White Lines (24 page)

“So, now what?” Born asked. “Cat got your tongue?”

“No. I’m just trying to digest all this, that’s all.”

Born laughed. “But I thought you was gangsta. You’re from the streets. What’s the problem?”

Jada scowled. “I never said I was a criminal. I just said that I was from the streets.” She stared out of her passenger-side window. “You can drop me back off at my friend’s house now.”

“I can,” Born said it warmly. “But I don’t want to. Not yet.”

Jada continued staring out of the window, wondering why she was wasting her time with this guy. She had thought he might be someone she’d want to get to know. But suddenly he was starting to seem as if he expected her to be in awe of his lifestyle. Jada found some things about Born that she admired—his take-charge demeanor, and his style overall. But she was also starting to see him as a cruel and ruthless hustler. The truth was that the encounter between Born and the crackhead earlier had reminded Jada of what she had once been. Suddenly her mind was flooded with memories of all the times she had begged a dealer to give it to her, even though she was short. All the times she’d been laughed at
and demeaned for the sake of getting high. These were memories that Jada could do without. And now she couldn’t seem to block them out.

He said, “You act like you scared or something.”

She shrugged him off, and stared out the window. “You act like I’m supposed to be impressed because you hustle. That’s not impressive.”

Born didn’t like how that sounded. He frowned. “I’m not trying to impress you, sweetheart. I told your stankin’ ass you could stay at my apartment while I ran out to handle my business.” Jada’s remark had ignited a fuse that blew Born’s temper out of proportion. “You’re acting like I brought you to show you what I’m workin’ with. You should have never asked to come if you was scared to see how I’m living.”

Jada twisted her neck in the way that only a black girl can, and looked at Born through narrowed
eyes.
“What the fuck you mean my ‘stankin’ ass,’ nigga? You don’t know me like that.”

“And you don’t know me like that for you to be saying that I’m trying to impress you. I don’t try to impress nobody. Just remember that.”

Jada continued staring at Born like he had totally lost his mind. “Yeah,” she said, nodding. “Drop me off back at my friend’s house.” She folded her arms across her chest, and watched the road ahead. “Now!”

Born chuckled, sarcastically. “I already told you that I’m not dropping you off yet. Just be easy.”

“You can’t kidnap me and make me stay in your car!” Jada was pissed.

Born screeched to a halt in the middle of Richmond Terrace. Cars behind them blasted their horns and grinded to a stop behind him. He turned to Jada. “You can get out now if you want to. I’m not kidnapping you, little girl. Go ‘head. Get out right here.”

Jada looked at the angry drivers as they passed Born’s Benz. He continued to sit there idling, as he awaited her decision. “Fine!” She folded her arms across her chest, and sat back. Born laughed at the little brat beside him, and he drove her back to his place.

They rode in silence all the way, and when they arrived, Jada got out and slammed the passenger door. She headed toward the building and waited as Born unlocked the fortress that was his lobby. Once inside,
they boarded the elevator and the tension was thick. As the doors closed, Jada stood with her back to the wall, still scowling, and Born pressed every button calmly. Then he stepped over to her, towering over her. His presence consumed the small space in which they stood. With their faces only inches apart, Born smiled at her.
Those damn dimples!
she thought. And then he kissed her, their tongues rhythmically dancing and their bodies so close he could feel her heartbeat. Floor by floor, they continued to kiss. At times it was soft, and at other moments passionate. But Jada had never been kissed like that in all her life. Born’s kiss was almost better than sex. By the time they arrived at his apartment door, they had made up. They both knew it would be a good night after all.

When they got inside his place, he turned on his radio, and music filled the room through his Bose speakers. Born led her by the hand toward his bedroom, but Jada pulled back. “No,” she said. “Not yet. It’s too soon for that.”

Born respected her reluctance, and instead he led her to the couch. She sat beside him, her mind reeling with all the things she was feeling. But the most dominant was a sense of guilt. Jada felt that if Born knew her for who she really was, he might not want to be with her at all. He kissed her so perfectly, and she wanted to have him fill her every void. But this wasn’t right. It wasn’t real. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and looked at him. “I think we should get to know each other better, Born.” She said it, and watched his expression. It didn’t change, and so she continued. “I think there’s some things that I should tell you about who I really am before we go any further.”

Now she had his undivided attention. He sat upright as Jada took a deep breath.

“You might want to put me out when I finish telling you the story,” she said, laughing uneasily, because she was feeling really nervous about what his reaction would be to her past addiction. “I like you, Born. I want to see if there could be something between us. But first I have to be honest with you about who I am and who I used to be.”

“Okay,” he said, sitting back and getting comfortable. “I’m listening.”

Jada started at the beginning, and she bared her soul to Born. She
started with her home life, and how her mother had chosen a man over her children. She continued, telling him about their move to Staten Island, and then about meeting Mr. Charlie. She went on to how she’d started smoking woolahs, then straight crack, and eventually hit rock bottom. Every sordid detail was laid out. Jada held nothing back. And to her, it felt like stepping off a cliff, hoping that your parachute actually opened. All she knew for sure was that the truth should come from her before Born had the misfortune of hearing it from someone else.

Listening to Jada, Born felt like he was on an emotional roller coaster. The woman beside him was pretty, she was sexy, and she was smart. But she was a former crackhead, and that was something that Born hadn’t expected. It was a turnoff. She told Born everything about her life on the streets, about the way Mr. Charlie had treated her, both good and bad. Born listened to Jada’s story in astonishment. These things had happened before he’d met her, yet he still felt disappointed by the revelations. She had been a true fiend. She had sold her body. She was weak like his father had been, and that was something Born couldn’t easily get past.

Born looked at Jada, who sat back at the end of her story, awaiting his response. He felt a sense of disappointment about Jada’s past, but he was hesitant to let her know that.

“So you don’t smoke no more?” he asked. “You don’t get tempted now:

Jada shook her head vigorously. “No. Not at all. I’m clean now, and I’m never using that shit again!” The look on her face was so sincere. “You don’t understand,” she said. “That drug had me doing all kinds of shit that if I think about it now it makes me sick. I was selling my body, stealing, selling drugs, doing whatever I had to do to get it. Now that I look back at how low I stooped, I don’t ever, ever want to go back there again.”

She looked at Born, trying to read his face. He looked at her, staring into her
eyes
so hard that she thought he was looking for something specific.

“Yo, I respect your honesty, for real,” he said. “It takes a strong person
to be up front and honest about some shit like that. I appreciate you telling me all of this yourself.”

Jada waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. The truth was that Born didn’t know what to say, what to feel, or how to take what she had said. He was somewhat disappointed, knowing that she had been a fiend. But he did admire her for having the strength to kick her habit. Born thought about his father’s battle with addiction. He knew it took strength to fight it, and he admired her for doing what Leo Graham had failed to do.

Jada sat there, the suspense killing her. “So, do you want me to get out now:

Born had a tough time understanding why he was so intrigued by Jada. Part of him thought, perhaps she was best kept at a distance because of her past. But she reminded him of a child that wasn’t fully strong enough. He saw potential in her, and wanted to teach her how to be strong. Jada wasn’t like most of the chicks he’d dealt with. He’d had prettier girlfriends, all types of jump-offs, some more lovely than the next. But there was something different about her that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. So while he doubted that he could ever wife her, he sincerely wanted to be her friend.

Born shook his head. “Nah,” he said. “Not at all.” He reached for her hand, and she gave it to him. “Thanks for telling me the truth. In my business, honesty is hard to come by. You showed me that you got a lot of heart. And I really respect you for that.”

Jada smiled. “Thanks.”

Born stood up and turned off the radio. There would be no sex tonight. He put a movie in the VCR, and turned on the television. When he sat back down, they watched a bootleg copy of
The Fugitive
and enjoyed each other’s company. By the end of the movie, Jada was asleep, with her head resting on Born’s shoulder. He maneuvered himself into a more comfortable position, and grabbed the throw he kept on the sofa for nights when he fell asleep on it. He covered the two of them, and he held her all night, as she snored softly in his arms. It was the first time she spent the night with him, and Born figured that he just may have found an unexpected Bonnie to his Clyde.

Jada woke up the next morning, realizing that she had spent the whole night sleeping across Born. She looked around the cluttered living room, as light filtered through the windows. Born was still sleeping, with his head laid back across the couch. His arm hung loosely around Jada, as he slept with his mouth slightly opened, and adorable still. Jada wondered what he must think of her now. And she also wondered what would happen between them now that all the cards had been laid out.

She got up and went to the bathroom, finding it much cleaner than she had expected. He slept while she grabbed a clean washcloth from among a neat stack of blue ones on the side of the tub, and took a quick shower. She had to put the same clothes back on, but she stuck her panties in her pocket for when she got back to Shante’s house. Feeling better afterward, Jada looked at her reflection in the mirror. She felt clean both inside and out. She felt renewed, and had no regrets about being candid with Born. She wondered what would happen next.

Jada emerged from the bathroom to find Born waking up. He smiled, seeing her come out of the bathroom and sit next to him on the sofa.

“Good morning, pretty girl,” he said. He sat up and looked around. “You can feel free to make breakfast or whatever.” He said it with a sly smile on his face. “I got eggs and all that kind of shit in the kitchen.”

Jada looked at him. She started to say something slick, but instead she smiled back at him. She was happy that he still wanted her company after
hearing the truth about who she was. She stood up and asked, “Well then, how do you like your eggs?”

After she scrambled the eggs and threw together some grits and some sausage, Jada and Born shared another meal together.

He brought her back to Shante’s house, so that she could change her clothes. And when she was done, he was right downstairs waiting for her. They spent the day together, with her watching him wheel and deal, and him feeling her out, trying to see if she was worth his time. Born made Jada laugh, and she made him think. The two of them shared interesting conversations and formed an easy friendship.

Every day they spent time together, and their bond grew stronger. Born liked the fact that Jada wasn’t afraid to disagree with him. They had their share of arguments and debates. And Born liked that she didn’t back down. He knew that he was a good-looking guy, but he was real enough to know that he was no Adonis. Yet once his money had started piling up, chicks in the hood had started tossing so much pussy his way that he turned a lot of it down. Jada didn’t seem overly impressed by his status, his money. She had been hesitant to give him the time of day at first. And, in some strange way, that endeared her to him. It made him feel like—after surviving the trauma of addiction—she was picky about who she spent time with, and he felt somehow privileged that she had chosen to spend time with him.

But he didn’t lie to her and tell her that he was willing to give her more than what she was already getting. He liked Jada. She was, in a lot of ways, his very best friend. But he wasn’t yet able to come to terms with her past as a crackhead and a ho. He didn’t want to lead her on and tell her otherwise. One day, after sharing a heartfelt conversation about Jada missing her father as a little girl, and a bottle of Bacardi, Jada had told Born that she loved him. She insisted that even though she knew she was kinda tipsy, she really did love him. Born refused to say it back to her, because at that point in time it wasn’t the truth. He explained that he cared about her a lot. But he didn’t love her. Not yet. And he didn’t want to lie to her. Born told her that he wanted to be unlike all the men in her past. He didn’t want to disappoint her or manipulate her in any
way. He wanted to make her stronger and wiser. He wanted to see her succeed.

Born was brutally honest with her. If her outfit looked cheap or unattractive, he told her that. If she made a stupid decision or failed to think a situation through clearly, he told her so. So when she professed her love for him, Born didn’t do the same. Instead, he told her that he appreciated her love and would never take it for granted. But to him, Jada was like his little homie.

He wanted to teach her to be tougher, smarter, and more successful than she ever thought she could be. He saw the potential in her to be a great woman, and he liked Jada’s style. She was pretty, yet she wasn’t stuck up. He had taken her to project buildings with pissy elevators, mice, and water bugs in the flooded basements, and with all other kinds of undesirable conditions. He took her with him when he went to meet fiends and users. He also took her with him to nice restaurants, to hang with his boys, and to parties. She blended in, regardless of the surroundings. She had the ability to be classy or street, depending on the circumstances, and Born loved that about her. The girl had an edge to her that intoxicated him without question.