Frankly I sometimes wonder if there are time of life issues at play too—I mentioned it to her the other day, but she didn't see the funny side! She's a year older than me, but she takes good care of herself, and is still a perfect size 4!

Home is in Wimbledon in a six bed villa we bought back in 1993 for £250,000, and has just been valued (conservatively for insurance purposes) at £1.9 mil!

You ask about my personal health and fitness, exercise regime, diet and alcohol levels. Basically I'm in reasonable health—if you push yourself as hard as I do, your immune system has to work 24/7! I try to get to the gym as often as possible—I'm in between personal trainers at the moment, but obviously would like to start again asap, time permitting. I've put on a bit of weight recently, and for Christmas Jens gave me Atkins Made Easy—The First Two Weeks. I've tried Atkins before but not stuck to it. This year it's going to be different, and today is Day One!

Drink? I'm a great believer in the value of alcohol as a stress buster, but I don't drink to excess. Probably in the region of 14–17 units a week, or thereabouts.

Smoking—no way. I'm very anti smoking. In fact this is something I'm totally passionate about. I've told both my boys that if they get to 18 without smoking I'll give them both £1,000 cash in hand. At the end of the day, getting the incentive right is key. What do I get up to in my spare time? I don't have any! Joking aside, I'd say it's divided in three.

1. Golf—though I don't get to play nearly as much as I'd like. Currently got a handicap of 14, which I'm not at all happy about.
   

2. My family. Of course they are mission critical in every sense of the word.
   

3. The culture scene. Theatre, opera, cinema, reading. Words mean a lot to me. I sometimes think I would have liked to be a writer, and have got lots of book ideas. But at the end of the day there are only so many hours available.
   

Hope that's enough for now. I'm eagerly anticipating speaking with you on Monday at 3:30.

All my very bestest

Martin Lukes

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!

To:
Martin Lukes

Thank you for that Martin! It is always good to know as much about my clients as possible! We are embarking on an exciting life-changing journey together and I have the highest expectations of you. I'll be your number one fan and I believe in your phenomenal potential to do, to have and to be whatever and whoever you want. Look forward to talking to you on Monday.

Strive and thrive
!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Sylvia Woods

WHERE THE HELL IS MY TIGER WOODS MUG? IT'S BLOODY TYPICAL—YOU GO ON HOLIDAY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, AND COME BACK TO FIND SOMEONE HAS TAKEN YOUR SODDING MUG.

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Sylvia Woods

Hi Sylvia

False alarm—mug found. Happy New Year, hope you had a good one.

Would appreciate if you could get my expenses done this am, as Christmas cost me an arm and a leg. There's a pile of receipts on your desk—some of which are blank—please make sure the total comes out slightly higher than this time last year, though not out of the ballpark.

Ta muchly, M

PS When you've got a mo, could you get me a latte and a bar of Green and Blacks white chocolate. Alas, no more almond croissants for me, as this is day two of Atkins!

From:
Barry Malone, CEO

To:
All Staff

Howdy!

First up, Happy New Year! This is a particularly joyous occasion as it is my first at the helm of this fine company.

New Year is a time for a new beginnning, not just for us as individual leaders but for us together, as a global family.

Over the festive holiday I met up with Chuck P. Stallone, the best coach basketball has ever seen. We got talking about what he had done to keep his team at the top for nearly two decades. Chuck said something to me that made a whole lot of sense. He said it wasn't about getting to the top—but staying at the top. The name of his game is not “peak performance,” but Peak Performance—Permanently. And that is my dream for us. That we will peak perform not just this year, but every year going forward.

I want to share with you the image of stonemasons building a cathedral. Their task is no different to ours here at A and B. Why did they chisel that stone? Because their bodies and their souls bought into the idea.

I am asking you to be like the stonemasons. If you have faith in our great company, if you buy into the idea of PPP, we can build our cathedral together.

Have a joyful new year. One of the things that makes me proudest about this company is you all. This company would not exist without the passion and the sweat of every one of you. So if any of you have any ideas, or feelings you would like to share, please e-mail. Or just e-mail to say Hi! That sustains me.

I love you all

Barry

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Hi Graham—how goes it? Our Christmas was a classic of peace and harmony. Jake got pissed on Christmas day and threw up on the in-law's new Axminster carpet. Btw, can't remember if I mentioned to you that I've signed up with a top life coach? I've got Pandora Barry—she was trained up by the guy who did Chelsea Clinton, Nelson Mandela and Bill Gates. First session this pm—watch this space!!

Have you read BM's seasonal twaddle? A classic of its kind.

Mart

PS Fancy a drink later?

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Sylvia Woods

Sylvia—what the hell is this budget meeting in my diary for 3pm? I've blocked out that hour to talk to my coach on the phone. E-mail Roger I can't come.

Can you get me two liters of mineral water and a latte?

M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi Pandora!

Great to talk to you just now. I was impressed at how quickly you got my number—I can actually be quite awkward at times—but when I click with someone then the sky's the limit!

As we discussed, the top-of-the-range Coachworx! Platinum Service would be most appropriate. As I understand it, you would be available on a 24/7 basis on the telephone and by e-mail and face 2 face to coach me through ongoing issues as they surface, and would bill A&B @ £300 per hour.

I need to get our finance director Roger Wright to greenlight the expenditure, but I anticipate that as a formality.

All my very bestest

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
JennyLukes@PRPalace

Darling—First coaching session was SENSATIONAL! Pandora clearly thinks I'm destined for the very top.

She's a fascinating woman—used to be a ballet dancer but then had a breakdown and got cancer—was given six months to live, but basically coached herself into remission.

She says I have this amazing power inside myself. I just have to learn how to unlock it!

Only issue was that I ate four bourbon biscuits while talking to her—which was very bad news with the Atkins. Will tell all tonight.

Love you, M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Lukes

Actually, darling, I think you've got it arse around tit. Coaches aren't “untrained shrinks”—they're experts in lifting performance. Pandora says lots of the people she's coached have increased their income ten times as a result of the program!!! Do you have any IDEA what that would mean for you? You could chuck in your job and become a Lady Who Lunches! And we could have our garden relandscaped with the Chatsworth style water feature that you admired at Chelsea last year—only ours could be bigger.

See you 9 ish—

Love M

PS Big juicy steak would be nice … quite fancy a slab of dolcelatte for afters and that lovely chocolate cake of Nigella's that doesn't have any flour in it …

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Roger Wright

Hi Roger

Yesterday I had the first complimentary coaching session with Pandora Barry of CoachworX!, and would like to proceed with the Executive Platinum Coaching Program. I am attaching the fee schedule.

Bestest, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Roger Wright

Hi Roger

You ask: why do I need a coach? You're probably thinking that as I'm highly successful already, I don't need one. But look at it this way—Tiger Woods has a coach. Wayne Rooney has a coach. They don't need one, but they have one because they feel more comfortable with the career success that a coach can provide. Even Pandora herself has a coach because she is committed to consistently beating her best.

I realize she charges a premium price, but in this business if you pay monkeys you get peanuts.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi Pandora

Some bad news, I'm afraid. I have been informed by Roger Wright, our autistic finance director, that due to ongoing restrictions to our operating budget, he's only prepared to greenlight the Bronze Program, which I understand is coaching by four monthly e-mails.

This is obviously a blow. And it's bloody typical of this place, if you'll excuse my French. Spends a fortune on moronic diversity training programs, and then as soon as you suggest something good, there's no money. Also typical of Roger—who thinks blue sky is what you can see on a sunny say.

Bestest, Martin

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!

To:
Martin Lukes

Hi Martin!

One of the things I will teach you on this journey is that everything is possible. I'm going to teach you to say goodbye to negative feelings and get back to your childlike optimism. The Executive Bronze Life Coaching Program is going to help you get there!

Now a lesson for you. Where we at CoachworX! differ from other coaches is that they teach you to be the very best you can be. We think you can go further. This program is about being
better
than your very best. I'd like you to meditate on that, and think of a quantifiable target that you think is achievable. We will then assess your progress against this target every month. I think it is fair to say that I have never had a coachee that did not finish the year ahead of their targets!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@Coachworx!

Hi Pandora

What you say makes a lot of sense to me—in the kind of hypercompetitive field I operate in, the best is an entry ticket, if you like. I've always said to the people who have worked under me: keep pushing the envelope until it falls off the table!

So, this is the goal I am signing up to.

By year end I will achieve performance levels that are 5 percent better than the very best I can be.

Certainly this journey will take me way outside my comfort zone, but I'm ready for that.

Bestest

Martin

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!