White Satin (11 page)

His expression was troubled. “We’ll have to see, sugar. Anthony seemed pretty determined.” He shrugged. “Well, we’ll worry about it tomorrow. Now I’d better deliver you back to Marta for a massage or you’ll never make it to dinner. That was quite a workout today.”

She felt her tension relax as it always did in Beau’s soothing presence. “Worry about it
tomorrow?” she teased. “Now who’s sounding like Scarlett O’Hara?”

“I told you I admired the lady,” he said with a lazy grin. “There weren’t many characters I could feel an affinity with in
Gone With the Wind
. Ashley Wilkes was too much of a namby-pamby for my taste, and Rhett Butler was a Yankee. That doesn’t leave much for a virile, dashing rebel like me.” He took her elbow and pushed her gently toward the door. “You know you can tap that priceless store of southern gallantry at any time, Dany. All you have to do is say the word, and I’ll make your excuses at dinner tonight. You sure don’t need any emotional upsets after that physical marathon you went through today.”

“There won’t be any emotional upsets,” she said steadily, her shoulders unconsciously squaring. “None at all.”

Her shoulders remained squared and her jaw set all that evening as she tried to conduct herself with a cool, mature poise that revealed nothing of the constant pain that was tearing her apart. She
had no right to resent the attention Anthony was lavishing on Luisa, nor the casual intimacy they both displayed in every word and movement. It had been her choice, and she should be strong enough to subdue the anger and resentment. She
was
strong enough. She’d be damned if she’d let Anthony see how his charming little double entendres to Luisa were affecting her.

She plastered a bright smile on her face and proceeded to be very vivacious and charming. That gaiety was generously reinforced by several glasses of wine at the table and two more in the drawing room after dinner that she was barely conscious of drinking. She was aware only of how ravishing Luisa looked in a sapphire gown that showed so much cleavage, Beau had nearly choked on his own ginger ale when he’d first caught sight of her. Anthony’s admiration hadn’t been so obvious, but why should it be? she thought miserably. He was accustomed to all of Luisa’s charms, both clothed and unclothed. He’d probably be taking that gown off her soon in the privacy of his suite with the same deft deliberation he’d demonstrated to Dany so recently.

The thought pierced her cool aplomb like a fiery arrow, and suddenly she couldn’t take any more. She murmured an apology and something about needing an early night. She practically ran from the room, conscious of Luisa’s expression of surprise, Beau’s concern, and Anthony’s lack of any expression at all. Oh, Lord, had she given herself away? Surely not. She’d been in firm control until the very end.

Her head was whirling dizzily, and she felt suddenly unsteady on her feet. Oh, no, was she tipsy? That’s all she needed to make this disaster of an evening complete. She tried to remember how many drinks she’d had, but it was all a blur of sapphire chiffon and glacier-green eyes. One thing was certain: She’d never be able to make it upstairs until she got over this dizziness.

She moved with slow, careful methodicalness toward the library. She found if she took one step at a time, the hall didn’t shimmy quite so badly. When the door closed behind her, she leaned against it with a sigh of relief. In a few minutes she’d make it to that huge leather chair by the desk that beckoned so invitingly, and just stay
here until she felt better.
How stupid could you get?
she thought with disgust. She never drank more than a couple of glasses of wine, even on social occasions, and she had to pick tonight of all nights to exceed that moderation. She was lucky she hadn’t made a complete fool of herself. She probably would have if she hadn’t been so tense and wary; the liquor hadn’t really hit her until she’d relaxed her guard.

There, she’d reached the chair and it hadn’t been nearly so difficult as she thought it would be. She sank into its cushiony depths, vaguely conscious of the scent of leather and the crackle of the logs in the fireplace across the room. It was very pleasant here in this dim, cozy room, she thought vaguely. And if the rich colors of Anthony’s new kilim carpet would stop blurring and running together, she’d be quite content. Anthony. She mustn’t think about Anthony or sapphire gowns or anything but making the room regain its equilibrium. She’d just close her eyes for a moment and everything would soon be back in clear focus. She was sure of it. All she had to do was close her eyes for a moment.…

“Dany.”

It was Anthony’s voice and she tensed. Then she relaxed as she realized she must be imagining it. Anthony couldn’t be here. He was with Luisa, helping her out of that blue siren’s gown. Besides, Anthony’s voice was hard and incisive, not velvet-deep with tenderness.

“Wake up, Dany.”

She
was
awake, couldn’t he see that? Well, perhaps he couldn’t. Somehow she’d forgotten to open her eyes. No wonder; the lids were terribly heavy when she did open them a second later. But it was well worth the effort. Anthony was kneeling by the chair, and he was so beautiful. He’d shed his evening jacket and tie; his white dress shirt was unbuttoned and revealed the strong bronze column of his throat. His hair was dark satin in the firelight, and his eyes were rich and glowing with the same tenderness that had been in his voice.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” she whispered solemnly, her dark eyes enormous in her thin, pale face.

“I’m not?” His lips twitched slightly. “Just where am I supposed to be?”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Helping Luisa out of her gown. Why aren’t you doing it?”

He picked up her hand on the arm of the chair and lifted the palm up to his lips. “Luisa doesn’t require a lady’s maid.” His lips brushed her skin gently. “And I had an idea you might. I was a little worried about you, so I went to your room before I turned in. Then I had to make a room-to-room search before I located you.”

“You shouldn’t have left Luisa so long,” she said gloomily. “She’ll miss you.”

“Will she? I don’t think so.” He was just holding her hand now with an affectionate surety that was marvelously comforting. “She’s proved to be very understanding in our relationship to date.”

“That’s because she’s a very nice woman.” She glared at him accusingly. “All of your mistresses have been nice.”

“Is that some kind of crime?” His eyes were twinkling. “I enjoy being around nice women. Bitchiness has never appealed to me.”

“No. It’s just that they’d have been easier to
take if they’d been perfect shrews.” Oh, Lord, why was she saying all this? It was as if all her barriers and safeguards had been banished, or rather, as if they weren’t necessary anymore. There was no threat in Anthony holding her hands so gently and gazing at her with eyes that were both tender and amused. “Oh, dear. I
am
tipsy, aren’t I?”

“Perhaps a little.” He cocked his head, considering. “You drank a little more than you usually do, and you were pretty well zonked from exhaustion from your workout even before dinner began.”

It was nice of him to make excuses for her, but she might as well make a complete confession. “I’d never be able to walk a straight line,” she told him gravely. “I barely made it to this chair.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said easily. “When you’re ready to go to bed, I’ll carry you up. Okay?”

It sounded wonderful and she nodded happily. Then her face darkened in a frown. “Luisa … ?”

“… is safely tucked in bed and snoozing away,” he said, his hand tightening on hers. “Not in
my
bed, I might add. Not anymore. There won’t be any woman but you in my bed from now
on. I knew that the day you came back to Briarcliff.”

“You could have told me,” she complained indignantly. Her eyes filled with tears again. “You never tell me anything!”

“I think you’re a little more tipsy than I thought.” A little smile tugged at his lips. Such a beautiful, sensual smile, Dany mused. “If you recall, you’ve been so wary of me, you were ready to kick me out of your life last night.” He was playing absently with her fingers. “Maybe I was a bit afraid of you, too, or I wouldn’t have brought Luisa here today. It could have been an unconscious defense mechanism.”

“Afraid of me!”

He nodded. “You mean too much to me,” he said simply, his eyes meeting hers with a vulnerability that brought an ache to her throat. “You’re the only person in the whole damn world who could hurt me. That frightens me, Dany.” He drew a deep breath. “I told myself that I brought Luisa here to shake you up a little, to make you see how much it would hurt to put anyone between us.” He lifted her hand and held it to his cheek. “And it did
hurt, didn’t it, love? It hurt me when I thought about you with Kowalt, but I couldn’t stand seeing you suffer the same kind of torment I’d gone through.” He was rubbing her palm over the broad, hard contour of his cheekbone. “No more barriers between us, okay? No game playing, no wariness, just honesty.” He smiled with an effort. “That may be even more difficult for me than you.”

It probably would be, she thought dreamily, for suddenly the fear that had been a predominant element in her love for Anthony for so long was completely gone. It had been banished by his confession of vulnerability, drowned in a protectiveness that was almost fiercely maternal. It was strange how buoyant and free she felt without that albatross dragging at her. How strong. As if for the first time in her life she could meet Anthony on his own ground.

“You know, I’m glad I’m tipsy,” she said huskily. “It makes all the hard, cutting edges beautifully blurred and the complicated things so clear.” Her fingertips feathered lightly across the plane of his cheek to his lips. “I know you don’t
approve of weakness, but just this time I’m glad I fell from grace.”

He frowned. “You make me sound like a pompous ass. Everyone has weaknesses, me most of all. I sure as hell can’t judge other people’s faults when I have so many of my own. I just think everyone should fight them.” He gave her hand an affectionate squeeze before releasing it and standing up. “Come on, I’d better get you to bed. You’re in no shape for any meaningful discussions tonight.”

He was wrong, she thought vaguely as he gathered her up in his arms and strode swiftly toward the door. If she hadn’t been in this strange golden state of limbo, she’d never have been able to banish the fear that had crippled her emotionally for so long. Now the way was clear for understanding and growth. She tried to tell him that, but the words were difficult to form when she was so deliciously warm and content in his arms, so she settled for protesting. “I don’t want to go to bed.”

“You just think you don’t.” He was climbing the gracefully curving stairway with lithe
strength. “You’ll be out like a light in a few minutes.”

“Rhett Butler.”

He looked down at her, his brow arched inquiringly. “What?”

“Rhett Butler carried Scarlett O’Hara up a staircase like this,” she said, nestling closer. “Beau doesn’t like Rhett. He was a Yankee, you know.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“He likes you though,” she assured him solemnly. He was very fit, she thought idly. His heart beneath her ear had barely increased its pace during the climb up the stairs. “He’s very grateful to you.”

His arms tensed around her. “I gather he told you about his problem. He has nothing to be grateful to me for.” His voice was suddenly harsh. “I wish to hell he hadn’t said anything. I don’t want gratitude now or ever. Not from him and not from you. I do what I want to do and nobody owes me anything.”

There would have been a time when that harshness might have intimidated her, but that time was past. “All right, nobody owes you anything,”
she said agreeably. “I’ll have to remember that next time I’m tempted to tell you to go to hell when you’re playing Simon Legree.”

There was a moment of silence and then Anthony’s surprised chuckle. “You do that.” His lips lightly brushed the top of her head. “Not that it will do you any good. You’ll still do things my way.”

“We’ll see,” she said serenely. “You just might get a surprise.”

He paused just inside her bedroom door to gaze down at her with a curious mixture of speculation and pride. “I might at that.” He kicked the door shut, then made his way carefully across the dark bedroom to the canopy bed in the center of the room. He laid her on the delicate beige paisley counterpane. “As you said, we’ll just have to see.” He reached out to switch on the lamp on the bedside table. “Tonight, though, I think we’ll just concentrate on getting you out of that gown and into bed. Can you sit up?”

“Of course.” She proceeded to show him and was immediately punished by a dizziness that forced her to shut her eyes tightly to prevent the
floor from heaving like an unruly sea. Anthony was immediately sitting beside her on the bed and she clutched tightly at his shoulders. “With a little help from my friends,” she amended faintly.

“Do you know that’s the first time you’ve ever called me your friend?” he asked with a thread of huskiness in his voice. “It’s very …” He cleared his throat and spoke with gruff briskness. “I think you’d better submerge that independence temporarily and let me do it all.”

“If you like.” She opened her eyes cautiously and found to her relief the floor had settled into a solid again.

“I like,” Anthony said firmly. His fingers were unzipping the fastening at the back of the tulle gown. “This is very pretty. I like you in that shade of antique gold. It always brings out all the color in your hair.”

“I thought it was beautiful, too, until I saw Luisa’s.” She looked up at him with a scowl. “Did you buy her that gown?”

“Probably. I don’t remember,” he said casually as he carefully supported her with one arm while he pulled the gown down to her waist and then
eased it over her hips. “And I’ll give her a generous check so she can buy as many pretty dresses as her heart desires for the next year. By that time she’ll have found someone else to pay the bills.”

“Won’t she be hurt?” Dany’s eyes were troubled. “I like Luisa.”

“I know you do.” His expression softened as he glanced at her face. “Do you think I’d have let her come to your home if I didn’t know that?”